Oftentimes, a client will bring up a challenging situation in a relationship and open their heart, vulnerably sharing with me about how painful something was that happened to them, or maybe even about something they feel bad about and really regret, and how they want to apologize to someone but just don’t know how, or they’re afraid about how it will be received.
They share with me their fears and hopes and experiences – whether that be with a lover, friend, parent, partner, colleague or child.
And then, after they’ve spoken from their heart so beautifully, vulnerably and authentically, they’ll ask, “What do you think I should say to them when we speak?”
And I’m say, “What you just said to ME!”
Then, there’s a long pause.
A hesitation.
A no-fucking-way kind of look.
That’s is why this week we’re going to jam on radical authentic communication, and how things can shift when we show up defenseless and in our true power. WIth ziji!
Now, anyone who watches debates or is aware of the style of modern media likely agrees that it seems conversation has become some kind of every person out for themselves practice, where you’re afriad to even stop and take a breath because you’ll be attacked in the inhale or exhale.
So it makes sens that we often enter into communication defensively.
We are ready to prove our point.
To have the other person to see our view, understand us or agree with us (and – let’s be honest – we often think if they understand us, that they’ll of course agree with us;)
But what’s happening here that makes it so unsuccessful so often, if that we’re trying to hook them into our belief system. Our version of the “truth,” as if some factual represenation of the truth is all we’re ever trying to convince people of.
But really we are rallying – usually – for belief systems, not Truths per se.
So when we come in with an agenda, the other person is going to be more likely to get defensive, and – in many ways – WE are on the defense anticipating the other persons’ reactions and responses.
What we often forget is that what’s usually most helpful is when we can let go of any sort of agenda and simply share what we are experiencing.
Share what you’d say to a coach like me who has unconditional, non-judgmental love for you – but to that person who might judge the fuck out of you
Becuase the irony is when we share vulnerably and speak from our experience vs our version of something we think is some kind of factual the truth that we need to convenience the other person of – they actually are in a better place to listen.
You will learn:
// The problem with entering into communication with a right vs wrong mindset
// How to enter into communication to share our experience instead of prove a point
// The ways that defenseless can help us open up our hearts and minds in a challenging relationship
// Whether or not there is such a thing as truth.
Resources:
// Episode 23: Mindful Communication
// Episode 87: The Problem with Being Right
// I’d love to hear from you! You can leave a review on the Rebel Buddhist Podcast on iTunes by clicking here
// If you want to dive deeper into this Soul-level work and create a life of more freedom, adventure and purpose, head over to JoinFreedomSchool.com. It’s got everything you need in one place to build a foundation for a lifetime of self-exploration and freedom.
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.