Days 50 to 53 – Loving and Receiving Fully Kicks Ass

Living Full-On Every DayWow…so sometimes when you live full on, the Universe reminds you of exactly how happy this makes her, and how much more beautiful the world is because of it.

When I was facing a serious cancer and going through my inventory of possible regrets, I had but one major one. I was pretty happy about that. I had learned enough to attempt to appreciate life regularly, and had spent all of my 20s adventuring all over the world. I had begun deep healing in my relationships with my parents. I was a whacky but fiercely loyal friend and partner. And I had learned to be compassionate with myself about using the word “regret.”

I had a general rule that if I learned from the experience and made amends for it, I could call it a mistake or a lesson, rather than a regret. But let me tell you this: when looking at not being able to do anything about a regret cuz you may die, even one regret SUCKS.

So…I am guessing you’re wondering: What was my ONE major regret? It had to do with LOVE, of course! I had one great love that I had not fully appreciated or done everything I could for. We met in Kathmandu in our 20s, and all sorts of social “rights” and “wrongs” (too soon after a breakup so maybe I wasn’t clear…having to do the responsible thing…yada yada) kept me from saying “yes” when he asked, “Will you come ride a motorcycle with me through Cambodia and Laos?” Or months later when he came to visit me en route to Antarctica.

Us in our 20s, stuck in Baja during to 9/11(after sea kayaking Isla Espiritu Santo)

We kept in touch, regularly. We had 2-3 hour phone conversations (even until recently!). We tried to date but were always on different continents. Not different continents like North vs South America. Like Antarctica vs North America. That made it challenging.

Then I pushed him away by doing some hurtful things that I didn’t know were hurtful at the time…probably because my heart was closed off after hearing he was dating a woman in Antarctica, or dating a woman in Alaska. Sheesh. How embarrassing. Apparently those things kind of kept him from opening his heart to me anymore then. Fair enough. You can’t expect someone to open their heart to you if yours is squeezing shut.

We talked about “us” and resigned ourselves to the fact that while we both wanted to be together and give it a go, perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be in this lifetime. It was too difficult to make it happen. So we became “just” friends. REALLY good friends. Like he called me from the South Pole, or sent me little trinkets from Egypt or Bolivia when he would barely email anyone else, and called me when he was having a really hard decision to make. Or like I would call him when something awesome happened in my life…like, oh, say…when I got engaged.

We had promised each other we’d tell the other person – not matter how distanced we may ever become – if either of us got engaged. I can safely say we both assumed this was to give the other person a last chance to go for it.

So I called him. And he sounded surprised, then…he congratulated me.

Sigh.

I hate to admit it now, but I was indeed disappointed. It might have been wise to listen to that. It could have spared me my later divorce (albeit an amicable one, for my ex was indeed a super awesome man). However, I was young on my path to understanding my intuition then. I had chalked it up to “grass is greener” syndrome. Plus, he had a girlfriend he met in Antarctica that swam to islands in Fiji with him with a plastic bag tied around their ankle full of their belongings. WTF. How can you top that when you’re stuck doing 12 hour shifts at a hospital while in graduate school in San Francisco (albeit also squeezing in Yosemite walls and climbing trips to Australia, alone)? You don’t. You just are happy for him, that’s what. Sheesh.

In any event, as I was preparing for my cancer excision and renal auto-transplant in 2004, wondering how sick I was (or how sick I was going to be), I thought of HIM. That relationship was my one “What if.” HE was the one thing I had wished I had gone for fully. Not pushing him away. Not making up stupid excuses. Not waiting until it was convenient or easy. And now I was married, and he was about to be engaged (although I didn’t know that at the time), and both our partners were totally amazing. Fuck.

So I let it go.

I KNOW, right?! But I wanted to do what seemed like the “right thing” then… and a big part of me still feels good about that.

In any event, I tell you all this because the Universe is supposed to have come in and given me props for all my full-on living thus far. And she did.

The past few days when I wasn’t writing here, I was fully experiencing love with HIM. I am 38, and I am finally with him. I know now that the decade+ delay was all for good reasons. We appreciate each other even more now, that’s for sure. We learned to love one another as friends. We REALLY know each others’ crap, and knowing that the other person still wants to be with us after all that is rather lovely. And we learned many things in our other relationships that we didn’t have to learn with each other, which surely spared some heartache. And there are many other things to celebrate about having surrendered to the Universe back then. But no matter what, all I know is I am absolutely receiving love from him, fully and completely. And dishing it out.

Yes yes, we are building our lives together, and making all those plans and talking about kids etc. But for me, the point is that I AM FINALLY ABLE TO LOVE HIM FULLY, LIKE I ALWAYS WANTED TO. And I am receiving his love fully, like I never let myself do before. To be honest, even if we don’t stay together “forever,” I can die knowing I experienced my great love. And that is so much better than a “What if.”

Many of you could call my bluff…if you’ve truly been dealing with dying before you were ready before. I have to admit, there’s nothing like that to get you to realize exactly HOW SHITTY it feels to have “What ifs” when you are possibly going to die much sooner than you ever thought possible.

And now I got a second chance. How often does that happen? Probably not often, because actually we also have a huge part in CREATING those second chances ourselves, and we often give up too soon. But having said that, THANK YOU for this second chance (to all involved)!

It wasn’t an easy peasy “I’ll call you and let’s meet up for coffee” kind of thing. We were still almost a continent apart. When we both first opened up to this possibility again, he was heading off to China, and after that trip he returned to his home-base in Alaska (I was currently in Oregon). Getting to be with him took some balls this time around too. I really had to take some risks, and so did he. But it was so worth it. So very, very worth it.

I was talking to a client the other day about wanting to protect our hearts, and I was reminded of my new willingness for it to get hurt again as long as I am honoring my truth all the while. It is NOT worth protecting it at the price of possibly not loving fully again (there are wise ways to do this, but that’s another post;) The risks, while scary, are part of the dealio.

So the past few days have been me receiving fully and loving fully. And I find little notes from him in my stuff, and I watch him sleep and I’m like, “HOLY SHIT! I am with him! Like I always felt I should be! This is SO WEIRD! And so incredibly cool.” Talk about patience and faith and trust. And risk-taking. And … who knows what else.

Us in Mali, West Africa – on a different adventure in our late 30s;)

But what I DO know is that had I not been committed to living Full On, to not making excuses, to not wasting any more of my precious life energy doing anything I do not want to be doing, to being willing to take the risks…I could have missed out on this. All of it.

If you’ve vomited after this, I completely understand. For me, it is The Notebook in real life, after all. Well, The Notebook minus the horse races and white picket fence and white people and one of us being an aristocrat part. Well, minus lots of things from that…but PLUS many more of our own flavahs.

I’ll admit that I own The Notebook, and everyone told me it was Hollywood bullshit, by the way. And yes, I know many of you are devastatingly disappointed by my admitting that, but oh well;) It is the only love story movie I own. The rest are Kung Fu flicks and the Star Wars series. However, I bought it because when I watched it, it reminded me not that my true love was still out there “somewhere,” but that life was too short to make up excuses for not living fully.

I liked being reminded of that, because for me it did so not in a woo woo way, or in a bullshit “Hollywood is trying to make you feel bad about your life” kind of way, but in a “Cut the BS and get off yer ass and go get it, even if you end up disappointing others by staying true to yourself. Life is too short!” type of way. I think it was because I KNEW that was true for me, and I needed to be reminded not to make up excuses anymore. I wasn’t waiting for my prince charming. I just had to have the balls to stop getting in my own way about it.

I still really do believe that it is not about if we stay “together forever” that defines true love, but rather this expansive wholeness that I feel in my heart. To feel this, even only for a brief while, is kissing God. So although I have every reason to believe this is a continuation of another lifetime and will continue to be so, this really, truly, for realz, is enough.

So have you not told someone you care for about your heart? Have you not forgiven someone who desperately wants you to? Have you not apologized for hurting someone, even if you didn’t mean to? Today, PLEASE do something about one thing that you would regret if you put it off. You never know what second chances might open up for you.

PS: I also skied up Near Point and watched cool sunsets;)

At the top of Near Point, Anchorage, AK

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by signing up at anaverzone.com! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

 

Days 41, 42 and 43 Burning the Candle at Both Ends

Living Full-On Every DayA part of me was secretly excited that my site was down for over 24 hours (all was good – it was maintenance). That’s because I was way too busy to write a post. And that’s the way it has been for the past 3 days, actually. I’ve been so busy, in fact, that I have only slept 10 hours since Monday (and I write this Thursday morning).

Not all of this is due to something “stressful.” I had many amazing Freedom Junkie client calls, helped dozens of women with their lives and their health, and feng shui’d my house so that it looks like a freakin’ model home (it’s on the market, otherwise it would look like its usual bohemian madness self). I also brought multiple babies into this world in the wee hours, and that, albeit not ideal timing for sleep – is always a miraculous time of day. All this was not without the help of other amazing kick-ass women in my life, like my personal assistant Jenna, my medical assistant Claudia, and my organizers Kristin and Cathy (thank you!). But while those events fed my soul, the sum of the whole left me with my ass whooped. I was so whooped, I was brought to tears – yet I was too tired to cry. So I just thought about how good it would feel like if I did. Dang!

So what to do? I am guessing my future post about today – and perhaps even tomorrow – is going to be about Full On Rest. Amen.

from my morning snow run

I’m writing this as I head to Anchorage. Normally I would be super excited to get there. But being as tired as I am, I am not looking forward to having to build a fire when I get to the yurt, or shovel snow. So instead of focusing on that, I am going to book a massage (maybe even massages!), promise myself that if I don’t get to sleep in an hour after arriving I am also booking a hotel room with a jacuzzi tub for the night, and then I am going to plan a spa day with my Alaskan girls. They could use some pampering after all that backcountry skiing we’re going to do;)

It is funny how I have to give myself permission to rest. After ALL that stuff I accomplished, there’s still a little voice telling me I can do a bit more. But who cares if I could!? Just because we can do more, doesn’t mean we should do more. Yes, I am talking to YOU, fellow super-woman extraordinaire. YOU don’t have to either.

Well then, it is settled: today I am choosing to do nothing. I can be gentle with myself and do absolutely nothing. Let me rephrase – I need to be gentle with myself and do nothing. After all, on top of that sleep deprivation, I also passed through the anniversary of my first encounter with The Big C (8 years yesterday!). Yeehaw! C free baby! A cause to celebrate, but also an emotional experience to be reckoned with.

Which reminds me that I had another mole removed from my right shoulder Monday (Day 41), reminding me of my second run-in with the Big C. It was my four-leaf clover mole. I’ve had it forever. I even have a picture of it. But I wasn’t 100% sure if it was changing or not, and I would prefer not to dance with a melanoma again, so I had them shave it off. And to boot, this was at 7am. Ouch.

So yeah, I deserve every bit of rest I can muster.

Was it worth this degree of fatigue? I’ve already mentioned some Full On moments from the past 3 days. Thinking back on others, I also went for a morning run in the snow (while it was snowing!), and that woke me up big time and had me appreciate beauty first thing in the morning, which is always a blessing. I dipped back into my yoga practice, which escaped me for a bit these past few hectic months. I scored some sweet party wigs for a fiesta I am having this weekend, celebrating that 8th year of being free of my renal cell carcinoma, and visited with some girlfriends I hadn’t connected with for a long time (albeit on the phone!). Plus I spoke to my mom, every day, even though I was utterly exhausted.

So when I choose to focus on those moments, yes, it was all worth it. I’d rather have had some of those moments than been asleep. I’d have done it a little differently in hindsight, perhaps. But sometimes we just have these bursts of time where we barely make it over the finish line. And that’s just life. Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do, and try to do it with as much grace as possible.

I am designing my life to have fewer of those stressful bursts, though. I know I can have both adequate sleep and kick-ass moments. “Sleep when you die” is not a funny phrase to someone who has had cancer twice;)  And in reality, this was just one of those times in life where all those things HAD to be done – and I did them! So I am celebrating the fact that I kicked some busy ass. And I am SO not doing that craziness again for awhile. Promise. We need to remember to fill our cup!

When we find ourselves in those moments of being stretched to our max, this is where Ziji comes in: knowing – no mater what – that you can do it. Because you have time and time again. And you’re still here, having everything you need inside you to move through this, with grace and courage and a kick-ass attitude.

Add a spoonful of self-love and compassion for this gal. I am heading to bed…after booking that massage!

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by signing up at FreedomJunkie.com! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Days 32, 33, and 34 – Leaving the JOB

Living Full-On Every DayHow long have you thought about leaving YOUR J.O.B? I say “leaving” and not “quitting” because doing so really isn’t quitting at all. You are simply choosing something different. In any event, I have wanted to leave for so long. SO DAMN LONG. I love catching babies, and I love midwives, and I love my clients, and I really do dig being a baby catcher. Alas, I do not dig being an employee.

Not because my job sucked. My job rocked! As did the people I worked with. But I just don’t do well when I’m not doing my own thing. On my own terms. At least most of the time;) I even went part-time more and more over the years. But, my soul spoke louder because, frankly, it was not enough.

So I quit! Ah. Big breath.

This does not mean I am never ever going to catch another baby. But I need more freedom in my life to live out the other things that excite me as well. I am now going to be more FREE to embrace the speed at which Freedom Junkie is growing, and spread the love of radiant inner confidence so people can live their dreams. And I get to continue to live my dreams, my life, on my terms.

As my partner said when he toasted me last night, “Welcome to the free world.” Indeed.

More risky? Yes. Worth it? For me, it is.

You see, I’ve been in the “free world” the majority of my adult life. I had been a climbing guide for 10 years living in the wilderness and out of my car as I traveled the world. I have also spent years working in various clinics and hospitals, piecing together three or four different sites so that I could make my own schedule. Yes, that was more of a pain, but it was worth it for me at the time. My recent career as a midwife was the first time I ever had a kind of “normal” j.o.b. and even then it was pretty amazing and unique. It had lots of freedom within it as well. So yes, I was used to the free world.

Someone once said to me (lovingly), “You, Ana, are a special case.” LOL. Indeed. And us “special cases” can’t be put into special cases. We need to bust out of them. Some people like special cases and they make nice beds for themselves and sleep soundly. Safe and secure. And they LOVE it! But me, I like being free and running around naked etc., even if it means I might get cuts and bruises where I prefer not to. I like to sleep on the ground, under the stars (literally and figuratively). I sleep better after a day of hunting and gathering, if you will, than after the grocery store. So I took the risks to be free. And it was awesome!

But then I got cancer. And then I got booted from every potential insurers “Please come be our client” list. Then I got divorced.

Then I got scared.

So I took a J.O.B., and I gave thanks every day that bringing babies into the world and caring for mamas and their families was such a fulfilling and rewarding career, and that where I worked generally celebrated my special case-ness (I know…not a real word). I enjoyed my safe bed and the secure sleep for a little while. It was worth sacrificing some freedom when I was scared. And I still think it was a good decision. When you’re scared, it is important to take care of yourself. But after a while, you need to step back out and take risks again. I was getting too comfy. And for me that was, frankly, boring.

Not everyone feels this boredom when things are predictable. When I see people who are honestly OK with predictable, I notice that it is usually because they are in fact living their dreams – which happen to also fit in with a predictable world. But my dreams never have fit quite so well into the predictable.

On the flip side, I think a lot of people do feel this boredom as well. It is there when you pause and take inventory of the NOW. What you are doing, and what you’d rather be doing. Finally, I couldn’t be OK with what I was saying “No” to while I was saying “Yes” to security. Until the balance got tilted in that direction, it worked for me, bu after that, I couldn’t be OK with it anymore. So I quit.

I am very aware I am giving up a coziness in career that many people long for. However, I am thrilled over the moon to regain my freedom. Security has its perks, but freedom – for me – has many more.

I’m not saying this is for everyone. Peeps need to do what makes THEM happy. And for me, it is worth it to take the risks of not having an externally guaranteed paycheck (and, ahem, many have learned that isn’t a sure-thing either) so that I can live with fewer regrets.

And if I regret this decision? I guess I’ll go back and get another J.O.B. But something tells me that is highly unlikely, and hell, you HAVE to do it scared anyway. I’ve learned through lessons I hope you will never have to experience that “What ifs” are a bunch of B.S. and you do NOT want to wonder that every day of your life. Life is too short.

(Oh, and the Full On 365 recap for the past few days? Day 32: Fully – and finally – purging my house of 6 boxes of books and 3 boxes of clothes and tossing hundreds of pounds of clutter. Amen. And if you can believe it, I can STILL toss more stuff. Clearing this clutter has been a HUGE part of living Full On that I’d been putting off. Now I have more energy as a result. Which means more Full On days;) Day 33: Deciding I would make some big decisions on my own, without waiting for my partner to decide anything or for some magical event to occur, and talking to my partner about all that in a way that left me vulnerable and strong at the same time. Day 34: Quit the job;)

Full On.

 

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Freedom™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Freedom Junkie eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.FreedomJunkie.com

 

Days 6 and 7 – Moonlight and Forgiveness

My 76 year-old mother trying on a pirate hat...she's so cute!

Last night I went for a full moon walk along Ashland Creek. It was gorgeous, with stars peeking out from under the feathered clouds. Then I sat on the swing and made my belly turn. I told my partner I appreciated his honesty and for not running away when things got uncomfortable. That was for me.

My mother had called me and left messages the past 2 days, and I finally called her back, even though I didn’t feel like it. I was so busy, I was so tired…yada yada. I thought that was for her. But perhaps me too?

I love my mother, and I sincerely know she did the very best she could raising me (How often have I heard that?! But I really do mean it…) I also know I still have tender spots from some of the decisions she made raising me. And sometimes those get in the way of me doing things like calling her back right away, or … well, I think that’s the main on: calling her back right away. But as time goes on, and her humanity – and mortality – become more apparent, my true love for her grows. Not the “Oh I love you cuz you’re my mother” kind of love, but true love, seeing her soul, and liking it! I can honestly appreciate all she has done for me.

Forgiving her has been one of the hardest and richest experiences of my life (doesn’t that always seem to be the case?). So yes, I called her and heard her sweet hoarse voice (she had a cold…I am so horrible!!!!!!) I did a telephone assessment to make sure she didn’t have pneumonia, and promised to talk more the next day, when I could be more present. And I sent her a prayer of love. And today I called her and waited for her to get off the phone. She was off to a party (oh yes, she is my mother).

If you have a hard time moving through some aspects of having been a child with your particular parents, have a listen to this episode of This American Life. It’s one of my fave’s, called “Go Ask Your Father,” where sons and daughters ask their parents things they’ve always wanted to know. Warning: heart-wrenching at times!

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/289/go-ask-your-father

Day 2 – My Kick-Ass Bucket List

Today I’m going to add a bit of my Kick Ass Bucket List to this blog, especially because it is part of the February 30 Day Ziji Up! Challenge. I’m trying to come up with things to add that I MUST do before I die. I’ve often thought about these things and said I’d like to do them, but not yet committed to them! I want these things to light a fire under my butt to get out there and DO it! Today it feels easier to come up with some of the bigger travel adventures I’d been dreaming of. But I am sure that the deeper, inner risks of living Full On will pop up soon.

Because I am giving myself prophylactic permission to write short entries, I’m only adding 5 things before I sign off:

~ go to Antarctica

~ travel by bike through the Gobi desert

~ write a book (or two+)

~ live in a foreign country for at least 6 months (as an adult…this was done in my 20s but I didn’t fully appreciate how cool it was because I was usually cold and hungry, albeit happy)

~ do a yoga and surf retreat in Costa Rica and/or Brazil. With massages and acupuncture and fresh smoothies…the whole bit. I did an awesome one in Mexico a few years back, and really would like to experience one a bit further away.

As for the rest of my day so far,  I’ve gone for a run even though I had every reason in the book not to, and taking care of myself is a big part of living Full On. AND I started a cleanse, which I will faithfully follow until I head to Telluride, Colorado next week, which will give me every reason in the book not to;) What kind of cleanse? In short, no alcohol, dairy, gluten, caffeine, sugar, or processed foods. I feel uber good during and after, believe it or not.

That’s it for now…I need to get my yoga on!

PS: Here’s a link to my Ziji article about writing Your Kick Ass Bucket List, in case y’all would like to do one yourself! http://www.zijilife.com/your-kick-ass-bucket-list

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.Ziji Life.com

Day 1 – Living Full On, Every Day, for a Year

Hey hey!

Here I am. Starting Day 1 of this epic challenge, and I am a bit nervous – yet also super psyched!

Today I lived full-on by getting this blog up. Taking on this challenge acknowledges – very publicly – that I believe it IS possible to have at least one moment, every day, of living full-on, being fully present and fully authentic.

Oh yes, there are naysayers. There are those who told me my whole life that my positive philosophy was rose-colored and not “realistic.” That if I “really” experienced the “real world,” I wouldn’t be so optimistic.

Yet when I found beauty as I slept by my dying father, honored to midwife him to the other side; or when I marveled awe-struck in the depth and complexity of feelings that welled up from a broken heart, grateful for the spectrum of human emotions; or when I sat silently next to a fellow human who lost their child in labor and felt the powerful connection and compassion between two humans fully present with one another, I knew I was right. I felt that Ziji – that radiant inner confidence – in what I believe.

It is all a part of a full-on life. Feeling it all, fully. Living it all, fully. Knowing what you want, fully. Receiving it, fully.

Here I walk my talk. And I also open up to the possibility that I may not be able to do it every day. But my goal is to inspire you…to find that moment in every day and to have more and more of them. And I’d rather at least try than not do it at all for fear of failing.

Well, here we go. 365 days of real.

To Your Freedom,

Ana

 

 

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Learning to Let Go – Lessons of Autumn

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“Wouldn’t it be terrible if the trees outside identified themselves by their leaves? These are very flimsy things to be attached to.” ~ Adyashanti in Emptiness Dancing

Indeed it would be terrible! Especially come Autumn when they all fall away! Imagine all those trees bending over with their branches frantically scrambling to pick up their leaves and trying to hold onto them, year after year. Think about all the things we are attached to: our ideas, our appearance, our grudges, our “things.” We scramble in this way when we see them slipping away, our grasp becomes more firm, and our energy more scattered. Yet there is so much we are meant to let go of to allow us to nurture our core, who we really are, and the things that are truly important. There is so much bullhonkey we mistake for things that are truly who we are, and they distract us from our truth.

Think of all the ways that you have been stopped from doing something new, opening your heart, or taking a risk in the name of something you’re holding on to. How many times have you said, “Oh, that’s not me/my style.” “I’m not ready.” “I’ll never forgive him/her for that.” “I’m not strong enough for that.” “I’m not good looking enough.” “I don’t deserve that.”

Here’s news: Some things are meant to be with us for only a season, some things we outgrow, some things were never a part of us to begin with…and we have to let go. Only in doing this can we have the energy and focus it takes to truly nurture our core and our roots.

5 Ways to Let Go This Autumn

1. Get super clear about what your TRUE CORE is…at least what it is for this season (things change – including YOU!). What is your identity?

This is not about the things you are simply “used” to identifying with. Not the characteristics in that box that people have put you in since you were 7 years old. Not the lessons you learned on how to protect yourself when your heart was broken 12 years ago. Make a list of 60 characteristics that describe who you are, your identity. If you were asked to give up 1/3 of those, which would they be? Cross them out. Then someone asks you to give up another 1/3. Cross those out. And yes, do that ONE MORE TIME – another 1/3. Let them go. What is the 10% you are left with? How much time do you spend nurturing these characteristics?

2. Forgive Someone

Will ya let go of that grudge already?! It’s fine and dandy to pick someone to forgive for a minor infraction. However, I encourage you to dig deep with this one and find someone with whom it is a bit more challenging to forgive. Not for their sake, but for YOURS. It doesn’t take a Zen monk to realize that not forgiving causes more suffering to the person not forgiving that it ever does to the person not forgiven. At the same time, there is an incredible amount of freedom that comes with forgiving. Is it really that important that your friend didn’t write or call for a few weeks? Or that you didn’t get invited to that one holiday weekend when everyone went to the ski cabin? Or that your meat and potatoes family refuses to comply with your vegan standards at Thanksgiving? And yes, is it really that important that your ex left you for someone else, or that your father was angry and violent…so important that it burns a hole in your heart to this day and keeps you from realizing complete happiness? Yes, it can be important, but not worth not forgiving and the suffering it brings you.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. We remember things for a reason. It helps us to learn from our experiences, to protect ourselves, and to remember what makes us feel good as well. It teaches us what we want and don’t want. However, forgiveness allows us to move on, to grow, and to expand instead of constrict, contract, and limit ourselves. It does not mean you have to forget, and put yourself into the same negative situation over and over.

3. Forgive Yourself

Wow. OK. So you totally screwed up. Man, you really blew it. What the hell were you thinking?

WHO CARES?! It’s done. It’s over. You can’t change what happened. However, you can change how you act now, and in the future. You can choose to respond instead of react. You remember what you did NOT so that you can beat yourself up about it every day, but so that you don’t make the same mistake again. You are allowed to grow and change. You are not your mistakes. You are a kick ass human being who is not broken or messed up or a lost cause. You are brilliant, magnificent, and creative. You can be whomever you want to be, be however you want to be, and do it (SNAP!) like that! You just need to decide to. So, stop beating yourself up about shhhtuff and forgive yourself. THIS will allow you to do things differently, because you acknowledge to the Universe – and to yourself – that you know you are capable of anything.

OK, now that we got some of the heavier “letting go” stuff out of the way, let’s get to some tangibles…

4. Get Rid of Stuff (e.g. Clean Out Your Closet, Remove Clutter)

This is totally about a big issue of mine. However, I have to assume I am not alone on this one. I am well-aware of the clutter my myriad t-shirts, yoga pants, tank tops, and jeans cause. Yes, I admit I even have dresses from the 90s. And maybe even one from the 80s. I like retro. Which would all be dandy if I actually wore them. And more than once every 3 years. Even though it was PERFECT for that rooftop party ages ago. And yes, that includes tutus…or does it? In any event, get rid of stuff. If you’re stressed about the money you spent on them, sell them to a consignment shop, to a used clothing store, or get a big phat receipt from Goodwill for your donation. Just ‘cuz you bought it doesn’t mean you have to keep it in that big box called your closet. Things in there are for things that get worn.

5. Stop a Bad Habit

What is a habit anyway? It’s not something we need. It is something we’re used to. Food, we need. Eating after work at 10pm, a habit. Rest, we need. Plopping in front of the TV after work and zoning out, a habit. Self-soothing when we’re stressed, we need. Nail biting, smoking, and complaining to anyone around us, a habit. Habits are yet another form of unconscious attachment. Let go of one…at least for 21 days. It is said it takes 21 days to form a new habit – like not doing your old bad habit!

Some final thoughts from Adyashanti:

Self-inquiry is…not about looking for a right answer so much as stripping away and letting you see what is not necessary, what you can do without, what you are without your leaves. In human beings…we do not call these leaves. We call them ideas, concepts, attachments, and conditioning. All of this forms your identity. Inquiry is a way of inducing a spiritual winter in its most positive sense, stripping everything to its root, to its core…This is a falling into the most essential root of being.

As you probably know by now, “Ziji” means “radiant inner confidence.” This growth requires courage and faith in who you are, and that you are indeed magnificent. Play with the courage it takes to let go, to see your core, and consider joining the Ziji Up! Mastery Program – the ultimate confidence course for intrepid souls like yours. It’ll give you an extra kick in the butt;)