This coming weekend is the anniversary of my mom’s passing from this life. I have a lot of grief around our relationship in the last couple years of her life.I was impatient and bitchy, sleep deprived and in the throes of postpartum depression, while also getting my doctoral degree and going a shitton of solo parenting.
So when my mom denied that she abused me as a kid after she had already apologized deeply for it years prior, I lashed out and withdrew to simply maintain my sanity.
But you know what? I still tried. I went on a road trip with her, trying to bond, but it sucked. I called her and told her I loved her, and ended the calls earlier than I should have. But I tried.
It was the best I was able in those moments. I know that, now. I came to see it myself through a lens of self-compassion.
That’s what I want to talk about today – how it’s so important we not strive for perfection, but set the aspiration that we do things as best as we are able.
Because, my friends, that isn’t half-assing it. It’s literally all we can do!
I know it can be a tough concept. We live in a world that’s always pushing us to do more, be more, achieve more. It can make us feel like we’re never quite doing enough, even when it comes to our spiritual practice.
But the truth is there’s no such thing as the “right way” or the “perfect way” on your path.
You don’t need to be flawless, and you don’t need to be “better” than you are right now. In fact, the real wisdom is in offering your best, exactly as you are, without striving for some unattainable perfection.
The best you are able.
It sounds simple but it’s actually incredibly profound. It’s about showing up to life, to your practice, to the things that matter, and offering your full effort without demanding perfection.
While this sounds selfish or like we’re looking for an excuse, it actually encourages us to meet ourselves with humility. There’s a real gentleness in this teaching.
Humility isn’t about self-criticism or thinking we’re not good enough—it’s about honestly recognizing where we are and being okay with it. It’s about saying, “This is where I am today. This is what I have today.”
And this brings us into a place of acceptance. We begin to trust that the effort itself is enough. We start to take the pressure off ourselves to be something we’re not yet and just focus on doing the best with what we have, in the moment.
This doesn’t mean we don’t strive or that we should settle for less than what’s possible. DO to the best of our ability.
It’s about focusing on sincerity rather than striving for an idealized version of spiritual progress. It’s about honoring where we are right now, with all our imperfections, and moving forward from there.
In a way, it’s this acceptance of imperfection that actually propels us forward.
And remember that spiritual progress isn’t a linear path. It’s more like a slow unfolding. And it’s the consistency of the practice, not the speed, that matters.
Even in the most difficult circumstances, we don’t need to be perfect. We just need to show up and offer our best – and not judge what our best is at that moment. Just embrace it with compassionate honesty.
Radical acceptance.
What’s precious is I know my mom knew this about me, even though it took me years to accept it within myself. She knew I was burned out, exhausted. Even though I made her cry several times and it breaks my heart to remember that, I also know that when she reflected, she could see my suffering.
She would tell me to work less (trust me mom – I wanted to).
She apologized for not being healthy enough to significantly help me care for Maia.
I see you were doing as best as you were able too, mom.
Spiritual practice is about humility and trust (for ourselves and others) —and doing the best we can, as best as we are able.
What’s something you can do today to the best you are able? Whatever you choose is to the best as you are able today, know it is enough. You are enough As you are.
You Will Learn:
// Why we often believe we aren’t good enough… and why that’s absolutely NOT true
// What “the best you are able” means for you and your practice
// How to accept the best you can give at any moment
// How acceptance of imperfection can actually propel us forward
// The importance of humility, trust, and compassion in all of this
Resources:
// Episode 51: Self-Compassion
// Episode 175: The Two Wings of Freedom – Wisdom and Compassion
// Episode 236: It’s Never Too Late
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
// Want something more self-paced with access to weekly group support and getting coached by yours truly? Check out Freedom School – the community for ALL things related to freedom, inside and out. This month is all about mastering emotional wellness, and goddess knows we could use some emotional wellness right about now…amiright?! Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com. I can’t wait to see you there!
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