Why Should We Give a F*ck About Confidence?

Here’s a little tip on confidence:

Many people think they’re confident because of their accomplishments. They think it’s because of the job they got, the peak they climbed, the presentation they crushed, or the killer karaoke performance they gave back in the day.

They think it’s the things they’ve achieved – the fact that they completed something – that led to that feeling of confidence.

But the truth is, confidence comes not from the things people have achieved, but rather the obstacles they had to overcome, and who they had to become, to get there.

This is one reason why when people don’t have to work as hard at achieving something, they often don’t feel confident in their results. They didn’t have to change or grow while getting there. For example, when people get into a fancy school because their parents went there, they often don’t think they could have gotten in otherwise. They have thoughts like, “I don’t deserve to be here.” “It was just luck.” ” I wouldn’t have gotten in otherwise.” Even if they were freakin’ brilliant they could have these thoughts.

We can talk ourselves down from any achievement if we’re not feeling confident – and this is why feeling confident doesn’t come from the achievements themselves. It comes from our thoughts, which take shape because of how we evolve in the process.

Confidence is earned. It’s tempered in the fire of the freakin’ obstacles you walk into.

I mean, think about it. Confidence can’t come from just achieving something before, because how would you ever have the confidence to do what it takes to achieve something you’ve never done before?

Confidence does not come from your actions and results. It’s a feeling that produces your actions and results.

Confidence comes from your thoughts, which then affect your emotions (how you feel) and therefore what you do and how you show up in the world.

I know that I’m not the same person I was before I started my own business. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said:

“The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions.”

I had to overcome a lot of external and internal obstacles to get here, and my mind has been blown over and over, and I am forever changed.

As a result, I feel completely different now when I make an offer for a course than I did 9 years ago. Way more confident.

It would be easy to say that it’s because I’ve done a ton of launches since then. But really, you could easily put someone into my shoes and if they did not evolve in the process, they could still feel really insecure, no matter if they had successful launches or not. They’d think it was luck or something. Or they’d compare themselves to someone else more successful and feel less confident as a result. I know many entrepreneurs in this space.

So I’m more confident now not because I launched a bunch of courses before. It was because of all the hell I went through and back with my own personal sh*t and insecurities. How I grew. How I overcame my own self doubt so that I could take action.

I know I can do it again. I know I learned a ton.

I know I can get knocked down and get back up again.

So why should we even give a hoot about confidence? So glad you asked.

Because it’s the secret sauce to the Universe.

Dreams + Confidence = You create the life you were meant to live. You are unstoppable.


Dreams + Insecurity = You act from a place of fear, and create a life based on fear. Or you act from resentment, and you can never – ever – create your dream life from a place of resentment or fear.

Confidence determines the actions you take towards the things you want in your life. It’s why I chose confidence to teach in my first (and most popular course), the Ziji Up! Mastery Program.

True Radiant. Inner Confidence. It’s the shizzle.

You need it like a lion needs wild, open spaces. Your soul craves it.

Not feelin’ it? Try these confidence tips:

1) Acknowledge your achievements. I know, I know. After all that I just said, this is #1? I put this here for those of you who have extremely low self confidence and really high self-doubt. Even though this isn’t the root of true inner confidence, it is sometimes a really helpful starting point. You’ve done more than you think! Make a list of at least 50 things you’ve achieved in your lifetime, from easy to the ones that were a big deal. Stuck at wear to start? You learned how to walk! The accomplishments per se won’t give you self confidence, but thinking about them will.

2) Become aware of self-doubt and when it sneaks in. You can do a “thought download” where you think of something you want to feel confident about, write down all the thoughts you have about it, and notice the ones tinged with self doubt. Realize these are just thoughts – not facts or truths – and that you can choose to think them or not.

3) Identify your thought triggers. For some people it might be facebook and comparison. Don’t indulge that. Set up clear boundaries about what you allow yourself to check out. A coach of mine a long time ago told me I was banned from perusing other coaches’ websites so that I’d stop comparing. It was a good mental cleanse! Know your own thought triggers.

4) Practice good mental hygiene. Don’t let your insecure thoughts hijack you. Remind yourself they are just facts – not truths. What thought will better serve you? I’ve used the analogy of putting my sh*t talker/inner mean girl into a box. I can take a peep and see that she’s in there, but otherwise, I just close the box. “Nope. You don’t get to take up any of my time or mental bandwidth,” I tell her. You can visualize something similar. I’ve had clients flick their mean girl off their shoulder, or lock the box for a bit.

5) Remember that confidence will help you bring your gifts to the world – and that the world need those gifts. The world needs YOU.

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” ~ Martha Graham

So please – go get it, girl.


Want to work with me 1:1 to get this thought-work shizzle mastered and start turning your life around towards where you want it to be? Click here to schedule a free strategy session, and let’s jam about what’s possible.


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