True freedom is a feeling

Freedom – deep freedom – is a feeling.

While there are certainly many inalienable human rights that can help to define what freedom is, that’s not the freedom I’m talking about here. I am sure you can think of plenty of people that are privileged to have those rights, and yet they feel suffocated and stifled. Trapped, like a puma in a cage. Stuck. Like you will never know the true you, or live your true life.

Anything but free.

I’ve certainly been there. Have you?

Is this because we are spoiled and take for granted the freedoms we do have? That if we only realized how lucky we are to be able to write negative blog posts about the president without being blacklisted (for now, at least), or being a woman and being able to go to school without fear, or being able to stroll along the beach and not be concerned about landmines, that we’d realize how free we really are and get over it?

Personally, I don’t think so.

That’s because the deep freedom I’m referring to is a feeling – it’s something that we sense deep in our soul, when we are aligned.

The surprise to many is that deep freedom is not having a location-independent lifestyle, or tons of money to do whatever we want with. It’s not being your own boss or not having to answer to someone else. It’s not saying whatever the hell we want and wearing what we want. It isn’t kissing or loving whomever we want, or living wherever we want.

Those are external freedoms. They are measured against us being able to do/be something without ramifications from others.

Deep freedom is when YOU are able to fully accept you, be you, love you…and also accept things as they are. That’s being aligned. The only ramifications of not doing these things are felt by just one person – you. The only person that makes you feel bad about these things is just … you.

So you see, if you want true freedom – deep freedom – it starts with going within. It can be easy to get distracted by the external freedoms, and trying to shape your life into the perfect little scenario where you don’t have to rely on anyone, or answer to anyone. But take it from someone with over 20 different certifications, 3+ places to live (read: run away to), and over a dozen ways I’ve learned to make money in case myriad things happen to the economy or political state so that I will always have my needs met: it doesn’t mean shit if you aren’t really free on the inside.

At this point, you may think, “Ana, I get the accepting myself part. But are you really saying I need to accept the things around me…this craziness that’s going on?” Yes.

Before you throw pastured high omega-3 eggs at me, know that by accepting things as they are does not mean you condone them or support them. It means that you stop wishing things were different, and get on with actively creating the world you want, while (and here’s the clincher) accepting and loving you and all the present moment has to offer.

Until you are able to pull that off, you won’t truly feel free, no matter how many beaches you take your laptop to for work, or how many Instagram photos you post about your travels. You’ll perhaps feel badass and very adventurous…but not deeply free.

This is why you always hear me say these three things together: freedom. adventure. purpose.

In my opinion, we need all these things to live a life full of Ziji (Tibetan for radiant inner confidence). When we feel deeply free; when we know we are squeezing every drop of juice out of this precious life with everyday adventures; when we use our mind, body and soul to fulfill our deepest purpose; we walk this earth grounded and with a powerful sense of confidence that is not shaken by external forces.

No. Instead we do the shaking up. From a place of confidence – not fear.

And sister, you know we need that more than ever these days.

How can you take steps towards this deeper freedom? Here are a few places to start:

  1. Get clear about your values. By knowing you – and what you want to say “Hellz yes!” to and what you want to say “Oh, hell no” to – you will be able to move closer to loving and accepting all of you. There’s some great activities to help you do this in my free Clarity + Courage Course
  2. Choose to focus on the things you can change, and release the things you can’t (and get reality checks from people to help you learn the difference). By refining our skills to know what we have control over (hint: usually that starts with ourselves and the way we respond to life), we can more effectively use our time, money, and energy to create positive change in the world. When you do this, you can more easily accept the present moment, and begin actively creating the world you want to live in, instead of fighting the wrong battles.
  3. Stop giving a shit about what other people think of you. “The people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter don’t mind.” Love that quote. It is so, so true. Whenever you think about compromising your integrity or self-love out of fear of disappointing others, repeat that quote like a mantra. You need to focus on accepting your self – your full self – unapologetically, before you worry about what others think.

I know those things are easier for me to type than for you to do – but know that I have helped hundreds of women do exactly those things, so I know at my core it is possible. And if for nothing else, know that we need you, and your special gift, more than ever. This isn’t just a request in a weekend blogpost.

You achieving your deep freedom is a duty to your people. Now go get it.

***

If you want to join a tribe of people that will help you navigate this wild and precious life, come check out Freedom School – for rebels like you. It’s not just personal growth for rebels. It’s Jedi training for the new world.

We’re talking G for G’Damn That’s Good! A ditty on Guilt and Shame

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Are you feeling guilty yet? You know, about the New Year’s resolution that doesn’t seem to stick, or the way you’re not keeping on track with feeling your best in the past year?

Did you swear you’d do things differently the next time you got in an argument with your partner, but you ended up getting defensive anyway, and letting the volume of your voice creep up to a wee bit higher than 11?

Did you make plans to totally thrive this year but you’re just barely surviving – again?

Or are you feeling shame?

What’s the difference????

Well, I used to wonder the same thing until I dove deep into Brene Brown’s work. I used to think guilt was a useless emotion…until I realized I was confusing it with shame. You see, that “G” word can have a few positive twists to it.

Sometimes guilt can be helpful because it catapults us into action. Guilt helps us know something is out of alignment and we need to do something about it. In guilt, we know we did something bad, and we feel it in our bodies. At our best, we can interpret guilt as a sign to do things differently next time.

Shame, on the other hand, is where we feel we are a bad person for doing what we did (or thinking the thought we did or feeling the way we did).

You see, guilt is about the action, and shame is about using the action to define who we are.
 
I remember when I totally blew up at my partner and I was so embarrassed about how I showed up. I felt like I was 16 again…like all the work I had done just vanished and I was left with my hormoned-out reptilian brain.

I said to my friend, “I am so ashamed about what I did.” She said, “You did something you see as ‘bad’…but you’re not a bad person.”

What a freakin’ breath of fresh air! That was exactly what I needed to hear.

So, if you’re feeling shame, know that there is a different way to look at it. What happened may have been “bad,” but YOU are not a bad/jealous/stingy/angry/aggressive/bitchy person.

You are not your actions.

Yet what do our actions represent? They usually represent a story that we are believing that affects how we interpret situations. Like how when my husband criticizes me and I interpret that as his about to abandon me. So I scream like a banshee (or at least I used to…it is getting better!). When I change my interpretation, my actions change.

Capiche?
 
If you are feeling shame, it’s best to remember you are not your actions – and that you can shift your actions by shifting the meaning you are applying to situations.

On the other hand, if you’re feeling guilty about staying on track with your wellness goals or your other self-improvement dreams, here are some ways you can turn the Guilt into Good:

* recognize guilt won’t get you anywhere. Instead focus on what makes you feel good! Like feeling sexy and having awesome passionate nights with your lover. Make that you big WHY for going to the gym. Like eating Haagen Daaz ice cream (I do!). Make THAT you big WHY for eating a super healthy lunch and dinner. LOVE your silk red dress? Make THAT your big why for shaping those sexy arms of yours!

* know most of us can’t do this alone…we need a tribe! Reach out to your sisters and community for support. I often find my friends help give me great perspective (be sure you pick the right friends to surround you with too!). This is a big reason I created my Urban Wellness Club and Adventure Mastermind – where a tribe of like-minded women hang together for a year.

* allow yourself “cheater days,” days where you do anything you want. In fact, don’t even make it a cheater day unless it’s sexier for you that way. Rather, use the 80/20 rule: look at is like you do what serves your body best 80% or the time, and the other 20%  is for your hedonistic side and you get to do WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. Yowza! That way you don’t feel deprived – or guilty! I love this rule. Personally I pick a weekend day to go all out each week.

* don’t beat yourself up about falling off the wagon – instead, dust yourself off, pick yourself up by the bootstraps, and get back on. Every. Damn. Time. I’m pretty dusty. But my hair looks awesome that way. And so do my Fiorentini + Baker boots. Oh SNAP!

* come up with a plan to do things differently next time. Visualize it, and feel yourself doing it differently. Really conjure up that scene in your mind in detail, and feel you rocking that new way of being to the core. You’ll be way more likely to pull it off!

* show integrity with yourself and follow through with smaller steps – if you tell yourself you are going to do something but then don’t do it, you will naturally start to beat yourself up. Set yourself up for success, and take things in bite-sized chunks that you can easily do. Your smaller accomplishments will add up!

* if you want a guilt-free way to enjoy this New Year, seriously check out Freedom School. It really is an awesome tribe of women who focus on positive change and not beating ourselves up. They give each other support, celebrate successes, bounce ideas off one another and manifest cool shizzle throughout the whole year (ask any of them – they love it!).

We focus on wellness, but not just your body. We jam on confidence, mindset, and jedi mind tricks too;) Come on over and join us!

I hope this helps with your Guilt and Shame gremlins – life’s too short to stress about those;)

 

How to Pick Your Talisman

What do all of these photos have in common? (Hint: you might need to enlarge them to find out)

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These were taken years apart…and at really wildly different stages of my life (single, dating, engaged, pregnant, married, a new mama…) and the only reason I don’t have even older ones in here is because my computer recently crashed and I can’t bring myself to deal with the tech-aspects of recovering my photos and reorganizing them.

The one things that is common in all of these if the fact that I am wearing my absolute most favorite piece of jewelry: my black pearl and leather necklace.

There’s something about it. Simple, elegant, and badass all at the same time. It’s feminine, earthy, oceany and exotic. It goes with pretty much everything, and I never take it off. Well, except for massages. I take it off for those.

I can wear it in saltwater and in the shower and in my yummy pampering baths. The leather gets softer and softer, and the pearl gets more rich when it is spending time in the ocean…from whence it came.

Why do I wear it all the time? It’s not just about convenience, although it is pretty awesome that I have my elegant badass piece of jewelry on at all times.

It is about the way it makes me feel.

The funny thing is people don’t always get it. They say to me, “You are always wearing that necklace! What’s up with that?” or, “Yup…there’s Ana and her necklace” as if there’s something wrong with that.

I don’t give a shit, because you don’t ask someone, “Why are you always wearing the same wedding ring?” Why not? Because it symbolizes something eternal and ineffable.

Same with my black pearls and leather. They help me step into my sexiness, my connection to nature, my power and timelessness, my femininity and my badass. When I wear my necklace, I don’t think about if it’s the “right” piece.

It know its the freakin’ right piece.

My husband showed his knowing of me back in the day, when he proposed to me with a ring of one beautiful black pearl on leather.

How could I not say yes?!

I had heard of talismans before, in my teenage years when I explored Native American culture, in my 20s when I delved into shamanism, and again more recently, when bullshit exorcist (and one of my biz coaches) Fabeku Fatunmise asked me what talismans I would choose for myself.

But at that time, it had never occurred to me that I had worn one for over 7 years.

It was about a month ago, when taking it off for a massage, that I realized how right it felt to have it on, and how naked I felt without it.

My necklace was bought by me, for me, on a surfing trip after my recent divorce and my second more-than-annoying run in with cancer. It was a splurge, and it felt absolutely right.

I have never questioned it.

I put it on in the shop, the sound of the ocean waves crashing just outside. The stunning French woman behind the counter at Pachamama looked at me and said, in a romantic accent through her full lips, “Yesssss. You must geeeet zat.”

Oh hellz yeah.

I wear it every day…it’s been on me when I cry, when I skinny dip under the moon, when I reach the summit of the highest peak in Mongolia – pregnant. I was wearing it through breakups when I growled at an ex in Vegas (yes, I literally growled), and wilderness trips with my girlfriends amongst granite peaks.

It was on me when I started my business, when I quit my J.O.B., when I moved to Alaska, when I sold my condo in Telluride, when my heart was aching. My baby can pull on the leather without me fearing she’ll break it, and when she sticks it in her mouth, she is tasting continents and oceans and sweat and tears.

I used to think talismans were something you had to look at a lot to get their power. But now I realize it was simply by knowing what it symbolized for me, and by choosing to hold it close to me, that I shared its energy and it became my talisman.

I think talismans are important. I’m a bit too much of a multipassionate to commit to a tattoo, but if I ever conjured one up that felt like it would fit forever, I’d probably get one. So, I’ll stick to my necklace for now. I also have other stones, and fabrics, and essential oils that I use.

What are your talismans? What are those things in your life that when you connect with them, you step into your highest truth and power?

wonderwomanmugIf you don’t have any, what are one or two you can think of right now? Here’s another one of mine – I use it before many of my coaching calls with clients and sip exquisite teas with heavy whipping cream…

How to Pick Your Talisman

If you’re having trouble, here are some tips:

  • If you don’t know where to start, begin with getting clear on how you feel when you are tapped into the flow. If you need more help with this, check out the free Clarity + Courage course. This could be one feeling or a bunch of feelings, but whatever it is, be clear about what this FEELS like, and don’t get caught up in the word you use for that feeling. THEN, pick your talisman based on if it helps you feel that way.
  • Do you have any go-to items of clothing or jewelry that you wear when you’re feeling down? How do they make you feel? If it’s feeling more connected to your truth and your inner power (aka ziji), then this could be a talisman for you.
  • Are you attracted to certain stones or materials? Like granite, or quartz, lapis lazuli, silk, velvet, leather…Do this make you feel connected to your most magnificent self?
  • Try to pick things that are accessible to you at all times, or at least easily accessible. That way you can tap into them when needed or on a regular basis.
  • Is there a movie you love to watch that, when you’ve gotten to the credits, you feel like anything is possible, or that you are calm and centered and grounded and at peace, or however the hell you really want to feel? For me, it’s movies like The Matrix, or Empire Strikes Back. When I watch those, even making the bed becomes a Jedi practice.
  • Is there a song, an essential oil, a flower, a picture (you get the idea) that helps you tap into this juicy feeling of yours?

Happy talisman hunting!

How do you handle bumps in life?

Head shot of worried womanI sat there breathing slowly, my eyes slightly closed, and my palms slightly sweaty. I tried keeping my eyes open and taking in the beautiful views, but then I would just think about crashing into the dangerously cold water below, or clipping one of the ridges we were really close to when the plane would drop a few feet in the turbulence. It was a small plane – only 7 passengers and their luggage could fit.

I had my 5-month old baby close to me as I wore her in a Moby wrap, and wrapped my arms tightly around her. I tried to think of as many positive thoughts as I could. “We are safe,” I would chant inwardly. I visualized a protective bubble around us, and every time the plane dropped, I would take a deep breath and try to relax myself.

One of my spiritual teachers taught me to make sure that I had positive thoughts at the time of death, so that my soul wouldn’t be “thrown” into a negative next life. I remembered this – while realizing I was ironically remembering it because I thought I might die – and changed my thoughts to be more positive.

Some girl with a rhinestone headset on kept trying to talk to the pilot, and I wanted to say, “Shut the fuck up and let the man concentrate!” But she was up front and I was tucked in the back. And to yell it would have potentially distracted the pilot.

Before takeoff, the pilot said, “Make sure your seatbelts are on very tight, because it’s going to be really bumpy until we get out past the hovercraft landing pad.”

“Oh, cool!” one of the guys in front of us said. He was a hunter dressed in camouflage, trying to be nonchalant. Once the bumps started, he and the other three men in front of us were silent the entire time. Absolutely silent, and looking straight ahead.

My husband kept trying to give me a freakin’ expedition planner series the whole time, saying things like, “See over there? It seems you could packraft across to that other island pretty easily” or “See that beach over there? I stored some whale bones over there last time I was here. We should hike out there…I think we could get there by gaining that ridge…” He loved plane rides – bumpy or not – for the free flightseeing tour.

Making the most of his thriftiness, I suppose…

I looked at him sternly. “I am not listening to anything you’re saying, or looking at any of those spots, until this plane lands.”

Bumpy rides were never my favorite thing, but ever since I had my baby, I dislike them even more. I almost quit working in the bush entirely because I hate these flights. But I love working with the people in the villages more.

The pilot stayed calm, his eyes scanning all around the entire time, looking for signs of bad gusting winds or topography that would signal possible worsening turbulence in that area.

Maia slept the whole time, enjoying the “rocking.”

We got out of the turbulence and my hands relaxed. Easy conversation began up front. I started to point out the beautiful peaks above the clouds to my husband, asking if he knew their names.

The plane landed and I clapped. I clap every time the plane lands, and have been doing so for years, ever since the entire plane started clapping after our landing on a small plane flight in Nepal. It made sense to me – it IS a miracle that we can get through the air in a huge heavy metal thing. We should be freakin’ throwing confetti every time a place lands!

After my adrenaline subsided, I began to reflect on the different ways we all dealt with the situation: silence, talking too much and too loudly, affirmations and visualizations, visual distractions, feigned humor…

How do you deal with the bumps in life? I don’t think one way is necessarily better than the other – that’s not the point of this post. But what I do think is important is to develop an awareness when we are engaging in one of these activities.

It’s a signal to us that something is making us nervous. Maybe it’s something good, like your Big Crush starting a conversation. Maybe it’s something very objectively dangerous, like my small plane ride in major turbulence (we had two days of cancellations due to weather, and we flew out in a small window of “good enough” weather).

Either way, start noticing what you do. Don’t disregard it – it’s info…just like your emotions are information about what you need or don’t need and whether you are meeting said needs; and just like your when your body has aches and pains, it is telling you it needs something.

Unless what you do compromises other people’s needs –  like the woman talking to the pilot in an obnoxious way on my plane (he eventually told her to cut it out) – I don’t think you even need to change these responses unless you want to. Perhaps your response is getting in the way of something you want, or perhaps it is simply incongruent with the way you want to show up in the world.

But definitely know and understand how you respond to life’s little  – or big – bumps.

Here are some tips:

1) Recall 5 different stressful/fearful/anxious/uncomfortable situations

2) Do you recognize any patterns in how you handled it? Or perhaps you react a certian way with each different type of stressor (relationship vs work vs financial vs physical danger)?

Assess all areas such as your body (your posture, noticing any tension, shallow breathing, tight chest, etc), voice, hand gestures, eyes (do you look at the ground, make eye contact, or have eyes darting all over the place)

3) Are you OK with how you are experiencing this stress, or is there something about it you’d like to change? For example, I am fine with my method of focus and going inward and creating positive affirmations and visualizations. It works for me, and doesn’t weigh on others, really. I am NOT OK with how I get fixated on the negative when I am sleep deprived, so I’d like to work on that.

4) Share with me below in the comments – I’d love to hear from you!

Simple Freedom – The Beginning of My Journey Into How to Simplify Life

deewilliamsWhen I was at the World Domination Summit, one of the speakers I found particularly inspiring (and hilarious!) was Dee Williams of Portland Alternative Dwellings and author of The Big Tiny. That’s her over there in the superhero cape (she absconded with a Delta airlines blanket). She gave an absolutely motivating talk on minimalism and choosing SIMPLE. She lives in a 84 square foot swelling – and LOVES it.

Listening to her describe the joy of selling her house and building her 84 sqft dwelling and loving every minute of it reminded me of the absolute contentment I felt when I lived out of my car for 7 years.

Everything I owned was in the back of my Volvo station wagon. My prayer flags were hung along the rear windows, and I’d fall asleep under the stars in a place like Joshua Tree, feeling so at peace knowing that all I needed was with me, and that I could go anywhere I pleased and do anything – climb, hike, raft…without having to pack;) I had no utility bills, no cell phone bill, no marketing deadline I had to meet.

I had a PO Box in Santa Cruz that I checked whenever I rolled into town. I forwarded my mail to strange and remote parts of the country if I knew I’d be there awhile. When I needed a shower, I always found one. People took me into their homes and fed me really good food and offered me to sleep in cotton sheets (cotton is so yummy when you’ve been in a sleeping bag most of the year).

Obviously, that’s a whole lot easier of a lifestyle to live in your 20s when you don’t have kids or own a home. However, I’d be amiss to say that having that feeling was impossible as an adult, with or without a family and/or a home.

I know there are nay-sayers who have the excuse that this isn’t possible once you “grow up” and have responsibilities. Our society accept stress and chaos as the norm. We argue that it’s a part of life in our society that we have to accept – most certainly if you’re a successful entrepreneur. But I’ve made a mistake.

In my own way, I’ve let myself get lost in that belief.

I lost sight of my goal – true SIMPLE freedom.

That FEELING of ease, contentment, relaxation along with freedom.

Despite all I have learned about creating freedom in life, I let myself believe that being a successful entrepreneur means being location independent at all costs, that I “have” to blog once a week, that I must have a constantly updated sales funnel, network at all times, and be interviewed on as many podcasts as I could.

I let myself believe that I wasn’t fully living unless I was learning EVERYTHING that I possibly could. Reading in all my free time – or listening to an audiobook or streaming a lecture. I filled every possible minute with something awesome, productive or geeky. I made myself So. Damn. Busy.

Then there’s the STUFF.

When I worked on my money mindset early on in my business (I grew up VERY poor and had to work on the whole money-is-evil thing) and accepted abundance into my life, I let it manifest as feelings AND things: a condo in Telluride at the base of the ski mountain, a home with killer views and an adorable sauna on the hill above the theaters in Ashland. Clothes made of delicious fabrics, a Subaru that was only a year old and Certified Used (I still can’t bring myself to buy a new car LOL;). Vacations where I’d not think twice about the cost. You get the idea.

It was in my mind that as long as I let these things flow and come into my life with ease, that my life would be full of ease as well. However…

My current experience (and I’m open to it changing) is that I was totally wrong.

The reality is, the more stuff you have and the longer your to-do list, the more you have to deal with – whether it’s with ease or not.

It doesn’t mean more stuff is “bad.” You all know me too well to think that I would judge abundance as bad. I’ve worked too hard on my mindset to let that happen;) It just means that whatever and whomever you allow into your life, you have to care for it.

And that takes energy.

This goes for people, things, thoughts…all of it.

When you have a relationship, you need to check in, create time to connect, compromise, talk about what to do for dinner, and have finance meetings. When you have kids you need to make lunches and drive them to school and events and talk to teachers and go to multiple birthday parties.

It means that when you have a condo in Telluride, even though you may put your mortgage and all bills on autopay, you still have to repair fans that break, replace deck furniture, or have someone shovel snow in the winter when you’re not there…

It means that when you have a house on the hill, you need to schedule your utility bill payments, fix plumbing leaks, keep up the landscaping. You need to flip your mattress and touch up the paint and get the moss off the roof.

When you have nice clothes you need to make sure to wash them on gentle cycle and pull out the ones that need to be hung to dry. You need to have hangers that don’t snag. You can’t trust your husband to do the laundry;)

The tchotchke around the house needs to be dusted and moved around to find things.

When you have a business, you need to keep the energy flowing and give and create and let the world know about it so you can help more people. When you have multiple programs and care for them immensely, you revisit them and improve them. This can all be fun – for me it IS.

Most of the time.

But it is really easy to let it get out of control as an entrepreneur. There are so many things you can keep doing, and the task is never done. I’ve watched so many videos about how to create a proper work day when you work from home/wherever you’re at, and taken workshops on time management, avoiding overwhelm, and how to create systems in your business.

And I implement what I learn. I delegate. I have a Virtual Assistant and people who help me do tasks at home. I…try my best.

Yet the bottom line is, running a business, having an abundance of things (even if they’re awesome!), traveling a ton – it takes effort to keep them going.

While all of these things are not bad (and are actually quite yummy!) they are not SIMPLE.

Some will say, “Let it be easy, Ana! What if you let it be easy and effortless?” I ask my coaching clients that sometimes. “What would happen if you just let this be easy?”

The reality is, it would be easier – but it would still be more stuff in my life that I had to care for – even if it was caring for it with more ease!

Again – more ease, but still NOT SIMPLE.

We are here on this beautiful planet with this one precious life (at least in this incarnation) and no matter how “easy” we can make something, the more you have to deal with, the less time you have to NOT deal with things. The less time you have to JUST BE. To stare at the clouds. To sit quietly with a friend.

multitasking Check out this really vulnerable photo I’m sharing of me below. It’s a photo of me breastfeeding, checking email on my iPhone, and looking something up in a book. I’m holding a pen in my mouth (I like to take notes) and while you can’t see it, I’ve got my computer open in front of me on a stand streaming a lecture. And my baby is like…6 weeks old.

None of this was anything I HAD to do. I planned for my maternity leave and pre-wrote emails and posts and had my VA helping me out on social media and with my groups. I LOVE learning and was taking this time to soak up more info, make the most of my time off, and geek out.

Something in me had deep FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and was not ok with simply BEING.

My husband took this photo and showed it to me with a joking smile. I laughed back.

I looked at it later and cried.

I had forgotten l’arte di non fare niente: the Italian saying for The Art of Doing Nothing. Hell, I even wrote a blog post about it once. And it was high time to tap into it again.

I wasn’t about to waste this precious time in my life with my new baby on catching up with my FOMO needs. I am so grateful my husband took this picture because it was a big ol’ bitch slap in the face about how present I was being in my life.I was doing cool shizzle, going to cool places, experiencing the miracle of birth and life…learning a TON too! Yet while all these are good things, it was too much.

Here’s the deal: you can earn more money – with ease – and have more yummy stuff – with ease – and do tons of amazing things, be location independent…

But in the end,

Freedom Is a Feeling (tweet this)

And for me, that feeling is supported by simplicity as well.

No matter what your life looks like on the outside – whether it is one filled with travels, adventures, financial abundance, location independence, or none of the above, if you don’t FEEL free, you aren’t.

photoThat’s why meditation and cleanses and spiritual practice are such an important part of my life. I constantly need to cultivate that inner freedom. Freedom from my own sh*t.

Many of you know about my Full-On 365 blog, where after another cancer scare I committed to living Full-On EVERY DAY for a year. It literally transformed my life.

So I stand before you today, fully aware of my need to bring back simplicity and presence into my life, and am committing to a deep process of simplification for the next year.

365lpgLet’s call it Simplify 365, shall we? 😉

I’ll be entering into simplification like I’ve never seen it before. Letting go of things, people, thoughts, and experiences that no longer serve me. I will get rid of many of my nice things – not because they are bad, but because I don’t want to have to take care of them anymore. And I will definitely chuck my not-so-nice things.

I will practice saying, “No” to all that doesn’t create flow and joy in my life. I will reign in my finances so that I understand them and they are easy to assess instead of not paying attention to things simply because it’s never been a big problem (the not knowing creates mental chaos that I need to undo!). I’ll lay out my crap in front of you so you can know that it IS possible to have true simple freedom too. For me, that’s the point of writing about it, after all.

I’ll be blogging about my journey regularly, sharing what Simplification goal I’ll set for that day or week or month, and let you know how I’m doing – my challenges, my successes, my embarrassing truths.

I’ll be using lots of tools as I learn more about how to simplify life: blogs and tips from masters of this art that have been practicing this consistently for years, books, interviews with Simplification masters…and YOU all, who I am sure have lots to offer me on this journey as well.

vulnerabilityBrené Brown inspired me to do this even more authentically when she said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” I’m bankin’ on it!

So feel free to join me on this latest adventure. Maybe it will inspire you to even join me with each challenge I set before myself – or create your own!

My first step? Getting rid of some of my nice things that take up too much energy:

I’m selling my condo in Telluride. At the base of the ski lift. Right on the river. On the top floor. In a crappy real estate market. Ouch. Stay-tuned to see how that goes…

Share your tips or challenges with simplification below – I can tell I’m going to appreciate any help and camaraderie I can get!

The #1 Requirement for Manifesting Your Dreams – Learn to Feel Good First

Have you been working on your mindset, following all the things you’ve learned about Law of Attraction, doing “the work,” and still not seeing your dreams manifest?

You’re not alone. One client recently said to me, “I don’t understand WHY this isn’t manifesting yet! I am doing all the right things! I do visualizations, I do intentions, I have my support systems in place…I’m doing all the right things! I am sick and tired of being poor. Of struggling. I want this all to stop. I want things to be easy for once. I am so sick and tired of things being the way they are, of my life being the way it is. I just want a chance to do get out of this situation I’m in! I’m embarrassed about where I am at.”

Whoa, Nellie! The first part of what she was saying started out alright, but it’s the second half of what she was saying that is a sign of THE block: not feeling good.

Abraham Hicks (of the book Ask and It is Given) says that we must start with acceptance of where we are. We must FEEL GOOD. Only after learning to accept where we are so that we can feel good can we then be ready to raise our vibration to a level that will manifest what we want.

Until we can accept where we are, it is a catch 22, because being unhappy that things aren’t manifesting or changing keeps us from manifesting it! How many times have you heard the story of the woman who met her soulmate only after learning to feel good alone and being single? Well, I am one of those women! My soul mate manifested only AFTER I had learned to feel good without having a partner, only after I learned to not feel lonely when I was alone. It was hard to believe that learning those things was important. I felt like maybe learning to like being single was going to push away the things I wanted to call forth in my life. But what it did was make me happy – and that is the most attractive thing in the world – to the Universe, and to potential partners;)

Some people want things to manifest and appear in order to give them confidence that things are working. This is natural. But feeling better means you are on your way! Remember this: 99% of manifesting is complete before you see the evidence.

What exactly does this mean?

Stay in vibration before the evidence shows. This is another way of saying that you must FEEL GOOD even before your dreams manifest. This means you must first start at accepting where you are. Don’t wait for something to show to give you proof or confidence, or before you allow yourself to feel good.

We have this notion in our culture that being satisfied, being content, means that we are settling. This is not true. You can simultaneously be content and accept where you are at AND dream and desire more. They are not mutually exclusive. It’s like the equanimity of an accomplished spiritual practitioner who can be happy whether in the city or Himalayan hillside, whether eating a gourmet meal or barley and potatoes. You can – your MUST – learn to accept the present so that your vibration doesn’t bring you down and put up a block to manifesting your desires.

This takes work. The above client would call me in a fluster, and then we would talk it out, she would slowly, over the course of the session, recognize her blessings and connect with the abundance she already had, and then feel eventually good again. She’d feel relaxed and calm and centered and patient. She would surrender to the process.

We had to do this a lot. And she had to learn to do this on her own, because it was so tempting to fall back to the familiar and old story of lack!

Did it work? It did! She recently got accepted into the very competitive program of her choice after her third attempt. And let me tell you – she is PSYCHED! Many would have given up right before their success. They wouldn’t have applied again. Or they would have let their vibration bring them down and further block them. But she stayed committed to her dream, she worked on keeping her vibration high, even though it was a challenge.

Remember what I said above about 99% of the manifestation being complete before you actually see it? That is because most of it has to do with feeling good and vibrating at a higher level. If my client had let her vibration fall over and over again, if she didn’t create the support she needed through having a coach, a community of badass Freedom Junkies, and selecting the friends carefully whom she spent time with, having a higher vibration would have been much harder – and her manifestation a lot further away.

So many of us give up right before our dream is about to show itself to us.

Don’t let that be you. Learn to accept where you are, to feel good in the here and now, AND to allow yourself to dream. Then, and only then, will the true extent of your manifesting power be unleashed.

Where to start? Develop a gratitude practice that you do at least once a day, either upon awakening or upon going to sleep. I prefer starting my day with it and doing this in the morning. Think of three things you are grateful for as soon as you wake up – before peeing, before drinking water, before cuddling. Do it right when you wake up, when your brain is most impressionable. This will help you get in touch with the abundance you already have in your life – and get your vibration up as a result!

Give yourself permission to feel good. Now!

Have a story to share about this challenge, and either overcoming it or continuing to deal with it? Let us know in the comments below – that way we can all support each other and learn from each other too!

How to Get Your MoJo On Before Its Too Late

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Marie Oliver

Running errands, working late, losing sleep, making annoying phone calls and being put on hold, not working out again because you got home too late, not seeing your friends for a few weeks because you’ve got your nose to the grindstone…What’s the point?

What’s the reason behind all the things you’re doing every day? What’s the MoJo behind your ToDo list? In coaching, we talk about the “little a” agenda, and the “Big A” Agenda. The little “a” agenda is the list of all the little steps that get you to your Big “A” Agenda. The Big A is your dreams, your vision, your totally fulfilled, free and kick-ass life.

It’s important to know why you’re doing what you’re doing with your precious life energy, and it’s also important not to confuse the To Dos for the MoJo itself. When we confuse the little a for the Big A…then we’re really screwed. But more on that in a bit.

Let me start with an example of little a and Big A: I want to go to Africa and travel this Fall, as well as volunteer at a refugee camp. I want to write and create and inspire and dive into – with the freedom of time – the newest epic Freedom Junkie program I am creating. On top of that, a requirement is that I do not have to be anywhere at any given moment or be held accountable to anyone but myself, my partner, and the present moment. That’s my Agenda. That’s the MoJo behind my ToDos.

In the meantime, what do I need to do to get there?

  • Quit my job (the one where I loved it but didn’t have freedom of my time) – DONE. I did this a long time ago, but I like to remind myself everytime I do something cool about why I did it;)
  • Not get pregnant – DONE (ditto to the above)
  • Run my Freedom Junkie programs twice as often as usual since I won’t be doing them in the Fall – DONE
  • Save a bunch of money so that even though I may be earning money in the meantime, I don’t have to freak out that I NEED to, and end up coming home early because I am stressed out or something sucky like that. This means I had to save 3 months worth of expenses, at least. – DONE
  • Pay bills in advance – PENDING
  • Write my eZine articles in advance – PENDING
  • Tuck in all my loose ends and do all the crap I have been putting off so I can fully let go – definitely NOT DONE

So, a lot of little “a” things have to happen in order for my vision to happen. Some of them were really big freakin’ deals to pull off! A lot of things on YOUR ToDo list will need to happen in order for you to fulfill your MoJo too. your So, a lot of little “a” things have to happen in order for my vision to happen. Some of them were really big freakin’ deals to pull off! A lot of things onWhen I get stuck in how mundane things are because I am doing some annoying thing like spending half the day on the phone with insurance companies or filling out paperwork or screening renters for my house, getting all the service maintenance done on my car and doing prophylactic plumbing care on my vintage cottage (circa 1912, baby!), I remember my Big A. It helps.

Are you working overtime? When you feel yourself getting down on it and saying things like, “I can’t believe I’m missing out on watching the sunset on the river with my peeps,” how about saying, “I am making sure I’m getting to trek in Nepal in the Fall so I can fan the flames of my Freedom and Adventure MoJo?” That’s a much better place to have your perspective sit and take a rest.

Look at your daily habits and the things you are doing right now – your ToDo things. Are they getting you closer to, or further from, your dreams? Or are they keeping you stuck? Be honest with yourself.

Create and get clear about your vision,then make a list of ToDos that need to happen in order to be living that vision sooner than later. Then go out and do it – remembering, with focus, your reasons why.

Here are warning signs to watch out for when putting together the ToDos for your MoJo

Make sure your MoJo is honored every day.“Balance” in terms of an 8-hour workday and 8 hours of sleep is bull-honkey for most people. However, while you’re passionately cranking out the ToDos to get to your dream, make sure you celebrate some part of your MoJo. After all, you never know when you’re going to croak, so be sure to live a little passion every day. Have great sex. Eat good food. Play outside. In whatever order you like;)

Don’t keep doing things you don’t like with NO “Big A” Agenda in mind
For example, are you working overtime just to have “more money?” What the hell are you doing, amigo? I am now figuratively slapping you with a ltitle sting like in a Telenovela. Everything you do, even something seemingly banal or mundane, must contribute to your life dreams. And my bet is that if you’re a part of the Freedom Junkie Tribe, your dream isn’t to have a lot of money per se, but rather to feel free, have adventures, and take control of your time and money and where you are in the world. If financial abundance happens to come along with that wild ride, then sahweet – buy more drinks for your friends! In the Maldives;) Get in touch with your Big A – what values are you honoring?

Be aware of when your “little a” agenda items are for the purpose of someone else’s dreams, or an Agenda that is actually a really really bad idea that you forgot you were going to ditch once you realized your Badass Life was meant to be lived on your terms.

Like you used to think you wanted to be a doctor to save lives and help people. That was easy people-pleasing at cocktail parties. And you really really like shoes. You like them so much you are really freakin’ good at designing them and celebrating them. In fact, you are the only student in your medical school class who can pull off Fluvogs with scrubs.

You forgot you always wanted to open your own store. But then, in the middle of a 12 hour day indoors in the hospital on a sunny day, you remembered again. You remembered a lot of things about your dreams. So you quit med school. No shit. One of my friends did exactly that. And she has a badass shoe store and donates hundreds of pairs to kids in developing countries every year. Not Fluvogs. But you get the point.

Don’t make your Mojo items consistently eons into the future. Don’t wait for “someday.” Pick actual dates. Take, as Tim Ferriss says in The 4 Hour Work-Week, mini-retirements so that you refill your mojo regularly during this one wild and precious life. Don’t wait till you’re about to die!

Do not confuse your little a for your Big A. Do NOT work overtime thinking it will all be worth it “someday” if you never actually go on that trek in Nepal. You must go, or you’ll loose respect for yourself and your MoJo will whither. We’ve all done it. We’ve made plans, even taken some big leaps, then we make up excuses to turn away from our dreams. Then we keep doing the “little a” things all the time, and they eventually start to seem like Big A things because we forgot why they were so important, but we keep doing them anyway – but they’re not our Big A. They’re distractions.

Like checking Facebook or your emails 100 times a day so you feel important and seen and like people notice you, and that you’re doing really really well. Distraction. What could you be doing instead to get you to your big dream? All those little moments add up, hermana. One study showed employed people spend12.3 minutes on Facebook a day. That’s 76 hour a year – or 3 whole days! Another showed Americans spend 49 minutes a day on managing email. That’s 446 hours or 18.5 entire days!

In summary, I want you to get your MoJo on.

  • What’s Your Mojo? What are your big visions, your passions, your up-and-coming adventures?
  • What ToDos need to happen to manifest your MoJo?
  • How can you keep living your MoJo every day while you work towards that epic vision?

Please share your comments below:  I’d love to hear your answers to one or all of the questions above. When you speak it, there is power.

PS: If there is no MoJo behind what you’re doing, stop messing around. Discover your passions. Join the tribe at www.Facebook.com/TheFreedomJunkie and ask for some support. There are a bunch of wild and crazy Freedom Junkies out there who have been exactly where you are at!

Days 66 to 69 – Creating Kicks Ass

Living Full-On Every DayCreating kicks ass. I know this, because I had my first free three-day weekend in a while (meaning not only did I not have schedule work, but I also had no other plans made) and I chose to focus on Freedom Junkie and create. And you know what? It was awesome. Of course, it would have even more awesome if I were able to do what I did in the wilderness with a view of snow-capped rugged peaks (hmmmm…perhaps that magazine cover with me using an iPad while backpacking isn’t so far from reality as I had originally thought…). However, being able to look out my window and see the distant hills, the blue sky, these gorgeous tree blossoms, and know that I  would have uninterrupted time to create was such an indulgence.

I have often thought about the time available to us in our youth. Sometimes seemingly wasted time, with us lacking the wisdom to “make the most of it.” I have often wistfully yearned for the freedom to have a thought, and ponder it for hours. The hours! What a luxury. And here I gave myself permission to geek out on Ziji for an entire weekend. No answering any calls except from my partner or my mother. No errands. No laundry. Just pure creation. And I couldn’t wait for it to start!

The result? No more jotting down notes while driving, no more dictating blog ideas into my iPhone. No wishing that I was able to completely focus on my genius work (not something I am good at, or even excellent at, but something that fills my cup, that nourishes my soul). I immersed myself in Ziji and it was phantastic;)

I created four new Free Training Calls (aka Jedi Juice). I named them Jedi Juice because of the total badass-ness of the power of creation they open you up to…and because Yoda es el señor). I decided I was going to offer them for free. I got super psyched to pick the topics most important to my Ziji peeps. I got uber invested in offering unbeatable value in everything I offered. I stayed up until 4am writing. I slept in. I did yoga. I went on runs in the hills. I had ideas and I thought about them. For a long time. Uninterrupted.

Revolutionary.

I was on a creative retreat, and I’d never really taken one before.

The first day of this stretch, I held a Ziji Up Mastery Program group coaching call. Then I sat in a steamroom for 30 min and  afterwards I got a 90 minutes massage. Then I sat in the steamroom again. Then I created two new programs that night. Talk about return on investment! I stayed up awhile, but I was jazzed.

So…create! Go forth and freakin’ create! When you are doing something you love, all the work and what you create it is merely love manifested – not burdensome.

What fills your creative soul? Is it singing? Writing? Dressing up or doing your hair or makeup? Is it planing a backcountry expedition? Is it organizing a trip to a remote part of the world? WHAT IS IT?

You must find the answer if you don’t know it yet. If you do know it, DO it and BE it now.

We are creative beings, and to manifest our creative destiny is one of the greatest gifts we can leave this world. If you don’t think you’re “creative” because you don’t know how to draw or because your outfits are boring (“How did she EVER think of wearing socks on her ARMS?” you wonder), or because you’re a science geek, think again.

We are all creative, and we must find our own way of expressing it. Maybe for you it is dance, writing love letters, telling jokes, or cooking, mountain biking, or building a boat! Those are creative acts. Those acts are you expressing yourself in your own way, doing it in your style.

Bring it. The world will be a better place because of it.

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly  Freedom Junkie ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by signing up at anaverzone.com! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

From Hopelessness to Happiness – A Learnable Life Skill

“Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.” ~ Pema Chodron

I had a very sad experience this past week. A family had lost their baby, in the hospital, within 24 hours of their birth, from an accident. The air was heavy with compassion, as well as the underlying fear that something just as horrible could happen to us – by accident. The intensity of the grief was palpable, and I was in awe of how humans can actually make it through an experience like that.

Many people do get through life’s formidable challenges and continue with their lives, albeit changed. I got to thinking about resiliency, and how some people seem to take life’s blows – big or small – with relative grace, and others get thrown and sucked down by relatively less stressful events. What was up with that?

What helps people bounce back (or stay steady to begin with)?

I’ll give two examples of different perspectives that I’ve seen recently (names changed, of course).

If life could be graded, Christina would give hers an F.U. Her new job is stressful, her teenage daughter is struggling with depression, she and her husband are fighting a lot lately, and she hates herself for the extra 30 pounds she’s carrying.

Christina feels hopeless and her life seems depressing and dark. Every setback reinforces her feelings of pessimism and grim certainty that nothing will ever get better.

Barbara’s struggles seem just as daunting. Her husband just lost his job, two months after the birth of their first child. She is responsible for her elderly mother, who is becoming increasingly frail. To make things worse, her best friend and main support is moving to another state (yikes!) and the landlord just raised the rent by $200. Despite all this, Barbara gives her life a strong B+ and knows there are some A+wesome days ahead.

I’ve done my share of studying and exploring mindset and it’s effect on resiliency and optimism. A lot of my interest started because I grew up in the ghetto, and I wondered why some of us “got out,” and others didn’t. Most people don’t believe me when I say that about the ghetto, but then I point out that the movie Dangerous Minds was based on my neighborhood, and then they believe me.

Growing up, I watched most of my friends join gangs, drop out of school, and have babies by the time they were 16. I had a gun pointed at my face, point blank, when I was 15. When he pulled the trigger he aimed it just left of my head to be funny. To top it off, I had a schizophrenic bipolar father, an (ahem) challenging and aggressive mother, and I walked around – literally – with holes in my shoes.

But dangit, if that paragraph had you wanting to buy me a Coke, let me tell you: I was somehow happier than my other friends were.

For a long while I thought I was messed up somehow. For realz! Like I didn’t understand some “mature” truth about life that somehow made it suck more.

Then I started to pick up on the fact that despite my father being schizo-affective, when he wasn’t having paranoid delusions, he was actually super funny and positive. And my mother, while needing a few courses on anger management back then, was utterly unfailing in the way she supported anything I wanted to accomplish, and bounced back from adversity pretty quickly. And it was REAL! For both of them!

Somehow, our life wasn’t “ideal,” but we were going to have enjoy it anyway. And my parents always said, “Obstacles can become opportunities.” (We heard a baptist preacher give a speech at a graduation once, and he went through each letter of the alphabet like that, e.g. challenges into consciousness, and they stuck.) My one other friend from my neighborhood who went to college? Also optimistic. Ever since we were kids it was obvious.

Snap! I started thinking that while optimism wasn’t the only reason, it was probably a big one.

Using the examples above, I’ll bet your bottom dollar that unlike Christina, Barbara sees her setbacks as temporary obstacles to be overcome. To her, crises are a part of life, opportunities for her to gain wisdom and courage.

Put simply, some people are optimists and others are pessimists. However, optimism isn’t an accident–it’s a skill that can be learned, one that can help us feel better, resist depression and greatly improve our lives. I learned it from my parents, for sure. Studies have also shown that some part of optimism (a SMALL part) is indeed a biological wiring of our brain but – HEY! If you have pessimistic tendencies, don’t go down the “permanent” path – it is malleable! You can teach yourself, and learn, how to be optimistic. And that means you can teach yourself to be healthier and happier.

I Can Learn to Be Optimistic? Prove it!

OK.

Psychologist, clinical researcher, and bestselling author Martin Seligman has spent 25 years studying optimism and pessimism, and is one of the founding leaders of the Positive Psychology field. In his book, Learned Optimism, he states that pessimistic thinking can undermine not just our behavior but our success in all areas of our lives.

“Pessimism is escapable,” he writes. “Pessimists can learn to be optimists.” Does this mean when you are optimistic that you walk around ignoring suffering and negativity? Hellz no! It means you learn to not spiral down into a place where you are doing yourself more harm than good. And it means you don’t spend all your energy trying to protect yourself from suffering because you get that it is a part of life, so you might as well get on the bouncing-back-quickly bandwagon and learn some skillz. It means that you give yourself and others the benefit of the doubt, and you have a more positive experience in life, and more happiness, even if nothing else in your life changed.

So why not, right?!

By altering our view of our lives, we can actually alter our lives, Seligman says. First, we must recognize our “explanatory style,” which is what we say to ourselves when we experience a setback (aka gremlin alert). By breaking the “I give up” pattern of thinking and changing our interior negative dialogue, we can encourage what he calls “flexible optimism.”

He believes that focusing on our innate character strengths (wisdom, courage, compassion), rather than our perceived failures boosts not just our moods, but our immune system. Research has shown that optimistic people tend to be healthier and experience more success in life; therefore, he encourages parents to develop the patterns of optimism in their children.

Practicing “spiritual optimism” is another way to improve the quality of our lives. Joan Borysenko, psychologist, speaker and author of several books, including Fire in the Soul, encourages people who experience feelings of despair and hopelessness in times of crises to remember it takes courage to live, and that we can find that courage by facing our fears, finding support and using meditationm or prayer.

Similar techniques outlined by Dr. David Burns in his book Feeling Good: “The New Mood Therapy,” have been effective in treating depression. He believes that changing our thinking has a profound effect on our moods, including cases of severe depression. It’s not our lives that depress us, he writes, but our thinking about our lives.

There are multiple theories out there, and a growing body of decades worth of research, supporting the idea that unless Christina begins to change her thinking, her life’s outlook may remain bleak and dismal. Barbara, however, is likely to experience more satisfying and fulfilling years ahead because she believes her life is filled with “challenges and opportunities,” rather than “struggles and obstacles” (same same, but different).

Where do you fall on the scale of optimism vs pessimism? Check out the UPenn site where they have all sorts of fun positive psychology tests (Optimism Test, Compassionate Love, Authentic Happiness Inventory to name a few) that might help you learn more about where you can grow, and where you’re already dropping into how awesome YOU and your life are.

Keep an eye out in April for my upcoming FREE teleseminar, “What the Hell Just Happened!? Adapting to Change.” I’ll probably change the title, but that sounded fun for now;) If you want to get on the wait list, let me know here and I’ll send you early registration (I will limit it to 20 people so we can interact during the call).

In the meantime, try a daily practice of waking up and practicing gratitude first thing in the morning (=before you even get out of bed, even before you open your eyes, or have sex). Its a great way to set the tone for your day’s mindset.

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives and personal success with confidence, clarity, and passion. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.ZijiLife.com

Learning to Let Go – Lessons of Autumn

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“Wouldn’t it be terrible if the trees outside identified themselves by their leaves? These are very flimsy things to be attached to.” ~ Adyashanti in Emptiness Dancing

Indeed it would be terrible! Especially come Autumn when they all fall away! Imagine all those trees bending over with their branches frantically scrambling to pick up their leaves and trying to hold onto them, year after year. Think about all the things we are attached to: our ideas, our appearance, our grudges, our “things.” We scramble in this way when we see them slipping away, our grasp becomes more firm, and our energy more scattered. Yet there is so much we are meant to let go of to allow us to nurture our core, who we really are, and the things that are truly important. There is so much bullhonkey we mistake for things that are truly who we are, and they distract us from our truth.

Think of all the ways that you have been stopped from doing something new, opening your heart, or taking a risk in the name of something you’re holding on to. How many times have you said, “Oh, that’s not me/my style.” “I’m not ready.” “I’ll never forgive him/her for that.” “I’m not strong enough for that.” “I’m not good looking enough.” “I don’t deserve that.”

Here’s news: Some things are meant to be with us for only a season, some things we outgrow, some things were never a part of us to begin with…and we have to let go. Only in doing this can we have the energy and focus it takes to truly nurture our core and our roots.

5 Ways to Let Go This Autumn

1. Get super clear about what your TRUE CORE is…at least what it is for this season (things change – including YOU!). What is your identity?

This is not about the things you are simply “used” to identifying with. Not the characteristics in that box that people have put you in since you were 7 years old. Not the lessons you learned on how to protect yourself when your heart was broken 12 years ago. Make a list of 60 characteristics that describe who you are, your identity. If you were asked to give up 1/3 of those, which would they be? Cross them out. Then someone asks you to give up another 1/3. Cross those out. And yes, do that ONE MORE TIME – another 1/3. Let them go. What is the 10% you are left with? How much time do you spend nurturing these characteristics?

2. Forgive Someone

Will ya let go of that grudge already?! It’s fine and dandy to pick someone to forgive for a minor infraction. However, I encourage you to dig deep with this one and find someone with whom it is a bit more challenging to forgive. Not for their sake, but for YOURS. It doesn’t take a Zen monk to realize that not forgiving causes more suffering to the person not forgiving that it ever does to the person not forgiven. At the same time, there is an incredible amount of freedom that comes with forgiving. Is it really that important that your friend didn’t write or call for a few weeks? Or that you didn’t get invited to that one holiday weekend when everyone went to the ski cabin? Or that your meat and potatoes family refuses to comply with your vegan standards at Thanksgiving? And yes, is it really that important that your ex left you for someone else, or that your father was angry and violent…so important that it burns a hole in your heart to this day and keeps you from realizing complete happiness? Yes, it can be important, but not worth not forgiving and the suffering it brings you.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. We remember things for a reason. It helps us to learn from our experiences, to protect ourselves, and to remember what makes us feel good as well. It teaches us what we want and don’t want. However, forgiveness allows us to move on, to grow, and to expand instead of constrict, contract, and limit ourselves. It does not mean you have to forget, and put yourself into the same negative situation over and over.

3. Forgive Yourself

Wow. OK. So you totally screwed up. Man, you really blew it. What the hell were you thinking?

WHO CARES?! It’s done. It’s over. You can’t change what happened. However, you can change how you act now, and in the future. You can choose to respond instead of react. You remember what you did NOT so that you can beat yourself up about it every day, but so that you don’t make the same mistake again. You are allowed to grow and change. You are not your mistakes. You are a kick ass human being who is not broken or messed up or a lost cause. You are brilliant, magnificent, and creative. You can be whomever you want to be, be however you want to be, and do it (SNAP!) like that! You just need to decide to. So, stop beating yourself up about shhhtuff and forgive yourself. THIS will allow you to do things differently, because you acknowledge to the Universe – and to yourself – that you know you are capable of anything.

OK, now that we got some of the heavier “letting go” stuff out of the way, let’s get to some tangibles…

4. Get Rid of Stuff (e.g. Clean Out Your Closet, Remove Clutter)

This is totally about a big issue of mine. However, I have to assume I am not alone on this one. I am well-aware of the clutter my myriad t-shirts, yoga pants, tank tops, and jeans cause. Yes, I admit I even have dresses from the 90s. And maybe even one from the 80s. I like retro. Which would all be dandy if I actually wore them. And more than once every 3 years. Even though it was PERFECT for that rooftop party ages ago. And yes, that includes tutus…or does it? In any event, get rid of stuff. If you’re stressed about the money you spent on them, sell them to a consignment shop, to a used clothing store, or get a big phat receipt from Goodwill for your donation. Just ‘cuz you bought it doesn’t mean you have to keep it in that big box called your closet. Things in there are for things that get worn.

5. Stop a Bad Habit

What is a habit anyway? It’s not something we need. It is something we’re used to. Food, we need. Eating after work at 10pm, a habit. Rest, we need. Plopping in front of the TV after work and zoning out, a habit. Self-soothing when we’re stressed, we need. Nail biting, smoking, and complaining to anyone around us, a habit. Habits are yet another form of unconscious attachment. Let go of one…at least for 21 days. It is said it takes 21 days to form a new habit – like not doing your old bad habit!

Some final thoughts from Adyashanti:

Self-inquiry is…not about looking for a right answer so much as stripping away and letting you see what is not necessary, what you can do without, what you are without your leaves. In human beings…we do not call these leaves. We call them ideas, concepts, attachments, and conditioning. All of this forms your identity. Inquiry is a way of inducing a spiritual winter in its most positive sense, stripping everything to its root, to its core…This is a falling into the most essential root of being.

As you probably know by now, “Ziji” means “radiant inner confidence.” This growth requires courage and faith in who you are, and that you are indeed magnificent. Play with the courage it takes to let go, to see your core, and consider joining the Ziji Up! Mastery Program – the ultimate confidence course for intrepid souls like yours. It’ll give you an extra kick in the butt;)