Day 3 – Full-On Vulnerability

Today I woke up with a message from my partner saying he’d be coming home a half day later than planned. He’d been backcountry skiing in Bend for a few days. The snow was awesome, the mountain was beautiful, and he was enjoying exploring. Awesome for him, right? But what came up for me was surprising.

You see, I’ve been cheated on in a past relationship. Once (as far as I know). And even that was something I thought would never happen to me. I had always been blessed with trustworthy people in my life, and my partner is no exception. I felt for the most part healed from that, so even though I knew I was over-tired and not in the best mindset, it was still disappointing and somewhat sad to see a shadow from that show up again. I admittedly had the thought (albeit fleeting) that perhaps he was with someone else, someone more exciting. And they were having a stunningly beautiful time together. And here I was sleep-deprived after a delivering a baby in the early morning, feeling alone because it wasn’t me. Even though there I am, in that picture over there, backcountry skiing with him not too long ago.

How fucked up is that?

Very.

I felt guilty for even thinking it. And who knows…maybe if I wasn’t trying to live Full-On every day, I would have let the feeling and thought go unnoticed. So, today I am living full on by being transparent about how messed up my silly head can be at times, how vulnerable little things can make me feel, and how uber normal I think it is.

I did my Jedi mental juju and arrived at the deep knowing that I needed to allow myself compassion, to be patient and heal, and that the pain of those nerve endings growing back (I’ve coached a lot of women healing from c-sections) didn’t mean my fears were true. I know that I am loved, worthy of love, and that my man is truly amazing and trustworthy. If I hadn’t noticed that feeling, this tenderness towards myself would have been a missed opportunity, not to mention the reminder of my deep appreciation for my man.

And in the end, in the final cozy Ziji resting place, I knew that no matter what, I’d be fine. So I could go ahead and breathe, and let go, and make the most of this day. And be really happy for him. And look forward to his return. In the meantime, it was time for me to find my joy, my backcountry ski mountain, my fresh pow for the day.

I had hesitated in writing about this because, ya know, I’m never supposed to be scared. I’m supposed to have taken so many freakin’ workshops and graduate courses and for fuck’s sake I had cancer so get over it, right? (sorry, I do swear a lot when I talk about the Big C). But I figured we all benefit from hearing other’s soft spots.

Whew!

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.Ziji Life.com

Day 2 – My Kick-Ass Bucket List

Today I’m going to add a bit of my Kick Ass Bucket List to this blog, especially because it is part of the February 30 Day Ziji Up! Challenge. I’m trying to come up with things to add that I MUST do before I die. I’ve often thought about these things and said I’d like to do them, but not yet committed to them! I want these things to light a fire under my butt to get out there and DO it! Today it feels easier to come up with some of the bigger travel adventures I’d been dreaming of. But I am sure that the deeper, inner risks of living Full On will pop up soon.

Because I am giving myself prophylactic permission to write short entries, I’m only adding 5 things before I sign off:

~ go to Antarctica

~ travel by bike through the Gobi desert

~ write a book (or two+)

~ live in a foreign country for at least 6 months (as an adult…this was done in my 20s but I didn’t fully appreciate how cool it was because I was usually cold and hungry, albeit happy)

~ do a yoga and surf retreat in Costa Rica and/or Brazil. With massages and acupuncture and fresh smoothies…the whole bit. I did an awesome one in Mexico a few years back, and really would like to experience one a bit further away.

As for the rest of my day so far,  I’ve gone for a run even though I had every reason in the book not to, and taking care of myself is a big part of living Full On. AND I started a cleanse, which I will faithfully follow until I head to Telluride, Colorado next week, which will give me every reason in the book not to;) What kind of cleanse? In short, no alcohol, dairy, gluten, caffeine, sugar, or processed foods. I feel uber good during and after, believe it or not.

That’s it for now…I need to get my yoga on!

PS: Here’s a link to my Ziji article about writing Your Kick Ass Bucket List, in case y’all would like to do one yourself! http://www.zijilife.com/your-kick-ass-bucket-list

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.Ziji Life.com

Day 1 – Living Full On, Every Day, for a Year

Hey hey!

Here I am. Starting Day 1 of this epic challenge, and I am a bit nervous – yet also super psyched!

Today I lived full-on by getting this blog up. Taking on this challenge acknowledges – very publicly – that I believe it IS possible to have at least one moment, every day, of living full-on, being fully present and fully authentic.

Oh yes, there are naysayers. There are those who told me my whole life that my positive philosophy was rose-colored and not “realistic.” That if I “really” experienced the “real world,” I wouldn’t be so optimistic.

Yet when I found beauty as I slept by my dying father, honored to midwife him to the other side; or when I marveled awe-struck in the depth and complexity of feelings that welled up from a broken heart, grateful for the spectrum of human emotions; or when I sat silently next to a fellow human who lost their child in labor and felt the powerful connection and compassion between two humans fully present with one another, I knew I was right. I felt that Ziji – that radiant inner confidence – in what I believe.

It is all a part of a full-on life. Feeling it all, fully. Living it all, fully. Knowing what you want, fully. Receiving it, fully.

Here I walk my talk. And I also open up to the possibility that I may not be able to do it every day. But my goal is to inspire you…to find that moment in every day and to have more and more of them. And I’d rather at least try than not do it at all for fear of failing.

Well, here we go. 365 days of real.

To Your Freedom,

Ana

 

 

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Full On™ 365

Join me as I commit to living full on, every day, for 365 days. For me, Full On™ 365 isn’t just about adventures like climbing, skiing, and traveling to remote places (although those stories will be here too!). It is also about the challenges and rewards of living authentically, life’s misadventures, heartaches, and everything in-between.

Here’s how Full On™ 365 came to be:

After returning from an adventure in West Africa, I was excitedly recounting some of my wild and whacky stories about motorcycling through Mali and thwarting kidnappings and a murder in Timbuktu by 4 hours when several of my colleagues asked, “Do you write these stories down somewhere?”

After I heard this a few more times, I was initially inspired to start an “adventure blog” about living full-on. My peeps wanted me to make it a travel blog of sorts since I’ve been racking up the frequent flyer miles lately. However, I realized that for me to feel inspired about it, it would have to mean more to me than sharing my travels, however amazing they’ve been.

As you may or may not know, I have had cancer – twice. One of the biggest lessons I learned on those journeys was a realization that I am more than who I am when I am living full-on Nat Geo-style adventures. Prior to this catalytic experience at the age of 30, I had felt worthy and alive only when doing really epic things (I was an international climbing guide – click the button below to learn more if you’d like). Most of these were at least mildly dangerous in very real ways, and often were moreso.

People loved hearing the stories. I felt excited and excit-ing, and life was very Full On. But it was cheating. Like adding butter to everything. Of course it tastes better with butter! That’s why I LOVE it! Of course people loved my adventurous life, and so did I! It’s easy to when it involves dramatically remote and beautiful places and near-death experiences (oh, the irony…).

But what was underneath my adventures that was of substance? What…endured?

Being diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma was the first experience I’d had where I was scared and couldn’t simply rely on being able to “power through” it. It was the first time I had to admit that I may not succeed, and the consequences of this were overwhelming.

“What if I didn’t get better?” “How can I feel alive and worthy without having to do these epic and dangerous adventures?” The Big C was dangerous enough, thank you very much.

So I had to come up with a new definition of what it meant for me to live Full On. I realized it meant taking more inner risks, to live my purpose and connect authentically with those in my life, to be willing to disappoint others to be true to my self. And many other things.

This insight led to an insatiable desire to spread the joy that comes from knowing confidently, radiantly, who you are and how you want to be in the world, and the peace that comes from living Full On, inside and out. My life coaching business, Ziji™, was born, and I developed Full On™ coaching to take people there faster, because I had a very real understanding that life was too short, no matter how long.

The blog entries for 365 are about me committing to live Full On not just in outward epic adventures, but in the inner ones that challenge you to live with no more excuses. I invite you to join me on my journey here as I attempt to walk the talk, every day, for 365 days.

What matters most to me is that it might inspire you or someone you know to do the same, and live a Full-On™ life.

Your Kick-Ass Bucket List

“Tell me, what it is you plan to do, 

with your one wild and precious life?”

~ Mary Oliver

As part of my commitment to living full-on for 365 days in a row, I am starting a Kick-Ass Bucket List. This is because in addition to being a way for me to reflect on what I’ve really been wanting to do (but have been putting off), connecting to the preciousness of this life, and getting even more clear, it can also serve as a backup in case I wake up completely clueless about ways to live full-on any given day.

Since people will be “watching” me online at www.FullOn365.com during this journey (accountability is uber helpful to achieving goals!), I am extremely averse to flaking. So, I also need a backup plan for the days when I am not feeling too full-on kick ass. Hence, my Kick-Ass Bucket List.

I encourage you to do the same. Make Your Kick-Ass Bucket List. That way, there’s always at least ONE THING you could do each day to move you towards the life of your dreams, keeping things spicy, cultivating your Ziji, and making sure you have fewer regrets, fewer what-ifs, and more “Yeehaws!”

Add things to your list that you MUST do before you die. Not before you “pass” or “move on” or “get reborn,” but – that’s right – die. We all do it so we might as get real about it and light a fire under our butts!

This list will be a bunch of things that make you “Yeehaw!” inside and out like nobody’s business, because Ziji is about fewer regrets and being more alive in your everyday moments. It’s about connecting with those you love. And a whole lot more.

I’m all about lighting that fire under your butt. So…the the match is lit! Go and make a kick-ass list!

So, Where to Start?

Suppose a stranger stopped you on the street and asked you the question above, posed by psychologist and poet Mary Oliver. What an awesome thing it would be to be able to respond that you would spend your life exactly as you spent your day. 

Your answer could be anything: doing work you love, traveling, drinking more red wine (or whisky!), caring for and giving love to your family, contributing to your community or the world, creating art, building a business, climbing mountains, making music, having more sex. Anything. The key is that how you lived today is how you would choose to live tomorrow and the next day and the next. 

For some, the life they live day to day is not the life they would describe if they were asked Mary Oliver’s question. Instead, they might use phrases such as: “As soon as…” or “I’d like to…” or “I used to dream…” while explaining a daily life tangled up in too many demands and never enough time or energy to get to the things that matter most. Run like hell from here…and do that by getting started on your Kick-Ass Bucket List and starting to tick off items on it.

What seems to be the most important thing to help us actually DO this?

According to Jinny Ditzler, author of Your Best Year Yet, what drives most of us is the ambition to improve the quality of our lives while being true to ourselves and what’s really important to us. This requires us to identify our values. You can add bungee jumping and a round-the-world trip to your Kick Ass Bucket List, but unless you are connected to how these things fit in with your values, you are far less likely to do them. 

She writes that, “Although we may not be conscious of these basic motivations as we live day to day, these hidden drives are the strongest in our lives. The more conscious we are of them, the more we can empower ourselves to make the necessary changes in our lives.” 

Values are personal principles or standards–those qualities that are most important to us. A life based on values rather than reacting to others’ needs and wants or the acquisition of material things enables us to live in integrity with ourselves. This is how to create a rich and fulfilling life. 

Identifying your values can be as simple as asking yourself how you want to be remembered by others. As a person who cared about others, who made a difference in the world, who kept promises, who was self-actualized, honest, trustworthy. Think of the qualities you most admire in others; these may be the values you claim for yourself. 

Once you become aware of your values, you can begin to restructure your life. With your values as your touchstone, you can create and live the life you really want, achieve your goals and realize your dreams!

While Writing (and Living!) Your Kick-Ass Bucket List:

1. Become clear on what you really want. Be specific; vague and undefined goals are difficult if not impossible to achieve.

2. Commit to give what it takes. Saying “yes” to one thing means saying “no” to another. Acknowledge and accept what you must give up to get what you want. 

3. Recommit to your goals every day. Begin your day by reminding yourself what your priorities are. Be mindful as you go through your day that you are making choices. 

4. Do something every day. No matter how small, take some action toward achieving your goals. Remind yourself that a book is written word by word, a marathon run step by step. 

An old Chinese proverb goes “If we don’t change our direction we are likely to end up where we are going.” If you’re caught up in a lifestyle that’s not the one that you would choose, choose again. 

Now let’s get started on that Kick-Ass Bucket List! Have fun with it, and keep in mind what values you’re honoring with each one to increase your odds of actually doing it.

Remember that it is not just for things like learning a new instrument, riding in a camel caravan, or jumping out of a plane. This list is also for the inner risks and unfinished business in our lives: saying “I love you,” saying “I’m sorry,” saying, “I’m ready to move on,” and forgiving those that have hurt us.

That is truly Kick Ass. 

(FYI, consider joining theFebruary 30 Day Ziji Up! Challenge for an extra kick in the butt towards living your dream. and creating your own Kick Ass Bucket List. You may even want to follow Ana at www.FullOn365.com)

How to Make 2012 Your Best Year Yet: Reflection Before Resolution

Whoooaaaah! THAT was fast…2011 was an amazing year for me. But true to form, it rather flew by my busy body. Being only a few days from 2012, I have an increasing awareness of how many people (including myself) are making plans for 2012 in earnest: vacations, projects, and the good ol’ New Year Resolutions.

But wait a minute…

Before we make those plans, it’s vital that we ask ourselves, “How do I avoid the annoying habit of making the same mistakes over and over again? How can I avoid missing the opportunities that allow me to create the life of my dreams? What did I do beautifully and what can I learn from that?”

To enter into 2012 consciously and creatively, there is real importance in reflecting upon what the hoo-ha just happened during the past 12 months! Without taking the time to go inward and sincerely understand what we have just experienced, our perceptions and judgements of the past year as well as our goals and visions for the next year are often misdirected. So many of us come up with resolutions and visions that sound great, yet many of these are ill-fated from the get go, having been made “sub”-consciously without much reflection on what our root needs or causes are.

In the hustle and bustle of this transition, stopping to reflect on 2011 can help us create AUTHENTIC visions, goals, and resolutions – ones that resonate with us at our core, ones that honor our true needs and values…ones that count! In addition, it helps set us up for success in our goals.

When we take the time to learn from our past experiences and get clear about our values and how we want to live them, we are able to avoid making the same mistakes, and our visions and goals resonate with us more deeply. We are more motivated because we can FEEL how they matter to us, and thus we are more likely to achieve them.

Here are four sets of questions to set you in motion towards making 2012 the most conscious, creative, wild and free year yet!

  • What am I most proud of in the past year? What are my greatest celebrations? In other words, in which moments was I most clearly and fully living my values?
  • What were my greatest challenges? What patterns have I noticed that I have in those challenges?
  • Who and/or what was most supportive of my journey this past year? Have I acknowledged them for this? If not, how can I do this?
  • What are some of the things I can (and NEED to) let go of from 2011, such as judgements, expectations, and perspectives that no longer serve me? I highly recommend writing these down one pieces of paper and burning them in a campfire or other ceremonial fire. There’s something very symbolic, cleansing and releasing about seeing the flames engulf them and turn them into smoke. Poof! Gone!

Intention Instead of Resolution

When we set intentions, the Universe starts to shift and line up to help us make it all happen. For me, resolutions seem to imply a struggle…something you stick to “no matter what.” “Resolve” is necessary and you “better be ready for the fight!”

As an alternative, I suggest you enter into 2012 by setting an intention(s). This way, you ask for and receive help from the Universe to help you achieve your vision, and you don’t start off with the expectation that it will be a struggle. Challenges are different from struggles. They can even be fun and stimulating! In setting intentions, you know and trust that you create your life (see the December Ziji Up! 30-Day Challenge for a great “mantra” about this!).

In setting your intention for 2012, be VERY CLEAR! This means getting as juicily detailed as possible with:

1) How you want to BE/FEEL (I am confident, relaxed, content, a supportive partner…)
2) What you want to be DOING and (I work only 4 days a week and take long weekends once a month to visit somewhere new…)
3) What you want to HAVE (I have a loving dog, a comfortable home with lots of light…)

Write about how you want to feel, go into detail about what your perfect days look like. Write from what is possible, and in the PRESENT tense (e.g. “I feel blessed when I wake up with a smile on my face as I take in the beautiful view coming into my bedroom window. Love fills my heart as I walk downstairs and see my partner’s face”).

If you have a specific goal in mind, drop into what it would be like to have that, here and now, and what things look like around you, what your body feels like, what the weather is like outside, who you’re with…Go for it! Get specific, and remember not to focus so much on the “what,” but rather on how it feels to embody/have the “what.” Feeling registers more with your being…and thus the Universe (which is always on your side!).

I find many people focus on a “what” such as “more money” or “less weight” rather than on the feelings of having the “whats,” such as “abundance, contentment, and ease” or feeling “healthy, sexy, and fit.” Feeling these things is ultimately what we’re after anyway! Drop into the feeling, and rest will follow more easily, as our feelings are clearer than words (especially in my case!). Having said that, it is also important to be very specific about the “what” when you do describe it (e.g. not just “I have lost weight” but “I have lost 15 pounds”).

For more ideas about how to do this, check out the free Ziji Life Getting Clear eBook.

After getting clearer about your visions and intentions, ask yourself these questions (inspired from a friend and colleague, Christopher Kuntsch):

  • What do I want to cultivate in my life to move closer to those visions – to what I see is possible?
  • How will I need to grow? What skills, competencies, and qualities do I feel inspired to develop and nurture in myself? How will I do this? What support do I need?

Word of the Year

If that is too much for you (or if you simply want more!), then after taking some time with the earlier Reflection questions, pick ONE WORD that will set the theme for 2012. My business coach, Christine Kane, reminds her clients to do this every year, and I’d love to pass on this tradition to you.

Last year, one of my clients chose the word “release.” She had a habit of holding on: to objects, to grudges, to expectations. She wanted her next year to be about more readily letting go to allow her more freedom inwardly and outwardly.

What do you want 2012 to be about for you…in one word? Sometimes, simplifying things into one word requires – and allows – us to dive deeper into the root of what it is we are currently seeking or needing to move closer to a state of balance, fulfillment, and freedom.

Life is short. It is never too late. Do it now. Be it now. Live it now. Ziji Up! Have an outrageously fulfilling 2012 living your Ziji Life! I’m rooting for you!

Discover Your Purpose and Live Your Genius

Many of us spend a lot of time doing things we’re good at…if we’re lucky, maybe even things we’re great at. However, very few of us hang out in our GENIUS for very long (or even know what our genius is, for that matter!). Read on for a little help finding out what your genius is so you can spend more time in it every day.

“I expand in abundance, success and love every day as I inspire those around me to do the same.” ~ The Ultimate Success Mantra in The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks

The above “mantra” is encouraged to be said regularly in Gay Hendricks’ book, The Big Leap. I put it here because while we are all trying to figure out what the hoo-hah we’re supposed to be doing to live our purpose and genius, we need to remember to keep moving forward during that process, and saying this mantra can be a good reminder. Plus I simply dig quotes.

Hendricks says it even produces results – just saying the mantra! Why not! But more on mantras another time. If you’re as impatient as I am, you probably want to know if there are any tools out there that can also speed things up towards your genius 😉

Here are four questions to help you move closer to discovering your purpose and living your genius (you can read more about them in The Big Leap) .

4 Questions to Discover Your Purpose and Live Your Genius

1. What do I most love to do?
I love to play in the mountains and have adventures. Ever since I discovered them, the mountains have been one of the most consistent joy-producing sources in my life. I also love to dance. Throw me in the mountains to dance, and I am a pig in mud, a bee on pollen, a bear on salmon. What do YOU most love to do, so much that you could do it for long stretches of time and never get bored?

2. What work do I do that doesn’t seem like work?
When I am coaching, I remember the Double Dare Club I started as a kid (see below). I would feel a tickle in my stomach and a tingling in my whole being when I was doing something that stretched me, and watching and inspiring others to experience that as well. I could do that all day. I still feel that in my adult career as a coach. In the end, I can’t get enough of helping others see the truth that is already there: that they are magnificent, that the Universe wants them to manifest all their dreams (and is constantly conspiring to help them do so), and that life is so precious they need to get on it and LIVE it fully, right now, because they deserve to have a kick-ass time while they’re here.

When you’re at work, what are you doing when time seems to fly by, when you are feeling like you have endless energy to do that particular thing? Perhaps that thing even gives you energy. How much of your current workday is spent doing that activity? How can you increase that amount of time doing that? You must!

3. In my work, what produces the highest ratio of abundance and satisfaction to amount of time spent?
Gay Hendricks gives his example of allowing a few minutes of free-flowing thought every day. He finds that when he sets aside time for this (he takes an hour to meditate each day), he can have breakthroughs that result in marked increases of success in his work. Sometimes it takes months, but other times in a few seconds he’ll have an idea that will end up resulting in a product or book or workshop series that adds exponentially to his abundance.

This doesn’t mean YOU need to start setting aside an hour of free-flow thought a day (unless of course, that is your thang). However, it does mean it would behoove you to figure out what that special little thang is for you. And no, that’s not a typo. It’s a thang because it will bring you more satisfaction for the time and effort you expend at work than anything else ever would. For me its journaling and reading every day. Those two things gives me ideas for articles, workshops to offer, add to my skillset as a coach, come up with new programs…lots of great stuff! And I love doing it.

Maybe for you it is talking a walk in nature during lunch, calling up that colleague who really gets your creative juices flowing whenever you talk about projects, doodling…whatever it is, pinpoint what that thang is for you and spend more time doing it in your workday!

4. What is my unique ability (a.k.a. Superpower)?
I adore and appreciate how Gay’s granddaughter described one’s “unique ability” as a Superpower. So yes, let’s rephrase: What’s your Superpower? One client of mine excels at telling stories. Ever since she was a child she could captivate an audience with her stories. On a deeper level, she describes her superpower as knowing how to capture and hold attention on a deep level, and transport others with her voice. She could also tune into what story or lesson would be most beneficial to a group at a given event. Another client of mine didn’t discover her unique ability…ahem…I mean Superpower, until she was in her 40s. She discovered that she could see and be with others’ grief in a way very few people could, and this opened up a whole new career and way of being in the world for her.

Often this unique ability is developed at a young age. One of Gay’s granddaughters said her superpower is “sensing other people’s feelings” (she’s12 years old). It is not unusual that it develops as a coping mechanism to deal with some kind of stress, such as a volatile parent, an overbearing sibling, or being very shy in social situations.

For example, as a kid, I noticed that my cousins and friends and I got bored pretty easily. We were energetic, adventurous, bursting with life…and we lived in the ghetto. This meant we couldn’t run amok all over town lest something horrible happen to us. And our parents were strict enough that we couldn’t get away with even trying, lest something even more horrible happen to us at home. So, I had an idea: “The Double Dare Club.”

I think I was eight years old when I thought of starting the Double Dare Club. What was this club about? Well, it essentially consisted of me thinking up wild and crazy ways we could all expand our comfort zones in the relative safety of our own backyards. Then I’d double dare the club members to do it. “Expanding our comfort zones” is an adult way of putting it, of course. Back then I saw it as a way for us to have fun, be a little scared, and stop being bored. I was an only child and abhorred boredom. I’d cry from boredom, and avoided it at all costs.

No matter why we were in the club, however, it was paramount that what we did had to push our edge. Otherwise it would be boring.

These dares were customized by me. After all, members ranged in ages from 6 to 10 years old, and even boys joined my club. In fact, mostly boys joined my club. As an example of our dares, I had people climbing tall fences barefoot and launching off the fence into the neighbor’s backyard then stealing a basketball (which we’d quickly return once the deed was done) then coming back and shooting 3 straight free throws and making them, then jumping back over to return the ball all in 2 minutes. Did I mention the neighbor was mean? We also climbed up the REALLY tall redwood tree (yeah, we had one in the ghetto and it fell into our yard after a storm one winter and we didn’t have it anymore) and would see who could get the highest and then climb down, sometimes with one arm. Sometimes blindfolded. Sheesh. My poor mother. She didn’t know about any of that though.

In any event, I LOVED seeing my friends’ faces after they did each dare. They were absolutely thrilled and proud and giddy! If it wasn’t a hard enough dare, everything felt kind of flat. My unique superpower was hidden somewhere in there, for sure.

So..how do I describe what it is?

Articulating your unique ability is a tricky one to get at, as it is often hidden under a lot of layers. So, here are a few questions to help you peel those away:

• I’m at my best when ………
• When I’m at my best, the exact thing I’m doing is …..
• When I’m doing that, the thing I love most about it is ….

When I did this inquiry of “What is my unique ability” several times in the past, I thought my unique ability was to coach clients into a fulfilled life, or to midwife families into an empowered pregnancy and birth experience, or take them into the mountains to push beyond being scared, and instead be inspired and discover their courage. However, it was deeper than that.

When I peeled back the layers I discovered that I am at my best when I am totally present and connected with my clients. The exact thing I am doing – whether I was coaching, guiding, or midwifing – is completely tuning in to where they are at. I am listening on all levels to what they are communicating, and feeling intense compassion for them and excitement about how their life is unfolding as they learn more and more about what is possible for them, and integrate these truths themselves.

In being with my clients this way, I create a safe and courageous space for them to take risks (by the way, this is what happens whenever ANY of us are being with others in this way). Over the years that showed up in births, in the mountains, and in my client’s wild-innerness. The thing I love most about when that is happening is that I get to witness another being discover their power and live their truth, and that is a freakin’ amazing thing to behold. It gives me boundless joy because I know yet another precious life on this precious planet is going to be lived even more fully, and we ALL benefit from that. And they will never be bored. This life is too precious to EVER be bored.

I hope you take some time to discover your genius and create ways to live in it more and more each day. The world doesn’t just want you to – it needs you to.

Letting Go Relationships That No Longer Serve You – Cord Cutting Meditation

Folks from the October Ziji Up! Challenge asked me to post a cord-cutting meditation here. This can help you energetically let go of relationships that no longer serve you, such as friendships you’ve outgrown, people that you want to push away in perhaps not-so-nice ways, and relationships that still seem to suck your energy and rock you emotionally long after they’ve ended. This is modified from meditations I’ve been taught by Sally Kempton and one written by Wil Berlinghof:

Visualize yourself in a favorite place that you also associate as a very safe and healing place. It may be an actual place or an imaginary one but what is of utmost importance is that you see it as a safe place.

Once in your safe place see yourself surrounded by a ball of pure white light. This ball of spiritual energy will both protect you and energize your efforts at cutting the cords of attachments to those individuals you wish to cut from. When you are ready, call forth the individual that you wish to cut the negative cords of attachments from.

Once you visualize the individual standing in front of you, look down and see the cord that exists between you. The cord will be attached from navel to navel and is usually dark and thick, although there can be variations on the theme. It is important to realize that you are only cutting the cords of attachment that detract or cause conflict in the relationship, not the positive ties of love and respect that exist between the individuals involved.

Next, look the person in the eye and in a powerful, strong, and clear voice, speak the unspeakable to the person that you are doing the cord cutting with. This means that you say anything and everything that you need to say in order to clear the slate and release all pent-up energies and emotions that you have been holding inside but have been unable to express for one reason or another. It is important that you speak in a Voice of Power and Command, even if you could never do so with the person in real life. Remember you are in a safe place and are protected.

Once you have spoken and there is nothing more that you wish to say, you can choose to hear the response of the other person. However, this is your choice and if you choose not to hear the other person this is perfectly alright. If you do choose to be open to a response you will only receive the inner truth of that person/soul, not the responses that you might normally expect from the person. Remember, you are not dealing with the real person but their spirit representation. They will speak only the truth to you if you are willing and able to engage. Once this stage has been completed it is time to move on to the cord cutting itself.

For this, visualize a crystal knife available to you, or another object that resonates with you for cutting the cord. Take it in whichever hand feels most comfortable. Speak your intent to cut the negative cord of attachment that exists between you and the individual. Holding the cord with your free hand, bring the crystal knife blade down to the cord. Hold the knife next to the body and when ready, cut down and through the cord. If you wish you can say: “I cut this cord of attachment with you”.

Once you have cut the cord on your side, you can offer the crystal knife to the other person so that they can cut the cord on their side. The individual may or may not choose to do so. If they do, watch the cord fall to the ground where it is transformed into hundreds of beautiful butterflies which flutter away, or watch them simply dissolve into the earth.

Once the cord has been cut, thank the individual and then send them on their way. If the individual does not choose to cut their side of the cord, wrap the cord around the individual and then banish them from your space. Again, use a Voice of Power to send them on their way.

You are now free to leave the space and end the meditation, or to repeat the procedure with someone else that you wish to cut cords with. You can do this exercise of release as often as you want with any individual you wish to clean up a relationship with. It is important to remember that this procedure only releases the negative attachments that drain, cripple and harm us in some way and not the positive, loving aspects of relationship. Also if you feel the need to re-cut any cords that have become re-attached for whatever reason, you can do so at your leisure.

It can also be powerful to do this meditation with a friend across from you acting as the person you are cutting the cord with. It is intense to look a real human in the eye and say the things you’ve always wanted to say, even though it isn’t the actual person you’re cutting the cords with.

Learning to Let Go – Lessons of Autumn

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“Wouldn’t it be terrible if the trees outside identified themselves by their leaves? These are very flimsy things to be attached to.” ~ Adyashanti in Emptiness Dancing

Indeed it would be terrible! Especially come Autumn when they all fall away! Imagine all those trees bending over with their branches frantically scrambling to pick up their leaves and trying to hold onto them, year after year. Think about all the things we are attached to: our ideas, our appearance, our grudges, our “things.” We scramble in this way when we see them slipping away, our grasp becomes more firm, and our energy more scattered. Yet there is so much we are meant to let go of to allow us to nurture our core, who we really are, and the things that are truly important. There is so much bullhonkey we mistake for things that are truly who we are, and they distract us from our truth.

Think of all the ways that you have been stopped from doing something new, opening your heart, or taking a risk in the name of something you’re holding on to. How many times have you said, “Oh, that’s not me/my style.” “I’m not ready.” “I’ll never forgive him/her for that.” “I’m not strong enough for that.” “I’m not good looking enough.” “I don’t deserve that.”

Here’s news: Some things are meant to be with us for only a season, some things we outgrow, some things were never a part of us to begin with…and we have to let go. Only in doing this can we have the energy and focus it takes to truly nurture our core and our roots.

5 Ways to Let Go This Autumn

1. Get super clear about what your TRUE CORE is…at least what it is for this season (things change – including YOU!). What is your identity?

This is not about the things you are simply “used” to identifying with. Not the characteristics in that box that people have put you in since you were 7 years old. Not the lessons you learned on how to protect yourself when your heart was broken 12 years ago. Make a list of 60 characteristics that describe who you are, your identity. If you were asked to give up 1/3 of those, which would they be? Cross them out. Then someone asks you to give up another 1/3. Cross those out. And yes, do that ONE MORE TIME – another 1/3. Let them go. What is the 10% you are left with? How much time do you spend nurturing these characteristics?

2. Forgive Someone

Will ya let go of that grudge already?! It’s fine and dandy to pick someone to forgive for a minor infraction. However, I encourage you to dig deep with this one and find someone with whom it is a bit more challenging to forgive. Not for their sake, but for YOURS. It doesn’t take a Zen monk to realize that not forgiving causes more suffering to the person not forgiving that it ever does to the person not forgiven. At the same time, there is an incredible amount of freedom that comes with forgiving. Is it really that important that your friend didn’t write or call for a few weeks? Or that you didn’t get invited to that one holiday weekend when everyone went to the ski cabin? Or that your meat and potatoes family refuses to comply with your vegan standards at Thanksgiving? And yes, is it really that important that your ex left you for someone else, or that your father was angry and violent…so important that it burns a hole in your heart to this day and keeps you from realizing complete happiness? Yes, it can be important, but not worth not forgiving and the suffering it brings you.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. We remember things for a reason. It helps us to learn from our experiences, to protect ourselves, and to remember what makes us feel good as well. It teaches us what we want and don’t want. However, forgiveness allows us to move on, to grow, and to expand instead of constrict, contract, and limit ourselves. It does not mean you have to forget, and put yourself into the same negative situation over and over.

3. Forgive Yourself

Wow. OK. So you totally screwed up. Man, you really blew it. What the hell were you thinking?

WHO CARES?! It’s done. It’s over. You can’t change what happened. However, you can change how you act now, and in the future. You can choose to respond instead of react. You remember what you did NOT so that you can beat yourself up about it every day, but so that you don’t make the same mistake again. You are allowed to grow and change. You are not your mistakes. You are a kick ass human being who is not broken or messed up or a lost cause. You are brilliant, magnificent, and creative. You can be whomever you want to be, be however you want to be, and do it (SNAP!) like that! You just need to decide to. So, stop beating yourself up about shhhtuff and forgive yourself. THIS will allow you to do things differently, because you acknowledge to the Universe – and to yourself – that you know you are capable of anything.

OK, now that we got some of the heavier “letting go” stuff out of the way, let’s get to some tangibles…

4. Get Rid of Stuff (e.g. Clean Out Your Closet, Remove Clutter)

This is totally about a big issue of mine. However, I have to assume I am not alone on this one. I am well-aware of the clutter my myriad t-shirts, yoga pants, tank tops, and jeans cause. Yes, I admit I even have dresses from the 90s. And maybe even one from the 80s. I like retro. Which would all be dandy if I actually wore them. And more than once every 3 years. Even though it was PERFECT for that rooftop party ages ago. And yes, that includes tutus…or does it? In any event, get rid of stuff. If you’re stressed about the money you spent on them, sell them to a consignment shop, to a used clothing store, or get a big phat receipt from Goodwill for your donation. Just ‘cuz you bought it doesn’t mean you have to keep it in that big box called your closet. Things in there are for things that get worn.

5. Stop a Bad Habit

What is a habit anyway? It’s not something we need. It is something we’re used to. Food, we need. Eating after work at 10pm, a habit. Rest, we need. Plopping in front of the TV after work and zoning out, a habit. Self-soothing when we’re stressed, we need. Nail biting, smoking, and complaining to anyone around us, a habit. Habits are yet another form of unconscious attachment. Let go of one…at least for 21 days. It is said it takes 21 days to form a new habit – like not doing your old bad habit!

Some final thoughts from Adyashanti:

Self-inquiry is…not about looking for a right answer so much as stripping away and letting you see what is not necessary, what you can do without, what you are without your leaves. In human beings…we do not call these leaves. We call them ideas, concepts, attachments, and conditioning. All of this forms your identity. Inquiry is a way of inducing a spiritual winter in its most positive sense, stripping everything to its root, to its core…This is a falling into the most essential root of being.

As you probably know by now, “Ziji” means “radiant inner confidence.” This growth requires courage and faith in who you are, and that you are indeed magnificent. Play with the courage it takes to let go, to see your core, and consider joining the Ziji Up! Mastery Program – the ultimate confidence course for intrepid souls like yours. It’ll give you an extra kick in the butt;)