Days 163 to 171 – I Hate Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

Here I am at the summit of Flat Top with Campbell Creek below and Ptarmigan peak in the background (where I climbed the couloir with my partner one lovely spring 12 years ago!). Awesome after-work hike!

I am so freakin’ happy I can’t stand it. Literally! It’s like my brain is so “logical” that it immediately starts calculating the statistics of how long this could exactly last.

It is terribly annoying.

I know I am not alone here. A lot of us, when things are going really well, remind ourselves that it can’t possibly last forever. Well duh. But constantly reminding ourselves of this doesn’t help us to enjoy it while it IS here.

The ebb and flow of happiness is an age-old truth. We feel joy, then something happens and we feel a funk. Then something happens and we feel joy again. And on and on. The key is to not be attached to one or the other (oh yes, many people get attached to the funk just as much as others get attached to the joy). Still, not being attached to a state of mind being that way forever and ever doesn’t mean to not enjoy it!

So here I am in Alaska, happily building a home with my partner, going for hikes in alpine mountain scenery, planning trips to the Aleutian Islands and Uganda and East Africa…dancing at the local pub a few blocks away, watching Freedom Junkie grow and grow, and Hellz Yes! I earned this shit! Better yet, I created this! I am sooooooo happy!

I step back from my life, and remind myself of what I teach – that we create our experience – and I am in awe of it all. I am in awe that I have visualized every bit of this happening, and now it IS happening. I visualized, and surrendered, and some things manifested immediately and some took years/over a decade, but – just as I created the challenges in my life, I created this magnificence. It feels so amazing.

I used to reminisce about those days when I would sit in silence in my 20s, maybe watching a sunset cozy in my sleeping bag in the desert somewhere, and think, “I am so happy. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but whatever it is, Source, please let me keep doing it because I am so grateful for all I have right now.” That was when I lived out of my car and made about $11,000 a year.

For awhile I realized I hadn’t felt that way – that feeling of being utterly BLESSED – for a long time. A really long time. Then, it started coming back more and more. And here it is, full-force again. And what do I do?

Freak out that it’s going to end.

Well, I’ve been down this path before (remember: we revisit our challenges as in a spiral, over and over again, with a little different perspective and skillset each time) and I realize that I need to simply keep doing good work, being authentic, and fully enjoying the present. I need to not be afraid of when the tides shift. I need to be fully present and in the NOW. When I focus on what is going on in the present – and not fear what “might” happen – I am so freakin’ psyched!

I am blessed.

Sometimes I am embarrassed to say that. To say that I am so freakin’ in love with my life that I can’t stand it. Like I shouldn’t be this happy when others I love and care about are not doing so well. You know, feeling guilty like a good Catholic girl should;) But in the end, I know that it is the purpose of all of us to shine, and to manifest our magnificence, and I can’t wait for all those around me to keep on taking the risks they need to take to grow and to step into their creative power.

I know that I will be in a funk someday, and I’ll likely write about it here. But in the meantime, I am going to be so grateful for this joy.

I have learned that gratitude for what you DO have – whether you’re in a funk or in a state of feeling uber blessed – is your gift back to the Universe, to God, to Source.

What are you grateful for today? Let me know below. I’d love to hear about it so we can feel blessed together;) Misery may love company, but blessedness loves it even more!

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)!

How to Get Your MoJo On Before Its Too Late

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Marie Oliver

Running errands, working late, losing sleep, making annoying phone calls and being put on hold, not working out again because you got home too late, not seeing your friends for a few weeks because you’ve got your nose to the grindstone…What’s the point?

What’s the reason behind all the things you’re doing every day? What’s the MoJo behind your ToDo list? In coaching, we talk about the “little a” agenda, and the “Big A” Agenda. The little “a” agenda is the list of all the little steps that get you to your Big “A” Agenda. The Big A is your dreams, your vision, your totally fulfilled, free and kick-ass life.

It’s important to know why you’re doing what you’re doing with your precious life energy, and it’s also important not to confuse the To Dos for the MoJo itself. When we confuse the little a for the Big A…then we’re really screwed. But more on that in a bit.

Let me start with an example of little a and Big A: I want to go to Africa and travel this Fall, as well as volunteer at a refugee camp. I want to write and create and inspire and dive into – with the freedom of time – the newest epic Freedom Junkie program I am creating. On top of that, a requirement is that I do not have to be anywhere at any given moment or be held accountable to anyone but myself, my partner, and the present moment. That’s my Agenda. That’s the MoJo behind my ToDos.

In the meantime, what do I need to do to get there?

  • Quit my job (the one where I loved it but didn’t have freedom of my time) – DONE. I did this a long time ago, but I like to remind myself everytime I do something cool about why I did it;)
  • Not get pregnant – DONE (ditto to the above)
  • Run my Freedom Junkie programs twice as often as usual since I won’t be doing them in the Fall – DONE
  • Save a bunch of money so that even though I may be earning money in the meantime, I don’t have to freak out that I NEED to, and end up coming home early because I am stressed out or something sucky like that. This means I had to save 3 months worth of expenses, at least. – DONE
  • Pay bills in advance – PENDING
  • Write my eZine articles in advance – PENDING
  • Tuck in all my loose ends and do all the crap I have been putting off so I can fully let go – definitely NOT DONE

So, a lot of little “a” things have to happen in order for my vision to happen. Some of them were really big freakin’ deals to pull off! A lot of things on YOUR ToDo list will need to happen in order for you to fulfill your MoJo too. your So, a lot of little “a” things have to happen in order for my vision to happen. Some of them were really big freakin’ deals to pull off! A lot of things onWhen I get stuck in how mundane things are because I am doing some annoying thing like spending half the day on the phone with insurance companies or filling out paperwork or screening renters for my house, getting all the service maintenance done on my car and doing prophylactic plumbing care on my vintage cottage (circa 1912, baby!), I remember my Big A. It helps.

Are you working overtime? When you feel yourself getting down on it and saying things like, “I can’t believe I’m missing out on watching the sunset on the river with my peeps,” how about saying, “I am making sure I’m getting to trek in Nepal in the Fall so I can fan the flames of my Freedom and Adventure MoJo?” That’s a much better place to have your perspective sit and take a rest.

Look at your daily habits and the things you are doing right now – your ToDo things. Are they getting you closer to, or further from, your dreams? Or are they keeping you stuck? Be honest with yourself.

Create and get clear about your vision,then make a list of ToDos that need to happen in order to be living that vision sooner than later. Then go out and do it – remembering, with focus, your reasons why.

Here are warning signs to watch out for when putting together the ToDos for your MoJo

Make sure your MoJo is honored every day.“Balance” in terms of an 8-hour workday and 8 hours of sleep is bull-honkey for most people. However, while you’re passionately cranking out the ToDos to get to your dream, make sure you celebrate some part of your MoJo. After all, you never know when you’re going to croak, so be sure to live a little passion every day. Have great sex. Eat good food. Play outside. In whatever order you like;)

Don’t keep doing things you don’t like with NO “Big A” Agenda in mind
For example, are you working overtime just to have “more money?” What the hell are you doing, amigo? I am now figuratively slapping you with a ltitle sting like in a Telenovela. Everything you do, even something seemingly banal or mundane, must contribute to your life dreams. And my bet is that if you’re a part of the Freedom Junkie Tribe, your dream isn’t to have a lot of money per se, but rather to feel free, have adventures, and take control of your time and money and where you are in the world. If financial abundance happens to come along with that wild ride, then sahweet – buy more drinks for your friends! In the Maldives;) Get in touch with your Big A – what values are you honoring?

Be aware of when your “little a” agenda items are for the purpose of someone else’s dreams, or an Agenda that is actually a really really bad idea that you forgot you were going to ditch once you realized your Badass Life was meant to be lived on your terms.

Like you used to think you wanted to be a doctor to save lives and help people. That was easy people-pleasing at cocktail parties. And you really really like shoes. You like them so much you are really freakin’ good at designing them and celebrating them. In fact, you are the only student in your medical school class who can pull off Fluvogs with scrubs.

You forgot you always wanted to open your own store. But then, in the middle of a 12 hour day indoors in the hospital on a sunny day, you remembered again. You remembered a lot of things about your dreams. So you quit med school. No shit. One of my friends did exactly that. And she has a badass shoe store and donates hundreds of pairs to kids in developing countries every year. Not Fluvogs. But you get the point.

Don’t make your Mojo items consistently eons into the future. Don’t wait for “someday.” Pick actual dates. Take, as Tim Ferriss says in The 4 Hour Work-Week, mini-retirements so that you refill your mojo regularly during this one wild and precious life. Don’t wait till you’re about to die!

Do not confuse your little a for your Big A. Do NOT work overtime thinking it will all be worth it “someday” if you never actually go on that trek in Nepal. You must go, or you’ll loose respect for yourself and your MoJo will whither. We’ve all done it. We’ve made plans, even taken some big leaps, then we make up excuses to turn away from our dreams. Then we keep doing the “little a” things all the time, and they eventually start to seem like Big A things because we forgot why they were so important, but we keep doing them anyway – but they’re not our Big A. They’re distractions.

Like checking Facebook or your emails 100 times a day so you feel important and seen and like people notice you, and that you’re doing really really well. Distraction. What could you be doing instead to get you to your big dream? All those little moments add up, hermana. One study showed employed people spend12.3 minutes on Facebook a day. That’s 76 hour a year – or 3 whole days! Another showed Americans spend 49 minutes a day on managing email. That’s 446 hours or 18.5 entire days!

In summary, I want you to get your MoJo on.

  • What’s Your Mojo? What are your big visions, your passions, your up-and-coming adventures?
  • What ToDos need to happen to manifest your MoJo?
  • How can you keep living your MoJo every day while you work towards that epic vision?

Please share your comments below:  I’d love to hear your answers to one or all of the questions above. When you speak it, there is power.

PS: If there is no MoJo behind what you’re doing, stop messing around. Discover your passions. Join the tribe at www.Facebook.com/TheFreedomJunkie and ask for some support. There are a bunch of wild and crazy Freedom Junkies out there who have been exactly where you are at!

Days 150 to 162 – A Very Sensitive Girlfriend

Here’s the flowers he brought me when picking me up from the airport. He said, “But I didn’t pick them.” How sweet is that!?

I am not quite sure what brings me to the precipice of insanity, but lack of sleep these days seems to be pretty good at it. My poor boyfriend. I have been cranking on getting my ducks in a row for a three-month adventure and as a result, I am a bit behind on the zzzzs. The problem is I LOVE what I do so much, I don’t really care that I am not sleeping well until I start feeling the consequences.

Take a lack of sleep and add: moving to a new state, having to make a whole new set of friends, learning two new sports in 6 months, both of which involve extreme cold, wet, big falls, or breathing water if you mess up, having to poo in a plastic bag while you build your bathroom, having to sell your motorcycle (gasp!) and trying to rent out or sell your house on your iphone at red light stops, not doing yoga for three weeks…

And what do you get?

A very sensitive girlfriend.

Well, at least that’s what my boyfriend gets. Everyone else gets my smile and my laughter and my big juicy hugs because I can do that even when sleep-deprived. But we all know that any relationship worth it’s salt involves vulnerability and intimacy and a whole bunch of other things that aren’t easy to pull off with a fleeting smile, and even harder to pull off with few chi reserves.

Let’s cut to the chase and get to the story. And a story it is. A grand story I created in my sleep-deprived mind.

My boyfriend spends a lot less money than I do. A LOT less. We both make a good living. We both have really good reasons for living the way we do. And we also really respect the values one another has that leads to us doing things differently. But when this wild woman starts getting cranky, I just wish that he did things my way sometimes. Go figure!

Helpful hint: I LOVE love love eating out. After so many years eating crap ghetto food and cold food on a mountain (even though I really do love beans and rice), it is quite the treat for me.

And it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t eat out so much. I just go with my girlfriends and live it up. What DID bother me recently was when several days in a row we get invited to meet friends at fancy places and we – HE – goes, completely willingly! I’m watching him hang out with our friends as they order hundreds of dollars worth of food and beverage.

I boil inside. The monumental hypocrisy! At least that’s how it felt at the time.

(I am going to preface the following paragraph with acknowledging that my man is totally awesome and romantic, and that I was a bit on the precipice when I thought this. But, I’m being real about my being on the precipice here.)

OK. We’re back to the boil. I think, “Wouldn’t it be fucking AWESOME if he thought of taking his girlfriend who just moved to fucking Alaska and who is selling her freakin’ house to be here and who left her friends and community out on a fucking date to a fucking wine bar or something? Wouldn’t that be just fucking awesome???????!!!!!!!” It would. But perhaps not so fun with this particular version of her right now.

I don’t say anything. Until I’m about to get on the plane for a quick trip to Oregon.

I try to rationalize inside that I am feeling a disproprotionate amount of anger for what the situation is. Yet I don’t know how to express myself reasonably under all this sleep deprivation. Oh, the inner turmoil! (hand on forehead, look of exasperation…) So I just shut up and fold clothes or something. And I pray and pray he won’t ask me the question.

But then he asks, “What is wrong?” Oops. I let it rip. Not in a completely crazy-making way, but in a way that was much less effective than it could have been. OK, maybe it was in a moderately crazy-making way. Instead of saying, “It would be nice if you could take me on a date to a yummy restaurant sometime. I think it would be really romantic. I’m going through a lot of changes and it would be a fun thing for me to do,” I gave a version of what I gave you above without so many of the f-bombs.

Then I say how I wish he would say “I love you” more (even though I know perfectly well that it isn’t how he expresses love most of the time). And really I don’t wish that. I just wished I didn’t feel the way I did just then.

Then it somehow morphed into me dramatizing that I hate how he feels resentful about how hard I’m working when really I am working so much so that I don’t HAVE to work for three whole months! And isn’t he a lucky dude to have a successful woman who can also pull off 3-months of playing without much notice AND pay mortgages on a nice home and a ski condo? I have no idea where that came out of, but now I know that he came to the conclusion that I somehow think we don’t spend enough time together.

This type of miscommunication is what happens when you are tired.

I spent the next few days going over our relationship, and in particular remembering the book The 5 Love Languages.

I felt guilty. Not for wanting the things I do, but for the way in which I was asking for them. I knew better.

Sure, he doesn’t take me to fancy restaurants, but do you know what he does do? He calls me on satellite phones from the South Pole just to chat. He gets up an hour before I do in an Alaskan winter and heats the yurt before I get out of bed. He cooks me dinner almost every night, makes tea for me in the morning, and started buying locally and organic vegetables. He brought me berries for my green smoothies, and he moved to Oregon with me so we could grow closer as I transitioned. He picks me wildflowers and hides little love notes in my bags when we’re going to be apart for awhile.

He takes me on easy rivers to learn new ways to have adventures. He is patient and kind with me and supports my dreams. He brags about me. He makes things happen. He built our home. He is continually trying to make it more comfortable for me. He takes me dancing and holds me tightly when I’m crying. He meditates with me as we sit in the sun on rocks, and we do this groovy tai chi-yoga-contact-dance thing when we’re feeling crunchy. He adventures with me all over the world. He is very, very romantic. And much much more.

So I guess I could have said, “Hey, how about a date night to a nice restaurant? I’d like that. It would mean a lot to me. Surprise me sometime soon, please;)”

And I could have said, “Here’s what I noticed that makes me really appreciate you…Did I miss anything? I want to learn all the ways you love me.”

And I could have said, “I know. You wish I wasn’t so busy so that we could spend more time together, because you love me. And we’ve waited for this opportunity for a long time. I know it’s frustrating. Soon, amor, soon….”

Well, it’s always easier in hindsight. I’ve been getting more sleep, and I am really really excited to hang out with my man and play in the mountains. And make dinners. And do all the things that help me remember – every day – why I am so lucky to be with him. And I bet he’s feeling the same way, ‘cuz that’s how we roll. Lucky me;)

(PS: I bet a few of my wishes will come true really soon. Focus on what you want, peeps. Not on what you don’t want).

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps pasionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)!

Days 139 to 149 – Balance is Bullshit

If someone says to me, “You’re too busy, it’s not a balanced life,” one more time, I am going to…go get another massage. The day they are feeling just as in love with their lives as I am, then maybe I’ll listen.

Check this out:  When you’re doing something you love so much that you could do it all day for free, when what you’re doing fills your soul and jazzes you up like nothing else matters so that you can stay up all night AND be super pleasant to be around, when creative ideas are flowing through your being and you can implement them one after another but not fast enough, you kinda don’t want a “balanced” life. Because the life you’re living is kicking ass.

My most creative periods have had me up till 5am – happily! Or I multitask and forget to go to yoga. Or I am so excited about what I’m creating that I eat pizza two days in a row and have expensive italian food delivered to my door – with a bottle of Chianti thank you very much – because I don’t want to go to the grocery store. Yes, even though gluten makes me feel bloated.

It’s awesome.

And you know what? When I launch that product or have that special call, I see others light up because of coming into contact what I’ve created. They set out into the world to make a difference, they live their lives on their own terms, they create their dreams. They are TURNED ON. Then, and ONLY then, can I rest. Seriously!

Guess what else? I KNOW this is the case with the entrepreneurs and other creatives out there that I know. Maybe not all, but lots (perhaps even most). Lots of happy ones, with fulfilling lives. My friend, Frederick Schilling, who created the wildly successful organic chocolate company Dagoba, says, “Passion is the fuel for doing the undoable.” Danielle LaPorte, author of The Fire Starter Sessions and one of my fave mentors, loves to quote David Whyte: “The antidote to exhaustion isn’t rest. It’s wholeheartedness.” She goes at it full-on, then unplugs from everything for a month at a time. And yes, she has a kid. My own personal business coach, Christine Kane, works joyfully for weeks – even weekends – then takes a month off (and she does this several times a year). My friend and coach Andrea Owen just spent weeks totally immersed, and cranked out a kick as Self Love Revolution program and then took a week off away from her family (gasp!). She has two kids. Maybe three. Not sure. (I point out the kids because not having a kid myself, I am often reminded how much is “not possible” once you have a kid).

Are we manic? No. We are inspired. It doesn’t mean we don’t get massages or acupuncture or have coaches that help us through the wild ride. It doesn’t mean we don’t hire people to help us do the things we don’t want to do like mow the lawn or fold the laundry. It doesn’t mean we don’t create special time for kids in our lives, or for our partners. It just looks different.

For me, I follow those wild times with not writing a single work item for a month, or not creating another product or training call for MONTHS, or sleeping in and waking up sipping tea and rocking in my hammock, or traveling to Africa and not having anywhere to plug in my iPhone for weeks. It is balanced…eventually. Just not the way lots of peeps think it “should” look.

So, perhaps I can rephrase: Balance is bullshit when you expect it to look like an 8 hour day, 8 hours of sleep, a session of sex and three meals a day and 30 minutes of cardio and 1 hour of yoga for everyone. That certainly works for some! It is also perhaps a balance of time, but what about a balance of energy – YOUR energy style?

Personally, I prefer the all-nighters of sex, then sleeping in, cranking out a program segment over the next 3 days, then going into the wilderness for awhile and sweating and having backcountry sex; Making green drinks every day with huge crunchy salads for lunch and organic yummies for dinner for a week or two, then having pizza and PBR and whiskey and staying up until 4am. I prefer days and days of creation, then lounging in my hammock and having hammock sex at lunchtime (see a theme?) and watching three movies in a row. I prefer forgetting to eat until its 2am and I’m starving and there’s nothing open to have anything delivered (see another theme here?) so I bake my frozen shoestring french fries and top them with leftover shredded parmesan and garlic salt. And maybe an egg. Then I make a green drink in the morning and practice yoga for an hour and a half. I love that feeling when I have created what I wanted, and then I sleep the deepest slumber and wake up psyched for what will show up next.

Find YOUR balance. How do you groove? Don’t spend so much energy balancing time. Balance your energy. Go with YOUR flow. (Hint – The the only caveat:  if you’re ornery, you are likely not balanced. Ask me how I know ;)

You need to know when you’re at your peak and what type of work you need to do at your peak…It’s basically figuring out those times where you’re really creative, or really productive, or really energized, depending on how you want to look at it, and finding all that high leverage stuff, and doing it during those times, not trying to push those things when you’re tired.” ~ Charlie Gilkey (another inspired creative)
Please share with me in the comments below what YOUR version of balance looks like (and yes, it’s OK if you sleep 8 hours and have 3 meals a day;). I’d love to see what variety is out there!
Signing out (1am;)

 

Days 126 to 138 I Love You Dad

I am missing my dad. He died in 2008. This was two years after he had been told he was going to die in 6 months, and was subsequently kicked out of hospice when he was trying to get out of bed and they discovered that every bit of cancer in his 82 year old body had disappeared for the time being.

I miss him because I have been truly living full-on every day, and that just makes me want to share my life with him even more. I want him to meet my partner, Thai, and know I am with someone who truly loves me and celebrates me. I want them to sit side-by-side on a riverbank and laugh about me, and for my dad to tell stupid stories about my adolescent fiascoes, or how I found a beer in the neighbor’s backyard when I was 4 years old and then he found me dancing on the windowsill when no one was looking. (Some things never change – except now I don’t mind if people are looking;). I want to show him my cute house in Ashland and let him sit in my hammock under the colorful array of leaves draped above it, I want him to see our land in Alaska and show him moose and bear and fantastic scenery.

dancing with my dad at a birthday partyI want to show him these beautiful places – tell him stories of my adventures in Africa, the mountains in Alaska, our sailing to snowy peaks and living in a yurt. My pack-rafting trips and my business adventures and celebrations. I want him to witness all I am creating. You see – when you are living fully, you WANT others to watch. Especially those who love you. And you want others to watch not because of ego, but because you want them to see what magic is possible for them. Like: hey, look at me! I’m flying! So can you!!!!!”

I know he would be so proud of the work I am doing, which he would see as me helping people to see God/Source/the Universe in themselves. I used to take him to Muir Woods and he would stop, look straight up at the towering redwoods with sunbeams filtering through the branches, and say, “THIS is my cathedral. Let’s stop and pray.” I want to tell him how much his whackiness inspired me to dance to my own drummer, how he taught me loving and accepting others was more important than trying not to be embarrassed, I want to tell him how no matter how many mistakes he made, that I’d do it all again with him, because I am so fucking happy right now.

Fortunately, I have already said these things to him. I just want to tell him again and hold him. Smell him. Hear his voice.

my dad
always smiling, even when he was pooped!

I suppose the only thing I worry about is that he might feel I am not happy. He was worried about me for a bit because when he died, I had just gotten divorced, and he really wanted me to have a family. However, in the end I know people don’t die and worry about their relatives. They are stoked because they see truth, the emptiness of our suffering and how, in the end, it is all beautiful and perfect and as it should be. And they are rooting for us to figure all that out here and now, because this, my friends, is an epic playground;)

I have some of his ashes here with me in this remote Alaskan village I am at for the next few days. Thai is here too. We are going to try to go to a spot by the majestic Kuskokwim River and sprinkle some of his ashes there. Maybe he can “See” the moose and fish as he flots by, the thunder clouds and lightning, the reflections of the mountains when the water is still…One day I will run out of his ashes, as I try to take a little wherever I go. But until then, it feels really really good to be able to share this with him on a somewhat physical level.

Happy Father’s Day, dad. You truly amaze me.

PS: I am really sorry for the lag in posts. You see, I have been migrating ALL my other material over to one site, FreedomJunkie.com, as well as working on its re-design (all the new eye candy is almost ready to be made live!), moving to Alaska, trying to sell/rent my house in Ashland, launch the next Ziji Up Mastery Program (which started today – yay!), and more.  But we’re back in the game. Thanks for waiting!

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

What is Your Relationship to Silence?

In essence, I crave it. I long for it. I yearn for the days of my childhood when I would have a question, or merely a thought, and I could hold it in my being for hours, uninterrupted.  Remember those days? Hmmm…I wonder if my dog can read my mind, or if she could save me if something was wrong, like Lassie…surely she can read my mind or tell when I need help. I know. I’ll pretend I’m dead and lie on the lawn and see what happens (I know…it was mean! But I was a dramatic one)…[I go do it]…She finds me. She is distressed. Wow she is licking my face and howling and sitting on my belly! Trying to get someone to come, or to wake me up! She tries to lift my arms with her little nose. She is so worried. She loves me! She’s badass and wants to save me! I wake up, I hug her, and kiss her, she runs around in joyous circles and I too am SO happy (and giddy that she would totally save me just like Lassie)… and we fall asleep together on the lawn, the sun warming our skin and fur, and the breeze providing us with just enough cool kisses.

All this without me saying a word. Without her saying a word (to me at least). And we have proven that soul-beings connect no matter what the species, that we are both loved beyond our own understanding, and that we will never, ever be alone in this world.

Those are the gifts that I remember of silence.

When I was in my 20s and danced with silence, I sometimes used to get anxious and have panic attacks…but then again that was also when I moved in with my parents to save money for the summer. My therapist pointed out that I was spending more on sessions with her than I would on rent, and that I could love my parents without ever wanting to live with them. Ever. Thank you, therapist. You saved me so much money with so few visits that I can’t even remember your name. Thank you.

What is YOUR relationship to silence? Lemme know so we can get clear about this one for ourselves.

(PS: This question was posed by one of my favorite mentors, Danielle LaPorte, on her Burning Questions page. Dig it.)

Days 118 to 125 – F*#! Cancer

OK Fuck Cancer. I am SO over it. Sometimes I want to yell at it and chew it out and get pissy at it and smack it in the face. And kick it. Then I get scared it will get mad at me and kill me. Then I also see it for what it is. A thing. And I realize maybe I am so pissed at it because I see it as this “thing” that means so many other things, when really it is just being all it is and just doing what it’s DNA is telling it to do.

This all comes from an instance when I was mountain biking this past week. On our drive back to Oregon from Colorado, we decided to hop out of the car and go for a quick ride to get the blood flowing near a pass in Nevada. I was enjoying the beautiful view. And then we came down this steep hill and I could see the steep uphill in front of us. I got ready, and pedaled pedaled and pedaled and then I just couldn’t do it. I was so tired. So I got off to walk the bike. That’s OK. I’ve had to do that. Then I could barely even walk it up.

WTF? I had just rode hours yesterday in Moab up and down all these trails, and I thought I was getting in better shape. I know I am in my own personal worse shape I’ve been in a long time, but I thought it was still better than the average American and certainly better than the beer-bellied dudes who were riding past me earlier in the week. So my only conclusion brought me to tears as I pushed the bike uphill, heavily breathing and not understanding why…

I started sobbing, and my then-boyfriend (now husband) looked back at me, put down his bike,  and as he was walking towards me he asked, “What’s wrong?” “I’m sad,” I said through my tears.

“Why? It’s OK. I’m tired too,” he consoles.

And he put his über-fit arms around me. Hummmph. I wish I was that fit.

I’m getting there.

“I’ve never felt like this. It makes me think I have metastases to my lungs…” I say to him with reservation, not sure if he’ll think I’m a freak.

Are you fucking kidding me?!!! (Sorry, I do swear my share, but even moreso when I talk about The Big “C” sometimes) I haven’t had cancer for years now. For those of you new here, I had renal cell carcinoma in 2004 and melanoma in 2009, I think. That’s right. I don’t remember off the top of my head and I refuse to stop and do math for the Big C. After my second cancer I kinda stopped keeping track of exact dates. Like I do with birthdays. Or AP History.

In any event, it is incredibly frustrating that when I breathe hard at altitude with a sport I’ve only done maybe five times in the last 4 years I think I have renal cell carcinoma or melanoma cancer cells that set up shop in my lungs.

Now that is messed up.

So I let it wash over me, and I cried and cried. I told him it was OK, that I just needed to let it out. He told me his lungs were burning too and that he was breathing really hard. And he has been super-cardio-fit forever and even he was feeling it. Whatever. I guess I believe him. At the very least, I love him for even saying that.

I told myself it was the allergies, the tall grasses and wildflowers, my mild reactive airway issues, and my late nights catching babies on call 5 days in a row several times a month all winter – and oh, yes, those Annie’s cheddar bunnies chock-full of gluten goodness that led to this panting fate.

And I tried to enjoy the ride down…and I dare say I actually did enjoy it.

Then last night I have this caffeine headache because I decided to stop caffeine since I am so hyper anyway, and I swear it just crept into my life unbeknownst to me and my coffeemaker. But it started while I was asleep.

And you know what I dream? That it’s a melanoma on my freakin’ head and no one noticed it so I am pissed that no one saw it and told me there was this massive cancerous crap on my head. And I know too much about medicine (thanks, UCSF) so I know it’s likely categorization/staging and I think FUCK. I really messed this one up. This is what I get for rarely combing my hair.

And I then realize I am dreaming. HOLY CRAP I AM DREAMING! YAY!!!!! And I decide to change the course of the dream, and wake the hell up.

I comb my hair.

I order “Crazy Sexy Diet, ” (written by the badass Kris Carr who wrote Crazy Sexy Cancer and lives with a rare “incurable” liver cancer for WAY longer than they thought she would…plus she’s hot) to be shipped via free 2-day UPS, and think, “Dang. I need to eat more greens. And maybe even a little less bacon. Done.”

We all have “cancer” in our lives. Its that thing that scares you, that makes you feel powerless. Something you want to get rid of. What’s yours? Let me know below…I’d love ya for it!

 

Note: Ana Verzone (Neff) is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie® She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Ziji Up!™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com

Are You a Thermometer or a Thermostat? Shifting the Vibe and Training Your Mind

Right now I’m feeling pretty good. And I know these moments come and go. But in the meantime, I want to keep my energy positive and up as long as I can. All the work I do every day around my mindset and visioning and smacking down negative self-talk deserves to be rewarded as much as possible!

Have you ever been in a super positive place and you walk into a room or to a meetup with someone and wah wah waaaaaah your energy gets sapped and you get sucked into a funk that was not a part of your vibe until you walked in? I certainly have.
It sucks.

So what can you do about this?

Disclaimer: This is NOT about trying to be happy all the time at the expense of living and feeling authentically. This isn’t about faking happiness and being an annoying bubbly cheerleader bouncing around people who are suffering. It’s about resilience and maintaining a good vibe when you have it, and opening up the opportunity to shift a funk when you’re around.

Most of us are pretty good at being thermometers. Like a thermometer, we gauge the energetic “temperature” of the room, of what’s going on, and the mercury in us rises or falls. If there are people laughing and dancing we measure the temperature as partaaaay! If there’s a fire cracking and the light is low and there are candles, it’s cozy and chill, or sexy. If we walk into a room with our eyes SHUT we can tell if there is tension. You’ve felt that, right? You’ve walked into a meeting or come home to your partner who had a hard day and it is THICK, you are swimming in the bad juju. Oooooh shit.

It sucks because thermometers react to the temperature. Whatever the temperature is, the thermometer reacts.

Many of us were taught to simply accept the negative vibes, or we try to fix the situation externally. So we hang out uncomfortably, or have a drink to try to lighten up, or try to shift someone out of their funk by annoyingly asking too many questions and trying to give them answers.

In the scenario where we are a thermostat, we get brought DOWN by the bad vibes. Our energy line drops and we leave the situation feeling drained and heavy. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Raise the Vibe
OK so now you’re over it. You’re over being so susceptible to other people’s energy and circumstances. You want to maintain your vibration. And not only that, but you want to raise the vibration around you if its right.

While you can’t control other people’s responses, you can control yours. And if you walk into a room and don’t allow yourself to get brought down, you have a high chance of raising the energy overall as well. A thermostat SETS the temperature of the room. You – being the badass thermostat you are – sets the temp that YOU want. The kind of scene YOU want.

So when you walk into a situation and feel the funk, notice it, and say to yourself “I’m a freakin’ thermostat!” (I bet you never thought that would sound quite so badass, right?). Decide how you want the vibe to be. Most importantly, the vibe in you.

This is what true leaders do. This is what happy people do to keep it sustainable. Walk in, decide how you want the vibe to be, and rock that shit. And if it doesn’t shift, maintain your inner energy, and when you leave, cleanse all that juju away with deep breaths and whatever methods you have.

So the next time you’re in a situation and you feel your energy shifting, ask yourself: Am I going to be a thermometer, or a thermostat here? At least be aware it is a choice.

Whether or not you succeed at shifting the vibe outside of you, it is important to practice sustaining your own happiness, so here are some quick tips below:

How to Support Your Own Happiness

Acknowledge your feelings. When you feel distressed, don’t make it worse by beating yourself up for being upset. Do your best to accept your feelings. When you give your feelings respect and attention, feel them fully and let them wash over you, they usually begin to shift on their own, and you start to feel better.

Work with your thoughts. This is probably the most important tool that I’ve seen used. Did you know that 80% of clinical depression (NOT of major depressive disorder, which is much more biochemically based) is cognitively based? Thought – which affect our emotions – have a HUGE role in our level of happiness.

If you’re having thoughts that are hurtful to you, try reaching for a better thought or scenario that you can actually believe. For instance, if you’re constantly criticizing yourself, make it a point to reflect on three things you did well/succeeded at that day (getting the house cleaned, finishing that project, not picking a fight with your partner when you really wanted to). If your mind returns to negative self-talk, apply an antidote that is positive. Same shtuff, different perspective. The crux is we often think the negative thought is more true than the positive. That’s B.S. It’s why we work on it daily in the Ziji Up Mastery Program.

Decide that you want to be happier. It’s that simple. Decide to be happy. SNAP! When you make that decision, you start to notice choices for happiness that you may have missed before. Those choices may be small, such as lying down for 10 minutes when you’re tired rather than powering through a task, but you start to create a habit of seeking happiness that grows.

Celebrate success. Whether it’s the achievement of a major goal or a week when your children got along, take in the accomplishment, and give yourself and your children a yeeehaw! Better yet, do a happy dance, or howl at the moon (I know…I’ll take any excuse to howl at the moon;). People who express success physically and verbally are, well, more successful!

Seek meaning. Happiness comes from doing something that gives us pleasure and meaning. If your job doesn’t provide that, find something that does. It could be a hobby, volunteering, taking a course, or allowing time to read a book or cook something uber yummy.

Express gratitude. Be grateful for everything that makes your day better, from a colleague’s smile to your morning green smoothie. Think of three things each night before you go to bed, or anytime when you are feeling down.

Let me know what you think of all this below, or add your own tips to the comments. Join the Freedom Junkie tribe! Let’s get this party started;)


6 Things I Learned Getting My Ass Kicked Mountain Biking

A gorgeous tree and moon at a water break

I went mountain biking in Moab for the first time. Ever. I can’t believe I waited that long! Perhaps it was because mountain biking scares the shit out of me.

Yes I know…I climb mountains and travel to exotic places and miss kidnappings in Africa by a few hours yada yada but we ALL have things we are comfortable with and things we aren’t. And its different for all of us. For me, going fast freaks me out. That includes on two wheels on rocks.

But I’m improving, and now it scares me AND is pretty damn fun. Here are some things I learned while getting on trails a bit over my head, which I think apply to life in general. If you don’t think you’ll ever mountain bike, keep reading because you can learn what I did without having to do it. And if you LOVE mountain biking, please add your thoughts about what it (or any other sport) has taught you in the comments. Share the love!

1) When you want to go somewhere, focus on where you want to BE, and NOT on what you’re trying to avoid. If you see a tree you are trying to not hit, look at where you’d rather go instead. If you keeping looking at the tree in the hopes of avoiding it, guess where you’ll go? Yup. Into the tree. Focus more on what you want, and not on what you don’t want in life. A simple way to start doing this is to stop complaining…and start requesting.

2) Anticipate by looking downstream. This does not mean living in the future. It means being totally present with everything around you in the NOW. And when you are indeed present, you can actually better prepare for what is to come, because the path before you is that much more clear. Seeing only the rock 1 foot in front of you isn’t being present. it’s tunnel vision. Lift your chin up…what do you see?

Ana mountain biking
Beautiful rest spot (yes, that’s snot)

3) Be in Shape. You can’t hop off the couch and expect to have fun crawling uphill with a bike. You have to prepare for it and be fit enough to enjoy yourself – OR admit you are out of shape and do it anyway, knowing you are getting more fit as time goes on. But don’t be out of shape, bike uphill and hate it, then claim mountain biking isn’t fun. In life, when you want to do something, be prepared. And if you don’t prepare and you don’t achieve what you set out to, don’t blame it on what you were trying to do OR on who you are…instead, be better prepared next time. Yup, that means no excuses. Sorry.

4) Easy is boring. Easy is cool if you are injured or exhausted or sick. But barring those things, life is generally more spicy and juicy when a bit of challenge is involved. Not freaked-out-scared-shitless kind of challenge (at least not all the time), but stretching. I was scared to go on my first Moab ride so elected to do a “moderate” gravel road. It bored the hell out of me. It was hot and dusty and easy. I opted to turn around after 4 miles And mind you, I am anxious about riding.

I elected to go for a single track route. Awesome. Then I elected to go down a “black diamond” route which I super loved because I got to pull off sections of trail that I originally thought I wasn’t ready for. It was so scary and fun at the same time! There are few things more thrilling than doing something you thought you couldn’t do. And the only way you get to feel that is to try shit scared (see below).

5) You can always walk around. Choosing not to do something because of a few challenges will be safe, but it will also keep you from growing at the pace you are capable of, AND it can even lead you to stay stuck…and (heaven forbid) bored. I went down the aforementioned black diamond trail knowing full well that I would have to walk my bike down some sections. But guess what? That amounted to far fewer sections than I originally thought. What might you be avoiding just because of something you could simply “walk around” should it not work out?

kane creek canyon
view like this (in Kane Creek Canyon) are priceless

6) Do it scared. If you wait for fear to go away before doing something, it won’t happen. Fear is telling you something exciting is going on.  It tells you you’re on your edge and are about to grow. Or maybe you’ll screw up, but hell at least you’re not bored.

Fear will be there if you’re doing anything worthwhile, like a first date with a big crush, or a job interview for your ideal position, or traveling on your own for the first time, or going down a freakin’ steep trail with gorgeous views on two wheels. Do it anyway. Did you know that in studies on love, people rated their feelings of love higher on a date when there was an element of fear involved (i.e. a scary movie or a roller coaster ride)? Our entire being is stimulated by appropriate fear and excitement. Start seeing fear – in the absence of real immediate physical danger – as excitement. And do it!

What have you learned from doing something out of your comfort zone? Please share below! I’d love to hear from ya.

Days 114 to 117 – Full On Forgiveness

I’m at the Telluride Mountainfilm Festival and it has been full on for the last few days: amazing powerful films (Fambul Tok was one that particularly moved me), fun evenings, mountain bike rides in the San Juan mountains (pic to the left) and being inspired every which way I turn.

This film fest is not just about adventure films. It’s about social awareness (this year’s topic is Population) and hanging with a tribe of people hell bent on making a difference in this world.

I have so much to write about, but I only have my iPhone and my thumbs would fall off…so more later. But in the meantime, ponder this:

Fambul Tok (“family talk”) is about the grassroots reconciliation process that was created by Sierra Leonians after the horrifci civil war. Brothers had raped their friends sisters, best fiends killed each others’ parents, a man watched as someone killed his children as he his behind a bush to save his life and hopefully the rest of his family…horrid events that most of us are privileged to not have to ever witnessed.

But community is the most important value in the culture of Sierra Leone, and after the horrors, it was hard to come back as a family/community – and this proved unbearable for the survivors.

Me and Thai at the ice cream social – Mountainfilm, Telluride, CO

In this movie, people gathered around a campfire and forgave the atrocities committed by another- a woman hugged her rapist (who expressed remorse and shared how he had no choice but they were going to kill him otherwise), and they danced together around the fire. Two best friends reunited after one had first beat his friend then killed his friend’s fathers by slitting his throat (under command of the rebels that captured him at gunpoint). They now grow a garden together.

I tell you, it was fascinating to watch. I will write more about this later, but it made me think:

1) our culture would have said they had a choice, that they could have been killed rather than commit those atrocities. But in Sierra Leone, they completely understood the human desire to preserve their own life, and this helped forgive

2) forgiveness is a state of mind that can happen so quickly if we let it

3) what do I value so much that it puts my pain second? (like in Sierra leone, it was the need to live like a family again. The pain of isolation and living as insidious was more awful than the pain of what had happened)

…I have many thoughts on this. I’d love to hear yours, and I’d love for you to watch this if you get a chance!

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice