Freedom Junkie Tips for How To Bounce Back: Developing Emotional Resilience

Major disruptions are a “Gotcha!” that we all experience at one time or another in our lives. We get fired, laid off or passed over; a loved one dies, leaves or gets in trouble; a project stalls or gets cancelled. The list, unfortunately, can seem endless.

For some, the impact of these hard times is overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. How do those lucky peeps do it?

Resilience—the strength required to adapt to change—acts as our internal compass so we can skillfully navigate life when the defecation hits the oscillation.

When unexpected events turn life upside down, it’s the degree to which our resiliency comes into play that makes these “make-or-break” situations an opportunity for growth. The good news is that each of us has the capacity to reorganize our life after life’s shizzle happens to us, and to achieve new levels of strength and meaningfulness.

Though it’s easy to feel vulnerable in the midst of chaos and uncertainty, life disruptions are not necessarily a bad thing, because they help us grow and meet future challenges in our lives. It’s a lot like a bone that was once fragile or broken, and is now strong from being used. Did you know that? Bones are stronger after they’ve mended. You can be too.

So how can you become more resilient?

Here’s a look at seven key characteristics of people who demonstrate resilience during life’s curve balls:

1. A Sense of Hope and Trust in the World – Optimism!
Resilient people rely on their belief in the basic goodness of the world and trust that things will turn out all right in the end. This positive attitude allows them to weather times when everything seems bleak and to look for and accept the support that is out there. This approach toward the world gives them the ability to hope for a better future.

Do you feel like you were born a pessimist? No worries. You can actually learn how to shift to a more positive perspective. Check out Martin Seligman’s Learned Optimism  – or check out an upcoming Jedi Juice call – if you want to learn more.

2. Interpreting Experiences in a New Light
The ability to look at a situation in a new way (a skill called “reframing”) can minimize the impact of a difficult situation. Resilient people take a creative approach toward solving a problem, and don’t always use an old definition for a new challenge.

I use this a lot when coaching my clients, taking them through different perspectives around an issue. I never cease to be amazed at the power of this skill.

I remember one client who was particularly resistant to trying on another perspective. She was insistent that her current perspective – one of being absolutely helpless at her situation at work – was “the truth.” She had essentially been back-stabbed at work, and she was at risk of losing her entire business. She said, “There is no other way to look at this – these are facts, and I can’t change that. There’s nothing I can do.” She even got angry at the suggestion.

This lasted for the duration of the session. However, later that evening she sent me a message:

Ana, thank you for helping me see that there was another way to look at this. I realized that I had a choice in how I responded to this, and that is making such a huge difference. I can already tell I am going to sleep better tonight than I have in a long time.

And she did;)

3. A Meaningful Tribe and System of Support
One of the best ways to endure a crisis is to have the support of another person who can listen and validate your feelings. Knowing that others care and will come to our support decreases the feeling of isolation, especially when tackling a problem alone.

It’s important to choose people you trust. Don’t be surprised if it takes several friends, each of whom can provide different kinds of support. Resilient people aren’t stoic loners. They know the value of expressing their fears and frustrations, as well as receiving support, coaching or guidance from friends, family or a professional.

4. A Sense of Mastery and Control Over Your Destiny
You may not be able to predict the future, but you can be proactive about a problem instead of feeling at the mercy of forces outside of your control. I like using the contrasting terms of RESPONDING instead of REACTING to life.

Resilient people know that ultimately the integrity of their life values – as well as their success – depends on their ability to take action rather than remain passive. Tough times call for you to tap into your own sense of personal responsibility – you have all you need within you, badass!

This is a lot of what I teach in my Ziji Up! Mastery Program because it has become so blatantly clear to me that creating your dreams – and staying focused on what you need to do to get there – has to do with inner radiant confidence = Ziji!

5. Self-Reflection and Insight
Life’s experiences provide fertile ground for learning –  don’t waste them! Asking yourself questions that invite introspection can open a door to new understanding and appreciation of who you are and what you stand for. When we can’t seem to find the answer, we need to ask a different question.

Giving voice to your thoughts and feelings leads to insight and helps transform the meaning of a problem into something useful. Resilient people learn from life situations and do not succumb to punishing themselves because of decisions made in the past. So let go, and forgive yourself, yo!

6. A Wide Range of Interests
People who show resilience in the face of adversity are those who have a diversity of interests. They’re open to new experiences and ideas. Because their lives are rich and varied, it’s easier for them to find relief from the single-mindedness and worry that often accompany a crisis.

This was something I learned after getting cancer, when I couldn’t run to my usual refuge of the mountains to soothe myself during treatment. I dropped deeper into my other interests of meditation, spiritual studies, and yoga. I worry about people who only have one passion in life. It’s like putting all your eggs into one basket. Developing lots of things to love;)

7. Sense of Humor
Have you ever had a wry laugh during a difficult situation? I sure as hell have. Some would even call it inappropriate if they were watching some of those. The ability to see the absurdity, irony, or genuine humor in a situation stimulates our sense of hope and possibility.

Humor has both psychological and physical benefits in relieving stress because it encourages a swift change in your perception of your circumstances—and when your thoughts change, your mood follows!

Here’s the Bottom Line

When you look to improve these seven areas now—rather than when adversity pays a visit—you’ll be able to bounce back more quickly. So let’s get to it! Be proactive about learning these skills and cultivating more resources in your life.

Here are some simple versions of my personal favorite ways to get through a bad day:

:: Let myself feel shitty for a while – but not too long. I choose a fixed amount of time to wallow;) And I mean REALLY feel it. I let it wash over me like a tidal wave. And I surrender.

:: Do NOT drink alcohol or partake in other mind-altering substances other than the juice of meditation. When you are in a funk and are fully present with it, it WILL pass more quickly.

After the wallow:

:: Do not feel guilty for the things you thought or did while your were in your fixed-time of wallowing. You were just getting it out of your system.

:: Know myself – and what makes me feel good. It is almost impossible for me to feel bad with kick ass salsa music in the background. I can’t help but dance, and when I dance, my body tells my mind life ain’t so bad!

:: Exercise – the hormones released during exercise are GOOD for you. Even if it means just going for a walk.

:: Get outside and LOOK UP! This shifts your perspective and can make the biggest difference.

:: Eat a healthy meal – like an epic salad, or have a green juice. The chi flows through me and shifts my attitude!

:: Take a shower, bath, or jump in a body of water like a blue ocean, a mountain river, or an alpine lake. This takes my physical body and jolts it to the present moment

:: Play music that lights up my soul

:: Listen to a meditation by Pema Chodron or Hiro Boga. Their voices make me smile;)

:: Call upon my posse of girlfriends or my partner. Sometimes I need them to help me do all the above;)

Want more to help you create your own? Here are some recommended resources to start:

  • Mindset by Carol Dweck
  • Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
  • The Resilience Factor by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte

Do you have a story you can share about a time when you got through a rough patch?  Please share it with the tribe below and let us know what worked  – and didn’t work – for you. What you share can possibly make a huge difference in someone’s life!

Onward, Freedom Warrior!

The #1 Requirement for Manifesting Your Dreams – Learn to Feel Good First

Have you been working on your mindset, following all the things you’ve learned about Law of Attraction, doing “the work,” and still not seeing your dreams manifest?

You’re not alone. One client recently said to me, “I don’t understand WHY this isn’t manifesting yet! I am doing all the right things! I do visualizations, I do intentions, I have my support systems in place…I’m doing all the right things! I am sick and tired of being poor. Of struggling. I want this all to stop. I want things to be easy for once. I am so sick and tired of things being the way they are, of my life being the way it is. I just want a chance to do get out of this situation I’m in! I’m embarrassed about where I am at.”

Whoa, Nellie! The first part of what she was saying started out alright, but it’s the second half of what she was saying that is a sign of THE block: not feeling good.

Abraham Hicks (of the book Ask and It is Given) says that we must start with acceptance of where we are. We must FEEL GOOD. Only after learning to accept where we are so that we can feel good can we then be ready to raise our vibration to a level that will manifest what we want.

Until we can accept where we are, it is a catch 22, because being unhappy that things aren’t manifesting or changing keeps us from manifesting it! How many times have you heard the story of the woman who met her soulmate only after learning to feel good alone and being single? Well, I am one of those women! My soul mate manifested only AFTER I had learned to feel good without having a partner, only after I learned to not feel lonely when I was alone. It was hard to believe that learning those things was important. I felt like maybe learning to like being single was going to push away the things I wanted to call forth in my life. But what it did was make me happy – and that is the most attractive thing in the world – to the Universe, and to potential partners;)

Some people want things to manifest and appear in order to give them confidence that things are working. This is natural. But feeling better means you are on your way! Remember this: 99% of manifesting is complete before you see the evidence.

What exactly does this mean?

Stay in vibration before the evidence shows. This is another way of saying that you must FEEL GOOD even before your dreams manifest. This means you must first start at accepting where you are. Don’t wait for something to show to give you proof or confidence, or before you allow yourself to feel good.

We have this notion in our culture that being satisfied, being content, means that we are settling. This is not true. You can simultaneously be content and accept where you are at AND dream and desire more. They are not mutually exclusive. It’s like the equanimity of an accomplished spiritual practitioner who can be happy whether in the city or Himalayan hillside, whether eating a gourmet meal or barley and potatoes. You can – your MUST – learn to accept the present so that your vibration doesn’t bring you down and put up a block to manifesting your desires.

This takes work. The above client would call me in a fluster, and then we would talk it out, she would slowly, over the course of the session, recognize her blessings and connect with the abundance she already had, and then feel eventually good again. She’d feel relaxed and calm and centered and patient. She would surrender to the process.

We had to do this a lot. And she had to learn to do this on her own, because it was so tempting to fall back to the familiar and old story of lack!

Did it work? It did! She recently got accepted into the very competitive program of her choice after her third attempt. And let me tell you – she is PSYCHED! Many would have given up right before their success. They wouldn’t have applied again. Or they would have let their vibration bring them down and further block them. But she stayed committed to her dream, she worked on keeping her vibration high, even though it was a challenge.

Remember what I said above about 99% of the manifestation being complete before you actually see it? That is because most of it has to do with feeling good and vibrating at a higher level. If my client had let her vibration fall over and over again, if she didn’t create the support she needed through having a coach, a community of badass Freedom Junkies, and selecting the friends carefully whom she spent time with, having a higher vibration would have been much harder – and her manifestation a lot further away.

So many of us give up right before our dream is about to show itself to us.

Don’t let that be you. Learn to accept where you are, to feel good in the here and now, AND to allow yourself to dream. Then, and only then, will the true extent of your manifesting power be unleashed.

Where to start? Develop a gratitude practice that you do at least once a day, either upon awakening or upon going to sleep. I prefer starting my day with it and doing this in the morning. Think of three things you are grateful for as soon as you wake up – before peeing, before drinking water, before cuddling. Do it right when you wake up, when your brain is most impressionable. This will help you get in touch with the abundance you already have in your life – and get your vibration up as a result!

Give yourself permission to feel good. Now!

Have a story to share about this challenge, and either overcoming it or continuing to deal with it? Let us know in the comments below – that way we can all support each other and learn from each other too!

How To Feel Better When Your Partner Won’t Do What You Ask

“A true life of freedom begins with not having your happiness depend on someone else’s behavior.” ~ Ana Neff

One of the most common questions I hear as I cruise around my life’s days is, “Why won’t my boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse just do what it takes to make me happy?”

There is some deep belief that if they loved you, they would just do it, Nike style. They’d just put their shoes away. Or not come home late. Or put happy faces after their texts. They’d stop flirting with someone who is not you. They’d ix-nay the nagging, the whining, the criticizing. They’d stop making excuses. They’d stop being a commitment-phobe. Whatever it is that pisses you off, if they loved you, they’d just cut it out already!

So yeah! Good question! Why WON’T they just do what it takes to make you happy?

Actually, it’s because I lied. It is, in fact, a shitty question.

Why is this question so shitty? It’s the wrong question.

You see, it is NOT your partner’s job to make you happy. Sorry.

It is not YOUR job to focus on what you want them to STOP doing.

It is YOUR job to focus on what they are doing well, and to make requests for things you’d like them to do, knowing very well it may never happen. It means you make the requests, and not make your happiness rely on whether they actually do it or not.

It is your job to accept them. Fully.

It means you stop caring about all that other shizzle. For realz. It means you focus on how to make yourself happy instead.

That’s true love.

Let’s practice.

Think of some way you need your partner to change their behavior before you can be content in the relationship. Usually this sounds something like, “If he would only ask my opinion before he went out and did his own thing, THEN I could feel secure and feel like my opinion mattered. Then I’d feel loved.” or “If she would just let me do whatever I wanted without having to check in all the time, then I’d feel more free and be able to relax into this relationship more easily.”

Now consider this: you can FEEL however you want RIGHT NOW. Without your partner changing their behavior.

I’m serious! I am sooooo not full of it here.

You do NOT need your partner’s complicity in order to feel ANYTHING – whether that feeling is love, freedom, joy, adventure, generosity…anything!

I know this is a tough one to absorb. It is, admittedly, easier on the surface to feel like the only reason you feel crappy is because your partner is being lame. It’s much easier to believe that you could easily feel good if others just followed your freaking awesome rules, right?

So…how’s that workin’ for ya?

The reality is, you can choose to be happy – Just. Like. That. {followed by an emphatic and dramatic snap of the fingers}

You can truly be happy even if your partner never promptly returns your calls. Or if your girlfriend never stops asking you how you feel. Or if your spouse continues to leave their shizzle all over the place.

It’s one thing to KNOW this is true. It is another to ACCEPT that this is possible.

Yet accepting that it is possible to be happy (or to achieve ANY emotional state you desire, for that matter) independent of another’s behavior is the key to loving someone fully and to accepting them as the amazing human being they are.

The funny thing is, when you love someone fully and truly accept them, they are also way more likely to WANT to make you happy. They are way more likely to love you back in the same, accepting way.

So what is a better, healthier question than the one we started with? Try this on:

“What can I do for MYSELF to help me feel that yummy way I want to feel?”

Blam! That’s it! What can YOU do for yourself?

Most of the time, when we are wanting our partner to do something in order for us to feel better, it is because we are lacking something in ourselves, lacking some level of self love, self care, or self acceptance. And while there is the option of digging deep into our endless source of soul energy to create it ourselves, it is often a whole lot easier to ask our partners to fix it for us.

But they can’t.

C’mon. You know that, right? You know this is true because you are badass, and you’re here – a fellow Freedom Junkie. We are here to free our minds, and free our lives. You know deep down that a key part of true freedom is learning how to make OURSELVES happy.

When you know how to make yourself happy, you aren’t going to hang out in an unhealthy relationship, because you won’t be afraid to be alone. YOU know how to make yourself happy, and aren’t going to hang out waiting for the lameass who keeps letting you down to do it for you (which, just for emphasis, they can’t anyway!).

If you’re single, when you learn to make yourself happy, you won’t easily pick a partner who sucks at loving you in a way you are meant to be loved. You will know how to make yourself so happy, that you won’t be out there scanning the world for the next guy who shows you the slightest bit of kindness, like handing you a straw at the juice bar. You’ll simply say, “Why, thank you!” and wait for the the guy who shows you some REAL fucking manhood, like not needing external flirtations with women to help HIM feel secure.

You stop pretending to love people fully when in reality, you are super annoyed at who they are and want them to change because you are with them so they can help make you feel better and they happened to hand you the straw at the juice bar so you snagged them while they were weak.

That’s not love. That’ entrapment.

When you know how to make yourself happy, adventurous, safe, generous, calm, grounded, sexy, juicy…you don’t NEED anyone. Rather, you see your partner (or future partner) as exactly that – a partner in this amazing life. A partner with whom you gaze out at the world holding hands, ready to make this one helluva ride together! A partner whom you accept, because you’re not with someone for potential.

You are with them because they rock AS IS, and you CHOSE them because they rock. Not because of the majestic Jedi you can craft them to be once you gain control of their mind.

Remember, this is not an overnight kind of thing. Learning how to make yourself happy is your life’s work. This means you will revisit this lesson over and over, hopefully excelling at it more and more each time as we spiral UPWARDS towards the heavens, and we will continually improve our ability to make ourselves happy.

A true life of freedom begins with not having your happiness depend on someone else’s behavior.

We are powerless over others! We are only in control of how we respond and react, and in what we create – our feelings, thoughts, and actions.

Now, I did not say starting this that once you learn to make yourself happy, you will live happily ever after with your partner.

Once you learn to make yourself happy, you will be able to decide if your current relationship is truly healthy for you, and not something you’re in simply because you are afraid to be alone. Once you get better at creating happiness, you will more skillfully call the right people to you with whom it is easy to be happy with, because you aren’t looking for someone to fix.

But if you are already with the right person (lucky YOU!), once you know how to make yourself feel yummy, you stop expecting your partner to do it for you.

What happens next is a true gift for them: you can focus on letting THEM be THEM. You can accept them, because after all, you are with them for the amazing people they are, and not the potential bandaid-of-a-partner they could be for your own wounds. You get to celebrate life with them. THAT ROCKS! And yes, the you can live happily every after. At least most of the time.

Focus on feeling good. Focus on helping your partner feel good in a way that does NOT compromise your ability to be happy. Focus on letting go of what they’re NOT doing for you. When you’re with the right person, this happens more easily in an amazing way.

Focus on what you want. Happiness. Commit to learning how to create that for yourself. Once you’ve done that, watch the love flow in, baby!

Share with me below about how you have managed the pull between wanting someone to change so you can feel better. We’ve all been there. Let’s call a spade a spade and get on with learning how to be happy!

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and Freedom Junkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly Ziji Up!™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs, sign up for a free 30 minute strategy session, and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com

It’s Hard to Say Goodbye – Identity Shifts and Ego

“Does this mean I am boring? I am ‘normal’ – ugggh. I don’t feel very interesting. I don’t feel inspiring…”

These are the things my crazy gremlin voice was saying to me as I was packing my belongings.

the sailboat in Spenard arriving on my birthday
the sailboat in Spenard arriving on my birthday

You see, I’ve been living in a yurt in Alaska, and it has been AWESOME! It is where the love of my life and I reconnected after 11 years. It is where he proposed to me. He did this as we watched the BEST Northern Lights show ever (the real-deal aurora borealis – not the TV show) on the beautiful sailboat that we dry-docked to bring it back to its former glory…our beloved “Sailboat in Spenard” moment. One of many.

We’ve had amazing dance parties there with wigs and knee-high boots and late-night quesadilla feasts feeding 15 people off a double-burner Coleman stove. It’s been where my man built my Chick Shack. It’s where I put up my 78 year-old mom in our Red Shed, where she elegantly weathered a cool Autumn visit exclaiming, “It’s like living in the village in the Philippines!” (but clearly colder).

It’s where we loved all our neighbors, who helped us live there in our quirky way by letting us plug into their electric supply as needed, or do water runs into their houses.

It’s where friends would stop by at any hour to visit us, bringing food or wine or home-brewed beer, or just a good story or a deep hug. It’s where people felt they could be themselves – their authentic selves.  It had a way of bringing that out in people.

It’s where we planned trips to Africa and dreamed about Mongolia. It’s where we started planning our wedding, and summer trips onto glaciers and rivers.

It’s where I did countless transformational client calls and interviews and developed my cherished Freedom Sessions Mastermind program – a product of years of work and dreams for which my yurt provided the requisite creative vibe.  It’s where my business reached a level for which I am forever humbled by the blessings brought to you when you do work from your heart and soul.

New Year's Eve 2011
New Year’s Eve 2011

Most of all, the yurt has been where I felt – and feel – human. Truly human. Connected to the elements. Living simply. More raw. There is a very real aspect to how feeling hot or cold – something many of us manage to avoid for any length of time in our society – can help you ground and be present and connect with your body and nature. This is not to say life was always simple in the yurt, but that we lived simply as best as we could, which is a gift in this hectic world.

Yet, the reality is, doing the big things I wanted to do in life, in the way I wanted to do it, was inevitably going to lead us to have to leave the yurt as it is. Someday.

You see, I want to make the world a better place by helping people free their minds so they can free their life – on a larger scale than I previously thought possible. Fulfilled people make the world a healthier and happier place for everyone! Because of this, and because I know how precious this life is, I want to spend every moment doing the things that truly bring me joy, and  contributing to making the world a better place by helping others do the same. Doing this on a larger scale was getting really hard to do from the yurt.

I would actually LOVE chopping wood and fetching water and having to defrost the yurt every time I came back after a grocery run IF I also didn’t have work I loved, which I’d rather be doing. As my friend Gordy – a long-time Alaskan – said, “No one who works full-time heats their house with wood.” Nor do they have abundant time to fetch water or take 30 minutes just to heat water then wash the dishes from breakfast.

wigpartyOn the other hand, my partner, Thai – well, he LOVES doing this stuff and doesn’t really like work. So his goal is to work as little as possible and spend time doing things that connect him to the elements, like chopping wood and living simply and going on epic adventure trips. That’s HIS genius work – to inspire others to connect with the outdoors, with adventure, with simplicity. Kind of like what I do, actually. But he does it by simply living it fully – and modeling for others.

He has NO desire to write about it, offer interviews, or create programs to teach others to do the same. And he is really, really good at modeling it and living fully so that others are totally, completely, and utterly inspired to do the same. Ask anyone who’s met him. They’re like, “Who the fuck ARE you and how do you get to do all this epic shit? Wow.”

I love adventure trips too! Duh. I go on most of the trips Thai goes on because my work provides me with a VERY flexible schedule. But I can do without the other house-maintenance stuff because I DO have a deep desire to share this with others on a larger scale, and that means I have to make choices that aren’t always inclusive of everything I’d like or prefer.

To be honest, if I didn’t love my work, I’d be right there with him. I’d work as little as possible and live off the land. I LOVE that feeling of your body working hard, and not having to juggle a bizillion things in your head like blogposts and Wifi access and learning Photoshop. I love living simply. I love getting dirt all over me and planting seeds and watching them grow and picking them succulent and fresh from the earth and eating them. I even think that is sexy.

hangingoutyurtI love getting the most fabulously clean water from a mountain stream and feeling it fill every cell in my body with pure life force. I love building things from hand, and knitting by the fire.

But now, there is something I think I love more: hearing a client say, “I  have never felt this happy or free in my entire life.”

Once that happened, I was screwed.

That is some straight-to-the-heart arrow-firing of life-changing power, filled with epic-like proportions of badass precious life realizations (and lots of hyphens) type of shizzle. It gives me a high I cannot explain. It brings tears to my eyes to know someone is making the most of this precious life.

It is the Whole. Fucking. Point.

breakfastatyurtOf everything.

For me, at least.

I always teach my clients to do their genius work and to delegate others tasks whenever they can. By walking the talk, this means that I was delegating a lot of maintenance activities to Thai. He claims he didn’t mind, but it did feel odd to not be a equal participant in the daily tasks. I was used to enjoying contributing to the household. And when not working – like in Africa, where volunteering in refugee camps was actually relatively simple – I didn’t mind doing things like that. I had nothing else to do!

Yet I KNEW that to create in the way I wanted, I needed the precious commodity of time. Especially if I wanted to be able to NOT work 5 months out of the year, which is my current pattern.

I would totally fetch water and chop wood every day joyfully if it meant I had to in order to survive. I’ve lived out of my car and out of my backpack in the mountains for what amounts to years of such simple living. But when now it meant I would do it in lieu of creating programs that had the potential to change people’s lives, those things become a little less fulfilling.

makingfireThings have shifted.

It’s the curse of having a job I love. I have less patience for things that waste my time and that don’t contribute to my bigger mission – helping people to free their minds so they can free their lives. Traffic for me isn’t just inconvenient – it keeps me from researching that amazing new theory on creating happiness so that I can share it with my clients, for example. For me, having warm running water is nice, but ultimately it allows me to efficiently complete a task from which I – unlike the proverbial Zen monk dishwasher – wasn’t going to attain enlightenment anytime soon.

Things like daily tasks being efficient allows me more time to do things I love.

Some people want things like running water and a relatively warm place because they don’t like being uncomfortable and feel that life should be easy, and that suffering is evil. Period. Maybe they want more time to watch TV or to sit on their ass instead of refilling water jugs or taking an hour to get the place warm enough before you can take off your gloves to type something.

But some of us want those things because we already intentionally get ourselves uncomfortable and stretch ourselves by doing things like climbing mountains and winter camping; and when we come home, instead of dealing with the basics, we want more time to enhance our body, mind, and spirit and help contribute our part to change the fucking world.

hapypboysThat’s what I’m talking about.

My work – while allowing me to have a location-independent lifestyle – also requires that I have access to internet a lot. Since we were off the grid, we couldn’t sign up for internet service. Our yurt was – er – not supposed to be where it was (one of my values: getting away with things! hee hee ;). I tethered my cell phone to my computer so I could do simple things online. But this meant that while life at the yurt was simple, if I had to really work online and download huge files or live-stream anything, I had to leave the yurt to find high-speed internet – which kind of defeated the purpose of being able to work from home.

To be honest, if I had high-speed internet, then life at the yurt could have gone on for longer. I would have had at least 2 hours extra  a day that I didn’t spend trying to find internet and filling water bottles and driving somewhere to grab a shower.

But then there’s also this: when Thai asked me if I’d live out of a yurt with him in Alaska, I said, “Totally – except when we have kids, I want running water and a washer and dryer.”

the night of our engagement
the night of our engagement

Installing these things is not possible when off the grid in a major city, and because we wanted to keep it off the grid, we decided that at some point, we’d move into a house. And we weren’t sure when that would be. But we have just started trying to get pregnant, and have been trying to imagine doing the things we do with kids in the yurt, without being able to have heat or running water or a washer and dryer – and work on top of that. Shizzle!

We were not homesteaders, however much the romance of that is something we both admire and long for. The reality is, we have jobs that keep us fairly busy. And in my case, too busy and too fulfilling to want to trade time doing that for time doing things that we had the privilege to have easy access to – like utilities.

While we always knew that this day would eventually arrive, it is bittersweet that it has. By it arriving, we acknowledge it is because amazing things are happening. My business is growing, we are starting a family, we are moving on to another chapter of this amazing life.

But you see, I had a lot of my identity intertwined with living in a yurt. This is obvious in the paragraphs of rationalizations above. Still, my identity was intertwined with Alaskan winters and waking up with my eyelashes frozen shut. With hanging out with our friends in the circular sacred space of our haven. With climbing to the top of the sailboat in the yard to watch the sunset.

the frame
the frame

It was easy to feel full-on living in the yurt. It was easy to drop into the essentials of life. And admittedly, it was nice to do interviews and have people say, “Wow! You ARE living full on. You are in a yurt in Alaska, you travel the world…” I heard the “yurt” part as something that defined who I was, how I lived my life.

But the reality is, the yurt is a beautiful, yet relatively small part, of what I do and who I am. I will continue to travel and have a family life full of adventure in the outdoors and immersed in the spiritual and mystical beauty of this life. Even though I am not in a yurt (saying this as morning affirmation…).

It’s like when I went from being an international climbing guide to a nurse. I felt like all of a sudden I was “normal,” and I got depressed. Then I realized, there is nothing “normal” about being a nurse – at all. Being a nurse is badass, and it brought me so many new adventures as a nurse practitioner and nurse midwife. And now here I am thinking that by living in a house, I’ll be “normal” again. And I have always feared being normal.

But what I’ve learned through all these stages of life and shifts in identity is that being a human living full-on is badass. And as long as I keep doing that, I don’t really care what it looks like on the outside or what shelter I take on or how many utilities I have under my name;) It’s about how I feel on the inside.

I want to have it all.  I want to feel all the feelings I long for. Indeed I already do. And I plan to keep it that way.

Sometimes you have to make choices: to do what you love, in lieu of what you like. To love who you truly love, instead of pretending to love who you like. To get real without yourself about what you need, instead of choosing simply what you want.

I would have wanted to be able to live simply AND do the work I wanted to do. But the reality is, I needed a different setup, and had to make a choice to let go of what I wanted in order to receive what I needed – more alignment with my desire to help others on a larger scale with more effortlessness and ease.

It helps that our house is 2 blocks from the Coastal Trail, with views of Denali and other amazing mountains of Southcentral Alaska. The yurt was ironically not near any trails, so this house will allow me easier access to play more outside and watch more sunsets on the water. I know I’ll have a different connection to nature and the elements from this new abode. And, ultimately, I am actually really looking forward to creating a home in this new place. And hanging out in the great room with our friends – it’s really open like the yurt, probably also as big, and has corners. I can deal with the corners. Eventually;)

The yurt will stay where it is for now, and be a base for planning expeditions and for in-town gatherings with friends. We are even considering turning the lot into a community garden, an idea of which I am supremely psyched about. We may even offer it up as a base for the dirtbag climbers that come through town and want a unique place to crash. So the yurt will live on, in its own way.

It is strange to think about packing up bags, and hanging out in a square building with rooms that separate us from each other. About not desperately cuddling to stay warm and giggling about it under the sheets. About not looking around and remembering when we slept in a similar shelter on the geographic Tibetan Plateau.

But the most important thing is that I – WE – YOU – stay committed to living full-on, no matter where life takes us or what things appear like on the outside.

I can do that. You can do that. Only YOU know what living full on looks like for you.

How’s it going? Let me know below.

Days 338 to 358 Keep It Simple, Stupid – but maybe not that simple

Full On 365Wow…coming back from Africa hasn’t been easy. We got back, I worked in Oregon catching babies and visited with friends and family over the holidays, then we came back to Alaska and were here all of one week before leaving to go work in a village out in the bush. I also managed to launch the 2013 Freedom Sessions Mastermind group in those two short weeks, and am THRILLED that almost all the spots are filled! So that gave me a lot of energy, but then I started to get tired with packing and unpacking yet AGAIN. After traveling for three months and coming home to the yurt for only 2 weeks since then, I am craving nesting, like a pregnant woman in her last month, like a sailor returning home after being at sea for years – except with a slight flavor of Gidget on crack.

I know. Scary, right?

Alas, we have also planned a trip to Mexico with a group of friends NEXT WEEK. What was I thinking? I was thinking I hadn’t seen many of my friend’s for months, and we wanted to be someplace warm with each other. Since I had been in Africa for so long, I was focused more on the “with each other” part than the warm part…but it is starting to get chilly here;)

We actually have many friends coming down for the trip – even friends from other states! So in this whirlwind of movement, it naturally crossed our minds to ask: What if we kept things simple and got married in Mexico? A small intimate ceremony then have the big party back in the US this summer? Our parents would actually be OK with it because, well, parents who have kids like us are pretty easy-going about spontaneous big decisions. As long as we had the party;)

However, the reality is, with all this travel and with all this moving around after our return, I am feeling like I am not ready to also rush into planning a wedding in Mexico. Even if it would be simple and amazing and undoubtedly entertaining with the motley crew we’ve conjured up. And I don’t want to keep things SO simple that we don’t give it the proper attention for it to feel sacred.

I am cleansing deeply over the last month, and that has left me with clarity and energy, but on the deep-cleanse days I only have energy for self-care, a bit of yoga, and connecting with my peeps. The fact that my soul hasn’t caught up with me yet from Africa has caused me to feel less present in my relationships, and that is the LAST state of mind I want to be in for planning something like this. Thai has also noticed we are under some stress and pressure, and planning this might make too crazy.

It would be “easier” in some ways to try to do it in Mexico because our friends will already be there in a beautiful place (we rented a PHAT pad on the beach with – get this – and infinity pool yippeee!). Yet we have to honor where our energy is. If it feels right when we are there, and we feel deeply it is the right thing, then we’ll do it. But right now it feels freakin’ CRAZY to try to plan it;)

I have also thought a lot about if I should share this next part, but I figured someone can learn from my process, so why put a kaibash on my vulnerability now, right?

I am trying to get pregnant. I am 39 and going to be 40 this year. I have been involved in Women’s Health and midwifery for over 9 years, and have too good of an understanding of my odds. Did you know the medical term for women over 35 who are pregnant is “Eldery Gavida?” Yup. Elderly.

I know the best I can do is to keep up my self-love practices, continuing to eat well, exercising, decreasing my stress, surrendering to the Universe, to the acupuncture needles, and also surrendering to the fertility specialist if this shizzle doesn’t land a zygote in the next 6 months. In short, don’t be elderly-like unless it’s Yoda-style elderly.

I don’t think I’d do IVF but I would certainly try some other things…I think.

I’ve got a lot going on, to say the least. And it can be easy for me to want to throw my hands up and say, “Whatever! Whatever happens is what will happen!” Like a spontaneous wedding in Mexico. Or not even thinking about this pregnancy thing and not taking extra steps to improve my fertility. But the bottom line is, some things just can’t be THAT simple. Some things deserve a little discomfort and effort (the good kind – not struggle). Sometimes, when you really want something, you can’t just wait and see. You need to move on that shizzle. Be proactive. DO.

When you’re interested in something, you try. When you’re committed, you DO.

I’m going to nest now, so I can save some energy for doing – and BEING me. I’m going to full-on find that balance between surrender and action. Are you with me?

And by the way, I am only 1 week from completing my year of commitment to Full-On living – and as of now, it has been too sweet to even think of stopping!

Who Are You Hanging Out With Freedom Junkie? Your Squad Matters.

That’s right – it’s official, and not just what your mother kept telling you when you wanted to hang out with the bad boys: who you hang out with matters, and studies have shown that your success will be equal to the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Crazy! This goes beyond birds of a feather, peeps. This affects you on ALL levels of your being, not just where you’re at in the present, but also who you BECOME.

This concept applies not only to levels of success, but to health and wellness as well. We now know that wellness behavior is “contagious.” People who generally are heavy eaters will eat less when eating out in a group, and those who are light eaters will eat more. We tend to meet people in the middle when out in a group. By the way, this happens with money too: heavy spenders will spend less when out in a group, tightwads (no offense) spend more. And if you have a friend who is obese, you have a 50% higher risk for obesity, and if you have a friend of “normal” weight who has an obese friend that you don’t even know, you risk of being obese still goes up 25%.

So hang on – does this mean we shouldn’t spend time with people who are not at the level of success that we want to achieve, or who are not in perfect physical condition? Hell no! The risk isn’t 100% 😉 And if that was how it worked, peeps who were where we wanted to be at technically shouldn’t hang with us, right?

What it does mean is that we need to be aware of the influence that others have on us, even on an unconscious level. It also means we need to consciously create our tribe and make sure we have plenty of positive influence in our lives.

What can you do about it, Freedom Junkie?

If you want to experience more adventure, make a conscious effort to meet and spend time with people who are active in doing the things you want to do more of (tango? skinny dipping? ice climbing? war-zone travel? wearing more lace and leather?).

Do you want to create a successful business? It behooves you to spend more time with people who are where you want to be. If you want to take your income to the next level, you need to hang out with mentors who did what you want to do and are at where you want to be financially.

It doesn’t work to want to start living a more adventurous life or create a thriving new business, and then hang out with slackers on your couch talking about your dreams all day. Or worse: spending time with negative people who shoot down any possibilities for change or growth. Yuck.

So now the tough question: Are there people in your life that you need to let go of? Or people that you need to spend less time with so their level of influence isn’t so strong?

The fun question: Who do you want to spend more time with? Who is that person whose radiance makes you smile, whose joy lifts your heart? Who is that person whose business totally inspires you? Reach out to them and try to get together for coffee, or yoga. If they can’t hang out, no worries. They are probably busy because their lives are so full! Keep asking and setting the intention to attract more amazing people into your life, and continuously work on becoming that person you want to be.

To create the life you want (and deserve), you need to spend time with people – aka other Freedom seekers – who have the same goals as you and are taking action to make it happen. We are impressionable beings, for better or for worse. That’s why every successful entrepreneur I know is a part of a Mastermind group. That’s why people are more successful at losing their goal weight when working with a personal trainer, or completing the marathon when they train with a group or training partner. That’s why in addition to having clients work with me 1:1, I create group programs like the Adventure Mastermind and Freedom School. It really makes a HUGE difference! Let’s make a conscious choice about who gets to make those impressions on us, OK?

Love,

Ana
PS: Do you have big dreams for the next year and want a community to help you get there? Check out joining our small group of amazing self-identified women during the next Adventure Mastermind. Head on over now and check out all the amazing things! You can also be a more active part of our fredom-seeking squad by taking part in my free weekly Wake the F*ck Up Wednesdays. Get on our list at RebelBuddhist.com to receive access details. See you there!

A Simple Strategy to Make Sure You Stay Balanced AND Achieve Your Goals

Joshua with hazelnuts and oranges;)
Joshua with hazelnuts and oranges;)

I know that you’ve got some amazing things to accomplish this year. As a true Freedom Junkie, your plans for the upcoming year are bound to have some elements of expanding your comfort zone, going on adventures, expanding love and passion in your life, growing in your career (or changing to a new one!), and feeling yummy in your body, mind, and spirit.

I also know that many of us Freedom Junkies have a hard time fitting in everything we want to do – especially in a way that leaves us feeling centered! I recently wrote a post about how I got seduced away from balance while on a three-month adventure in Africa, and how I brought myself back to center again. The key thing is to try and prevent that in the first place. While I have been known to say Balance is Bullshit, I am more speaking to what balance means for YOU, and what happens when you feel you are moving away from what you know works for you.

I want to share with you an analogy that I think works really well for helping to understand how to make it all work when you’ve got a lot to juggle. One of my health and nutrition teachers, Joshua Rosenthal of Integrative Nutrition, does a demonstration he calls Big Rocks:

That’s Joshua up there. He’s standing by some hazelnuts and some oranges and a glass jar. Here’s what they represent:

The hazelnuts are the tasks and duties we have to do in life. The “stuff.” The small stuff that takes up HUGE chunks of time unless you’re careful.

When you toss in an orange here and there and keep adding hazelnuts, there isn't enough room for your oranges - the things important to you
When you toss in an orange here and there and keep adding hazelnuts, there isn’t enough room for your oranges – the things important to you

The oranges are the things in life that are of utmost importance to us – our major goals, our most important values that we want to honor.

The glass jar is the time and energy we have available to do all those yummy things we want to do, like our dreams and goals.

Oftentimes, what we end up doing is picking one “orange” – like the new project we want to launch in our business this year, for example – and focus on that for a bit. Then little by little (or sometimes in a flood!) we pour in a bunch of “hazelnuts,” like mowing the lawn, checking email, perusing Facebook, helping a friend edit an article, watching a movie…get it?

Then we remember another orange, like, “Oh shizzle! I told myself I was going to spend more time with my family and friends this year!” So we do that for awhile. The we add more hazelnuts like starting that other project that is shiny and new instead of finishing the one we wanted to finish, or doing loads and loads of laundry, or carting around that friend of ours who refuses to buy a car because it isn’t “environmental,” or drinking too much and being hung over the next day.

Then we remember yet another orange, but there is VERY LITTLE SPACE LEFT. In fact, before we know it, the hazelnuts of to-dos have taken up most of the space, and we have some lonely – and important – oranges sitting outside of our life. There isn’t enough room

When you put ALL your oranges in first, the hazelnuts will work themselves around the things you've prioritized
When you put ALL your oranges in first, the hazelnuts will work themselves around the things you’ve prioritized

for everything.

And that is exactly how it feels, because there ISN’T enough time when that’s how you do things.

The good news is there is a different way of doing it: put ALL your oranges in FIRST. Pick the top three to six things that you want to get done, and before you do anything else, get those things done or focus on getting them done, no matter what. Get really clear about what “getting them done” or accomplishing them looks and FEELS like.

When you put the oranges in FIRST, and let the other stuff work around your most important values and goals, there is plenty of room for what is important to you. Even the hazelnuts fit (well, most of them!). And it feels much better to not have a few hazelnuts fit than some of your oranges.

So there ya go! This year, practice this technique. You can even do it for each month, each week, each DAY!

“What is most important for me to do today?”

Everything fits. See Joshua's smile!
Everything fits. See Joshua’s smile!

Another tip: ask yourself, “What is the next most IMPORTANT thing to do?”

It’s my hope that as a result of this, you’ll spend more time doing things that are truly valuable to you, that help you grow, that help you feel and taste success, and help you make 2013 your best year yet;)

Note: Ana Verzone is a personal life and health coach, mentor and the original Freedom Junkie™ She helps passionate women awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose, from their cells to their spirit. Her monthly Ziji Up!™ eZine goes out to thousands of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs, schedule a free life assessment, and download her FREE Clarity + Courage ecourse by visiting www.anaverzone.com.

*Images from Institute of Integrative Nutrition

Freedom Starts Here – The Freedom Junkie™ Jump Start Package

Ana Neff - Transformational Coach, Guide, and MentorYou Know You’re a Freedom Junkie™ if you want to:

  • Take back control of your time, money, and energy and finally have the freedom you’ve been craving
  • Wake up excited for each day
  • Live with purpose, knowing what you are meant to do in your life and doing it with passion
  • Tap into THE FLOW more often
  • Sustain your energy, and bounce back faster when life’s waves knock you down every now and then
  • Connect more fully and authentically with the people in your life
  • Have fewer regrets, knowing that you’re making the most of each day, each connection, and each of your gifts and your potential

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If you are one of those {passionate} badasses that craves a life of freedom, adventure, and purpose, hang out here for a bit (or more), because you have found your tribe, and I am so glad your’re here!

I’m Ana Neff, Founder and Creator of this über-special corner of the web you’ve found called Freedom Junkie. Join me and other peeps like you and learn to Free Your Mind and Free Your Life™.

How do we do that? I help you learn skills (aka Jedi Mind Tricks) to help you get out of your own way – which is the only thing in the way between life as you know it, and a life of freedom. By reading our posts and participating in our tribe, as well as getting in on the free Jedi Juice calls, you can learn how to permanently alter your limiting mindsets and beliefs, and cultivate radiant inner confidence (aka Ziji). And let me tell you: it is absolutely scrumptious to experience.

One of the first steps to living a life of freedom is getting clear about what you want. Without clarity, your time, money, and energy are wasted as you work towards things that don’t really serve your ultimate goals, dreams, and visions. So while you’re here, get started now, and begin creating – and LIVING – Life On YOUR Terms. Receive my FREE Getting Clear eBook by signing up over there ->

 

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Full On™ 365

Join me as I commit to living full on, every day, for 365 days. For me, Full On™ 365 isn’t just about adventures like climbing, skiing, and traveling to remote places (although those stories will be here too!). It is also about the challenges and rewards of living authentically, life’s misadventures, heartaches, and everything in-between.

Here’s how Full On™ 365 came to be:

After returning from an adventure in West Africa, I was excitedly recounting some of my wild and whacky stories about motorcycling through Mali and thwarting kidnappings and a murder in Timbuktu by 4 hours when several of my colleagues asked, “Do you write these stories down somewhere?”

After I heard this a few more times, I was initially inspired to start an “adventure blog” about living full-on. My peeps wanted me to make it a travel blog of sorts since I’ve been racking up the frequent flyer miles lately. However, I realized that for me to feel inspired about it, it would have to mean more to me than sharing my travels, however amazing they’ve been.

As you may or may not know, I have had cancer – twice. One of the biggest lessons I learned on those journeys was a realization that I am more than who I am when I am living full-on Nat Geo-style adventures. Prior to this catalytic experience at the age of 30, I had felt worthy and alive only when doing really epic things (I was an international climbing guide – click the button below to learn more if you’d like). Most of these were at least mildly dangerous in very real ways, and often were moreso.

People loved hearing the stories. I felt excited and excit-ing, and life was very Full On. But it was cheating. Like adding butter to everything. Of course it tastes better with butter! That’s why I LOVE it! Of course people loved my adventurous life, and so did I! It’s easy to when it involves dramatically remote and beautiful places and near-death experiences (oh, the irony…).

But what was underneath my adventures that was of substance? What…endured?

Being diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma was the first experience I’d had where I was scared and couldn’t simply rely on being able to “power through” it. It was the first time I had to admit that I may not succeed, and the consequences of this were overwhelming.

“What if I didn’t get better?” “How can I feel alive and worthy without having to do these epic and dangerous adventures?” The Big C was dangerous enough, thank you very much.

So I had to come up with a new definition of what it meant for me to live Full On. I realized it meant taking more inner risks, to live my purpose and connect authentically with those in my life, to be willing to disappoint others to be true to my self. And many other things.

This insight led to an insatiable desire to spread the joy that comes from knowing confidently, radiantly, who you are and how you want to be in the world, and the peace that comes from living Full On, inside and out. My life coaching business, Ziji™, was born, and I developed Full On™ coaching to take people there faster, because I had a very real understanding that life was too short, no matter how long.

The blog entries for 365 are about me committing to live Full On not just in outward epic adventures, but in the inner ones that challenge you to live with no more excuses. I invite you to join me on my journey here as I attempt to walk the talk, every day, for 365 days.

What matters most to me is that it might inspire you or someone you know to do the same, and live a Full-On™ life.

“Try not. Do or Do Not. There is No Try” Yoda

Dean Potter on a slackline in Yosemite. Trying, or doing? (photo from Prana blog)

I was just climbing in Yosemite. The towering granite always manages to make me–and my problems–feel oh so small. I love it! This story is not new to any climber, but I just have to share about why I am tingling from my days in the mountains. I was lie-backing a crack on a new route my friend Bob Steed had just put up (How lucky was I?! A second ascent in Yosemite! And Go Bob!). It was a very physical climb, and my muscles were getting totally pumped out–I felt I had nothing left. The lactic acid building up burned, and I felt I had little control over my arms and hands. “Watch me, Bob! I think I’m going to pump out!” (aka FALL!). I then realized that I had a choice–either pop off thinking I had nothing left, or keep going until my body decided on its own that it had nothing left. The first would be giving up based on an assumption. The latter would be having given it my best. The consequence of both would be a fall. A consequence of the first would be that I would have not known if I indeed had nothing left. A consequence of the latter would be that I would have learned my true limits.

This is one of the reasons I love to climb. You get put into these situations that are so real, and your choices are so clear. In a split second you decide. And I decided to keep going and to let my body tell me what it knew.

I was shocked as I progressed further and further up the crack, actually amazed that I hadn’t fallen yet. “Nice!” Bob said as I then moved beyond the roof and onto the next vertical portion of the crack.” Shocked again that I was still moving up, I just put one hand in front of the other, panting like I hadn’t in a LONG time, trying to place my feet deliberately despite my fatigue and sweat. I was in awe as high-speed swifts would dive into the narrow crack above me and then shoot out at amazing speeds with a loud swish…I’d have to contemplate that one later…How DO they do that into and out of such a small crack? Next thing I knew I saw the anchors, and I was standing at the belay! Once again, shocked. And so freakin’ happy!!!! The view was spectacular, with the skyline of The Rostrum shooting up in the distance, the clearest blue sky, relaxing safely above the mosquitoes, the pumping Merced River at high flow below–the deep green of its flatwater blending in with the trees, the white foam of its rapids standing out in a deep contrasting line. I took long, deep breaths and inhaled the familiar Yosemite air.

I was so glad I didn’t just give up and let go. I was so glad I didn’t just assume I had nothing left. How often we convince ourselves we can’t take any more in all aspects of our lives. We are CONVINCED of it–we think we KNOW we are DONE. Yet climbing has taught me time and time again the tricks that the mind can play to keep us seemingly “safe.” But in reality, these mind trips of our self-imposed limits keep us small in the most stifling way.

This, of course, means I need to climb something harder next. To know my limits and to know–really know–what I’m made of. Ironically, I will only know that when I fall. So, in the end, I guess if I want to grow, I set out to fall (even though I’d never admit that at the base of the climb!). Then I set out to learn more and more so I can push past that limit, and the next, and the next. After all, that limit is only temporary. It tells me where I need to focus my energies to grow, and improve. Each time we do that for ourselves–when we stop thinking we’ll “”just try” and instead we DO and go for it–we offer ourselves the opportunity for growth. Sometimes we fall and sometimes we don’t–but when it is a surprise, that is very tingly nonetheless!

So, this weekend, take a leap of sorts, and go for it. Don’t just “try.” Go for it! You can even be afraid of falling–just don’t let go assuming you’ll fall. Wondering “what if” is way less fun. Surprise yourself! And watch out for that sneaky little mind of yours that tries to convince you that you are anything less than the great being you ARE.