Since we’ve been jamming on how to take the different relationships in our lives to the next level, I thought I’d share with you one of my fave poems about them, The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. This poem changed so much for me when it came to what I look for in people that I let into my life. I got so clear because it seemed to articulate what I couldn’t.
As you read it, think about the types of boundaries someone would need to set in order to honor these values:
The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
how old you are.
It doesn’t interest me
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Two of these areas really stand out for me when it comes to the topic of boundaries:
I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
This is about the skill I taught you in the last email – how to be with difficult emotions. It is so important to know how to be with them, allow them, and not just push them away. Otherwise that sh*t just blows up eventually. Ask me how I know…
And this:
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
When you set boundaries, you are bound to disappoint someone. AND you will be staying true to yourself in the process. If you let people be wrong about you and accuse you without letting it bring
you down, you will be so much more free and authentic. When you say, “No, thanks” when you’re not feeling it and, “Hellz yes!” when you are psyched about something, people will know they can trust you. That you won’t be harboring resentment.
More importantly, you’ll know you can trust yourself.
I invite you to step into your authenticity. To expect more from others – and yourself. Sometimes, all it takes for someone to step up and show up as a human with integrity is an invitation, someone saying, “I see that you are capable of this and expect you to show up this way.” This applies to ourselves as well.
Sometimes people don’t care to accept the invitation. Often it’s because they don’t see the possibility themselves. But that’s not about you.
That, my friend, is all about them.
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