When I was younger, my mom used to tell me to work like my boss was watching—even if they weren’t. At the time, it felt like solid advice: stay accountable, keep your integrity, don’t slack off just because no one’s there to notice.
But over time, I realized that advice may have had some not-so-great impacts as well. In some ways it also trained me to live as if I were always being observed. Even when I was alone, a part of me was – even in a small way – performing, polishing, adjusting. I wasn’t just doing the right thing—I was doing it in case someone might see.
And that mindset didn’t stop at work. It was showing up in my relationships, into generosity, into goodness, into the ways I showed up in general.
This all came to mind recently when I was listening to a funding drive on public radio. I’ve been donating to public radio since college, and at the end of the submission, when asked if I wanted to stay anonymous, at times I would say “yes,” and other times I would offer my name or business name.
There’s no wrong answer here, but it does invite us to dive into a deeper question:
Would you still do it if no one knew?
Not if someone found out later. Not if it somehow came back to me with a thank you or some kind of recognition. But if no one ever knew at all—would it still genuinely feel worth doing?
Again, it’s not that recognition is bad. It can feel really good to be acknowledged, and that’s natural. But when we become dependent on that feedback, it can change why we do what we do. We might find ourselves being generous only when it benefits our image. Or we may hesitate to help when there’s no one around to validate us.
But there’s something quietly transformative about doing something kind and intentionally not being known for it. Not telling anyone. Just letting the act exist for its own sake.
When we give anonymously—whether it’s money, time, help, or attention—it asks us to let go of something.
Maybe it’s our desire to be appreciated. Or our attachment to being seen a certain way.
And the good news is what’s left can be really grounding.
The act of kindness becomes simpler and more honest. There’s just the direct experience of giving, supporting, and showing up.
It might be a bit uncomfortable at first without all the praise and the warm and fuzzies, but in that silence there’s an opportunity for us to notice just how much of our sense of self has been shaped by being seen.
And we can remember that letting go of that need doesn’t make us invisible. It makes us freer.
Because often, the impact of what we do quietly ripples out in ways we’ll never know. A kind gesture at the right moment might lift someone out of despair. A small act of kindness might restore someone’s faith in humanity.
The real benefit of letting go of our need for credit isn’t just about altruism. It’s about returning to something deeper. A sense of inner integrity and a connection to our own values.
It asks us to trust that our actions really do matter, even when no one sees them.
It invites us to develop inner trust. To give not because it will be acknowledged, but because we’re learning to trust that what we offer—when it comes from the heart—is enough.
Now, it’s not just about personality or ego—this need for being recognized for what we do is also a byproduct of the culture many of us were raised in. For those of us raised in a modern, industrialized, capitalist society, we’re conditioned from a young age to prove our worth.
We learn to track and tally. To keep a record of our good deeds and present them like currency. The idea that something “doesn’t count” unless someone saw it or we can show evidence of it? That’s not our fault – it’s conditioning.
But real connection, real meaning, doesn’t work like that. The human spirit doesn’t need invoices. And our worth never needed proving.
That’s why letting go of credit can be so radical. It’s not just a personal choice—it’s a quiet refusal to live only by the rules of performance and productivity. It’s a reclaiming of something softer and truer. More authentic.
We are all called to act, serve, give… but without being attached to the outcome. We do it because it’s right. Because it’s what’s being asked of us in that moment. Because it’s part of aligning with right action rooted in inner clarity.
When we live this way, we become steadier. Less swayed by approval or disappointment. More grounded in the act itself, rather than the result. Kindness without attachment becomes a form of spiritual discipline.
So here’s a simple invitation: Sometime today, do one kind thing anonymously. Something that costs you nothing – or maybe something that stretches you a little. Something no one will know was you.
And don’t tell anyone. Just let it be. Let it belong to the day, to the earth, to the unfolding of quiet goodness in the world.
Would you still do it if no one knew?
Try it and see.
You will learn:
// Why we often want to be recognized for our good deeds, and how that isn’t always a good thing
// How letting go of our need to be seen makes us more free
// How our need for recognition is also a byproduct of our culture
// Why we are all called to serve and give without attachment to the outcome
// Some beautiful stories of moments people acted in kindness without caring who knew
Resources:
// Episode 130: Generosity – Pillars of Happiness, Part 1
// Episode 245: KINDfulness
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