Welcome to Day 6!
Ironically, once we get excited about handling our own sh*t and getting out of our own way, we start to realize that there are real-life saboteurs too. Maybe they even planted those nasty thoughts in our minds to begin with! They could be your overly critical parent, controlling sibling, overbearing boss, toxic partner, or pessimistic friend. The point is, we need to recognize who these people are, realize they sap our energy and mojo, and create some healthy boundaries.
Write down who some of your real-life saboteurs are and what unhelpful thought(s) they tend to trigger in you.
e.g. “My father triggers the thought that people who make lots of money can’t be truly spiritual,” or “My mother triggers the belief that if I act confident, I will be punished later somehow because I let things go to my head.”
For extra credit, jot down some ideas for ways you can create healthier boundaries around those energy vampires. Since we can’t always just avoid someone (although that certainly is a very valid option), it can be helpful to think of ways other than avoidance to help manage things.
:: Don’t answer your phone when you know one of the energy vampires is calling. You can listen to their message and call them back if and when it works for you.
:: Only spend time with a challenging person when in a group setting so that you aren’t the sole focus of their energy sapping.
:: In as compassionate yet powerful way as possible, let your real-life gremlin know what behavior is taxing you, and that you won’t be able to spend as much time with them when that behavior occurs.
For example, I had a client who’s mother was super critical every time they spoke on the phone or met in person. We role-played the way she would address this, and she eventually took the courageous action of addressing her mother. “Mom,” she said after a critical comment, “When you criticize me, I feel less connected to you, and I feel bad about myself and our relationship. In order for me to keep talking to you, I need to stop the conversation if you begin to criticize me. We can always pick back up when you’re ready to talk about something else.” It took awhile, but it worked!
Sometimes it won’t work. Then you try something else. But you have to do it scared, do it without knowing what the outcome will be. You will find you may often surprise yourself!
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