This week is all about how to not hurry towards our goals… because especially when it comes to the new year, we get so much BS pressure to “be better versions of ourselves” and we forget that beautiful truth that hey, actually, you’re perfect just as you already are.
Goals that we intentionally set are not supposed to take the joy out of life.
They are to invigorate us and keep us inspired…
…But not in the way a corporation wants to make more and more and more profits each year.
Rather, in the way a gardener tends their plots to produce more because the plants are happier and healthier.
Deep down we know that none of that shit really matters, and you are actually whole and worthy right here right now, even if you didn’t accomplish one single f*cking thing more.
What’s crazy – and delightful – is as we detach our worthiness from our goals, we have more freedom and creativity available to us…and often more success as a result.
This is why decreasing attachment to our goals is the best way to enter into the new year.
WTF?? Yes, it’s true! A lot of clients ask me, “Isn’t the point of goals to be attached to the outcome, so getting there sooner is better than later?”
Nope. (Ask me how I know).
After giving birth to my daughter 7 years ago, I decided it was the perfect year to hit 6-figures in my biz. I know…probably not the best timing with a new baby and all. But anyway, I set out to do that.
One of my coach certification programs offers an award every year for coaches who earn 6 figures or more, and I really really wanted to be on that stage accepting that award. Not so much for the money, but for how awesome I thought it would feel to walk across that stage and claim that shit – especially because while I’d earned good money in healthcare, I was really skeptical I could earn as much outside of being an employee working for someone else who earned a shitton of money. And of course, particularly when you grow up with very little, you are fucking proud when you create your own abundance.
I hired an assistant for the first time ever since I knew I’d need to delegate some of the more tasky tasks since I had a newborn, and I got to work.
And I mean I hustled. I didn’t get to take a true maternity leave and I had to go back to work sooner than I wanted because we needed health insurance. I was working full time in-clinic and then busting my butt after hours and before hours building my business. I justified overworking because I was awake anyway tending to my newborn so might as well multitask and earn money while I was at it.
I have photos of me breastfeeding my kiddo and typing on a laptop at the same time.
Ridonculous.
I felt all this pressure. I set this goal and I just had to achieve it or I thought it would mean I failed…and I really didn’t want to fail. I had invested in learning to be a coach and in my business and I felt like this shizzle has GOT to work.
I also felt a huge sense of urgency because I really wanted to reach financial freedom so I could ultimately have more time with my new baby! I wanted to be able to have control of my own schedule and earn enough money on my own terms so that I could – in my mind – be a better mom and not have to hustle like my mom did.
Maybe you can relate a lot to this as well – you’re desperate to hit your goals and feel this pressure to do it now. We get impatient. Stressed. We start to hustle. It really sort of sucks. And we wish we didn’t have all the pressure.
But in the end, it is ourselves that creates the pressure.
Maybe you think you’re running out of time. Maybe you think it’s the only chance you’ll get. Maybe you think if it doesn’t happen now, it never will. Or perhaps you think you should be further along than you are now. It could be in your career, your love life, your meditation or yoga practice… anything!
The pressure seems like it’s a good motivator, but it is not helpful energy, and it weighs you down. Why? Because underlying the pressure is the belief that there is something wrong with where we are now and that once we hit our goal, we’ll be happier, more free, more secure, more whatever.
We think “over there” is way better than “over here.” We think we’ll feel way better about ourselves and our lives … over there.
But what actually determines how we feel? Our minds! We could have everything we’ve ever wanted, and we can still feel crappy every day if our mind is hooked by unhelpful thoughts and beliefs.
It’s important to remember that reaching our goal isn’t what will make us happy. Sure – we’ll get a temporary dopamine hit once we achieve our goal…but then we will return to our baseline level of happiness and realize: we still have the same brain!
The belief that if we get what we want, we will be happier is the nature of the human brain (more on the hedonic treadmill in the pod). However, we need to learn to rethink that logic so that we achieve our goals in a more joyful and successful way.
When we talk about the stress we feel about “needing” to meet a certain goal, it is our minds that will ultimately set us free – not achieving our goal!
Plus, when we achieve any goal from a place of desperation and hustle, we’re going to feel exhausted, because how we got to our goal matters!
When I hit 6 figures that year, I was burned out and exhausted, and I almost closed down my business. I knew it wasn’t sustainable to do it that way. I took a step back and put the business in maintenance mode… until I found out about a more feminist way to make money without all the hustle and grind. (Check out some awesome coaches and influencers in the resources!)
I’ve learned through them that how I get to my goal matters, because that is how I will live in my goal and in that achievement.
If we get to our goal in a way that feels good to us, we will feel happy even before that goal is achieved. And we will be building the foundation for a life that is in alignment with our values. And that is something that we can all sustain forever, right?
For me, my anxiety level has dropped a LOT. My income has grown. I’m sleeping more, eating more healthfully, spending more quality time with my family…
And I’m happier now. Always happy? Of course not. But when we have a clearer understanding of what really makes us happy, we stop chasing happiness and allow it in right here, right now.
I want this for you, too. Like I say, “Freedom is a feeling.” And it’s available to you now.
So, rebel – what are you in a hurry to get?
What thoughts are there contributing to you believing “over there” is better than “over here?” Because – as hard as it is to hear it – it’s really not better “over there.” Uncomfortable feelings and unexpected, challenging experiences still exist there.
So take the pressure off something you’re hurrying up about and ask yourself:
// How do I think I’ll feel once I achieve that goal?
// How can I start feeling that way right now?
And go do that.
You will learn:
// Why we think hurrying is a good thing (when it’s not)
// Why putting pressure on ourselves isn’t the best motivator – and how it hurts us
// Why reaching our goals won’t ultimately make us happy
// The difference between hustling and hard work
// How to be happy before AND after we hit our goals
// 2 questions to ask yourself to help take the pressure off
Resources:
Follow these influencers for not hustling as you hit your goals:
Business coaches:
// Susan Hyatt
Instagram account:
Books:
// Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey (of Nap Ministry)
// Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
// Burnout by Amelia & Emily Nagoski
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
// If you want to deeply dive into this work immersed in nature on retreats and with a small group of like-minded seekers connecting regularly throughout your journey, apply for the next cohort of the Adventure Mastermind at AdventureMastermind.com It’s unlike any program you will ever do in your life. Ever.
// Want something more self-paced with access to weekly group support? Check out Freedom School – the community for ALL things related to freedom, inside and out. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com. I can’t wait to see you there!