How to Make Difficult Decisions


FullSizeRenderYou know when life seems to come at you from all angles, non-stop, and all you want to do is hole up somewhere quiet, close your eyes, and take a deep breath? Make it all STOP, just for a moment?

I’ve been feeling like that lately. There’s been a lot of shizzle happening in my world, and the consistent factor seems to be that I’ve being asked to make lots of decisions. All. Day. Long.

And we’re not talking what to have for dinner. I’ve had to make some pretty big, life-changing decisions lately, and it’s been crazy overwhelming.

If you’re not in it now, I am sure you’ve been here before:

It feels like everything is happening all at once.

Everyone seems to want to know RIGHT NOW – and you feel immense pressure to give the right answer.

It feels like there is not enough time to tap into your intuition and core desires and all that personal growth stuff that you know you’re “supposed” to do.

You don’t feel like you have all the information you need to make the right decision…yet a LOT rides on the decision you’re about to make.

On top of it all, life’s shizzle keeps happening, like phone calls coming in non-stop (doesn’t everyone love texting like I do?), plumbing getting backed up – while you’re breastfeeding :/ , a family member getting seriously ill…need I go on?

It is ALL still happening, and no one and no-thing is pausing for you to create a nice and calm space in which to make your decisions.

Welcome to adulthood, right? Stressing about that high school paper I had to write sounds pretty awesome right now.

One of the myriad decisions I had to make recently was about an Integrative Medicine Fellowship with Dr. Andrew Weil at the University of Arizona. Last year I had been accepted into this prestigious program, geared towards MDs, as one of the few nurse practitioners. I was ALSO offered a scholarship – for both years of the fellowship.

Most people I spoke to who didn’t know my whole resume said it was a no-brainer and that I should do it – for sure. Why were they so sure? Here are some of the things I heard:

“Dr. Weil is SO FAMOUS and brilliant! ANY chance to study with him would be awesome.”

“I’d go see someone just because I knew they studied with him.”

“This is such a rare opportunity – it’s SO HARD to get into that program!”

“Even though you’ll learn something and the people are great to connect with, you probably know most of the stuff they teach there already. But if you want it on your resume it can be worth it.” (This is what I heard from several people who did the fellowship themselves).

Here’s the thing though: upon careful investigation into the curriculum, I learned that it really wouldn’t add to my body of knowledge THAT much.

Fellows would study Ayurveda for 2 weeks. I studied it for 1 year already. They had 2 weeks of Chinese Medicine – I had 2 years of Classical Chinese Medicine under my belt. Plus yoga teacher training. And massage school. And health coach training. Functional Medicine education. Herbology studies…and endless hours of continuing education in Integrative Medicine.

Suffice it to say, no matter how big the scholarship, I had to decide if this would be worth my time and energy.

Often in making big decisions, we let finances be the ultimate factor. But I have learned – often the hard way – that time and energy are just as, if not more, valuable than money.

Ultimately, I decided that the return I’d receive for the time and energy and other resources that I’d be investing would not be worth it for me. It would be awesome for someone else, but not for me at this point in my life.

What were some of the other decisions I had to make?

Do I move my mother up here to live with us now, where she has no friends or community, so I can care for her and watch her diet like a hawk…or trust that she will do what it takes to preserve her barely-there kidney function as she enters Stage 4 kidney failure?

Do I go for a spot in a PhD doctoral program in nursing, a functional nutrition doctoral program, or a public health program?

Do I take out my IUD because of the side effects I’ve been experiencing even though I know I absolutely cannot handle getting pregnant right now…and I HATE condoms and hormones?

Do I go to Colombia with my husband to have an adventure with our baby, or do something relatively “boring” yet much-needed, like go to Ashland and Portland to eat organic food, hang with my girlfriends, and take a sensual writing workshop with Alexandra Franzen? (OK the Franzen writing salon is SO not relatively boring LOL!).

There are more…but those are what I’ll share here.

How did I make all these decisions in such a short amount of time, under a lot of pressure,  with the defecation hitting the oscillation all over the place and at very inconvenient times? Well, while it seems every coach out there will tell you to “listen to your intuition,” what do you do when you haven’t learned that skills yet? I know it has taken me YEARS to figure that out…and it can still escape me, especially when overwhelmed.

Here are some tools I used (that aren’t about tapping into your intuition):

Chew on it. Pretend to make the decision one way or another. Allow yourself to imagine life with the decision you just made. Sit with it. How does it feel?

Do you want to spit it out? Or swallow? Savor it? How does it feel 2 years from now? What is your day like when you wake up? What are your weekends like? How do you feel falling asleep? Do this for about a 1/2 day per decision option.

Ask yourself: “Will I have regrets about this 5 years from now?” If it’s clear that you’ll have big regrets after saying yes or no, I would seriously consider rethinking your options.

Make a list about what values you’re saying “Yes” to and what you’re saying “No” to. In my fellowship example above, I discovered that if I did the fellowship, I’d be saying Yes to my love of studying with other geeks about a topic I am passionate about, my love of learning in general, and enjoying studying with someone I greatly admire (Dr. Weil). Plus, I value being at the top of my field, and studying in a prestigious program would validate that (ahem…I mean, it would validate my ego).

However, I’d be saying “No” to my values of: not doing something just because it would look good on my resume; not spending time doing things that didn’t add substantially to my body, mind, or spirit for the time and energy they required; and my priority of more time with my super freakin’ awesome baby.

Drop into a routine/schedule. When you know what is happening when, you don’t have a bunch of background “static” to interfere with your mind’s clarity. You can then create the mental quietude to make a better decision.

When shit is happening randomly and unexpectedly, it makes it much harder to have the calm required to make big decisions. If you’re not a big schedule or routine person, this can be a temporary tweak to your style until you make the decision. Having a morning and/or evening routine also help the mind chill out and see through the muck.

Set the intention to receive clarity in your dreams. You can also ask for sign during the day. I do this a lot. I say, “Hey, Universe/God/Source/Gaia – could you puh-lease send me a sign about what I should do?” I have had so many clear signs drop out of the sky after asking for this.

Like the time I asked for clarity about whether I should break up with someone or not, then minutes later got a Facebook message from a complete stranger that my boyfriend was cheating on me. Clear sign, right?! Suffice it to say, I got really clear in about a nanosecond. What a douche. It was a relief actually. I have since learned to make decisions much sooner. I’ll have to write a different post about that one…

Write a pros and cons list. I’m not shitting you. This works. It’s not like I base decisions on anything related to how long the lists are. Rather, the process really helps me get clear as I think it through. I find my Yes/No practice that I describe above more helpful than this one, but it’s a good place to start.

Talk to a friend that lets you babble. I have found more than a few times that simply talking about my process with a good girlfriend will bring me clarity as I babble, even though I may not be making sense in the moment. Journaling can also substitute if it’s 4am and you don’t think your friend would appreciate you calling at that time. Once you’re done babbling, offer to buy her a glass of prosecco or a green juice.

Try to get as much sleep as possible…and sleep on it once you think you know your answer. Your mind will be much more sharp and discerning. It’s amazing the difference that sleep makes. Your brain is actually working on organizing all your thoughts while you sleep, so it can really help!

Do any one of these ideas really resonate with you? Or do you have a tip for your fave way to make a difficult decision? Share with me below – we could all use tips and support around this one!

How to Pick Your Talisman

What do all of these photos have in common? (Hint: you might need to enlarge them to find out)

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These were taken years apart…and at really wildly different stages of my life (single, dating, engaged, pregnant, married, a new mama…) and the only reason I don’t have even older ones in here is because my computer recently crashed and I can’t bring myself to deal with the tech-aspects of recovering my photos and reorganizing them.

The one things that is common in all of these if the fact that I am wearing my absolute most favorite piece of jewelry: my black pearl and leather necklace.

There’s something about it. Simple, elegant, and badass all at the same time. It’s feminine, earthy, oceany and exotic. It goes with pretty much everything, and I never take it off. Well, except for massages. I take it off for those.

I can wear it in saltwater and in the shower and in my yummy pampering baths. The leather gets softer and softer, and the pearl gets more rich when it is spending time in the ocean…from whence it came.

Why do I wear it all the time? It’s not just about convenience, although it is pretty awesome that I have my elegant badass piece of jewelry on at all times.

It is about the way it makes me feel.

The funny thing is people don’t always get it. They say to me, “You are always wearing that necklace! What’s up with that?” or, “Yup…there’s Ana and her necklace” as if there’s something wrong with that.

I don’t give a shit, because you don’t ask someone, “Why are you always wearing the same wedding ring?” Why not? Because it symbolizes something eternal and ineffable.

Same with my black pearls and leather. They help me step into my sexiness, my connection to nature, my power and timelessness, my femininity and my badass. When I wear my necklace, I don’t think about if it’s the “right” piece.

It know its the freakin’ right piece.

My husband showed his knowing of me back in the day, when he proposed to me with a ring of one beautiful black pearl on leather.

How could I not say yes?!

I had heard of talismans before, in my teenage years when I explored Native American culture, in my 20s when I delved into shamanism, and again more recently, when bullshit exorcist (and one of my biz coaches) Fabeku Fatunmise asked me what talismans I would choose for myself.

But at that time, it had never occurred to me that I had worn one for over 7 years.

It was about a month ago, when taking it off for a massage, that I realized how right it felt to have it on, and how naked I felt without it.

My necklace was bought by me, for me, on a surfing trip after my recent divorce and my second more-than-annoying run in with cancer. It was a splurge, and it felt absolutely right.

I have never questioned it.

I put it on in the shop, the sound of the ocean waves crashing just outside. The stunning French woman behind the counter at Pachamama looked at me and said, in a romantic accent through her full lips, “Yesssss. You must geeeet zat.”

Oh hellz yeah.

I wear it every day…it’s been on me when I cry, when I skinny dip under the moon, when I reach the summit of the highest peak in Mongolia – pregnant. I was wearing it through breakups when I growled at an ex in Vegas (yes, I literally growled), and wilderness trips with my girlfriends amongst granite peaks.

It was on me when I started my business, when I quit my J.O.B., when I moved to Alaska, when I sold my condo in Telluride, when my heart was aching. My baby can pull on the leather without me fearing she’ll break it, and when she sticks it in her mouth, she is tasting continents and oceans and sweat and tears.

I used to think talismans were something you had to look at a lot to get their power. But now I realize it was simply by knowing what it symbolized for me, and by choosing to hold it close to me, that I shared its energy and it became my talisman.

I think talismans are important. I’m a bit too much of a multipassionate to commit to a tattoo, but if I ever conjured one up that felt like it would fit forever, I’d probably get one. So, I’ll stick to my necklace for now. I also have other stones, and fabrics, and essential oils that I use.

What are your talismans? What are those things in your life that when you connect with them, you step into your highest truth and power?

wonderwomanmugIf you don’t have any, what are one or two you can think of right now? Here’s another one of mine – I use it before many of my coaching calls with clients and sip exquisite teas with heavy whipping cream…

How to Pick Your Talisman

If you’re having trouble, here are some tips:

  • If you don’t know where to start, begin with getting clear on how you feel when you are tapped into the flow. If you need more help with this, check out the free Clarity + Courage course. This could be one feeling or a bunch of feelings, but whatever it is, be clear about what this FEELS like, and don’t get caught up in the word you use for that feeling. THEN, pick your talisman based on if it helps you feel that way.
  • Do you have any go-to items of clothing or jewelry that you wear when you’re feeling down? How do they make you feel? If it’s feeling more connected to your truth and your inner power (aka ziji), then this could be a talisman for you.
  • Are you attracted to certain stones or materials? Like granite, or quartz, lapis lazuli, silk, velvet, leather…Do this make you feel connected to your most magnificent self?
  • Try to pick things that are accessible to you at all times, or at least easily accessible. That way you can tap into them when needed or on a regular basis.
  • Is there a movie you love to watch that, when you’ve gotten to the credits, you feel like anything is possible, or that you are calm and centered and grounded and at peace, or however the hell you really want to feel? For me, it’s movies like The Matrix, or Empire Strikes Back. When I watch those, even making the bed becomes a Jedi practice.
  • Is there a song, an essential oil, a flower, a picture (you get the idea) that helps you tap into this juicy feeling of yours?

Happy talisman hunting!

Top 10 Reasons Why Quitting Your Job During a Recession Can Be Perfectly Sane

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“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”~ Howard Thurman

First of all, this article assumes you would leave your job because it sucks. It sucks for YOU. This does not apply to kick-ass jobs, of which there are many. And it doesn’t matter if another Jane would be totally grateful for the job you have. If you’re not totally happy with your job, read on!

Back in the day, having a job and staying loyal to a company meant something. It meant you would be earning a secure pension, that if you showed up and did your job, you could keep said job until your retired. The same went for other institutions our society had that brought us security.

Things like religion, marriage, real estate/stock market investments, and looking like we had our shit totally together without any flaws added to our sense of safety. We relied on, “Hey, if I work harder and act perfectly, I’ll be more secure.”

Guess what, Freedom Junkies? Things have changed. There is a shift where people are seeing that real security – real confidence – comes when YOU have control over your time, money, energy, and location.

People are realizing that these days you can remain totally loyal to your own job and still get fired because someone bought out your company. Or because they decided to hire someone who is cheaper than you. You can get married and then come face-to-face with the greater than 50% divorce statistics in this country. People move from spiritual tradition to spiritual tradition only to be let down by hypocrisy after hypocrisy.

Things aren’t as they have been, fellow Jedi. Or perhaps things are as they’ve always been, and now we are waking up to TRUTH. Either way: it ain’t all bad.

Here in my corner of the Universe, we like to create our own lives of Freedom, Adventure, and Purpose. Admittedly, this is a lot easier to do when you’ve created your OWN economy and security (although – as many of my clients would attest to – it is still possible as a {gulp} employee).

This doesn’t mean you need to quit your job! But it also doesn’t mean you should NOT quit it without seriously reconsidering the reasons of old-fashioned “security” either. You can create more true freedom when you have more control of your time, money, energy and location.

That, my friends, is true security.

Here are my Top 10 Reasons Why Quitting Your Job Is Perfectly Sane – if you’re in the mood:

1. Having a job is uber-risky. As one of my business coaches Christine Kane says, with a job, your life can radically change with two words: “You’re fired.”

When you create your OWN economy instead of relying on others for your paycheck, you have more freedom. When you know how to create money yourself, you have more confidence as well.

“But it’s a recession!” I hear many peeps say. Yeah, I know. But check it out: my biz is growing EVERY MONTH, people still buy iPhones, my clients have started their own businesses and are flourishing, my own coaches keep making more and more every year during this recession, plays and movies still sell out, flights still get overbooked.

Look around. There is abundance still. Just for different things. Pick a business that you’re passionate about, be kick-ass in delivering that high-quality product or service, and choose a niche that offers something that people want and need.

When you create your own income, you are able to adjust your income based on the value you provide. In a job, you can’t. Instead you have to ask for a raise. Not fun.

2. Life is short. You are going to die. Sorry to break it to you if you haven’t thought of that for awhile – or ever. But you are going to die and you don’t know when. So if not now, when? If not you, who?

You deserve to ENJOY this life. If you haven’t yet created a lifestyle where your fun times outweigh your “work” times, you at least deserve to have the 1/3+ of your life that you DO spend working doing something that lights you UP!

3. You don’t need tons of money to be happy. For realz. I know many of you think this is bunch of BS, but it’s true. Again, sorry to break it to you;) I traveled to dozens of countries making less than $14,000 a year, and even less than $11,000 some years.

If you have kids, a lot can come up in the form of limiting beliefs around how much you “need” to be happy and “responsible.” Well, I came from a family that made less than $60,000 combined a year and am pretty psyched, I have to say. There are plenty more like me who grew up without a lot but learned to create inner – and outer – wealth despite that. I’m not saying you don’t have to aim for earning oodles. It just won’t necessarily make you – or your kids – any happier.

4. If you have kids, they deserve to have a model of a parent who follows their dreams. My friend Stacey Pruim left her secure and successful corporate job to start her own business recently, called Systems Serenity. At one of our Mastermind retreats, she stood up to the microphone and exposed how scared she was about not being “responsible” enough for her daughters by quitting her job. Stacey is a single parent of two. Talk about the potential to have excuses not to quit your job!

In any event, despite the fear of being (or moreso, being “labeled”) irresponsible, she could not go on with her soul shriveling in her cubicle. She wasn’t happy at work – and this leaked into home as well.

Do you know what her daughters said when asked about this decision a few months after it happened? “Mom, you helped us realize that we can do anything.” Shazam!

Stacey is super successful, and has way more time, freedom, and money to be hanging out with her daughters being a kick-ass mom now. And guess who was at our latest retreat? Her 16 year old daughter who is starting to help her out in her business. Awesome!

5. The world needs more people who follow their passion Check out the quote at the top of this article. It’s true. You are a happier person when you do, both at home and in other areas of your life. You also inspire others to do the same.

6. You don’t have to kiss someone’s ass if you don’t want to. Enough said.

7. You get to focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Feedback at a job rarely focuses on your strengths. When you’re in business or in a truly good job, your weaknesses are delegated to someone else – either you hire them or you give it to someone else on your team who is really good at it, so everyone is playing their own strengths. And your confidence – as well as sense of security – grows.

8. Our new healthcare laws can provide you and your family with more affordable insurance in 2014. I hope you voted accordingly. Just sayin’. I had cancer twice and didn’t want to quit my benefitted job until I knew I could afford paying for COBRA. But that didn’t stop me. I still quit and have finally been able to get affordable healthcare as a “high-risk” person. Yeehaw!

9. You are creative. Many of us can make money in more ways than one. Go for it! Plus, your money goes further when you are self-employed. You can invest in yourself with pre-tax dollars!

10. You can wear whatever you want = You can create a business that supports your authentic self. I choose my business coaches because of who they are – not because of their slickness. Like with Christine Kane, whom I mentioned earlier – I like how she wasn’t a marketing guru slick dude, but she wore jeans and played guitar and speaks-a my language. I love Marie Forleo because she loves hip hop and cracks me up with her goofy antics and she’s wicked smart. The goofy antics may turn some people off – but they’re not her people. My peeps pick me for ME, not because I pretend to be anyone else. People will want YOU – and what you offer in the way only YOU can – too!

I  summary: I’m not saying to be stupid and quit your job without any kind of safety net (although some people out there would say to go for it even without the net). But what I AM saying is don’t use BS for your excuses. The key here is being very clear about what is BS. Not sure? Post below and let’s figure it out.

Have any of you thought about quitting your job or have actually quit your job? Please share it here and let the tribe support each other in creating our own freedom!

Note: For those of you that want to start a side-job for a bit more fun and inspiration or who want to go for it and start their own biz, I highly recommend my friend Chris Guillebeau’s new best-selling book, The $100 Startup. He’s the author of The Art of Non-Conformity, and more, and this book summarizes a lot of the basics you need to know to get started, as well as offering plenty of case studies to learn from. For my peeps, I’ve got super-discounted hardcopy editions for sale here. Shoot me an email (info@AnaVerzone.com) and I’ll send you one ASAP for only $13 – shipping included. Sahweet deal!

And in case you’re wondering – I’m selling and shipping at cost so not making any money on this. It’s because I believe in this book and I want my peeps to kick ass out there! (PS: Conversely, the link here to his Unconventional Guides site, is an affiliate link, so I do get to buy myself a shot of wheatgrass or something if you buy any of his cool shizzle over there- at no additional cost to you, of course! As you know, I only talk about shizzle I use myself to keep it honest and so you can keep trusting me.)

Do You Feel a Call to Adventure?

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“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” ~ William Shedd

One of the classic stages of the Hero’s Journey is the Call to Adventure, where a person stops living an average life, the separation from society and life as you know it begins, and shit starts to get interesting. And check this out: it’s not just meant for Luke Skywalker. This journey is meant for you as well.

You are not here on this planet to be bored, to sit in front of a TV watching other people living epic lives. You are not meant to be wasting moments of your precious life slaving away for someone else’s dreams. You are not meant to spend all your time indoors safe and cozy and totally comfortable in an insulated lil’ life. Au contraire, mon amie.

Sorry to break it to ya, but you are a ship built for adventure, and if you’re in harbor, you’re going to hear this calling pretty damn soon – if you haven’t already.

What does this “call” sound like? Well, according to Joseph Campbell, it’s like a phone ringing. Isn’t that convenient?

heros_journey4_8462Unfortunately, it’s not always what I’ve noticed. Sometimes this call is a bit – ahem – less pleasant than a ringtone. Sometimes, this call to adventure manifests as full-blown panic attacks, night sweats, low-level anxiety that has you feeling things are not as they should be…a restlessness that can’t be verbalized that has you feeling you are not living your life to the fullest…but you don’t know what else you’re supposed to do.

That’s what I’ve seen it feel like – in myself, in my clients, and even in movies! There’s this flick I totally stumbled upon called Wanted, with Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy, and this guy has panic attacks and medicates himself to keep them under control…but you end up learning that it stems from the fact that he isn’t living his purpose, which is as a gifted badass spiritual assassin of sorts. He had all these superpowers pent up inside, and they were telling him to let them the hell out – in the form of anxiety.

You can see this stage in every epic story, like the Star Wars series (in particular, Empire Strikes Back – my favorite!), the Matrix, Lord of the Rings…but what we forget is that ALL of us – yes, all of us mere mortals – are called to undertake the Hero’s Journey.

Have you been hearing this call but ignoring it? Or have you heard it and taken action? The Separation that occurs with the Call to Adventure can be kind of nerve-racking, to say the least. But the coolest part is knowing that it feels that way because things are about to change – for the better. You leaving harbor is always, always better – because THAT is what you are built for.

I’d love for you to share your thoughts about the Call to Adventure, Separation, and what YOUR ship is going to do once it leaves harbor below. I read all of it, so know I’ll respond to you!

Days 275 to 303 Why “This Is LIFE!” Should Be Your New Mantra – News from Southern Africa

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“I think all these little brown dots on the ground are…some kind of poo,” I suggest. Well, according to Thai’s imitation, I actually sounded like a grandma inspecting her kitchen for dirt with a white glove. “YOU have a look then!” I say to him. He gets down on his knees with my headlamp and after a few minutes of inspection, he uses a common medical phrase, “I’m afraid I can’t rule it out.”

Meaning he also thought the ground might actually be covered with poo (and I mean carpeted, not “dotted with”). More correctly, it meant that he couldn’t say what it was – or wasn’t.

I paused and took an “inner inventory of options,” if you will. The whole area in this section of the Kalahari desert we were camping in was truly covered with this stuff. Thousands of little bushes surrounded us that could hide little “poo machines” like desert shrew and what not.

I realized I had to be OK with camping in a carpeted world of little African rodent crap. And FYI: rodents are some of the main vectors for the more serious tropical diseases we were treating in the refugee camps.

I proceeded to set up the tent over the carpet of whatever-it-was.

This is Africa, baby. Deal with it.

Then I’m driving through Botswana and a little grouse walks in front of us on the highway. I toot the least-threatening-horn-ever of our trusted VW “Springbok,” and she takes flight. I sigh, relieved…Only to watch her get slammed by a speeding truck coming in the other direction. Feathers everywhere. Tears well up in my eyes. I reach for Thai’s hand for reassurance that it was a swift death, and I suck it up. Well, I let the tears well up a little longer, then I suck it up.

This is Africa, baby. T.I.A. Deal with it. At least it wasn’t a donkey or a cow.

I get a fast and furious GI illness that takes me out for a few hours. I’m puking my insides out. People are frolicking by the pool. Dancing at the bar. Thai tries to get a room for me but reception is closed. We’re camping. Far away from the porcelain basins. Thai brings my sleeping pad next to the bathroom doors and I sleep there for awhile. Happy drunk girls wander around me without thinking twice. Happy drunk boys walk past with stupid thoughts and continue on. I am thrilled to be so close to my new porcelain friends. The bar manager asks if we’d like to move our tent next to the bathrooms. Why, Yes! THANK YOU! We do.

TIA.

Alright. Let’s talk about this phrase I hear a lot here: “This is Africa” or “TIA.” When shit happens here, people usually do one of two things:

1) get pissed and be pissed in the heat with no subsequent change in the outcome or…

2) shrug it off, sigh, smile, and say – with a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood – “This is Africa!” Then let it go, and buy a beer. Likely, you will then wait (many of the frustrations involve waiting and waiting and waiting…).

Why is this letting go something that so many people are so willing to do here, but are so UNwilling to do back in their home countries? I mean, this is kind of huge, in my mind.

Do you realize HOW MUCH HAPPIER we’d be if we could say, for example, “This is life!” Or “Shit happens ha ha ha!!!” then let go, and get on with being and living?!! It would be amazing!

I realize that what I’m talking about is, on some level, deep spiritual work, and it takes time and energy. We need to become aware of our attachments and expectations, our sense of entitlement, our excuses based on our “wounds.”

Then we need to develop the space between the thoughts and emotions and actions to allow a different response (meditation and yoga are my fave ways of cultivating this).

Then we need to stop ruminating about what could have or should have been, stop replaying the suffering (trust me – the poor bird ran many reels of movie-time through my head after that event), stop daydreaming about what might have been, and get the fuck on with our lives!

We need to learn to OWN IT and ROCK IT. Focus on what we want. Not on what we don’t want.

So yes, it is, on some level, deep spiritual work.

But it is also something simple: a CHOICE. This I what happens in Africa. Many of us simply
choose to simply let go. Life is better – and more effortless – that way.

What is happening RIGHT NOW? That’s what you should be focused on. Nothing else. Not on your expectations or past dreams. CHOOSE to let things go, and focus on the things you CAN work with.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“If you CAN change something, why be unhappy? If you CAN’T change setting, why be unhappy?” ~ Shantideva, A Bodhisattva’s Guide to The Way of Life

Suffering in Africa is no less intense than in the “Western world” (and many would argue it is even moreso). Contrary to popular belief, people here are no less sensitive to suffering, either. I also don’t think they are necessarily more “spiritually evolved” when it comes to non-attachment.

So why, here in Africa, are locals and expatriots and travelers able to let go so much more readily? (Caveat: if you are not prone to this adaptation, you’d likely avoid Africa altogether anyway).

I believe the difference is a keen understanding of the above statement: Knowing the difference between what you can and cannot change. Here in Africa, it is much easier to make that distinction. And while it can be terribly frustrating, it can be quite a relief, actually.

I remember after many trips to Asia when I was working as a climbing guide, I walked into a supermarket in the US to buy toothpaste after returning home, and I was completely overwhelmed by the ENTIRE ISLE of choices: With baking soda or without? Tatar control? Fluoride? Mint or peppermint? Gel or paste? I mean, WTF, right?! In Nepal I’d ask for toothpaste and get handed a tube over the counter. That was IT. Take it or leave it. It’s the only toothpaste they had. I rather miss that sometimes. I have more important things to ponder. I’m sure you do too!

Things are similar in many parts of Africa. The bus will leave when it leaves, no matter what the schedule says.

Animals will get hit regularly on the the side of the road, because people have cattle that need to graze, and there is grass along the roadway, and one-lane highways.

You have to pay a guy a few cents to make sure your car doesn’t get broken into. While thuggish himself, he’s part of a street-wise system way larger than you or your desire to save a few cents or sense of self-righteousness about the way things should work.

You don’t know your car’s “engine number” for the border crossing? They don’t care that they didn’t ask at the other border when you came in. Find the engine number. Whatever that is.

You see, it’s easier to see what you can and can’t change here. We are all in it together.

In the US, I observe – and admittedly found myself a part of – a sense of entitlement, of how if we yell loud enough, or show the right small print, or tell a really good version of our personal tragic story, we’ll eventually get what we want (and in our minds, what we deserve).

It’s true that some of these things protect us and keep things running efficiently. I am grateful for those aspects of it.

However, we need to keep in mind that the unintended result of this is that we have, as a society, become less adept at letting go of the small stuff. We are less skilled at quickly putting things into perspective, and not trying to control the things we cannot change. And it IS a skill. (pssst: we teach these Jedi Skills at Freedom Junkie;)

Next time shit happens – and try to start with the small stuff, like when the food that gets brought to your table is not exactly what you ordered, or when your friend is 15 minutes late – try out T.I.L. “This Is Life!” It’s happening right now. It’s perfectly imperfect! Live it! Don’t screw it all up with ideas of how it should have been!

Things are much more fun this way;)

What are you choosing to let go of today? Or what have you already chosen to let go of already? (And by the way, Bravo, Badass!). Do share below…I want to know!

PS: the little dots were not poo. In the light of day, we could see they were seeds from the surrounding trees:) Poo Trees, I’ve decided to call them

PPS: for those wanting in on the other full-on adventures since my last post, they include:

* Hiking through the deep red sand dunes of Soussvlei in Namibia

* Being awe-struck by the stark vastness of Namibia’s Skeleton Coast

* Spotting lions, rhinos, elephants, giraffe, and more at Etosha National Park

* Visiting the majestic Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe

* Chobe National Park morning game drive and sunset river boat cruise to see hippos, crocodiles, and more lions rarrrrrrr! (Botswana)

* A tree fell on Springbok in a big Botswanan storm and she survived unscathed! Amazing!

* Romantic and beautiful nights and days of camping in Botswana’s Okavango Delta after lazy rocking mokoro travel through the delta (where a wonderful man named BT took us in his dug-out canoe through the reed pathways, using his pole to navigate the waters (and hippos!). If you want a guide’s number for the Okavango, he’s awesome and you’ll save LOTS of money booking directly. Email me!

* and proposal update: add on Namibia, Angola, Botswana, Zimbabwe, and Zambia to the list! So many good stories about those moments:)

* there are more, but those will have to wait for when I don’t have to thumb type! Thank you for your patience:)

Now we’re back in South Africa after having just crossed the border from Botswana border in our trusty VW Polo (aka “Springbok”). It will be sad to leave her. Her maiden voyage has been quite epic to be a part of!

We head to the Quirimbas Archipelago in northern Mozambique tomorrow morning. Beach time!!!!! Yay!!! We plan to sail and dive off the traditional dhows there. Hopefully we can find one to charter that we can afford!!!???

For more photos, please friend me on Facebook if you haven’t yet and check out pics here. There are a few videos on my YouTube channel too.

Below are pictures of me with a Himba woman in Namibia (she was a midwife too so we had some nice chats. When I told her some peeps in the states ate their placenta she gagged then spit LOL), Springbok at camp on the Skeleton Coast, the red dunes of Soussvlei, and the mokoro in the Okavango Delta.

Be free, fellow Freedom Junkies!

Remember: the world responds to ACTION, so get out there and DO something differently to move you closer towards your freedom!!!! I’m rooting for you;)

Love,

Ana

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Why Adventure Is Essential To Your Evolution

This moving away from comfort and security, this stepping out into what is unknown, uncharted and shaky – that’s called liberation” ~ Pema Chodron

You should know that I have always qualified adventure as being a very personal word. My definition of adventure doesn’t have to be yours.

But to give you an idea of what I mean, consider that you can feel adventure when climbing a mountain; you can feel it overcoming a physical challenge like a marathon, or cancer; you can feel it when you risk your heart to be with your soul mate. I even feel adventure when I go to a new city, check out a new restaurant, try a new yoga pose, or learn a new skill.

Good ol’ Merriam says: (n) ad-ven-ture

1: an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks

2: an exciting or remarkable experience

Adventure often involves risk – but not necessarily danger. It can be very self-limiting to confuse the two.

While I don’t think danger is an essential part of spiritual evolution, I do think occasionally taking risks is. This is because what we “risk” is often as simple as losing “what is familiar” to us, and not nearly as dangerous as it initially feels. Yet being willing to risk losing the familiar can open up worlds for us.

However, keep in mind that adventure can also be as “easy” as “an exciting or remarkable experience.” Ahhhhhh….

So why exactly is adventure – and the risks we take with adventures – important to our evolution?

When we are focused on spiritual evolution (inward and outward freedom) and things get routine, our minds grows dull, and the negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that we all have, which we work on mastering daily, are harder to break.

Things feel more permanent and real.

We think we have “proof” that they are permanent and real because nothing seems to be changing.

They appear that way because to be efficient, our brains choose – and prefer – to travel down the same neuronal pathways and do things the same way they’ve always been done. Therefore, we get the same results.

And nothing changes. Then we say, “See! That’s how things are!”

The problem – and solution – and coolest thing ever – is that things are not so permanent and “real.” When we think they are, that’s when we are not free. That’s when we think we don’t have a choice. That’s when we suffer and get stuck. That’s when we give up.

It becomes the Same. Old. Shit. Everyday.

Our brains have an inherent need to find patterns, which help them work more efficiently. Because of this, simply doing things differently feels like a risk for most of us, and we try to avoid change.

It takes energy to do things differently, and the brain naturally resists change. This was more helpful when our lives needed us to primarily be in survival mode.

It is less helpful when we are trying to evolve.

But when we remain open to change – to the fact that we have choice in our lives with not only what we do, but also in how we think – it creates new neuronal connections, new pathways that allow our thoughts and our actions to create a new life – the life we want.

Life lived your way!

Change is new, we don’t know what to expect, it feels…weird! We have lost our sense of familiarity, and we perceive it as a risk, or as unsafe.

But let’s admit it…even though it is uncomfortable, we tend to feel most alive when we are on the edge, when we are stretching ourselves. This is because when we take those risks – whether to simply try something new, or do something terrifying – we grow!

So guess what is a bona fide scientific way to help your mind be open to change, to new thought patterns, new neuronal pathways and networks…to freakin’ neogenesis of the mind!?

Trying new things.

Doing things differently. Stretching out of your comfort zone aka = Adventure.

I’m not shizzling you.

There’s a great study from the UK where they took a group of individuals and had them do several things:

      • Pick from a list of opposite characteristics every day, and BE in that opposite for a set period of time (a few hours, the whole day). For example, outgoing – shy; likes to talk sports – likes to talk philosophy; optimistic – pessimistic, etc. If you were normally outgoing, you’d spend the time that day “being” shy. If you liked to talk sports, you would spend the time brushing up on chatting about Kant or Descartes.
      • Eat a new type of food twice a week
      • Read something they’ve never read before twice a week (didn’t have to be a book)

And guess what? Over 70% of them lost 11 lbs – at least.

WTF does that have to do with anything?

The conclusion was that they lost weight because they started to realize that everything was a choice – including what and how much they ate. Some of the participants commented on how they would ask themselves why they were eating what they were, if they were actually really hungry, and if they really needed it. And not just with food. With everything.

It makes sense. Afterall, they practiced different ways of being every day, which must have opened up some new ideas about why they were choosing to be in their “normal” state of being so much.

Interestingly, this is the same theory that scientists have about one of the reasons why yoga – even non-strenuous styles of yoga – helps people lose weight. Awareness.

** When you do new things, when your mind is asked by necessity – on a regular basis – to change it up and not fall into the same pattern, it is more malleable. **

You are then open to more options in how you think, the thoughts you choose to focus on, the way you respond, and the way you choose to spend your time…

You are also likely to have less attachment (the bad kind…not the kind to Nutella!) when you don’t do the same dang thing everyday, which means you can adapt to change more readily and easily.

And remember, things are always changing. It’s resistance to it that messes us up.

Too much change can indeed be stressful. But I’m just asking you to juicy things up a bit – a little new salsa here and there, an adventure flick instead of that dark Euro drama (I can’t believe there’s a category for that on Netflix!), oh yes – even a new hanky panky move. Or hell, go to Mauritius instead of Hawaii this year!

Isn’t this all so exciting?! This means that your mind – which, in my belief, is the root of most of our suffering – is malleable, there are methods to increase your successful evolution, and it can become the source of happiness. True happiness.

You can start to eliminate the negative thoughts that run in the back of your mind all day (or on the days of heavy funk, maybe they’re more at the front of your mind). You can create new opportunities and experiences. You can feel more ALIVE and passionate about your life.

That’s good shizzle.

I guess that’s a huge reason for why Freedom Junkies do the crazy things we do. Maybe we didn’t know it when we were younger. Perhaps we thought we just didn’t want to be bored.

But now there is a better understanding of the effect new experiences have on the mind. We now have insight into the effects of new experiences on our sense of freedom, both inside and out – and the reality of that freedom as well.

When you experience how good it feels to be open to change and to not fear doings things differently, when you see glimpses into how free and FUN life is when you create daily opportunities for new things to happen, you too will become addicted to daily adventures.

We now know that adventure (done your way) it is a need, and not merely a want. At least if you want to evolve;)

So how about we make this a party?!!

Let’s get out there and do some new things. You don’t have to do what I do. Or what anyone else does. We all dance to our own drum. Do what works for you – just do something new, something differently – regularly.

Then, see how working with your mind becomes easier. You can more likely respond instead of react. “Create” instead of “fall victim to.” Choose the compassionate and skillful reaction instead of the aggressive one you’ll later feel guilty or ashamed about. Make healthier choices for you body.

Choose happiness. Oh, SNAP! The bonuses are endless!

We all need adventure. We need it to evolve ourselves – and our world. Go git you some.

Take a moment to share below what new adventures you’re going to add to your life, knowing it will help free your mind and create more freedom in the world you experience.

Note: Are you interested in taking this to a deeper level? Keep an eye out for registration for my 2015 Freedom Sessions Adventure Mastermind. We will spend the entire year as an intimate tribe, going on three amazing adventure retreats, working with our minds and inner beings methodically and metaphysically, learning what our old stories are, skills to unravel, debunk, and oust unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs, and rewriting our new life stories – making change more permanent and lasting. This helps us effectively creating the lives we desire – finally! – and we’ll be having FUN while we’re at it;) Use the contact form by clicking here if you’d like to learn more. It will be juicy!

6 Things I Learned Getting My Ass Kicked Mountain Biking

A gorgeous tree and moon at a water break

I went mountain biking in Moab for the first time. Ever. I can’t believe I waited that long! Perhaps it was because mountain biking scares the shit out of me.

Yes I know…I climb mountains and travel to exotic places and miss kidnappings in Africa by a few hours yada yada but we ALL have things we are comfortable with and things we aren’t. And its different for all of us. For me, going fast freaks me out. That includes on two wheels on rocks.

But I’m improving, and now it scares me AND is pretty damn fun. Here are some things I learned while getting on trails a bit over my head, which I think apply to life in general. If you don’t think you’ll ever mountain bike, keep reading because you can learn what I did without having to do it. And if you LOVE mountain biking, please add your thoughts about what it (or any other sport) has taught you in the comments. Share the love!

1) When you want to go somewhere, focus on where you want to BE, and NOT on what you’re trying to avoid. If you see a tree you are trying to not hit, look at where you’d rather go instead. If you keeping looking at the tree in the hopes of avoiding it, guess where you’ll go? Yup. Into the tree. Focus more on what you want, and not on what you don’t want in life. A simple way to start doing this is to stop complaining…and start requesting.

2) Anticipate by looking downstream. This does not mean living in the future. It means being totally present with everything around you in the NOW. And when you are indeed present, you can actually better prepare for what is to come, because the path before you is that much more clear. Seeing only the rock 1 foot in front of you isn’t being present. it’s tunnel vision. Lift your chin up…what do you see?

Ana mountain biking
Beautiful rest spot (yes, that’s snot)

3) Be in Shape. You can’t hop off the couch and expect to have fun crawling uphill with a bike. You have to prepare for it and be fit enough to enjoy yourself – OR admit you are out of shape and do it anyway, knowing you are getting more fit as time goes on. But don’t be out of shape, bike uphill and hate it, then claim mountain biking isn’t fun. In life, when you want to do something, be prepared. And if you don’t prepare and you don’t achieve what you set out to, don’t blame it on what you were trying to do OR on who you are…instead, be better prepared next time. Yup, that means no excuses. Sorry.

4) Easy is boring. Easy is cool if you are injured or exhausted or sick. But barring those things, life is generally more spicy and juicy when a bit of challenge is involved. Not freaked-out-scared-shitless kind of challenge (at least not all the time), but stretching. I was scared to go on my first Moab ride so elected to do a “moderate” gravel road. It bored the hell out of me. It was hot and dusty and easy. I opted to turn around after 4 miles And mind you, I am anxious about riding.

I elected to go for a single track route. Awesome. Then I elected to go down a “black diamond” route which I super loved because I got to pull off sections of trail that I originally thought I wasn’t ready for. It was so scary and fun at the same time! There are few things more thrilling than doing something you thought you couldn’t do. And the only way you get to feel that is to try shit scared (see below).

5) You can always walk around. Choosing not to do something because of a few challenges will be safe, but it will also keep you from growing at the pace you are capable of, AND it can even lead you to stay stuck…and (heaven forbid) bored. I went down the aforementioned black diamond trail knowing full well that I would have to walk my bike down some sections. But guess what? That amounted to far fewer sections than I originally thought. What might you be avoiding just because of something you could simply “walk around” should it not work out?

kane creek canyon
view like this (in Kane Creek Canyon) are priceless

6) Do it scared. If you wait for fear to go away before doing something, it won’t happen. Fear is telling you something exciting is going on.  It tells you you’re on your edge and are about to grow. Or maybe you’ll screw up, but hell at least you’re not bored.

Fear will be there if you’re doing anything worthwhile, like a first date with a big crush, or a job interview for your ideal position, or traveling on your own for the first time, or going down a freakin’ steep trail with gorgeous views on two wheels. Do it anyway. Did you know that in studies on love, people rated their feelings of love higher on a date when there was an element of fear involved (i.e. a scary movie or a roller coaster ride)? Our entire being is stimulated by appropriate fear and excitement. Start seeing fear – in the absence of real immediate physical danger – as excitement. And do it!

What have you learned from doing something out of your comfort zone? Please share below! I’d love to hear from ya.

Days 101 to 105 The Good Fear – FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

Well dog my cats! I went pack rafting today and didn’t shit my pants! I have this thing with drowning…and the way I tend to address my fears is dive straight into them. Inevitably they seem far less freaky than what my mind was making up. Buuuuut with whitewater kayaking or pack rafting, it feels a little harder to embrace being dumped into a rapid, upside down. It’s that “airway” thing, I guess.

The depths of the ocean freaked me out, so I learned to scuba dive. It was much prettier and mellow down there than the dark muddied world of ugly gray breasts that I’d made up whenever a strand of seaweed would brush against my leg at the beaches in Santa Cruz.

Heights made me dizzy so I learned to climb, and discovered that getting over that fear for the kick ass views was well worth it.

Here I am after packrafting Clear Creek, where it runs into the Klamath River

I was afraid to have my heart hurt again, so I flung it wide open for my soul mate, who is – as I write this on my iPhone on the banks of Clear Creek – on my mountainbike riding uphill 8 miles to go get the car, which we left at the put-in upriver. We’re uber happy, to say the least;)

In any event, until recently, I allowed myself to be afraid of whitewater, because I figured it’s ok to be afraid of <em>something,</em> right? But then whenever my friends did it, I felt like I was missing out. They’d come back all tan and happy, and with this cool shared experience. And deep down, I knew I could do it. And deep down, I wish I was better at it. So, I did it:)

Hey! There is it again! That fear I’ve written about a few times: FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out.

Well thank God for FOMO. Without it, I might be better rested and comfortable, but because of it, I keep having amazing new experiences, meeting absolutely amazing people, playing in the wilderness, getting stronger in body, mind, and spirit…and heart. And I feel ALIVE!

Of course, you don’t have to be on whitewater or a mountain to feel alive. We all have our own thing for that.

What is yours? What helps you feel alive?

And what are you fearing you might be missing out on? What could you do to drop into it and have a cool experience?

Does it require you to call a friend, or go on a date by yourself and check out that new wine bar and hit up that long yet awesome movie you’ve been wanting to see? Does it mean you need to stop protecting your heart so much that you don’t take anymore risks?

FOMO is a good fear – at least for me. The fear of missing out often overpowers the fear of whatever it is before me. And I grow as a result. I mean, I’m with my freakin’ soulmate!!!

It keeps me on my toes, taking inner and outer risks, and opening to the opportunities that the Universe present before me.

This planet is so utterly, epically, über amazing. Being human is such a precious gift. Our spirits and hearts are so much more resilient and magnificent than we can ever imagine them to be.

So, what’s your FOMO? Please do share below! I’d love to hear from you.

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting Anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

Days 96 to 100 Happy Dance! What I’ve Learned After 100 Days of Living Full On

Yeehaw! It is hard to believe that I started this journey just over 100 days ago (I wrote this late last night which was technically Day 101;) Since coming back from the river over the long weekend, I’ve had some time to reflect on what I’ve learned so far on this year-long (and hopefully lifetime!) adventure.

I was on the Smith River Monday and Tuesday, and as I pulled into town after those awesome days on the water, I noticed several things: 1) I was undeniably tan. SO TAN compared to others here in the Pacific Northwest just coming out of the Winter/Spring transition. And despite my history of melanoma, it meant to me that I was playing outside, which made me happy;)

2) I also noticed that I was so relaxed the rest of the week, and that I was less easily irritated and much more patient and present…and freakin’ HAPPY!

I know this shot is cheesy, but I’m singin’ it anyway – 100 days, baby!!!!

Well, I did admittedly catch on fire a bit when someone had been snarky with a student midwife I was teaching. I got all motherly and protective! You should have seen it. I reared up for her like a mama moose;) This happened in the privacy of the two of us hanging out, of course (I have learned a bit of diplomacy over the years) – but I found it more entertaining than unsettling. I’m not kidding though – other than that incident, it was like even if I had WANTED to get pissy I couldn’t have. It was awesome! And this has been growing ever since I started this challenge.

It has been interesting observing my mind this week and reflecting on how things have changed since I started this challenge. Something would happen and I’d say, “Oh bummer. This is totally going to irritate me.” Then I’d wait for the reaction…and it wouldn’t come! I watched it happen a few more times and I thought, “Damn! This shit really works!”

What shit am I referring to?

  • self love
  • compassion
  • responding instead of reacting
  • observing the mind throughout the day (and sitting meditation)
  • taking care of my body – rest AND exercise…and I suppose lots of great sex doesn’t hurt either;)
  • honoring my values
  • surrounding myself with good friends and family
  • making decisions (even HUGE ones!) based on integrity with who I am and what my dreams are
  • building my confidence and courage to take the actions that move me forward towards my dreams
  • striving to be as present as possible with the people I interact with
  • being outdoors as much as possible
  • …and more

In short, all those things make up the definition of what Living Full On means for me. And when I do all those things, I am a happier, more joyous, more compassionate, patient,

Just for kicks I thought I’d toss in this photo of my Happy Mentor: my mom. Hee hee! She’s 77!

loving, and present person. So don’t think for a moment that living Full On is a selfish thing! When you live Full On, you bring light and love and joy to the world.

I think the last time I felt like this – energized, passionate, calm, present, happy, patient, loving, compassionate – so consistently was when I was a climbing guide and living out of my car. It was brilliant. And it IS brilliant to feel that again.

I confirmed what I knew to be true but had a hard time implementing and experiencing in a balanced and regular way while working full-time (and then some;) and living far from big mountains: that I CAN feel that way again. I can feel that way without having to be in the mountains every day of my life and doing scary shit and traveling to remote places. Yes, I WANT to keep doing those things – and WILL. But there is a peace that come from finding this SOURCE, this place to tap into wherever I am.

It doesn’t mean it is OK to ignore my values of being in the outdoors, or finding adventures, or feeling healthy and sexy and alive. It simply means that when I can’t get or do exactly what I want, I am learning how to still feed my soul, and how to do so in a balanced way.

I think the next chapter of this journey is going to involve learning more about balance…refining this dance of living Full On every day.

I’d love to hear about what you do to find balance in your life to give me some ideas for what’s coming up. Please let me know in the comments below. I’m sure others will love to read about it as well! So…

How do YOU balance your passions with other parts of your life?

Also, what does Living Full On mean for you?

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, mentor and Freedom Junkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Freedom Junkie ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.FullOn365.com

Days 78 to 82 – Confessions of a Perfectionist

Living Full-On Every DayI know you all have seen photos that I’ve posted about backcountry skiing trips in Alaska and Colorado etc. What you may not know is that I’m relatively new to skiing. I’ve owned skis for a long time…but actually using them on a regular basis has somehow eluded me. I think it is that “fear of falling on my face at high speeds” thing. But admittedly, there’s more.

This year, Alaska got dumped on (where as the lower 48 got barely anything for most of the winter), my partner is from Alaska, and he definitely skis. So, I strapped those boards on more than ever this year, and it was a true experience in being humbled, and getting over my perfectionism (which  had conveniently forgotten about).

You see, I’m actually used to big mountains. Lots of skiers, when they come to Alaska, are at least temporarily overwhelmed by the largess of what surrounds them. The largess, I am used to. I’ve guided in the Himalaya and even in Alaska itself. The massive glaciers and peaks are awe-inspiring, and at the same time, I am more accustomed to them than most outdoorsy peeps. But with slippery boards attached to my feet, I was freaked out to be in those big mountains, to put it mildly. And beyond that, if I were being truly honest, it wasn’t even fear that bothered me so much, because I adapt that way pretty quickly.

Getting ready for to head out from the Homer Spit for some sailing and skiing

What got to me was sucking at something.

I am all about growth. After all, Full On 365 is about me pushing myself to grow in every humanly way possible, not just through physical challenges, but spiritual ones as well. And Alaska – as big mountains often do – pushed me to stretch in both ways this winter.

I know how to climb (rock snow, and ice), I know how to carry big heavy packs and suffer for the inevitably epic reward at the end of the adventure, and for the amazing times to be had on the journey itself. I know how to assess mountain terrain and cross big rivers and manage being in grizzly territory and plan big adventures in foreign countries and how to stay warm with very little clothing.

But, my dears, I know not how to ski very well. And that fact has kept me from doing it – often.

I have often spoken with my clients about how perfectionism, and needing to do something uber well every time can keep you from actually experiencing life –  and more importantly, from enjoying it! Who cares if you don’t do it perfectly, right?

I do.

I’d like to not care, but I do. And it has taken me a lot of work to move through that, which is why I think I can speak about it so well to my clients, and help them through it as well. So when perfectionism reared its ugly head again on this recent trip, I was taken aback.

Pretty much every trip to Alaska this winter involved skiing. And not just every trip, but every day. And I went along, a somewhat reluctant adventurer this time around, wanting to learn and get better (the only way to get better is to DO it!) and hang out with my tribe in beautiful places having an awesome time, even if I did fall on my ass (and face) all day.

Getting ready to ski – ocean to mountaintop! – at Jakalof Bay

However, every one of my friends is a really good skier. I mean REALLY good. Some of them don’t even climb, but many have been skiing for the larger part of their lives, and telemarking at least several years. I was on tele skis as well, which are trickier that alpine skis because your heel isn’t locked down to the ski itself, and it involves a refined technique to make downhill turns. The tradeoff is that because your heel isn’t locked down, it allows you to strap skins on and hike uphill – to big mountaintops and to remote places. Sahweet, and totally worth it for me! Plus, making a good tele turn is a high in and of itself. But falling on your face when everyone else is rockin’ it seemingly effortlessly down the slopes doesn’t feel so awesome.

On this last trip, my partner and I happened to also go sailing – an absolutely stunning trip with incredible views and fortunate weather. We brought skis, too. We were going to be out for 2.5 days, and we skied for the first day above Jakalof Bay on Broken Knife. It was hard going uphill in funky snow for me (oh yeah, I forgot to mention – not only was skiing hard, but being out of shape hiking uphill in skis didn’t help either. I didn’t do much of that in Oregon the last few months). Then it was sketchy coming down in crusty heavy wet snow and I fell every two turns. We had to navigate through trees and gullies to get back to the road before hiking back down to the boat. But it was gorgeous at the top, and I felt satisfied back at the boat and relieved after having survived.

The next day, my partner suggested we go for a beach hike, or a sail into some other bays. I was pleased at this. To have a day when I wasn’t struggling up  – or down – a mountain was a lovely thought to me. It sounded so…relaxing.

Then, a boatload of people (literally) pulled up in skies at the dock we had slept at, and two of Thai’s friends (Thais is my partner – I always forget to just say his name) showed up inviting us to ski. He looked at me and said, “So what do you think?”

Just before falling on my face every two turns

And I wanted soooooo badly to shout back, “WTF do you think!!!!! NO I don’t want to ski. I’m tired of being stressed out and feeling lame and sucky at something. I am tired of struggling uphill and feeling out of shape and clumsy. I would like to do something I am fucking GOOD at today!”

But I didn’t yell that. I just said calmly, “The last thing I want to do right now is go backcountry skiing with a bunch of strangers.” And he understood.

But you see, I think I WOULD have liked to have gone. What I didn’t want was to feel all that incompetence and struggle and other icky feelings. And I realized that was ALL MY SHIT. Thai didn’t care if I was slow or if I fell. He loved being out there with me no matter what. And I felt a sadness that I was keeping myself from having another adventure. If I didn’t care what other people thought, if I didn’t compare myself to others, I would have gone, at my own pace, in my own way.

Sigh.

So I took a walk to the end of the dock after everyone left for their kick-ass adventure, and I sat on the edge, looking at the mountains and at the reflections in the beautiful water, and I cried. I didn’t like feeling embarrassed or scared to do something. I didn’t like feeling like I was holding my partner back (I told him to catch up to them and go, while I hung out and read and went for a hike or something, but he wanted to stay with me). Whatever was going on, I didn’t like it. But I let it wash over me. It was so obvious to me that it was my shit, my deep feelings of self-worth and all that shtuff were getting their buttons pushed. So I opened to it all. I was surprised by it, but attentively watched it all move through me like a movie.

Views of distant volcanoes from Tutka Bay

Then I allowed myself to receive my partner’s hugs and words of love and encouragement, and we set sail. The water was stunning and perfect and we had porpoises playing around us, views of the marine volcanoes across the water, and watched sea otters and loons and it was just…life at its finest.

I felt better.

(Here’s a video of the porpoises playing ear the boat: http://youtu.be/f9hLElIRia8 )

The next day, we met some friends at a mountain cabin for a work party, and we almost didn’t ski because it was drizzling and there was a lot of work to be done on the cabin. But then it got a bit warmer, and it was decided that skiing was the thing to do. Ugh.

I had left my skis at the car for these last two days in Alaska. And I was going to continue to leave them there. I was with a group of guys, all of whom go backcountry skiing almost every day after a long day at work, when most people make dinner and go to bed. Hell no I was not going to ski again. Especially after my messed up epic falling every two turns at Broken Knife.

But these guys are convincing, and kind, and oh so sweet, and they repeatedly told me how it didn’t matter, that we wouldn’t be doing anything epic and that I could turn around whenever I wanted. But what really got me was when our friend Cliff said, “You have to get your skiing mojo back, You have to remember that skiing isn’t about the falling or the crappy snow. Come out and get your mojo back.”

Again, the reluctant skier, I went.

And IT WAS FREAKIN’ AMAZING!

We hiked up to this gorgeous broad face of snow, hung out at the top and shared some scooby snacks, then we skied down. I fell once, but before and after that, I linked beautiful turns in perfect spring snow, and took in the views and laughed and smiled a HUGE smile because it was so incredibly fun.

Mojo back.

So, I am not saying one should push themselves to being uncomfortable every day in order to grow. I am also not saying that wanting to just rest on the sailboat was in anyway “wrong” on my part. But what I do want to remind myself of is that I cannot let my desire to be good at something (let alone kick-ass at something) keep me from doing it imperfectly.

Do it imperfectly. The imperfect moments in life are TOO MUCH FUN.

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting Anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at Anaverzone.com/jedi-juice