Welcome to the 250th episode! I can’t believe we’ve been at this for so long, and it deserves a celebration!
This week is a special topic that came to me when I was thinking about one of my dear teachers, Larry Yang. Larry is a queer dharma teacher who is active in multicultural and LGBTQ circles. His book (linked below in the show notes) has really helped me understand what is being called forth in us if we are to have genuinely diverse communities.
I’ve found that Larry offers a very grounded, authentic, compassionate perspective about many things. One that really impacted me was a teaching he gave about how we tend to ignore the part of our practice that appears more as a non-awakening than awakening.
By “non-awakening” I mean the cringe moments, the times we look back in hindsight and we think, “Wow…I really didn’t want to show up that way.”
We get so attached to wanting all the positive juicy stuff and put a lot of pressure on our spiritual path to actualize those. We want the positive qualities to be ever-present and easy to access.
This makes sense. I believe we all really, really want to show up as good people, right? We all want to leave this world a better place because we were in it. We want the creatures and the planet and beings of the more-than-human world to be positively impacted by our presence.
Plus, traditional teachings say enlightenment/awakening is the ultimate goal. But… is it really?
Let’s get real, y’all – I don’t spend all day in the good vibes, and I bet most of you don’t either. Yet we think solving that will happen by focusing on the version of “what’s ideal” instead of meeting ourselves where we ARE, right here, right now. In the messiness and imperfection.
The not-so-awakened parts take up a lot of bandwidth in our lives, and while we may want to run from them, they are the exact thing we need to work with. Not the constant striving for a state of enlightenment that’s “out there.”
This reminds me of when people find out I was a climbing guide in the Himalayas. For so many, the question that immediately follows is, “So, have you climbed Everest?”
But there’s so much more to climbing and mountaineering than Everest! There are more fun climbs, more aesthetically pleasing climbs, less crowded climbs, views, road trips, and adventures off the mountain to be had.
Similarly, in our spiritual practice, we can get distracted by the questions, “Am I enlightened yet? When will I get there? How long will it take?”
There’s so much more to our practice than achieving a state of enlightenment, and it’s not the only point of our practice any more than Everest would be the only point of being a climber.
So why doesn’t our curiosity lie in where we ARE rather than where we – or others – think we’re “supposed” to be? And what happens when we’re not feeling or being so … enlightened?
Part of this begins with not being as hard on ourselves, and to consider our own journey with more self-compassion.
I think of how on retreats, Philip Moffitt always says to set the intention for, “May I do [insert intention here], as best as I am able.”
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about doing the best you can, given where you’re at.
Years ago, on this topic, Larry Yang said something similar that really stuck with me:
“May I be loving, open, and aware in this moment.
If I cannot be loving, open, and aware, may I be kind.
If I cannot be kind, may I be non-judgmental.
If I cannot be non-judgmental, may I cause the least harm possible.”
When we set an intention like this, it’s not escaping responsibility or lowering our standards. It’s being f*cking real and giving us a guidepost for the reality of the human experience.
When we choose instead to think in extremes of awakened or not, we end up missing the middle ground. And we actually also miss further opportunities to practice.
Let’s face it – sometimes we can’t access the ability to be kind, whether it’s due to our inner capacity and physiological state or external circumstances.
So in those moments, we can offer that self-compassion and remind ourselves: if I cannot be kind, may I at least be non-judgmental, and then, if I still can’t be non-judgmental, may I at least cause the least harm possible.
It’s a way of bringing ourselves back to the core of our practice. It’s not about trying to climb Everest – it’s about the joy and freedom of being a climber.
It’s not about trying to attain enlightenment. It’s about being a human who cares about how we show up in the world, the impact we have on everything – and everyone – around us, and how we live our one precious life.
That intersection of awakening and non-awakening is all part of the same process – this messy, complicated, but beautiful process. It’s about doing the best we can in each moment, no matter how small, and honoring the process of growth, even in imperfection.
In this way, we’re constantly engaged in our practice, not just giving up because we slipped up; or did things imperfectly.
The messy moments are part of our practice. They’re actually needed for our practice! Without these imperfections and screw-ups, we’d have nothing to work with.
After all, awakening doesn’t come without experiencing non-awakening. They’re opposite sides of the same coin, and one cannot exist without the other.
So, let’s not shy away from the messiness of our practice. Let’s not run from the despair, or the doubt.
Instead, let’s meet those moments with compassion and awareness, knowing that even in the midst of those struggles, there is wisdom to be found. There is freedom to be discovered in the willingness to show up for our imperfections.
And that—right there—is where the path really unfolds. It is admirable and brave, rebel ones!
You will learn:
// How moments of our non-awakened mind are essential to awakening
// Why we ignore “cringe moments” and screw-ups and put so much pressure on the “awakened” qualities
// What any of this has to do with Mount Everest
// Why it’s important to look at our journey with more self-compassion
// How choosing to think in extremes actually hurts our practice
// A potent mantra from beloved Larry Yang for those moments when we don’t show up how we want to
Resources:
// Episode 51: Self-Compassion
// Episode 237: The Best I Am Able
// Awakening Together: The Spiritual Practice of Inclusivity and Community by Larry Yang
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
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