Not everyone is naturally optimistic, but believe it or not, it used to be my default. Even as a kid, I knew there was a solution to most problems. Part of that may have been a trauma response from having been through so much, or from how I was raised by immigrant parents to pull myself up by my bootstraps. After all, early primary caregiver influence is strong. However, we also know there’s a predisposition in the way our brains are wired, too.
Once, I was sharing our earliest money memories with a former partner. We decided to live together and thought that we should practice talking about money more. His earlier memory was of his mom spending his “dad’s money” (that phrase should have been a red flag) to buy a Mercedes without asking or discussing it.
Let’s just say my memory was very different. A problem like that wasn’t even an option;) My money memory was remembering how my mom told me we only had a little bit of money left for the rest of the month when we were only halfway through, but then we went to the thrift store and there was this beautiful lace cloth. Even though we were stressed about money, she decided to buy it for the altar at church.
I remember being like, “You sure about that, mom? Is that okay?” Because from what I was hearing, we were supposed to be pretty stressed out about money right now. She said to me, “If you use money for the right things, like, you’ll always be provided for.” And what’s crazy is that we were at church the next week and won $100 in the raffle!
I remember clearly thinking, “Wow – she’s right. Things will work out.”
So today I really want to offer you this (somewhat radical) perspective as a reminder that since we don’t actually know what’s going to happen in the future, we have the option to choose to live in optimism instead of cynicism.
The most calculated weather predictions can be wrong. We can’t predict how people will act, and we’ve all been shocked by the things some people do, right?
We can choose in the moment to worry about the future, wondering, “What if we mess it up?” Or “Maybe if we try hard enoug,h we can control it.” (Spoiler alert: we can’t).
OR we can say, “You know what? Shit might actually be okay.”
We often look at this like a polarity: either I worry about the future and plan, or I just kind of bypass everything and think, “It’s all good!” But however real it might feel, this is just our default emotional state. Some of us really just sit and worry constantly, while others believe it might actually go their way.
The reality is we can’t change the future by worrying. Now, this doesn’t mean to be ignorant or naive. You still can be on your toes and plan to the degree that we do have control over some things. That’s called being smart;)
But in terms of worrying about worst-case scenarios that we’ve already prepared for? That helps nobody.
When we’ve already taken action to make backup plans, how do we live in the meantime? Why assume that it’s not going to work out? Why not be in a place of relaxation? Instead of stressing out about something that may or may not happen, why not assume it will be okay? Doing so is definitely a more relaxed emotional state – better for our body/mind/spirit.
Some of us might be afraid that if we allow to think that and it doesn’t work out, that we’ll regret having thought it might. But this, too, is optional!
So when we catch ourselves feeling like “I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. See – it didn’t happen,” we can instead remember that feeling shitty about it is optional too.
If it doesn’t work out, we have the option to not beat ourselves up about it for choosing to think that it would have worked out. In fact, we can feel good that we planned for things not working out just in case, AND in the meantime, our lives were more joyful.
This is about separating our emotional state and our mindset from the action we take.
We can still take action by making backup plans and preparing, and still be in a place of saying it’s probably going to work out while we wait to see what happens.
The actions don’t have to change. Just the emotional state we’re in in the meantime.
I want to invite you to experiment with this. Get curious and ask yourself, “Why not believe shit might just work out for me?”
This allows us to actually relax more during the day and not have a background of anxiety. It actually helps us take more effective action in the meantime as well!
After all, feeling anxious throughout the day isn’t going to help anything.
What is going to help us enjoy this one precious life is to feel that it might work out.
And from that place, we’re actually walking through the world as the person for whom shit does work out, which actually impacts a lot of things (versus walking through the world with the vibe of someone for whom shit never works out).
Remember, believing shit will or will not work out doesn’t make one more true than the other. And at this moment, we actually don’t know. We don’t control as much as we think. So why not choose the state that allows us to enjoy this precious life once more?
You will learn:
// Why we often struggle to control how things will work out
// Why worrying about the future is useless
// How we can begin to change our mindset
// How thinking that shit will work out can change our lives for the better
Resources:
// Episode 27: The Power to Choose Your Feelings
// Episode 66: How to Fail Perfectly
// Episode 90: The Antidote to Doubt
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
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