This week I had a conversation with Cathy “Raven” Toldi, a dear friend and colleague, about expanding our concepts of Eros and Sex. Raven is an instinctive meditation teacher and sacred Eros guide, weaving together four decades of experience as a teacher, group, facilitator, and Zen Buddhist priest with her current passion, supporting people in activating their own dynamic life energy for personal growth and healing – while ALSO contributing to the positive evolution of our world.
During our time together, we explore how the energy of Eros is so much more than sex, and how tapping into that connects us with our own deep spiritual practice and the wild world around us.
Raven shared her own story of growing up and being very aware of the world around her and engaged in all her senses. Playing roughly with other children, running along the ocean shore and feeling the hot sand. She said, “I just always felt very alive in my body. And it was extremely confusing when I hit puberty… I found that I was given a very, very narrow little box that this energy was supposed to fit into and it didn’t work for me.”
It was through her own journey of embracing this energy within herself that she realized that it is a medicine the whole world needs desperately.
Here are a few highlights from our conversation:
One piece that we began our interview with and often revisited is what Eros really means, and how that does – and doesn’t – relate to sex. Raven explained that often, when we look up definitions for Eros, we find they’re highly focused on sex, eroticism, and physical intimacy. But in truth, Eros means so much more than that.
“We can think of it as a large, vast spectrum that includes bees pollinating flowers, that includes hummingbirds sticking their little tongues inside the chuparosa flowers at Joshua Tree,” she said.
It’s more about a fully embodied sensuality. Being fully ALIVE in our body. Sure, sexuality and sensuality have a place in that, but it’s they a only pieces of the wide spectrum.
When it comes to our spiritual path, like Raven’s own Zen Buddhist path, Eros has a significant role as well. As humans, we all have a yearning to connect. And when we lack that connection or we find the unhealthy kinds of connection, we experience unnecessary suffering. I was intrigued by this idea of what Raven called, “erotic suffering.”
Even though sexuality and sensual connections are natural human desires, the reality is sometimes we can’t find a sexual partner, or for some reason we aren’t able to satisfy it. When we have a limited concept of eros as just being sexuality, we are unnecessarily limited in how we explore it, which also increases our suffering.
I’ve had my own experiences with an expanded experience of Eros, finding a surprising, deep, physical connection to my own body that has absolutely fulfilled that need to be connected simply by being 100% open to the wild, natural, more-than-human world around me. I had no idea that I could have experiences like that, and it blew my mind! (and body;)
We also explore how much of society has perverted the concepts of Eros and sensuality. Many of us, especially those of us socialized as womyn, have experienced the shame and sometimes violence that comes from the way sensuality and eroticism are viewed.
“We have turned this into something that arms, that harms. And I just it makes my skin crawl, and I’m really angry about it, and I want this army of lovers we have to counter that.” Raven pointed out that even in her own Zen Buddhist practices, the answer to this shame is often “don’t ever engage in sex” which doesn’t really solve the issue.
Instead, she advocates for what she calls a “wholesome view” of Eros. This is where we can look to nature as a model, without all the contamination from a long-standing patriarchal culture. It’s a very part of the fabric of ourselves. It’s why we exist.
Now, you know I love to give some practical steps to help understand these concepts more within our own paths, so I had to ask Raven for one of hers.
Her recommendation? A beautiful breathing practice where we can find a moment to connect with our own physicality – within ourselves, and outside of ourselves. Doing this helps us connect to our spirituality, our capacity to love, and our ability to connect with each other (listen to the episode for details).
In this special Episode, you will learn:
// How Cathy became so connected – and dedicated – to reshaping concepts of Eros and sex
// How a limited view of Eros and sexuality leads to unnecessary suffering
// Myriad ways to connect to the sensual world around us
// How society has perverted the concepts of Eros, sex, and intimacy and how we can choose to be more healthy about it instead (this does not mean boring;)
// ALL the ways Eros can be deeply connected to our spiritual path (and there’s a lot 😉
// Where masculine and feminine energies can come into play
// One practice you can start with today to connect with your own experience of Eros
Resources:
// Episode 139: Nature and Reconnecting
// Episode 143: The South + Wounded Children
// Episode 195: Going Beyond Our 5 Senses
// If you want to stop putting off what really matters – and get more clear about what really matters to YOU – come join me and a group of like-minded souls in living the next 9 months as if they are our last. Remembering our limited time here on Earth creates clarity and inspires action like nothing else. Dive more deeply into practices that help create a life of inner and outer freedom – come join me in my NEWEST program, called No Regrets. It’s a deep dive into exploring our own life legacy, the gift of impermanence, intimacy with death + life, and living a life of no regrets.
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
// Have you benefited from even one episode of the Rebel Buddhist Podcast? I’d love it if you could leave a 5-star review on iTunes by clicking here.