This week is about why we hurry. Not the kind of hurrying when we are trying to make it on time to a party or a meeting, but when we hurry towards our goals. Why we rush. Why we feel pressured to achieve our goal – like yesterday.
I speak from experience here when I say feeling that pressure to achieve our goals faster feels pretty crappy. So let’s jam about freeing ourselves from this sense of urgency.
After giving birth to my daughter 7 years ago, I decided it was the perfect year to hit 6-figures in my biz. I know…probably not the best timing with a new baby and all. But anyway, I set out to do that.
One of my coach certification programs offers an award every year for coaches who earn 6 figures or more, and I really really wanted to be on that stage accepting that award. Not so much for the money, but for how awesome I thought it would feel to walk across that stage and claim that shit – especially because while I’d earned good money in healthcare, I was really skeptical I could earn as much outside of being an employee working for someone else who earned a shitton of money. And of course, particularly when you grow up with very little, you are fucking proud when you create your own abundance.
I hired an assistant for the first time ever since i knew I’d need to delegate some of the more tasky tasks since I had a newborn, and I got to work.
And I mean I hustled. I didn’t get to take a true maternity leave and I had to go back to work sooner than I wanted because we needed the health insurance. I was working full time in clinic and then busting my butt after hours and before hours building my business. I justified overworking because I was awake anyway tending to my newborn so might as well multitask and earn money while I was at it.
I have photos of me breastfeeding my kiddo and typing on a laptop at the same time.
I felt all this pressure. I set this goal and I just had to achieve it or I thought it would mean I failed…and I really didn’t want to fail. I had invested in learning to be a coach and in my business and I felt like this shizzle and has GOT to work.
I also felt a huge sense of urgency because I really wanted to reach financial freedom so I could ultimately have more time with my new baby! I wanted to be able to have control of my own schedule and earn enough money on my own terms so that I could – in my mind – be a better mom and not have to hustle like my mom did.
Maybe you can relate a lot to this as well – you’re desperate to hit your goals and feel this pressure to do in now. We get impatient. Stressed. We start to hustle. It really sort of sucks. And we wish we didn’t have all the pressure.
But in the end, it is ourselves that create the pressure.
Maybe you think you’re running out of time. Maybe you think it’s the only chance you’ll get. Maybe you think if it doesn’t happen now, it never will. Or perhaps you think you should be further along than you are now. It could be in your career, your love life, your meditation or yoga practice… anything!
The pressure seems like it’s a good motivator, but it is not helpful energy, and it weighs you down. Why? Because underlying the pressure is the belief that there is something wrong with where we are now and that once we hit our goal, we’ll be happier, more free, more secure, more whatever.
We think “over there” is way better than “over here.” We think we’ll feel way better about ourselves and our lives … over there.
But what actually determines how we feel? Our minds! We could have everything we’ve ever wanted, and we can still feel crappy every day if our mind is hooked by unhelpful thoughts and beliefs.
It’s important to remember that reaching our goal isn’t what will make us happy. Sure – we’ll get a temporary dopamine hit once we achieve our goal…but then we will return to our baseline level of happiness and realize: we still have the same brain!
The belief that if we get what we want, we will be happier is the nature of the human brain (more on the hedonic treadmill in the pod). However, we need to learn to rethink that logic so that we achieve our goals in a more joyful and successful way.
When we talk about the stress we feel about “needing” to meet a certain goal, it is our minds that will ultimately set us free – not achieving our goal!
Plus, when we achieve any goal from a place of desperation and hustle, we’re going to feel exhausted, because how we got to our goal matters!
When I hit 6 figures that year, I was burned out and exhausted, and I almost closed down my business. I knew it wasn’t sustainable to do it that way. I took a step back and put the business in maintenance mode… until I found out about a more feminist way to make money without all the hustle and grind. (Check out some awesome coaches and influencers in the resources!)
I’ve learned through them that how I get to my goal matters, because that is how I will live in my goal and in that achievement.
If we get to our goal in a way that feels good to us, we will feel happy even before that goal is achieved. And we will be building the foundation for a life that is in alignment with our values. And that is something that we can all sustain forever, right?
For me, my anxiety level has dropped a LOT. My income has grown. I’m sleeping more, eating more healthfully, spending more quality time with my family…
And I’m happier now. Always happy? Of course not. But when we have a more clear understanding of what really makes us happy, we stop chasing happiness and allow it in right here, right now.
I want this for you, too. Like I say, “Freedom is a feeling.” And it’s available to you now.
So, rebel – what are you in a hurry to get?
What thoughts are there contributing to you believing “over there” is better than “over here?” Because – as hard as it is to hear it – it’s really not better “over there.” Uncomfortable feelings and unexpected, challenging experiences still exist there.
So take the pressure off something you’re hurrying up about and ask yourself:
- How do I think I’ll feel once I achieve that goal?
- How can I start feeling that way right now?
And go do that.
In the Episode you will learn:
// Why we think hurrying is a good thing (when it’s now)
// Why putting pressure on ourselves isn’t the best motivator – and how it hurts us
// Why reaching our goals won’t ultimately make us happy
// The difference between hustling and hard work
// How to be happy before AND after we hit our goals
// 2 questions to ask yourself to help take the pressure off
Follow these influencers for not hustling as you hit your goals:
// Susan Hyatt
// Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
// Burnout by Amelia & Emily Nagoski
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can get coached on things that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.
// If you’re ready to *truly* know yourself – all of you – and to start actively transforming old broken habits into new healthy mindsets, check out the upcoming Adventure Mastermind. It’s a no-BS group of 6 womxn ready to slay the next year – YOUR way. Six months of transformation and adventures (inner and outer!) that will have you blowing your own mind, and you can learn more at www.AdventureMastermind.com Check it out – application is open, with an amazing bonus of 1:1 coaching with me (expires soon!), and you won’t want to miss the chance to hang out with me and a small group of rebel womxn in adventurous places to get unstuck and create the next chapter of your amazing life!
// Want to dive into this work on a deeper level? To study it and practice it together? Check out Freedom School – the community for ALL things related to freedom, inside and out.
It’s also where you can get individual help applying the concepts to your own life. It’s where you can learn new coaching tools not shared on the podcast that will blow your mind even more, and it’s where you can connect over all things freedom with other freedom junkies just like you and me. It’s my favorite place on earth and it will change your life, I guarantee it. Come join us at JoinFreedomSchool.com I can’t wait to see you there.