Let’s be honest – a lot of us are here doing the work because we had dysfunctional childhoods and family systems. Maybe it came from the community we were in, our parents or caretakers, or even other early relationships. While a lot of this relates to our own personal suffering, it’s often the case that the ones who contributed to our wounds were likely deep in pain from their own trauma and life experiences.
When it comes to the things I’ve shared from my own life – being physically abused, sexually assaulted, having a parent with a serious mental illness, growing up in a violent and unsafe community – these harms had their origins in generational trauma. Previous harm done to others who then acted them out on me.
My grandmother grew up in poverty, lost children to fires and malnutrition and had her village decimated during WWII.
She enacted her pain onto my mother, beating her, criticizing her, belittling her, and entrapping her to not live her own life.
My mother enacted that upon me, physically and emotionally abusing me; being controlling; raging through the house like a hurricane and belittling my dad.
I sadly admit to my own moments of rage and lashing out when my needs weren’t being met.
Yet I refuse to let this pattern continue. It stops with me. I’m a Cycle Breaker.
So today I want to dive into how, by doing this work, you – yes YOU – are also a cycle breaker. You and I are here to free our minds and free our lives.
We do this so we ALL can see the dysfunction and say, “Not anymore. It ends with ME.”
Now here’s the thing – cycles don’t break easily. They don’t just dissolve overnight. After all, the weight of what you’re carrying didn’t start with you, and if you weren’t standing in the fire, it would have continued long past you.
On top of that, when you choose a path different than those before you, you may find yourself at odds with the people who raised you or who you grew up with or with whom you were in extended community with. This is especially true if they’re still trapped in the old patterns, and can’t understand the boundaries, self-awareness, and emotional regulation you’ve developed or are practicing.
But don’t let that loneliness and fear of rejection fool you into thinking this is not the path to take. The path of healing is hard, but it’s also GLORIOUS!
Just like the pain of our parents often led to a lot of the pain they inflicted on us, the healing work you’re doing doesn’t just change you as an individual. It also shifts the entire environment around you.
Healing, like trauma, has a ripple effect.
In fact, research shows that violence and trauma spread like a virus. Crazy right? (I dive into this in the full episode, so be sure to listen there for more).
An approach to addressing violence (and trauma) from this framework was developed by an epidemiologist, Gary Slutkin, and is called the Cure Model. it lays out three steps to “treat” the epidemic of violence: Detect and interrupt the conflicts; identify and treat those who are most at-risk; and mobilize the community to change the norms.
So how can we apply this to our own lives and roles as Cycle Breakers?
One of the biggest take-homes for me as a Cycle Breaker is the importance of changing the language and perception around violence, trauma, and generational trauma. So I feel that we can use this process in our own healing journey by seeing the traumas we’ve experienced as the result of an epidemic of sorts.
Being a cycle breaker means YOU are the point of intervention; where the trauma can be stopped. And this is why our practice matters.
We detect and interrupt the conflict through mindfulness, learning to notice earlier and earlier when we’re getting activated or engaging in a habitual pattern. And, through practice, we create a greater gap between activation and response so we can do so more skillfully and prevent escalation.
We identify and treat as we realize that hurt people hurt people. When we experience trauma, we are at a higher risk of hurting others, right? I saw this in my parents who both had PTSD from WWII.
I wish I had been taught how to skillfully communicate, express my needs, say NO, and create boundaries. It’s our birthright, and many of us weren’t taught it or shown it through modeling. We can begin to learn these tools, and teach them to others.
In terms of mobilizing our community to change norms, this is something that, for many, is pretty scary right now. It can feel like things are moving in the opposite direction. But breaking the cycle doesn’t just happen in our own family – chosen or not. We also owe it to our people to help it happen on a larger scale. And a more-than-human scale.
We can begin this by normalizing conversations about healing, which helps decrease stigma about trauma and mental illness. We can talk more openly and deeply about mental health, trauma, and emotional regulation in everyday conversations.
We can also encourage emotional literacy in kids and adults – helping people name and understand their emotions, starting in schools and community programs.
One of the most important ways we can change norms is that if we’re healing from past wounds, we can remember that we are examples of what’s possible. We can let others see that growth is possible. Your example will ripple outward.
How we show up impacts those around us.
We can be a safe and steady presence. We can be that one person who’s steady during the storm, offering our people consistency, judgment-free support, love to those who need it.
Many people break cycles simply because someone was touched by them. You ca be that person.
We also need to remember that breaking cycles doesn’t always happen in dramatic ways, either. Sometimes, it’s a quiet choice—a conversation, a boundary, a moment of awareness. But every time you choose healing over harm, you are reshaping the future.
Remember – YOU are a Cycle Breaker, the one who sees what’s happening and refuses to carry it forward.
YOU are choosing healing instead of harm.
YOU are replacing shame with awareness, fear with love, and cycles of pain with cycles of growth.
And that is nothing short of revolutionary. So keep going, even when it’s hard. Even when you don’t see the full impact… yet.
Because what you’re doing is changing everything.
You will learn:
// How generational cycles and trauma get passed on to future generations
// How to take creaking the cycle of trauma at an individual, family, and community level
// Ways we can meet the challenges of these times without overwhelm
// How trauma can spread like a virus – and how we can address it at many different levels (just like we would a virus!)
// Small ways that won’t overwhelm you when you think about changing things at the community level in these times
Resources:
// Episode 59: How to Heal Your Parent Wound
// Episode 190: Islands of Sanctuary – Being a Refuge for Your People
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
// Want something more self-paced with access to weekly group support and getting coached by yours truly? Check out Freedom School – the community for ALL things related to freedom, inside and out. We dive into taking wisdom and applying it to our daily lives, with different topics every month. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com. I can’t wait to see you there!
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