This week is all about the 3 fundamental “truths” of existence itself. Yup – all in one episode 😉
Really though, these elements are part of Buddhist philosophy in general – but Buddha didn’t invent these truths. Instead, he saw, in his own practice, that all phenomena – our bodies, emotions, relationships, even the freaking stars – share three qualities, traditionally called the “Three Marks of Existence.” Meaning all things that exist have these elements.
But don’t take his – or my – word for it. See for yourself if it’s true!
The first mark of existence is impermanence – which is, ironically, the only constant in life 😉 It’s so simple we usually don’t even think about it until we suffer from the reality of it. I mean, I know I usually think about it when I’ve recently lost someone or something. A breakup – and wondering if it was meant to be. A beloved who has died. A dream that faded away.
Everything changes. The seasons. Our bodies. Our moods. Our priorities. Our relationships. The entire universe is in motion.
But we still cling like hell to what we love, to what’s comfortable, to who we think we are. We spend so much of life trying to make things stay.
Now, impermanence itself isn’t a problem. It’s our resistance to it that hurts us the most. And Buddha didn’t teach impermanence to depress us. He taught it to free us by helping us remember what really matters.
The truth is, without impermanence, nothing could heal or grow. The caterpillar wouldn’t become a butterfly. Grief wouldn’t soften. The sunrise wouldn’t follow night.
Even in moments of pleasure, there’s that shadow of … discomfort. Because part of us knows it won’t last. But when we align with it, Ziji – resilience – arises. And when we stop demanding that things last forever, we begin to love them more tenderly. Because we know: this too will pass.
So this clinging and resistance leads to the second truth, which is Dukkha – the unease of wanting life to be other than it IS.
If impermanence is the fact of change, dukkha is our emotional resistance to it.
It’s often translated as “suffering,” but that doesn’t quite capture it. Dukkha means the inherent unsatisfactoriness in conditioned life. The subtle … ennui that keeps things from ever being completely okay.
The Buddha compared it to a wheel with a slightly off-center hub—no matter how smooth the road, it bumps. In positive psychology we call is the “hedonic treadmill.”
Now the Buddha’s insight was radical: he said don’t run from that restlessness – stay with it. Study it. Look at it …directly.
When we do, we see how much of our suffering is self-inflicted—how much comes from craving for more, or from rejecting what’s already here.
So dukkha shows us where we still cling, where we still believe lasting happiness will come from somehow rearranging the external world instead of shifting our inner one.
The final mark of existence is Not-Self (Anattā), and what’s possible when we let go of this fixed idea of “me.”
This is the one that most people struggle with. Here, Buddha is pointing out that the “self” we cling to – the one we’re constantly managing, defending, and promoting – isn’t a fixed, independent thing. It’s constantly changing and dependent on so many factors.
Cuz let’s be honest: we spend a lot of time propping up this concept of “me.”
But if you look closely, this “me” is always shifting. The personality I had ten years ago? The one I have when I’m tired versus when I’m feeling more inspired… they’re not the same.
The idea of an unchanging, solid “I” is an illusion, and illusions require energy to maintain.
And this background anxiety we feel – what if I fail, what if I’m rejected, what if I’m not enough – is the psychic toll of trying to make a fluid identity solid.
But not-self doesn’t erase us. It liberates us from a very limited self-image.
It means we can stop performing. Hallelujah! 🙌🏽
We can feel anger without becoming an “angry person.” We can feel fear without identifying as “a fearful person.” We can let life move through us without needing to control what it looks like. With Ziji – knowing we can handle it all..
And in that space, more compassion can enter, too, because when we stop taking everything so damn personally, we can actually feel more – more vulnerability, more tenderness, more open-hearted love.
We can also stop attributing permanence to other people too – the asshole that we think is always an asshole; the crazy driver who cut us off and whom we assume is a reckless person…
We can meet our experience directly, without the filter of self-protection, which actually limits us in a lot of ways. What’s possible when there is no one to BE? I want to exhale deeply just thinking about it
When our inner narrator starts to soften, the world becomes more spacious, more vivid again. Full-on color. Textures. We’re no longer the center of every story, which means we have more bandwidth for intimacy with the tree outside, the stranger’s smile, the sound of rain… it ALL becomes intimate.
Now, it’s natural to feel uneasy about this. The ego equates letting go with death. That’s why in some psychedelic experiences it’s called ego death.
And in a sense, it is a kind of dying. It’s the death of our self-importance, our rigid identities, our need to control the narrative of why we’re experiencing life the way we are.
But what we create space for in that letting go is aliveness itself.
These three truths aren’t separate. They compliment each other.
So here it is:
Impermanence is the FACT: everything changes.
Dukkha is the FRICTION: we suffer when we resist that change.
Not-Self is the FREEDOM: the release that comes when we stop pretending there’s a “me” separate from everything else.
Accepting these truths breaks the illusion of separation and opens us to deeper compassion and love, because when we see that everything changes and nothing stands alone, we understand that all beings are caught in the same damn current.
We are all walking each other home, as Ram Dass says.
Recognizing that IS love.
And when we live in alignment with these truths, we stop trying to “succeed” in life and start living in it.
Clearly seeing these truths is our heart learning how to stay open in a changing world that’s sometimes heavy and sometimes light and most of the time somewhere in between.
You will learn:
- Why facing change, instead of fighting it, might be the most radical act of peace.
- How to turn the ache of impermanence into appreciation, presence, and freedom.
- The real meaning of “suffering” in Buddhism (and why it’s not as depressing as it sounds).
- What the Buddha meant by “not-self” — and how loosening our grip on identity can bring deep relief and belonging.
- Simple ways to meet uncertainty and loss with steadiness, not fear.
- How these teachings can make you more grounded, compassionate, and awake in a world that’s constantly shifting.
Resources:
// Episode 9: Impermanence, Death, and Other Sexy Things
// Episode 60: How to Avoid Unnecessary Suffering
// Episode 63: Being Human is Hard – the First Noble Truth
// Episode 64: Cultivating Radiant Inner Confidence – Ziji
// Episode 222: Struggling with When Things End
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