The Surprising Reason Why Your Feelings Get Hurt

If you’re like most humans, when someone does something “mean” or says something negative about you, it can hurt your feelings. Sometimes, it can hurt a lot. Like, pizza-box-on-the-floor and-wine-bottles-strewn-about a lot.

In general, we see this “hurt” reaction as totally normal (unless you’re a sociopath or narcissist who couldn’t care less).

Example: Joe says Sally’s homemade essential oils smell like ass.

Sally feels a metaphorical punch in the gut (and feels sick to her stomach).

She complains about Joe’s hurtful comment to her friend.

They both agree he’s an insensitive jerk.

Makes sense, right? Most people would agree that encountering jerks can lead to being hurt. In fact, we blame a whole lot of hurt on other people – “mean” people, “selfish” people, narcissists.

But here’s the truth: the real reason it hurts is because of what we think about what they said.

It hurts because of the story we make up about what it means that they said that.

We know all this somewhere deep down, right?

While you may have heard all that before… here’s one surprising reason it hurts:

It hurts because often, a teeny tiny (or not so tiny) part of us believes IT MIGHT BE TRUE.

“No way, Ana! I don’t believe my essential oils smell like ass, and it still hurts my feelings when people say that!” Sally might say.

Hmmm. Let’s break this down into smaller bites.

First, as grown ups, we are learning that other people don’t “make” us feel a certain way. We are in control of how we feel. To brush up on this concept, check out this blog post.

Second, we can likely agree that Sally makes Joe not liking her essential oils mean something about who she is, something about her sense of self worth or confidence. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t care. If you’ve been reading my blog long enough, you’ve already got this down (if not, you may want to check out this confidence course).

However, the graduate school level of understanding our suffering steps into the next phase.

Do you know how someone that was 100% sure that their essential oils didn’t smell like ass would likely react? They’d think, “He’s got horrible taste! Sucks to be him!” Or, “Joe is freakin’ crazy. His nose must be broken.” Or, “Whatever, Joe. Next!” and they’d saunter on over to another friend’s house.

That’s right. If you didn’t have a sliver of doubt that what the other person was saying was not possibly true, if Sally did not believe – on some level – that what Joe said might be valid, it wound bounce off like the proverbial rubber.

Check out this ad that the LDS church took out in the program for the Broadway musical I just saw, The Book of Mormon, where the entire show makes fun of their religion.

Not that defensive, right? They can laugh about it because they believe none of it is true! They’re like, “Whatever, y’alls are crazy! People are going to LOVE the real book.” (the small print actually reads, “The musical is entertaining. The book is life changing.”)

Here’s another example that’s a bit more concrete: Let’s say your hair isn’t blue (and if you’re one of my rad clients with blue hair, just play with this for a minute;).

Someone on the street says, “Your blue hair is so fugly it makes me want to hurl!”

You’d be like, “Wow, that person is whacked.” And proceed to cross over to the other side of the street.

You can very easily feel unphased about this situation and your awesome hair because you know your hair isn’t blue. (I can see minds blowing. It’s OK. It hurts just in the beginning. Just a little.)

I know it feels a whole lot easier to want to blame the mean people, the jerks, the people who’ve got you all wrong. But trust me – life is actually a whole lot easier when you take ownership over your thoughts. When you free your mind from stories and insecurities and patterns that don’t serve you. When you free your mind from limiting beliefs.

Don’t focus on protecting yourself from the mean girls.

Focus on that lovely ball of brilliance inside your skull – your brain, your thoughts, your beliefs. That’s the only thing keeping you from freeing your Whole. Damn. Life.

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Pssst. If you want help creating the life of your dreams, schedule a free strategy session with me by clicking here. I’ll show you how it’s possible to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

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If you want to join a tribe of people that will help you navigate this wild and precious life, come check out Freedom School – for rebels like you. It’s not just personal growth for rebels. It’s Jedi training for the new world.

One Major Way You’re Sabotaging Your Relationships – and How to Stop

Let me just start out by stating the obvious: relationships are hard. Anyone who says, “Oh, but they don’t have to be,” has either never been in a passionate one, or is full of sh*t.

It totally makes sense that they’re hard.

We take two mammals with sub-optimal communication skills (aka “language”) and some serious evolutionary biology along with a high likelihood of experiences of trauma with people they’ve trusted, and stick them together.

Then we expect them to go against everything their evolutionary brain has learned about being safe and avoiding discomfort or difficulty so they can experience some sense of…connection and love…and geez, it’s no wonder we can get into it with our significant other.

So let’s just remember: There’s nothing wrong with your relationship just because it’s hard.

However, what’s is wrong with most relationships is that we don’t let the other person be who they are.

We have a Manual for them. We have a long list – conscious or not – of how we think they should behave. How they should treat us when we come home from work. How they should react when we cry. What they should give us for our birthday. What kind of father or mother they should be. How they should smell (or not smell). How much sex we will have with them and what that sex is like. How much money they should spend and on what kinds of things.

“Oh Ana, but I am an exception. I don’t have a Manual for my partner!”

People who say this usually do so because thus far, their partner is following their Manual.

We usually don’t know we have one until it’s not being followed.

If you think you don’t have a Manual, just imagine your partner coming home and not doing everything you like them doing. If they normally cook you dinner, imagine them stopping. If they normally plan fun adventures with you, imagine them becoming a couch potato. If you normally have sex three or four times a week, imagine it dropping to once a season. If they usually end texts with the heart emoticon, imagine them changing it to goats and chickens. If they are always on time, imagine them being late. Always. By a lot.

You might be wondering why Manuals are even a problem. Don’t they just help us get our needs met?

No.

That’s another misconception about Manuals. They aren’t filled with objective “rules” that are legit. They are filled with expectations we have to protect us from feeling bad.

Requests are what help us get our needs met.

Manuals create suffering when we believe they should be followed in order for us to be happy.

Requesting that your partner not be late helps you get your needs met.

Getting pissed when they are always late because in your Manual they are supposed to be on time makes you unhappy. Again, you are not unhappy because they are late. You are unhappy because you expected them to be on time.

(I know. Crazy. We’ll do a call on this soon, because I know some of y’all are like WTF???!!!)

The other reason Manuals create problems is because people evolve. Well, at least people change (Freedom Junkies evolve;). When people change, the Manual doesn’t allow them to act differently. This rocks the boat, even if there isn’t anything fundamentally “wrong” with the change itself. I see this all the time in my coaching clients. They evolve. They start doing things differently. They are no longer following their partners’ manual.

Boom! Shit explodes.

When we decide to love someone, we need to also decide to let them be them. It’s really the mature thing to do, and the way a true Freedom Junkie walks their talk. The most freeing thing we can offer another human being is to let them be them and love them for it.

This does not mean you don’t make requests. It just means you don’t let yourself get all victimized and bent out of shape when the other person doesn’t fulfill them.

Some people ask me, “But don’t I have a right to have certain needs?” Girlfriend, yes. But you don’t have a right to make other people meet them. Ultimately, meeting your needs is up to you.

Plus, when you make your happiness depend on another person’s actions, you are giving all you power away. To them! To something you have NO control over! We don’t ever have control of other people, no matter how much we’d like to believe differently.

Trust me. I’ve been through this debate. I wish my husband was home more instead of up in the sky with his paraglider waaaay out of cell phone range in another time zone all the time, and I feel more than entitled to bitch about it. I wish my mother didn’t criticize me so much when I called her on the phone. I wish so many people who did things that I thought were f*cked up would just stop because “most people” would agree that I was right.

Well, “most people” aren’t who you chose to be your person to walk this life with right now.

If you are choosing to be with someone, then let them be them. Make your requests. They will either honor them or not. They get to be them – another adult, just like you, being them.

Choose to stay or go. But if you choose to stay, let them be who they are. Learn to give yourself what you need so that you aren’t relying on someone else for your happiness.

If you aren’t getting anything out of the relationship and want to go, then by all means go! But know that unless you’ve cleaned up your thoughts about what a partner “should” be doing for you – e.g. if you think they are there to protect you from feeling bad – you will likely repeat these same patterns in the next relationship.

Our relationships aren’t there to protect us from doing hard things, feeling hard feelings, or facing our bullshit.

In my mind, relationships are there to push our edge. To challenge us to grow. To help us evolve and learn how to free our minds so we can love wholeheartedly. Ultimately, this extends to all our relationships – friends, parents, siblings, colleagues…all the silly humans.

Chuck the Manuals.

It will actually free you up to love so much more deeply and freely.

And don’t worry – you will still be OK. If you’re doubting it, then we’ve got some work to do together on building up your self confidence – your ziji – so that you believe you are 100% capable of taking care of your emotional needs. Then, the other people in your life? They become people who are there to make life even more juicy.

Instead of your emotional caretakers, they become the cream cheese icing on that gluten-free Freedom Junkie cake of yours.

Yummmm.

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Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

Letting Go of Outdated Dreams

Did you know I used to live out of my 1997 Volvo station wagon? For 7 years it served me well. There was just enough room for me to curl up in my sleeping bag, and I had two small crates of clothes and a HUGE bin of climbing gear. Colorful prayer flags streamed from my roof rack, and my friends could find me by looking for these flags in any crag parking lot.
Later I lived out of a large 1990s Dodge Ram 15-passenger van, lovingly named Chomolungma (the local name for Mount Everest). She was a beautiful baby blue, and eventually died a peaceful death as I was driving her across the Bay Bridge in San Francisco.
Since then, I’ve often blogged about how I missed living simply in that way – having everything I needed in my vehicle so I could drive anywhere on a moment’s notice.
Recently, I ended up buying a 2003 Ford Econoline 350 Sportsmobile van, a beast of a van whom I appropriately named Mama Bear. I’m having the best time playing with her! It was a great decision – the freedom she offers me and my family when we travel is fan-freakin-tastic. (In case you’re wondering, I’m not going to use the #vanlife hashtag here – it feels weird for me, since living out of vehicles has been a mainstay for climbers for decades, and I feel I am returning home vs joining a new movement ;).

It feels good to be home.

Why have I decided to go retro (for me) with my travels and adventures?
Part of the reason is I realized some of my dreams of the adventurous life I wanted to live with my family were outdated. 
In my 20s and 30s, I felt the most adventurous way to travel was to go far (ideally at least 9 time zones away) and long (5-6 weeks minimum).
I also still had my dirtbag mentality that if I was going to spend $1800 on a plane ticket, I better make it worth it and stay as long as possible. That makes a lot of sense when you only make $1800 a month as a climbing guide. Not so much now in my life.
My husband and I stuck to these far-and-long travel goals really well – even after our daughter was born. Twice a year we would go to Asia or Africa with her for 4-6 weeks, plus many shorter trips in-between. I felt so…unconventional!
Until I didn’t.
Instead, I discovered I started to feel freakin’ stressed about it!
I was definitely the primary caregiver on trips, and while my husband paraglided, I was often alone with my kiddo in a foreign land. It was somewhat boring a lot of the time since I was limited in what I could do with a toddler, and I craved adult conversations and a good friend, despite the epic surroundings and amazing cultures I was experiencing.
I also enjoyed working on my business on these trips, since that’s a long time to go without creating something fun for my peeps. Slow internet in these remote areas (if I was lucky to have it at all) totally stressed me out. I am not as patient with technology as I used to be).
For some reason, I didn’t “need” 4-6 weeks off anymore either. That might have something to do with not being able to do 30-day expeditions as much;)
With a kid, I also found that returning from long trips abroad meant messed up sleep schedules for her (and therefore me) for a long time. It also meant the house was a shit-show while I unpacked from being gone for so long. Inevitably some plant died or some house item broke while we were away, and I’d have to deal with a broken hot water heater or a clogged up toilet on top of everything else.
I eventually realized that for this stage of my life, I wanted to take vacations with friends and be completely unplugged – for shorter periods of time.
Gasp!
I wanted to not have my travels completely throw me off my game anymore. I love creating through my work, and work wasn’t something I needed to escape for as long anymore. I love serving others. And I didn’t need to be away from friends and family for long periods of time either (must be that I am intentionally creating my community to be full of pretty rad people!).
I would rather hang out with a girlfriend and my kiddo gazing up at steep granite peaks from an alpine tarn in the Sierra Nevada mountains of California than chill out above a glacier in the Himalaya sans a friend.
Conversely, I’d rather go to the Himalaya and be there 2.5 weeks completely unplugged than try to stress about internet connections and finding friends to hang out with for an additional month.
It took a lot to accept this shift, and I’m still integrating it.
I had to let go of an identity and a judgement that if I wasn’t doing something utterly exotic far away and for over a month, I wasn’t leading a truly adventurous life. Sure, other people could think car camping was adventurous, but I had the belief that I was supposed to be an example of what level of adventure was possible with a family. I believe am that…but the way I was doing it was no longer honoring my new evolving self.
Recently I was sitting at an alpine tarn with a wise friend celebrating my birthday when she reflected back to me that indeed, it can be hard to let go of outdated dreams. That phrase hit me like a train.
Outdated dreams.
Exactly! That’s what was going on!
I was trying to live a dream that no longer applied to who I had evolved into.
I was resisting this new desire because instead of seeing that I evolved into a new person, I thought I was de-volving into a more …boring person.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Me trying to live an outdated dream had me feeling incomplete and stressed.
Embracing my new dreams – adventures with friends and being totally unplugged on those adventures so I could be fully present the entire time – has me feeling excited and passionate about my travel again.
I’ve got a road trip planned in Mama Bear this November, and I’m going to leave her with some friends in New Mexico and drive her to my slice of heaven in Baja come Spring. I’m going to head to Asia or Africa or South America next year and plan to meet up with friends and stay for less time so I don’t need to be plugged in at all while there. I’m going to be so much more relaxed on those trips and just allow myself to savor every moment.
I am so fucking psyched.
What dream are you holding onto that you’ve outgrown?
Are you telling yourself you “should” hold onto it because you’d be failing if you let it go?
Could it be that instead, you have evolved into a new version of yourself with different needs and different dreams that are just as valid and perhaps even more thrilling?
Try to see what happens when you let go of that outdated dream and live into new ones. What happens when you honor yourself and what you want…now?
For me, so far, so freakin‘ good!

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If you want to join a tribe of people that will help you navigate this wild and precious life, come check out Freedom School – for rebels like you. It’s not just personal growth for rebels. It’s Jedi training for the new world.

what makes your soul sing?

Today marks my 45th trip around the sun. Whoa!

This year I’ve tried to think about how to celebrate by focusing on what is really important to me, based on my own experience of what I know makes me truly happy, content, and living with a sense of purpose. Here’s a few of the things I’ve lined up, and why. I hope it helps you create more moments of meaningfulness in your life!

After all – life is too short to be spending most of your time doing shit you don’t want to be doing

TIME IN THE MOUNTAINS WITH GOOD FRIENDS

Today I’m going to spend time outdoors with a group of wild woman I love. Tomorrow I leave for a backpacking trip through the Sierra Nevada in California, with a dear friend of mine. Mountain time is important. Friends are important.

We’re heading to the east side, where there’s a slip fault and the mountains shoot straight up from the valley floor. I don’t like hiking in trees that much because I love vast, open views, so the east side of the Sierra feels just right to me. You get above treeline after some serious effort up steep slopes – and it’s well worth it. This place and it’s abundant granite are where my soul feels most content.

I had first wanted to spend tonight eating oysters and drinking champagne with my friends, which I definitely also love – but those things don’t make my soul sing. I want to spend my precious time doing what makes my soul sing, and today my soul wanted mountains (maybe after the hike, the oysters and champagne will take front seat;)

Do you have a place where you feel absolutely at peace and magical? Where is that? How can you spend more time there? How could you possibly…live there? A place where you feel free, where you can adventure (your way) and feel alive, is essential.

Do you have a friend who deeply understands you? Who makes you feel good about yourself? Who is easy to listen to and give generously to – and who gives back? How can you spend more time with them? How can you find someone like that – or build a tribe of more people like that? Your success and happiness are largely correlated with the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.

YOGA

After I write this, I am heading to yoga. It’s one of the few things in my life that has remained a constant source of support and rejuvenation. I took my first class at UC Santa Cruz when I was 18, and have never looked back.

What is a reliable source of nourishment – body and soul – for you? How can you tap into this more often?

Spend more time on what’s important. You need to schedule it. Prioritize it. Only then will it happen.

MEDITATION

Whether I like to admit it or not, my ability to be kind, present, patient and generous is largely dependent on how much energy I put into my spiritual practice (and not just reading spiritual books). A huge part of that is meditation. The times when I’ve been most proud of how I showed up in the world have been when I have made the time to meditate – especially when doing this Tonglen meditation I learned when I was 19 years old (this is a link to a guided meditation I did with a group on a retreat I led at Breitenbush in Oregon).

I think meditation works for me because of the way it helps me pause before reacting in a way that’s not in alignment with how I want to be in the world, and how it helps me step back and get perspective on what is really going on – seeing things as they are, without the drama and story I create around them. Tonglen in particular helps to heal painful relationships for me – and this is often a source of much of our suffering. It helps me feel more genuine compassion and love – even for people I may not be feeling warm and fuzzy about.

What helps you show up to be the best version of yourself? What helps you be more compassionate, loving, kind, and generous? Do that. You’ll always be glad you showed up as a good person.

TIME WITH FAMILY (I wouldn’t have said this 20 years ago)

I’ve had a complicated history around my family. Once I turned 18, I couldn’t wait to leave the chaos and abuse of my younger years, moving out shortly after my birthday that year. Later, I was able to heal my relationships with my parents and with the neighborhood that brought me so much stress and violence. Not too long ago, my relationship with my mother got complicated again, and then she died. It was bad timing, but death is known for that.

This is my first birthday without my mother, who is the one and only person who never, ever forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I miss her dearly. I wish I had been able to show up better, to meditate more, work less, be more patient. But alas, I was struggling with postpartum depression and having to provide for my family as the primary breadwinner – a new and sleep-deprived mom – during her last years.

I’m only human, and I’m sure as hell not perfect. But I do see the importance of cultivating a loving family that feels good to come home to, and showing up for them in a way I can feel proud of. I’m trying my best. I brought my kiddo to camp late today so we could cuddle longer and share kisses and eat capers and lox together and walk at a leisurely pace, stopping to check out the fireweed blooms. I’ll spend more time with her and my husband after I get my massage this afternoon;)

I’m also going to try to forgive and let go of the shit that keeps me from loving fully.

It’s too heavy a burden.

Who is the “family” you are choosing to create? You get to choose many of them now that you’re all grown up.

Are you happy in your community? Are you showing up like you want to for your loved ones?

If you died today, would you have said what you needed to say to the people you care about? Do you need to cut the energetic cord between you and another person?

DANCING WILDLY

Dancing in the only thing missing from my agenda for today that would totally make me happy, so I’ve scheduled it for when I get back from my backpacking trip. I’m not talking ecstatic dance at 9am or salsa classes after dinner. I’m talking thumping sweating jumping head-banging spinning howling bring it on electronica latin club ska hip hop anything that’s got good rhythm with my ladies yet by myself in the middle of the dance floor appearing so wild that no one dare come near me kind of dancing. I can’t wait!

These are some of the relatively small things I’ve chosen to do, but they hold a lot of power for me.

I hope these ideas help you start moving towards a life that is more in alignment with who you are and what you want from this precious life. Life is too short for anything else.

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If you want to join a tribe of people that will help you navigate this wild and precious life, come check out Freedom School – for rebels like you. It’s not just personal growth for rebels. It’s Jedi training for the new world.

what a 4500 year-old tree taught me about doing hard things

I was hiking toward a forest of knotty, twisted, magical trees, many of which are over 2000 years old, and the oldest of which is over 4773 years old. I wondered what it takes for a tree to live that long.

Most of us would enter into some kind of personifcation and think of things similar to what make strong, beautiful humans: good food, water, a comfortable environment, and if we’re lucky, maybe even good parents and friends. Plus good genes.

For these ancient trees, we might think they need good soil, a temperate climate, ample water, good (but not harsh) sunlight, and not too much exposure to harsh winds or bad storms.

The truth, however, is that we would be utterly wrong.

I learned that contrary to what you might think, the oldest living trees on earth grow at elevations between 9,000 to over 11,000 feet – in high desert. The oldest trees grow on outcrops of dolomite, a low nutrient soil. There are high winds. Harsh temperature variations. Periods of long drought. And they only grow here.

These trees were babies and growing at the time stone axes were being used in Europe, the Great Pyramids were being built, and when clay tablets were being used in northern Syria.

Holy shit, right? That’s some serious living…And they didn’t need the easy life.

What if we’re just as wrong about what makes strong, beautiful humans?

I sat with this tree you see in the photo (photo credit: Elliot McGucken), and marveled at the miracle of life it was a symbol of. So beautiful and resilient in such a harsh environment. The things that tree must have seen because it was willing to…endure.

I wondered what would have happened to this tree if it thought that it “should” have been born somewhere…easier. Nicer. Gentler. Or if it thought it should be bigger. Straighter. More green.

After all, it’s what most of us humans do.

We wonder what life would be like if we had different parents, a better partner, a kickass job, a bigger house. If we lived closer to the beach, the mountains, a cultural epi-center, or a river. If we had more money. A tighter butt. Skinnier hips. A higher IQ. If we could climb 5.13 or paddle Class V.

I bet if that tree had all those thoughts, “shoulding” on itself, it would have shriveled up at the first hard drought. Or gotten toppled over at the first big storm, not having bothered to put down strong roots in such an unrelenting place.

That’s often what happens to humans who think, “Poor me.” They give up.

But this tree didn’t think that way. Or maybe it didn’t think anything at all. It just kept living, doing what it takes. Making the best out of what it has. Knowing, trusting, this is exactly where it should be.

These trees loves it here. So much so, that they can’t grow in rich soil or kinder, gentler places. They need these challenges to thrive.

What if humans “thought” more like this tree. What if we didn’t question if who we are or what we have is enough?

What if we thought, “This is exactly who I am supposed to be. I am perfect for this life of mine. This is exactly what is supposed to be happening. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I was born to be right here, right now. I can do this. I’ve got this.”

I bet life would be different. I bet we’d be a whole lot happier. A whole lot nicer, more productive, and energetic. A whole lot…better off.

Some might argue, “Yeah – and we’d also have no development or evolution or progress for those of us stuck in shitty situations.”

Nah. Those are just more excuses for not choosing to be happy. When we are happy, we are actually open to more innovation, more options, more creativity. When we are happy, we can more easily generate more happiness.

When we endure, when have have survived and learned from getting through challenging times (instead of complain about it and wish things were different), we evolve, we adapt, we are resilient, and we are more confident.

We’ve done hard things. And instead of running from them, we aren’t afraid of them. We take more risks, we think big, We don’t shrink back.

We say, “Bring it on!”

Happiness is a choice. I had a Tibetan spiritual teacher that told me, “If you wanted to, you could be happy Just. Like. THAT!” And he made a dramatic snapping of his fingers high up in the air.

I just stared at him. I had no freakin’ clue how that was supposed to happen.

He told me I had to learn to direct my mind. Think different thoughts. To know that I create my own experience of reality. I needed to turn my suffering into happiness. WTF?

Fast-forward 26 years later, and I think I am starting to get it. This tree…this hella old, knotty, beautiful tree gets it.

Being happy is not easy. But I’m starting to believe that it is actually that simple.

We humans need to experience hard things to grow into something of a true work of art…a beautiful, twisted, gnarled and hearty human being whose life is their masterpiece. If we didn’t suffer, we wouldn’t grow and adapt and be pushed to rise up to the occasion.

We would not learn what we are made of.

This tree was not born wondering if it could make it. We, being silly humans, often do.

Know that you can.

Know that if you weren’t able to handle what you’re in, it would not be happening.

What’s going on in your life that you’d rather have…go away?

If you can actually make it go away, then by all means, do that.

But if you can’t, if you are truly not able to change what’s going on right now, what would happen if you chose to feel better about it? What if you chose to think differently about it so that it served you instead of ate you up?

This, my friend, could be a game-changer.

You’ve got this.

***

Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

Take Imperfect Action – You Never Know What Will Happen!

In my writing group, I was given the task to share a painful memory I had from middle school. If your middle school years were anything like mine, you can understand why it didn’t take long for me to come up with one.

When I was between clients, I wrote a short piece about a time when my best friend had abandoned me and proceeded to shame me. I felt devastatingly alone.

While writing, I didn’t over-think it, I didn’t re-write it, and I certainly didn’t submit it with the thought it would get published. What I did do was tell myself that I was going to write regularly, and submit regularly, and let go of things needing to be perfect.

Guess what?! The piece turned out to be the first article I’ve ever had published!

This affirmed for me that the level of time, energy, suffering, and pain that we put into something does not directly correlate with whether someone will like it or not.

Yes, I have worked very hard and achieved some great life goals as a result…and sometime things – especially when inspired – can affect people in ways you never would have imagined, even if it feels easy.

I don’t think this was the best thing I’ve ever written. I kind of wish one of the other pieces I’ve submitted was accepted instead. But I’m going to soak it up and enjoy this moment.

I want you to remember that you never know how something you say, do, write, or create will impact someone else. Something that you think is “nothing” can change someone’s life. Something you think is “not so impressive” can actually inspire others.

Try out what I did – commit to taking action every day towards your passions.

Hit the metaphorical (or actual) submit button. See what happens.

You never know!

Check out my article here. It’s over in Elephant Journal, one of the few online magazines I actually read.

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Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

let people be wrong about you

Here’s a little secret: one of the most relaxing things you can do for yourself – better than a spa vacation in a remote mountain area or trolling a fishing line by your kayak in the Sea of Cortez – is to let people be wrong about you.

I know – it sounds crazy, right? But think about it. How much mental energy goes into protecting our image, defending our stance, or worrying about what other people think about us?

Answer: a shit-ton.

Here’s a quirky thing you might not know about me: I received a near-perfect score on the “logic” portion of the Graduate Record Exam (the GRE is a hideous, multi-hour test you have to take for most graduate program admissions). You might think, “Wow! That’s awesome, Ana! You’re life much be so much easier because you’re all logical and shit.”

Not.

Life is actually harder when you not only feel you are right, but know you are often right. This is because most of the time, us humans are super illogical, so no amount of logic can easily change our thoughts, behavior or how we feel. We do things not based on our rational brain, but on how we think something will make us feel. And most of us want to avoid hard feelings, so we do super illogical things like overeat when we are stressed out about trying to lose weight, or snap at our partner when we want to grow closer to them.

Silly humans!

So you see: the way people think – and the way people think about you – actually has nothing to do with logic (which is super frustrating for someone with a very logical brain;) You will likely never be able to convince them they are wrong, because they don’t actually think what they about you because they have a logical reason for why they are “right.” They think what they do about you because of how it makes them feel.

Mind-blowing, right?

So your partner, who swears you never told them about the party tonight and defends it to their core (even though you know you told him 2 weeks ago)?

It likely won’t help to repeatedly describe the exact details of when and how you told them. Why? Maybe they need to believe it wasn’t their fault that they forgot so they can feel good about themselves. Who knows! But the point is, life will get much easier if you let go of trying to convince them otherwise. Just help them get their pants on and get out the door.

Your (read: my) online hater who writes you a scathing email about how lovely your life must be since you grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth/have a rich husband who supports you/(insert made-up story here)?

It won’t matter to write back and say, “Um, no. I grew up poor and in the ghetto and with a schizophrenic father and a mother that took her stress out on me. And I make more than my husband, thank you very much.” They need to think that about you for a reason. Anything you do or say likely won’t help, because they don’t want to feel differently.

This goes back to one of the main things I teach in my Ziji Up! confidence course: our thoughts create our feelings – and only YOU can change your own thoughts. When people have a thought about you in order to avoid experiencing a hard feeling, trying to change their thoughts about it with logic will be like Sisyphus rolling the proverbial boulder uphill. Don’t bother.

THEY need to go in there and change their thoughts when they are ready and willing. When someone is avoiding a hard feeling, they are NOT going to let you in their head to mess with that unless they are good and ready.

So you see, it’s easier to just let go of what other people think of you. It has nothing to do with you. It’s them. It’s about how they not just want – but need – to feel about themselves in that moment. And trust me: we all do this.

When I know I am right about something and my husband thinks otherwise, I often say to him, “But that doesn’t make any sense!!!!” (followed by a deep, guttural growl and the suppression of the GRE-style logical reasoning to accompany it). And truly, it doesn’t. But that doesn’t matter.

The reason I think it’s so important for me to be right is because I am doing the same thing! Oh, the irony…

I think correcting his thoughts about me will make me feel better. Loved, seen, heard, understood…all those “good” things that seem like important and valid reasons for arguing back. But what’s really happening is I am creating more distance between us, and more suffering as a result – in him, and in me.

Silly humans.

So next, time, I can focus on letting go of what he thinks about me, even when it’s something wrong and “bad” about me. The ironic thing is that allowing wrong thoughts about me would allow us to grow closer. I can let go, move on, and he will feel a nice “victory” and we can get on with having fun in life.

The same kind of freedom happens when we don’t react to anyone else who has negative opinions about us – and when we don’t let what others think about us affect the way we feel.

The next time you start obsessing about how someone is thinking something “wrong” about you, remind yourself that it isn’t about you. They want to feel better in that moment, and they need to think that about you to keep it going.

You know the truth of yourself.

You have the capacity of a big, open heart that can let people think wrong things about you – because you know they are hurting in a big or small way, and that they need that “win” for the moment.

So go on: let people be wrong about you. There are way better things to be thinking, feeling, and doing.

That is true freedom…

Here’s to you feeling it!

***

Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

How To Set Boundaries That Actually Work

Do you remember how proud you were when you set your first “healthy boundary?” I do.

I remember finally planting my metaphorical foot down after months of frustration. I told someone I was dating that I wasn’t going to tolerate anymore flaking or not showing up when he said he would. I deserved my time to be respected. I set my boundary and … he listened!

Well done! I thought to myself. Should have done that months ago!

But…he didn’t listen for long. In the end it was a battle of me re-setting boundaries, trying to control his behavior, then him complying…and eventually breaking them again. Then I’d withdraw to “enforce” the boundary…rinse, repeat.

When I was first taught about boundaries, it was in the context of women who do too much for other people, and not enough for themselves. It came across to me that I had to be firm and defend myself against others asking me to do things I didn’t want to do, or allowing them to act in ways that were not healthy for me. Sounds like a good idea right?

While that sounds like a really good idea on the surface, the way I was doing it ended up leading to not-so-good things for everyone involved. Things like Anger. Frustration. Control.

That last one is the biggest thing – it turns out unbeknownst to me, I was using boundaries to control other people’s behavior. I was giving ultimatums like “you do/don’t do this…or else!” This is not a healthy way to set boundaries – yet it is the way most of us were taught to set them.

Most of us set boundaries based on how we can change how someone else behaves, and not on our power of choice and agency to do what is best for us.

The healthy way to create boundaries necessitates remembering a very important thing: that boundaries are all about YOUR behavior.

Whaaaaat?! That’s right. The focus of a healthy boundary is actually not about the other person doing or not doing what you want at all. They are all grown up, and whether you like it or not, they “get” to do whatever they want. I know. It sounds crazy. But stick with me for a long minute;)

A healthy boundary is all about what you are going to do. It is a consequence you set that is completely based on an action you will take.

For example, if your mother is constantly belittling you when she calls, you can create a boundary. You can say, “Mom, it is not OK for you to belittle me when we talk. I love you, but if you start to do that, I will let you know I am going to hang up, and we can talk again when belittling isn’t part of the conversation.”

Then, if she does it again, you say, “OK mom, I love you, and I’m going to hang up now. When you’re ready to talk without doing that, we can chat again.”

You don’t continue to try to change her or “make her stop.” You just take care of yourself.

You may have noticed a few other things in this example:

1) The boundary isn’t about something petty. Some people want to set boundaries around things like getting people to stop giving them unsolicited advice, or doing something annoying like talking too loudly. That is actually attempting to control someone and not letting them be themselves – which is not OK.

Boundaries are set for big-deal items: emotional or physical boundaries. People do not get to hit you. People do not get to emotionally abuse you (like the belittling in the example above). People do not get to break your trust.

You may wonder – Hold on, girl! What’s the difference between setting a boundary and making a request for my preferences, then? Can’t I ask someone to stop something that annoys me?

YES! Make all the requests you want!

If someone is not crossing a physical or emotional boundary but is simply annoying you, choose to either share your time and energy with them, or not. Make a request, or not. Requests don’t have “consequences.” The person either does it or not, and you do the work to learn how to be happy either way.

If you choose to still be around them, let go of trying to change who they are.

Don’t forget to not let whether they comply or not affect your happiness or your sense of empowerment. It really isn’t appropriate to create boundary around something you’re simply being annoyed by. That’s usually solvable by you changing your thoughts about what’s going on and not taking them personally.

That can be a big-girl-panties concept, but I know you’ve got this;)

2) Boundaries (unlike simple requests) have a consequence that is about an action you will take, and you need to follow through on this. Using the example above, if your mom/partner/friend belittles you and you don’t hang up like you said you would, that removes the strength and purpose form the boundary. It also tends to eat away at your self-respect and self-esteem. You end up not trusting yourself, which is usually worse that the original breach of the boundary anyway.

3) The boundary does not come from a place of anger. Your happiness should not rely on this person’s actions. Therefore, the boundary is simply to honor yourself, and you can choose to not take it personally and step away from the unhealthy situation. No drama. Just, “No, thank you.”

Let’s see more examples of what this all looks like:

If you have a friend who is constantly late and this wears on your time and energy, you can choose to stay friends with her and say, “I get you’re often late, it’s what you do. But it’s hard for me when I waste my time when I’d rather spend time with you. So, if you are more than 15 minutes late, I’m going to leave.” Shazam! You honor who she is, and you honor your needs.

In this example, you are choosing to stay friends with this person, and creating a boundary that respects both your needs. You can also choose not to remain friends with this person if they don’t follow through. In either case, you can walk away – without drama.

In my relationship example in the beginning, choosing to leave when it was clear my emotional boundaries and trust were not being honored would have been better than trying to control someone else’s behavior. I could have said, “If x, y, z behavior continues, that doesn’t work for me.” Then I would have left – which ended up happening anyway – but it would have happened with me being in a much more empowered place – and much sooner. That would have saved both of us a lot of time and energy and suffering. And way less drama.

I know some of these concepts can be a bit WTF for you right now, but let it simmer awhile. Check it out and observe the difference between people setting healthy boundaries vs. trying to control someone else’s behavior. As one of my favorite spiritual teachers would tell me, “Check your mind. Check it for yourself.”

What are your deal-breakers that you’d like to set boundaries for? Are you able to differentiate between the need for boundaries vs making a request? If not, shoot me an email. Trust me – I’ve been there!

***

Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

Feeling crushed? Get. Up.

I used to have this nightmare several times a year. I’d be standing on the shore, and then a huge tidal wave would form, growing taller and taller, looming over me, turning the sky black and the surroundings gray. Sheer terror would fill me. I’d see it start to arc over me, and instead of waking up just before it crashed on me, it WOULD crash over me and I would be pummeled by it and suffocating. Then I’d wake up.

I kept having this dream, and analyzed over and over why I might be having it. Was it the near-drowning I experienced when I was young, when some ocean spirit eventually deposited me onto the beach without me knowing even how I made it back? Was it sexual repression? (ha! not likely with me…) Water means so many things in “dream analysis…”

Well, this is what I love about coaching. Taking a different approach than most therapy models, in the end I didn’t so much care why I had the dream. I just wanted it to stop. Or – more accurately – for the terror to stop.

When I had almost finished completing my coach training in 2009, the dream took a different turn (hang with me…this is where it gets juicy).

One night, I had the dream again. I stood at the edge of the ocean, and the wave grew taller and taller…perhaps the tallest one I’d seen yet. The same terror filled me and I tried to run away. I turned around, but then the futility of what I trying to do hit me. I could never outrun a tidal wave. So, I turned around, and surrendered.

I faced the looming wall, accepted it was going to crash over me, and hellz yes it did. I was tossed around under the water for several minutes, limbs flailing and darkness enveloping me. I found it…interesting. In my state of surrender, I was in awe of the power of this wave. I’d been tossed in the washing machine surfing before, but this was a freakin’ tidal wave.

Then, something totally different happened.

I got spit out the top of the water. The surface was calm and clear. The sky was blue. And there were colorful bathtub toys and beach toys floating all around me. It was…epic and beautiful and relaxing.

I never had the nightmare again.

In hindsight, I think I kept having this dream because I was focusing on wanting to avoid the fear, make the tidal wave stop, or escape the problem altogether. But did you ever entertain the idea that parts of life are supposed to be hard? Well, of course you know that parts of life can be hard…but do you believe it’s supposed to be hard sometimes?

I don’t buy the whole “everything can be easy and effortless all the time if you just think it will be” shizzle that some people spout out (although self-sabotage is real and a whole other blogpost). What I do believe is that we would not be able to achieve states of bliss and joy if it were not for the existence of the contrasting hard feelings. It’s emotional physics. And the irony is, once you embrace that we don’t need to run from the hard feelings, they actually pass more quickly. In the end, we suffer less than we would trying to fight them.

Life is indeed hard at times. When we try to avoid it being hard, or avoid feeling our hard feelings, the problem grows and grows. Like my tidal wave.

You also lose confidence in yourself, because you don’t trust that you can handle it and test your shit out.

A few years later, I heard one of my teachers, Pema Chodron, say that true inner confidence wasn’t about never being afraid. She said it was about knowing that when you got knocked down, you could get up, again and again. Then she gave the example of standing on the ocean’s edge (not kidding!), and then how if we fight getting knocked down by the waves, or try to escape them, we get exhausted and worn down. However, if we allow ourselves to get knocked down, and then get back up – now that is unshakeable confidence. She also said the Tibetans called this radiant inner confidence ziji…which is what I named my confidence course!

Essentially, once you’ve learned that you can get knocked down – and that you will always get back up – you can turn to the world and say, “Bring it!”

True confidence is not built from avoiding getting knocked down. True confidence is built from knowing you will always get back up.

There’s a reason you are reading this today – maybe you’re feeling crushed and you needed to hear it. Maybe a friend or a loved one or a stranger on the street needs to hear it, and you need to muster the courage to tell them.

Get. Up.

***

Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

Top 10 Reasons to Do a Cleanse

Fotolia_12980564_XS-200x133“When you fast, the Light will illuminate you and spread on earth.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Everyone has a doctor in him or her; we just have to help it in its work. The natural healing force within each of us is the greatest force in getting well. Our food should be our medicine. Our medicine should be our food.” ~ Hippocrates

Warning – I am about to brag…just a little, but it’s part of the story.

Something I have been hearing a lot of lately is, “Damn girl, you’re lookin’ good for being, like, 46!” and “I WISH I had as much energy as you!”

First of all, I just want to point out that you are not supposed to look shitty when you’re, “like, 46.” But that’s beside the point.

The point is that I don’t dye my hair, do plastic surgery, or have a medi-spa membership. I don’t think there is necessarily anything wrong with those things, but I just wanted to let you know I don’t do them myself – yet;) Freedom Junkie truism: Never say, “Nevah!”

I also don’t drink coffee (it gives me panic attacks, which sucks, because I LOVE the flavah!), I don’t use “energy drinks,” and I don’t eat sugar (heaven help you if you’re around me on a sugar rush). I haven’t always had a lot of energy. In fact, there are days when I can be a downright lazy mo-fo. But that’s usually when I am not partaking in my usual energizing activities (more on those later).

I admit that once I had some sun spots lasered off my face, but after I looked like a leper for two weeks and then got sunburned doing a solo climb of Mount Shasta in the clouds (’tis true what they say about cloudy days) after which they immediately CAME BACK, I never returned for another treatment. I am meant to be spotted. Like the badass owl.

A few examples of what I DO partake in to boost my energy and youthful mistress look are regular exercise, a pretty damn good sleeping pattern considering I could stay up all night doing my passion work (and other passionate things, winky winky!) and have a little baby, yoga 5 times a week, and random kitchen dancing to old-school salsa and hip hop until I am dripping with sweat. Solo.

However, this article is about the one thing that I discovered after my cancer diagnosis (10 years ago!) that I am pretty sure has made the biggest difference of all. I believe it keeps me and many other people happy and healthy as ever – even though we’re, “like, 40.”

This, my friends, is {drumroll} doing a supah yummy seasonal cleanse at least 2 times a year.

My friend, Ajana Miki, N.D., lead the first cleanse I ever did, and it changed my life. I like to do “nutritive” cleanses in the Spring and Fall (and definitely if I am doing one in the winter). This means that unlike a lot of cleanses or fasts, I can eat quite a variety and quantity of food, including various types of high-quality of protein.

I mainly cut the bad boys out, like sugar, caffeine, alcohol, gluten, dairy, etc., add pharmaceutical-grade organic supplements to detox and support my body, consume more superfoods, smoothies and green juices, and am more mindful about sleep, exercise, and meditation. The more intense cleanses and fasts I save for doing either one day a week, the final week of my 3-week cleanses, or for the summertime, when those more “extreme” cleanses feel more appropriate for my body – and the weather;)

Here are my Top 10 reasons to Do a Supah Yummy Spring Cleanse RIGHT NOW!

First, there are the obvious physical reasons:

1. Weight loss (and maintenance). Caveat: This isn’t about body image (although it might be for you). It’s about staying at a healthy weight where your risk for disease and premature death is lower, yo. This benefit is for realz. People often loose at least 5 pounds. I sometimes loose more if I’ve been on the – ahem – rather unhealthy side (read: too much wine or cheese or both). On the maintenance side, this basically means you are likely taking off the weight that accumulated while you started eating and drinking like crap after your last cleanse. And when you do them regularly, they can help you maintain your weight because you’re not waiting until your weight is way out of control before moving back to healthier eating habits.

2. When done regularly, cleanses provide a kind of re-set for your tasty-buds, training your tasty-buds (as my friend Shauna likes to call them;) and the rest of your body to like healthier food again. We train ourselves to prefer certain flavors, and fat, sugar, and salt are easy to become addicted to on the flavor scale. It’s just how we’re built!

Once you eat a healthier diet for awhile (say, for the length of a cleanse), you can train yourself to prefer the fresher and more subtle flavors of whole, real foods. This means you are re-setting your body to consume healthier foods with more vitamins, minerals, anti-oxidants, anti-cancer agents, and all that good shizzle – and LIKE it!

3. Allergy relief, often with less mucus, congestion, skin problems, and coughs. This is especially true for many peeps when eliminating gluten and dairy. I notice when I get massages on a cleanse, my nose doesn’t get all stuffy, most obvious when I am asked to turn onto my back and I am actually able to breathe. Seasonal allergies can improve (if not eliminated, they are often less severe), and people often experience easier breathing while exercising, as well as less coughing or shortness of breath, even if they don’t have an official diagnosis of asthma.

4. No matter how healthfully we eat, we live in an increasingly toxic world. The body’s defenses are made up of the liver, kidneys, colon, as well as healthy skin and immune system functioning. However, when we are continuously exposed to toxins and pollutants in the air we breathe, eating non-organic food, and drinking chemicalized or contaminated water, it puts a lot of stress on our defenses and detoxification systems as they struggle to keep up. Eventually, these toxins can build up and cause disease and the other big bummer known as low energy.

Add to this things like binge-drinking, prescription as well as recreational drugs, pharmaceutical grades of jet fuel coffee, and being a couch potato, our poor body is like, “Hey there! Can I interrupt your Bacchanalian fiesta of a life? I can sort of deal with this, and I am doing a pretty damn good job of it, but will you puh-lease cut me a break?!” This can manifest as getting sick easily (aka: forced rest), low energy, skin rashes, constipation or diarrhea, headaches, and body pains, etc.

Cleansing helps you detoxify and gives your system a break so you can continue to kick ass for as long as possible on this gorgeous planet.

5. More energy. ‘Nuf said. Well, I’ll say a bit more: Cleansing also kick-starts your metabolism. After you cleanse, your metabolism becomes more efficient – it more easily creates energy and eliminates wastes that bring your energy level down. If you continue to adopt a healthy diet and lifestyle for a bigger chunk of the year through regular cleansing, you will feel healthier for more of the year too!

6. You look better. Your skin glows, you carry yourself taller with more energy and confidence, your belly is flatter since it isn’t so bloated all the time and you’re pooping more regularly, and you just freakin’ RADIATE health. I can see it in others all the time. One of my yoga teachers, Melissa Cooley, was doing an Ayurvedic cleanse, and when we were in a workshop together (my Ziji Up! Mastery Program, in fact!), everyone kept saying to her, “You look so radiant! You’re glowing!” Yup. Da cleanse.

7. Your aches and pains can disappear. As you eliminate foods you are intolerant or allergic to, as well as stop eating crap food, toxins can more easily be eliminated from your body, and your inflammation levels go down – and you feel better in your body. Yummy;)

The following reasons are more subtle, and they have to do with the deeper shizzle, the emotional and spiritual levels of cleansing.

7. We are NOT our habits. Our habits are choices that we repeat over and over, and when we make the same choices over and over, we create a comfort zone, whether we like it or not.

It’s not called a “comfort zone” because it is necessarily “comfortable.” Being bloated and constipated isn’t comfortable. But the habit of eating things we have an intolerance for – like pasta and cheese – keeps us in the comfort zone.

More correctly, it is called a comfort zone because when you try something different from it, you are uncomfortable. And sometimes extremely so.

With this aspect of the cleanse, you directly deal with your habits, stretching beyond your comfort zones, and the way your habits may be masking some difficult truths.

** I believe it is THIS part of cleansing that is the reason most people avoid doing a cleanse at all. **

It’s not so much that they can’t physically do without their cheese. It’s that they can’t do with the emotional discomfort that arises without it.

In this part of the cleanse, you may become in tune with how stressed out your job makes you when you aren’t automatically unwinding after work with a class (or several) of wine. And that can be a sucky thing to realize.

You can become very aware of how depleted your energy stores might be when you finally aren’t having your regular coffee in the morning (don’t worry – there are versions of cleanses that allow some caffeine if that is a deal-breaker for you ;).

You might not know what to do when you can’t automatically munch on a bag of chips because you’re bored, or slam down the ice cream because you’re boyfriend pissed you off. And you bite your nails wondering why the hell you did this stupid cleanse.

8. Often, our habits are our way of self-medicating, and cleansing keeps you real with yourself. Cleansing make sure you are staying on your path, staying in line with your values, keeps you in integrity. It makes sure all of you is heading in the same direction = your dreams.

It does this by not allowing you to hide, even if its harder to face it all.

Even after all I’ve just said, you may still be wondering, “So…why go there?” Let me tell you this:

It is über-liberating (Hello, FREEDOM JUNKIES!), when, on day 9 of a cleanse, you fall asleep easily and effortlessly without needing your after-work martini; or when you meet a friend for lunch feeling clear and energetic, and and you haven’t even missed your morning coffee.

The Tibetan Buddhist nun who taught me to meditate when I was 18 years old, Robina Courtin, told me that what she loved most about quitting smoking was not needing a cigarette anymore. She was giving a teaching on attachment, and she went on and on about the freedom and liberation of not NEEDING something outside of yourself to feel good.

It was a very powerful impression.

9. Increased mental clarity. When we get rid of toxins and distractions, we have more time and space for seeing this clearly, for experiencing life as it is, with fewer filters of gobbledygook in our system that fog things up. This is particularly true on deeper cleanse days like juice fasts.

In this spaciousness, we have room fill ourselves up with connections with nature, to be closer to our Higher Power, or whatever else truly fills us up.

10. You become more in touch with your body. When you are more in touch with your body, you will be less likely to have unhealthy habits, you will more easily be able to tune in to the intuition that your body offers you, and you will cultivate a level of self-love that is much needed!

Whew! So now that you know how AWESOME cleanse is on the mind, body, and spirit levels- are you ready? There are a lot of cleanse books out there, but a cleanse that is über-easy and fun to start with can be found in Kris Carr’s book, Crazy Sexy Diet (it focuses on an anti-inflammatory diet). I’ll also be posting more details about the kind of cleanses I like to do on my blog this Spring – so keep an eye out!

If you’re a little nervous about starting a cleanse on your own, come join other Freedom Junkies for our Seasonal Cleanses! They happen every Spring, Summer, Fall and a shorter detox in Winter, just after the new year. In the Freedom School, we do seasonal cleanses together while we are also work on our jedi mindtricks. After all – it’s all connected, right? No one ever became enlightened eating Cheetos on a couch. Freedom School opens on December 1st. Go to www.joinfreedomschool.com when you’re ready. We can’t wait to have you in the tribe!