Days 163 to 171 – I Hate Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

Here I am at the summit of Flat Top with Campbell Creek below and Ptarmigan peak in the background (where I climbed the couloir with my partner one lovely spring 12 years ago!). Awesome after-work hike!

I am so freakin’ happy I can’t stand it. Literally! It’s like my brain is so “logical” that it immediately starts calculating the statistics of how long this could exactly last.

It is terribly annoying.

I know I am not alone here. A lot of us, when things are going really well, remind ourselves that it can’t possibly last forever. Well duh. But constantly reminding ourselves of this doesn’t help us to enjoy it while it IS here.

The ebb and flow of happiness is an age-old truth. We feel joy, then something happens and we feel a funk. Then something happens and we feel joy again. And on and on. The key is to not be attached to one or the other (oh yes, many people get attached to the funk just as much as others get attached to the joy). Still, not being attached to a state of mind being that way forever and ever doesn’t mean to not enjoy it!

So here I am in Alaska, happily building a home with my partner, going for hikes in alpine mountain scenery, planning trips to the Aleutian Islands and Uganda and East Africa…dancing at the local pub a few blocks away, watching Freedom Junkie grow and grow, and Hellz Yes! I earned this shit! Better yet, I created this! I am sooooooo happy!

I step back from my life, and remind myself of what I teach – that we create our experience – and I am in awe of it all. I am in awe that I have visualized every bit of this happening, and now it IS happening. I visualized, and surrendered, and some things manifested immediately and some took years/over a decade, but – just as I created the challenges in my life, I created this magnificence. It feels so amazing.

I used to reminisce about those days when I would sit in silence in my 20s, maybe watching a sunset cozy in my sleeping bag in the desert somewhere, and think, “I am so happy. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but whatever it is, Source, please let me keep doing it because I am so grateful for all I have right now.” That was when I lived out of my car and made about $11,000 a year.

For awhile I realized I hadn’t felt that way – that feeling of being utterly BLESSED – for a long time. A really long time. Then, it started coming back more and more. And here it is, full-force again. And what do I do?

Freak out that it’s going to end.

Well, I’ve been down this path before (remember: we revisit our challenges as in a spiral, over and over again, with a little different perspective and skillset each time) and I realize that I need to simply keep doing good work, being authentic, and fully enjoying the present. I need to not be afraid of when the tides shift. I need to be fully present and in the NOW. When I focus on what is going on in the present – and not fear what “might” happen – I am so freakin’ psyched!

I am blessed.

Sometimes I am embarrassed to say that. To say that I am so freakin’ in love with my life that I can’t stand it. Like I shouldn’t be this happy when others I love and care about are not doing so well. You know, feeling guilty like a good Catholic girl should;) But in the end, I know that it is the purpose of all of us to shine, and to manifest our magnificence, and I can’t wait for all those around me to keep on taking the risks they need to take to grow and to step into their creative power.

I know that I will be in a funk someday, and I’ll likely write about it here. But in the meantime, I am going to be so grateful for this joy.

I have learned that gratitude for what you DO have – whether you’re in a funk or in a state of feeling uber blessed – is your gift back to the Universe, to God, to Source.

What are you grateful for today? Let me know below. I’d love to hear about it so we can feel blessed together;) Misery may love company, but blessedness loves it even more!

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)!