Ep. 66: How to Fail Perfectly

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This week’s pod is all about how to fail – and do it well… and fair warning, it’s got some tough love in it!

Now, many of us give up too easily and we complain about our perceived failures way too much, right? And we both know that what I teach is all about freedom –  to free your mind and free your life.

The thing is: avoiding failure – having low failure resilience – is costing you your dreams, success, growth, learning, and expansion!

When I see someone who is afraid to fail and not willing to take action (because a main reason why people don’t take action is fear of failure), I see something amazing that is being put off, or that might never manifest. When I see someone indulging in excuses, blaming or pointing the finger I see no benefit – just that we are staying stuck.

So today is about how you can increase your failure resilience. One of my superpowers is seeing what’s possible for people, especially when they can’t see it for themselves. And I really see a lot of people quit too early on their dreams. Many of us want to get out of debt… want to get healthy…want to have a more meaningful career… want better mental health…  But we also often want it to be easy! We want the result, but don’t want to do the work. Or at least not do it when it ends up being more than we expected.

We’re afraid of the journey because it’s probably going to be painful. But we ALL have been there. AND… we were born ready to fail! It’s like babies falling over and over when they learn to walk. They HAVE to fall – its part of the learning. And think of where we’d all be if we gave up whenever we failed a bunch of times in a row. None of us would walk or eat. For realz.

So even though the grit is innate in us, somehow it gets deconditioned. We start to worry about what people think. We think failure is a permanent part of who we fundamentally are, and that it somehow defines our worth. And we’re even taught to avoid it, like in school when we’re taught that a failing grade somehow means you aren’t good enough.

Learning how to fail starts with changing what failure means. Instead of it meaning something about who we are, about our worth, it can be just an example of the thoughts we have about a result we create. “I failed” is a thought. Not a fact, no matter how much we think it’s a fact.

I don’t care if you got divorced. Didn’t get the job. Weren’t accepted to the grad school of your choice.

It’s not failure unless – until – we think of it that way.

The next step is to figure out how to get it done. And how do we do that? By taking action.

Sure, there are places in life where it might be helpful for an expert to tell you what to do or give you the answers. But you can’t wait for someone to tell you when it comes to the really important decisions in your life. That’s all you. And we have to do things to get clear. To get unstuck. Otherwise, if we’re just “deciding” about something, we are just avoiding the possibility of failure.

And you can’t have a major life shift without doing. Clarity through action. Learning through action. And yes… that means lots of failure.

Remember: failure is not factual. Failure is a result we created with action or inaction, and “feeling like a failure” is the result of a thought we had about a result we created, which is totally optional.

So saying, “I failed” is actually a thought. It feels like a fact – we didn’t get the job. We weren’t accepted into the program. We didn’t get pregnant. We filed for divorce.

Those are facts. Failure is a thought. 

So, are you all in on your dreams?

It’s one thing to be asked, “What would you do if you could not fail?”

But it’s a whole new level when you’re asked, “What are you willing to do even if you know you’ll fail?”

That’s what I want to talk with you about today.

“What are you willing to do even if you know you’ll fail?”

Then do that. Go for it. Try. Don’t be confused. Pick something. DO it.

Then if it doesn’t work out, do something else or do it differently. Tweak it.

Go out there, rebels, and find out what’s possible for you.

In this episode you will learn:

// What failure actually IS and why we’re so afraid of it (hint: it’s not what you think!)
// Why we must fail in order to succeed, and what happens when we avoid it
// How to increase your failure resilience 


// Check out Episode 18, How to Coach Yourself: Applied Mindfulness

// Check out Episode 62, Commitment and How to Take Massive Action

// Want to join us for 6 months of magic and adventures in the Adventure Mastermind? Of course! Head to www.AdventureMastermind.com – applications open soon

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in finding out more about how to free your mind and free your life, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open, and we are diving DEEP into ways to cultivate clarity and courage so you can create your best life. There are also some sweet bonus courses for you there. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. Learn more at JoinFreedomSchool.com.