Believe it or not, it’s okay to make people uncomfortable.
There – I said it. And I really do mean it.
In a world where “uncomfortable” has become synonymous with “unsafe,” we need to pause and take a breath. Not everything that makes us squirm is a threat.
Of course, when we have trauma, we associate discomfort with a lack of safety – and we can also project that onto others. But the thing is, discomfort is often a sign of growth, or at least an area of potential growth.
It’s a sign that something is shifting. That the old way of seeing things is crumbling, and something new can have a chance to emerge.
This isn’t some get-out-of-jail-free card to use when you want to be an asshole in the name of “truth telling,” but it IS an invitation to stop confusing discomfort with danger – and to stop silencing ourselves or others just because what we say might stir something up.
Because keeping people comfortable is not the same as keeping them safe.
What about trigger warnings or content warnings, then? Do they have a place?
Absolutely. I’ve used them and appreciated them. Especially when they’re offered in the spirit of, “Here’s a heads up so you can choose how to engage.”
But when trigger warnings become a requirement before any vulnerable or real conversation – when they become a shield to keep us from hearing something hard or complex—they stop being a tool of care and become a tool of avoidance.
Healing doesn’t happen in a padded room. It happens in the wild. In the mess. In the uncomfortable truth that not everything will be said the “right” way. And we will not always agree.
There’s this myth that trauma healing, spiritual growth, or radical transformation is supposed to feel good, soft and gentle all the time. But some truths will come with fire or rupture, so they can break the spell we didn’t even know we were under.
There’s a subtle kind of arrogance in trying to protect people from every difficult feeling. It assumes they’re fragile. That they can’t handle it. That we know better than they do what they need.
But people are resilient. People are wise. People can take care of themselves more than we think. So instead of tiptoeing around each other, what if we trusted that a little discomfort could actually be medicine?
Here’s the thing: discomfort is a portal. It invites curiosity. It asks us to look at what we’ve been avoiding. It nudges us out of numbing and into awareness.
This is one of the biggest misunderstandings I see in modern spiritual circles: the belief that the practice is supposed to help us escape the hard parts of being human. But the real purpose—the heart of it—is the opposite. And our practice helps us stay with that fear, shame, awkwardness, grief…
To not run from the sharp edges of life, but to turn toward them with awareness, breath, and heart.
It’s also vital to learn how to discern the difference between discomfort that’s growing us and discomfort that’s harming us.
Safe discomfort challenges our beliefs, stirs emotion, and invites reflection—it stretches us, but doesn’t shatter us. It invites us to engage more deeply with life.
Unsafe experiences, on the other hand, override our boundaries, violate consent, and leave us disconnected from ourselves. It disconnects us from our capacity to choose and stay present.
The difference often lies in our inner sense of agency: Can I breathe here? Do I have the choice to step back if I need to? Is this discomfort inviting me into deeper integrity—or asking me to abandon it?
So let’s stop pretending we’re doing people a favor by never challenging them. Let’s stop assuming that our discomfort—or theirs—is always a sign that something’s gone wrong.
Because the truth isn’t always comfortable.
But it is what sets us free.
And honestly? That freedom is worth the discomfort.
You will learn:
// Why discomfort doesn’t equal unsafe… and what it ACTUALLY means instead
// When and where trigger/content warnings can be helpful
// The myth of “feel good” healing
// The difference between “growing” and “harming” discomfort
Resources:
// Episode 199: What is Liminality? The Space Between Transitions
// Episode 211: Navigating Our Edges
// Episode 246: Choosing to Stay During Challenging Times
// Episode 251: Discomfort vs Danger – Safe ENOUGH Spaces
// If you’re new to the squad, grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll also get access to the Rebel Buddhist private group, and tune in every Wednesday as I go live with new inspiration and topics.
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