I just returned to Alaska from a trip to Portugal, and while the return trip itself was uneventful, I’d forgotten how much of a pain it is to check multiple bags for international flights.I haven’t had to check bags in forever… I even managed to only bring a carry-on when I went to West Africa for 6 weeks. But we bought some cool stuff in Portugal that was bulky so we just had to bite the bullet on that one.
Dealing with the bag chaos reminded me of a quote my friend Gordy said about packing for wilderness trips: “We pack for our insecurities.” And I think this really applies toward ANY kind of packing, frankly. And even when it comes to decluttering and the things we choose to hold onto – even after they’ve served their purpose.
I, personally, have a hard time getting rid of things. Not that I think I buy too much stuff. But after 51 years of life, if you’re not purging a bunch of it, it can start to pile up.
I’ve done purges when I’ve moved to a new house or city. Or on one of those random hypomanic days in Alaska once a year, gutting one room before running out of energy.
But despite all my meditations on attachment and how it leads to more suffering, I still have a hard time throwing things out – or even giving them away.
So what insecurities might we have that lead to us holding on in this way?
For me, some of this has to do with growing up poor and not having automatic faith that I could afford to buy something again if I really needed it, no matter how irrational it seems at other times in my life.
Another piece of it is that I really do love the thing sometimes – or at least the memory and sense of connection it evokes, like to my grandmother or my parents who have both passed.
I have this insecurity that if I get rid of it, I’ll have less of a connection to whatever/whomever that memory reminds me of. This is particularly true with photos. I’m sure a lot of you out there can relate. I mean, I have boxes upon boxes of photos and slides. And that’s not even counting the 35 THOUSAND+ digital photos I have. Sure, these don’t take up physical space, but I know that energetically they still do.
There are many other reasons we might hold on to the stuff we surround ourselves with: what if we “need” it years from now? What if we feel that we can’t rely on others to help us or share with us (this is a particularly deep one for me)? What if I let go of it… and I regret it?
These are all variations on insecurities that can keep us from letting go – and making space for the new to come in.
Now, I say all of this not to encourage us all to be ANTI-stuff. As with most things, it’s all about the middle way. It’s about knowing not just what we truly need, but also what we genuinely want and what brings us joy, delight, or beauty.
It’s about being so much more intentional when we choose to hold on to something. We can ask ourselves questions like, “Does this truly bring me inspiration? Love? Awe?” and “Do I have space for this in my life and my physical environment?”
We can also think about legacy. When we leave this body and move on, if things don’t hold the same meaning for others as they did for us, they’re probably going to get tossed or given away to charity, which can be a very taxing process for our grieving loved ones. It is a gift to leave this body with very little stuff behind for our friends and family to deal with.
When you think about holding on to the things of someone who has passed, it’s important to remember that things are never a substitute for actual connection. This can help us to not hold on to too much. We can have all the stuff in the world and still feel disconnected and empty. True connection comes from within us.
Instead of holding on to stuff, we can take intentional time to connect with a loved one who has passed, having little conversations with them throughout the day, telling stories about them. In my Filipinx culture, we have ancestor altars where we are reminded of our loved ones every day. These are ways we can honor the connection we want to foster in ways that don’t involve holding onto things that no longer serve us.
(PS: There are so many more things we can consider when wondering what we should keep and what we should toss (or give away), so check out the full episode for all of them.)
If we reconsider the phrase, “We pack for our insecurities,” what are we worried about that we won’t be able to handle? An emotion like regret? Loneliness? Being uncomfortable (even if temporarily)? The urge to just have something we don’t have?
It’s so important to not come from a place of fear or insecurity because we have a limiting idea of our capacity for the ziji within us – our radiant inner confidence that we all really do have access to.
Trust me – we all have ziji within us, a radiant inner confidence in our capacity to meet whatever life sends our way – even loss and regret and not having something we need. You’ve made it this far, after all!
Not sure you can access your ziji? The good news is we can actively cultivate our connection to it so we can have more resilience in the face of whatever life may bring us…and stop carrying the burden of stuff to try to fix our insecurity about our capacity to do hard things or to be uncomfortable (physically or emotionally).
Choose things wisely and intentionally – they take up space that could be available for so much more – including your inner and outer freedom.
You will learn:
// Why so many of us have such a strong attachment to our STUFF, keeping us from getting rid of the clutter
// Common insecurities that make it hard for us to let go
// How to learn from our insecurities that we come into contact with as we try to clear out space for the new
// Simple ways we can be more intentional about the purpose things have in our life
You will learn:
// Why so many of us have such a strong attachment to our STUFF, keeping us from getting rid of the clutter
// Common insecurities that make it hard for us to let go
// How to learn from our insecurities that we come into contact with as we try to clear out space for the new
// Simple ways we can be more intentional about the purpose things have in our life
Resources:
// Episode 40: Desire and Attachment
// Episode 55: Letting Go to Grow
// Episode 69: Having Enough – Finding Your Balance
// If you want to dive more deeply into this practice and all the juicy goodness for a life of inner and outer freedom that it offers, some join me in my NEWEST program, called No Regrets.
Get on the waitlist at adventuremastermind.com, and if you get your name on that, you’ll be the first to know when early registration opens later this month, with special early bird rates, extra bonuses, and first dibs on the limited-capacity in-person retreat at our epic phat pad on the Big Island of Hawaii…and more.
// If you want to dive deeper into this Soul-level work and create a life of more freedom, adventure and purpose, head over to JoinFreedomSchool.com. It’s got everything you need in one place to build a foundation for a lifetime of self-exploration and freedom.
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
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