Ep. 13: How to Quit Buffering

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So many of us use (or have used) buffering as a way of tolerating things that aren’t acceptable in our lives.

We use alcohol to make a boring party more fun. We use food to get rid of that anxious feeling in our stomach when we know our partner will respond with anger when we bring up a difficult topic. We use Netflix to distract ourselves from a stressful job that we hate.

What’s underneath this is: you have something in your life that isn’t great, something in your life that doesn’t really work, something in your life that you want to change.

But instead of changing it, instead of working on it, instead of making it better, you just buffer instead. And all of that buffering will make the fact that something isn’t right in your life a lot easier to tolerate.

What’s wrong with this, exactly? What’s wrong with being able to tolerate something hard in life a little better?

It doesn’t fix the problem.

Buffering just makes bullshit more tolerable instead of seeing that your emotions are information and are trying to tell you something – which can then lead to actions to change the situation that you’re tolerating.

When you feel anxious. Angry. Bored. Restless…

All of that is telling you that something is out of alignment. Something isn’t right with how you want to live your life. How you want to be living this one precious human life that we have.

Whatever it is, when we don’t allow space for those hard emotions and buffer instead, sure, it makes the shitty feelings easier to deal with – it buffers them – but we don’t take action to solve the actual issue.

We don’t have the hard conversation with our partner asking to be treated with more respect

We don’t start searching for another job. 

We don’t get to bed earlier and wake up to work out and meditate to deal with our stress.

Truth? Yes. It’s a helluva lot easier to buffer than face those hard truths. Because buffering doesn’t require anything of you except to escape.

But in reality, all buffering is doing (whether it’s with food or alcohol or overworking or shopping or adrenaline sports…) is helping you tolerate something you shouldn’t be tolerating.

The magic is, when you take away the buffering, your life as it really is becomes clear.

This gives you an opportunity to change and to grow. 

To have the courage to feel your emotions instead, to process the urges, to go through that whole process.

When you stop buffering, you get to pay attention to your deepest desires and fears. To the life you want to create.

Then you don’t miss out on life. On your authentic self.

Then you discover your power and live your truth.

And this isn’t selfish. This is what the world needs.

Think about what kind of world we’d be living in if people looked honestly at their lives and didn’t try to escape the hard truths.

Think about how people would show up differently in the world if they were living the lives they were meant to live.

I honestly believe we’d be living in a more compassionate, connected world.

Buffering doesn’t make us better people by helping us tolerate. It’s totally selfish because instead of making positive changes, we tolerate all kinds of shit in order to avoid hard truths.

So yes, this is not work for the faint of heart.

But it is necessary, because all humans want to fulfill their dharma, the reason they were put here on the planet – the thing they, and only they, can gift to the world.

We ALL have a purpose.

We ALL have our unique gift.

And when we buffer, we don’t discover that. We don’t know that gift, we don’t fall in love with it. 

I want you to look at your life and I want you to ask yourself:

  • In what ways am I buffering?
  • And if I stopped buffering, how would I feel? Why? 
  • What is it that I’m tolerating that I shouldn’t be tolerating? 

When we buffer we don’t hear that soft still voice inside us, that inner wisdom, our highest self, asking us to be rebels, calling us to go against the grain, telling us to do the courageous thing, the scary thing.

Telling us we are meant for more.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be awake to my real life.

So, look at your life. I don’t want you to look at the buffering as something that you’re tolerating anymore. I invite you to completely remove that from your mind for a minute and really ask yourself this:

What do I need to do in my life to make it better than anything I’m doing to escape it?

What needs to change? Where do I need to stop people-pleasing? In what ways am I not telling the truth to myself and to others? How can I start rocking my own house down instead of just going with the grain and trying to be normal to get society’s approval?

Mmmm, yes. Those are all urgent questions.

So, seriously, don’t wait. The world needs you to not wait.

Stop buffering in order to tolerate your life. Create the life of your dreams, instead.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

  • Why we buffer as a way to tolerate things in our life we shouldn’t have to tolerate 
  • How learning to face your hardest truths and emotions will enable you to instead act to change situations that you would otherwise continue to tolerate and avoid
  • Why, when you stop buffering, you’ll stop avoiding making the hard decisions – and how the act of making those decisions will give you your power back
  • About how my Drink Less, Feel Free course allowed a client of mine to have more control over her own habits and be more present for the beautiful moments in her life
  • How to GO FOR IT and choose your life’s red pill (yes, this really is a Matrix reference) – and become the rebel you’re meant to be rather than a person who chooses to stay in blissful ignorance by picking the blue pill
  • Why I used to spend a lot of time bargaining with myself about how much I’d drink, then rationalizing when I didn’t stick to it – and why learning how to stop buffering was a game changer
  • How to quit escaping and settling for an existence that’s less than the life you want to create – tips on how to find your purpose and start living as your authentic self 


// Alcohol is one of the most common forms of buffering, and can be one of the hardest to recognize or know how to change. Check out my Drink Less, Feel Free training and sign up for FREE to learn the 3 most crucial steps to changing your relationship with alcohol.

// If you want more of this Jedi juice, head over to our Rebel Buddhist Facebook page and join the free private group where important conversations are happening in a safe place. There’s a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, and it’s a place where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// Enrollment is currently closed for Freedom School, my one-of-a-kind membership program that helps you free your mind and free your life. If you want to be the first to know when enrollment opens, go here to get on the waitlist