The other day I caught myself telling a story – an OLD story about an incredibly hard time of my life and how miserable it made me and how unfair it felt – and I saw myself talking as if I was on a movie screen. I thought to myself, “WOW – you’re still telling that story? After ALL these years? Is it even still…true?”
We might wonder, “How can it not be true? Are you saying you might be lying?”
That’s not what I’m talking about. The facts stay the same.
What does change over time is the meaning we apply to those facts; what we make whatever happened mean about who we are at our essential self.
I started to ask myself, “Is that what that story still means to you? That you deserve justice and never got it?”
It wasn’t. But why was I still telling that story in that way?
It was my mindfulness and meditation practice that helped me take a step back and see what I was doing. I moved from shame to self-compassion to reclaiming my authentic voice that was true for me NOW. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
When it comes to our old stories – the parts of our past that we use to describe who we are, what we’ve been through, and how we see the world – we often have a hard time moving on. It’s hard to let go of these narratives, even when they make us feel stuck or hurt. But since these stories are more than just memories (they’re a part of our identity!), it’s understandable that we rely on them so much.
When we’re faced with tough times or past trauma, it’s pretty easy to wrap ourselves in an old story because it feels like it’s the only thing that makes us… us. Like if we let go of it, we might lose our sense of self. Letting go of that narrative can feel scary. We’ve carried it for so long that it can be like a comfort blanket, and letting go can feel like stepping into the unknown.
We also hold on to these stories for so many other reasons. Maybe we’re still carrying around unresolved pain, so the mind keeps replaying the narrative in an attempt to make sense of what happened or because it thinks reminding us of this version of the story will keep us safe. But unfortunately, it just traps us in a cycle instead.
We also have an emotional attachment to these stories: grief, anger, love, fear. These are strong and feel like they keep us connected to the past. Letting go of that story often means letting go of those emotions, and that can feel like we’re abandoning a piece of who we are. So we choose to hold on, despite that pain.
Sometimes, we’re so ready to move on from these painful parts of our past, but we don’t know how to even do that. We’ve not been taught to process and release those old narratives, and we lack tools like mindfulness or thoughtwork that help us create new stories.
No matter why we continue to hold on to our painful past, it’s important to recognize that these narratives can keep us stuck in the same cycle of suffering. And the freedom that comes from releasing these stories – while still honoring their lessons – opens up space for growth, healing, and transformation.
I want to note here that letting go of the old story doesn’t mean that we’re erasing our past, forgetting what happened, or denying its impact. Rather, it means we choose to no longer let the past define who we are today.
Think of it as an invitation to create a new narrative. One that acknowledges the wisdom and strength you’ve gained through your experiences without allowing them to limit your potential for the future.
In the Buddhist tradition, there’s a teaching that says we are not our thoughts. Our thoughts, especially those tied to our past, are just temporary phenomena, like clouds passing through a vast, open sky. And what is a story but a bunch of thoughts strung together and practiced over and over and over, right? But often, we identify with thoughts – and stories – as if they’re the essence of who we are. We forget that we have the capacity to let go of these mental constructs and to experience life in a new way.
One way we can begin to let go of our past stories is through remembering the Buddhist concept of anatman – no-self. Essentially, there is no fixed, permanent self; we – like all phenomena like the trees and the mountains and the seasons – are constantly changing. We are not the story we tell ourselves. Our true nature is actually much more expansive than any narrative.
Because we’re constantly changing and evolving, what we think of as “self” in a story is an oversimplified moment of expression – usually from a long time ago! But does that still apply to who we are now? Do we want it to still apply to us now?
As I mentioned, this process of liberation requires mindfulness. It requires being able to see that we’re caught up in a story. It requires us to be willing to step back from the habitual stories and ask, is this truly me? It invites us to investigate the assumptions we make about ourselves and the world and to see them as just that – assumptions. NOT truth.
As we learn to release the grip of our old stories, we begin to tap into a deeper, more authentic way of being. As we rewrite our personal narrative, we impact the collective narrative of society and culture. This is more important now than ever.
We can begin to see the world with fresh eyes and a mind open to all that is happening in the present moment. In doing so, we not only heal ourselves but also transform how we relate to others. We’re freed ourselves to connect more fully, to see the beauty and potential in others without the distortions of judgment and bias that come from our past experiences.
So who would you be without your story? Perhaps, in the space between the thoughts, you might find an answer – one that is more expansive, alive, and more YOU than you’ve ever imagined.
Perhaps we’ll discover a person filled with ziji – a radiant inner confidence about who they are, what they want and what they stand for – who is free to stand in the world, deeply engaged with the suffering around them, yet unshackled by the past, working to transform the collective story of humanity through awareness, compassion, and wise action.
You will learn:
// What is the difference between facts and a story
// The top reasons we hold on to our stories – even when they’re painful
// The importance of meaning-making that we assign to facts
// How rewriting our personal narrative can lead to collective awakening
// How to harness neuroplasticity to create a new story that better serves us
// The importance of mindfulness in liberating ourselves from our past
Resources:
// Episode 3: How to Change the Past
// Episode 55: Letting Go to Grow
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
// Have you benefited from even one episode of the Rebel Buddhist Podcast? I’d love it if you could leave a 5-star review on iTunes by clicking here.