When we are suffering, it can feel like we won’t have what it takes to make it through. Or we might even have a fear of something happening in the future that would “ruin me” or “that I would never survive.” We might feel we don’t have the capacity, the resources, the energy, the resilience
But the reality is, we’ve all had moments in our lives that we could have been taken out, but we weren’t.
We’ve all had moments that were incredibly challenging – and yet we are here today.
At my 11th birthday party, an adult was laughing and talking about how they saw that I’d created a program on an old computer that had swear words in it – sort of my rebel version of MadLibs. Instead of being impressed with how I pulled this off with no programming classes under my belt, my mom was focused on how other people would perceive her.
I assume she was feeling a lot of shame and humiliation, but the result was that she came and grabbed me by the hair into a back room and started beating the shit out of me with her high heels. At one point, I’d had enough, and I finally grabbed her arms and said, “Stop! You cannot do this to me anymore!”
To my surprise, she stopped.
She broke down, cried, and held me, apologizing over and over.
I kind of just stood there, thinking, “Holy shit! Why didn’t I do that sooner?”
I never even realized I could do that. Still, even though I was so young and afraid, I had it in me to say that it was not okay and stand up for myself
I’ve survived so much more than this, too. I’ve climbed scary peaks, done really hard rock climbs, gone through heart-wrenching breakups, lost both my parents, been divorced, had cancer…so much more. And I’ve survived it all.
This isn’t just about bravery. It’s about a universal truth that we are often far, far more capable than we even know because we continue to surprise ourselves over and over that we CAN survive what life sends our way.
Right now, in my No Regrets course, there are people who have experienced deep loss, and they may be suffering, but they are getting through it, little by little, finding joy again in life.
They can do that because they have ziji – that inner radiant confidence that says we are going to get knocked down by life at some point. We all have ziji.
When at the edge of the ocean and big waves roll in, we can try to stand our ground, but eventually a big enough wave will overcome us. Even if we try to run from it, it can catch up and knock us down. That’s just part of the human experience.
But ziji is standing on that shoreline, knowing that when we get knocked down, we’re going to get back up. It’s that capacity within us to get through so much more than we could ever know. And that capacity can surprise us sometimes, because we often don’t believe that we have the capacity for enlightenment at that level.
The truth is, every single one of us has that Buddha nature within us. Ziji. That part of us that is clear, awake, and able to take in all that life has to offer with wisdom and compassion. We don’t have to do anything to “get” it. It’s already there.
Even after I stood up to my mom as a kid, I still tolerated some bullshit relationships and situations that weren’t good for me. And whenever we have those moments of staying despite the suffering, it’s not a moment for shame. It’s just another example of resilience.
You will move on and move forward. After all, the human spirit is indomitable. That is inspiring AF.
I’d like to invite you to start this week by thinking back to a time when you surprised yourself with your own resilience, courage and clarity. Remember how it felt to believe that you couldn’t survive that situation, and then remember how it felt when you DID. Maybe it was a quiet internal decision. Maybe it was a bold step, like me grabbing the hands of my mom when she hit me. Or maybe it was mustering up the energy when you thought you had none left to carry out a small act of kindness toward another being.
No matter how you start, remember that you already have in you what it takes. You don’t need to be afraid of being rendered helpless or of being ruined. You’re capable of so much more than you know.
You have the indomitable human spirit within you. Truth.
You Will Learn:
// The importance of remembering times when we surprised ourselves with our capacity
// Why it can be so hard to acknowledge our resilience
// What ziji is, and how we can use it to survive the seemingly unsurvivable
// Some ways I’ve managed to find ziji – an inner radiant confidence – in the most unlikely moments
// Practices you can start today to help connect to your own ziji
Resources:
// Episode 39 – The 4-Step Visualization Technique for Any Situation
// Episode 44 – The Power of the Pause
// Episode 64 – Cultivating Radiant Inner Confidence – Ziji
// Check out my Free Unshakeable Confidence Training
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
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