Days 8 and 9 – Raining Babies and Snowing in Colorado

Yesterday I caught 3 babies…three new human beings! Two boys and one girl. Sooooooo cute. One tiny, one huge, and one right in the middle.

Ya know what’s full-on? A woman in labor! I sing the praises of the powerful women I was with yesterday. To witness the miracle of birth and the power of a woman birthing is always humbling.

Do you know how deep these women dig within themselves to get their sweet baby out? How scary it is? How HARD it is? How INTENSE it is? How AWESOME it is? Too look into her eyes takes you to another place.

If looking into a newborn baby’s eyes is like looking into heaven or some ancient wisdom, looking into a birthing woman’s eyes is…primal. PRIMAL. It’s so freakin’ raw. Some of these women think they can’t run a marathon, or hike to Everest Basecamp, or travel to Antarctica, or go back to school…and they do THIS and it is awesome. And not just the birth, but they’re parents after it all! It blows me away – this not knowing their power, and touching it during this miracle.

You can always do more than what you’re capable of. The Universe plays like that.

I’m sleep deprived after all those babies, but happy 🙂

Now I’m getting on a plane to Salt Lake City to visit some friends in Park City, then head to Telluride for some skiing of all kinds…backcountry, resort, and longer touring. I can’t wait! A lot of living full-on for me is playing outside, and my body has been needing this a good long while.

To top off my full-on-ness, I will perhaps have a glass of wine on the plane while I’m at it.

Yeeeehaw!

Days 6 and 7 – Moonlight and Forgiveness

My 76 year-old mother trying on a pirate hat...she's so cute!

Last night I went for a full moon walk along Ashland Creek. It was gorgeous, with stars peeking out from under the feathered clouds. Then I sat on the swing and made my belly turn. I told my partner I appreciated his honesty and for not running away when things got uncomfortable. That was for me.

My mother had called me and left messages the past 2 days, and I finally called her back, even though I didn’t feel like it. I was so busy, I was so tired…yada yada. I thought that was for her. But perhaps me too?

I love my mother, and I sincerely know she did the very best she could raising me (How often have I heard that?! But I really do mean it…) I also know I still have tender spots from some of the decisions she made raising me. And sometimes those get in the way of me doing things like calling her back right away, or … well, I think that’s the main on: calling her back right away. But as time goes on, and her humanity – and mortality – become more apparent, my true love for her grows. Not the “Oh I love you cuz you’re my mother” kind of love, but true love, seeing her soul, and liking it! I can honestly appreciate all she has done for me.

Forgiving her has been one of the hardest and richest experiences of my life (doesn’t that always seem to be the case?). So yes, I called her and heard her sweet hoarse voice (she had a cold…I am so horrible!!!!!!) I did a telephone assessment to make sure she didn’t have pneumonia, and promised to talk more the next day, when I could be more present. And I sent her a prayer of love. And today I called her and waited for her to get off the phone. She was off to a party (oh yes, she is my mother).

If you have a hard time moving through some aspects of having been a child with your particular parents, have a listen to this episode of This American Life. It’s one of my fave’s, called “Go Ask Your Father,” where sons and daughters ask their parents things they’ve always wanted to know. Warning: heart-wrenching at times!

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/289/go-ask-your-father

Day 5 – Downloading

Today I hiked up Table Rock and checked out some vernal pools as we watched the sunset. I made dinner for my best friend and her partner, and had a few evening hours with my man to talk about some deep stuff.

I have found that a good way to describe living full-on is a lot about not avoiding things. It is about turning towards, and not away from. More on this later. I am going to download more about this while I sleep tonight… which reminds me of this (LOL):

Shit New Age Girls Say

http://youtu.be/iOavbyDKSi0

Sweet downloading!

 

 

Day 3 – Full-On Vulnerability

Today I woke up with a message from my partner saying he’d be coming home a half day later than planned. He’d been backcountry skiing in Bend for a few days. The snow was awesome, the mountain was beautiful, and he was enjoying exploring. Awesome for him, right? But what came up for me was surprising.

You see, I’ve been cheated on in a past relationship. Once (as far as I know). And even that was something I thought would never happen to me. I had always been blessed with trustworthy people in my life, and my partner is no exception. I felt for the most part healed from that, so even though I knew I was over-tired and not in the best mindset, it was still disappointing and somewhat sad to see a shadow from that show up again. I admittedly had the thought (albeit fleeting) that perhaps he was with someone else, someone more exciting. And they were having a stunningly beautiful time together. And here I was sleep-deprived after a delivering a baby in the early morning, feeling alone because it wasn’t me. Even though there I am, in that picture over there, backcountry skiing with him not too long ago.

How fucked up is that?

Very.

I felt guilty for even thinking it. And who knows…maybe if I wasn’t trying to live Full-On every day, I would have let the feeling and thought go unnoticed. So, today I am living full on by being transparent about how messed up my silly head can be at times, how vulnerable little things can make me feel, and how uber normal I think it is.

I did my Jedi mental juju and arrived at the deep knowing that I needed to allow myself compassion, to be patient and heal, and that the pain of those nerve endings growing back (I’ve coached a lot of women healing from c-sections) didn’t mean my fears were true. I know that I am loved, worthy of love, and that my man is truly amazing and trustworthy. If I hadn’t noticed that feeling, this tenderness towards myself would have been a missed opportunity, not to mention the reminder of my deep appreciation for my man.

And in the end, in the final cozy Ziji resting place, I knew that no matter what, I’d be fine. So I could go ahead and breathe, and let go, and make the most of this day. And be really happy for him. And look forward to his return. In the meantime, it was time for me to find my joy, my backcountry ski mountain, my fresh pow for the day.

I had hesitated in writing about this because, ya know, I’m never supposed to be scared. I’m supposed to have taken so many freakin’ workshops and graduate courses and for fuck’s sake I had cancer so get over it, right? (sorry, I do swear a lot when I talk about the Big C). But I figured we all benefit from hearing other’s soft spots.

Whew!

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.Ziji Life.com

Day 2 – My Kick-Ass Bucket List

Today I’m going to add a bit of my Kick Ass Bucket List to this blog, especially because it is part of the February 30 Day Ziji Up! Challenge. I’m trying to come up with things to add that I MUST do before I die. I’ve often thought about these things and said I’d like to do them, but not yet committed to them! I want these things to light a fire under my butt to get out there and DO it! Today it feels easier to come up with some of the bigger travel adventures I’d been dreaming of. But I am sure that the deeper, inner risks of living Full On will pop up soon.

Because I am giving myself prophylactic permission to write short entries, I’m only adding 5 things before I sign off:

~ go to Antarctica

~ travel by bike through the Gobi desert

~ write a book (or two+)

~ live in a foreign country for at least 6 months (as an adult…this was done in my 20s but I didn’t fully appreciate how cool it was because I was usually cold and hungry, albeit happy)

~ do a yoga and surf retreat in Costa Rica and/or Brazil. With massages and acupuncture and fresh smoothies…the whole bit. I did an awesome one in Mexico a few years back, and really would like to experience one a bit further away.

As for the rest of my day so far,  I’ve gone for a run even though I had every reason in the book not to, and taking care of myself is a big part of living Full On. AND I started a cleanse, which I will faithfully follow until I head to Telluride, Colorado next week, which will give me every reason in the book not to;) What kind of cleanse? In short, no alcohol, dairy, gluten, caffeine, sugar, or processed foods. I feel uber good during and after, believe it or not.

That’s it for now…I need to get my yoga on!

PS: Here’s a link to my Ziji article about writing Your Kick Ass Bucket List, in case y’all would like to do one yourself! http://www.zijilife.com/your-kick-ass-bucket-list

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.Ziji Life.com

Day 1 – Living Full On, Every Day, for a Year

Hey hey!

Here I am. Starting Day 1 of this epic challenge, and I am a bit nervous – yet also super psyched!

Today I lived full-on by getting this blog up. Taking on this challenge acknowledges – very publicly – that I believe it IS possible to have at least one moment, every day, of living full-on, being fully present and fully authentic.

Oh yes, there are naysayers. There are those who told me my whole life that my positive philosophy was rose-colored and not “realistic.” That if I “really” experienced the “real world,” I wouldn’t be so optimistic.

Yet when I found beauty as I slept by my dying father, honored to midwife him to the other side; or when I marveled awe-struck in the depth and complexity of feelings that welled up from a broken heart, grateful for the spectrum of human emotions; or when I sat silently next to a fellow human who lost their child in labor and felt the powerful connection and compassion between two humans fully present with one another, I knew I was right. I felt that Ziji – that radiant inner confidence – in what I believe.

It is all a part of a full-on life. Feeling it all, fully. Living it all, fully. Knowing what you want, fully. Receiving it, fully.

Here I walk my talk. And I also open up to the possibility that I may not be able to do it every day. But my goal is to inspire you…to find that moment in every day and to have more and more of them. And I’d rather at least try than not do it at all for fear of failing.

Well, here we go. 365 days of real.

To Your Freedom,

Ana

 

 

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Full On™ 365

Join me as I commit to living full on, every day, for 365 days. For me, Full On™ 365 isn’t just about adventures like climbing, skiing, and traveling to remote places (although those stories will be here too!). It is also about the challenges and rewards of living authentically, life’s misadventures, heartaches, and everything in-between.

Here’s how Full On™ 365 came to be:

After returning from an adventure in West Africa, I was excitedly recounting some of my wild and whacky stories about motorcycling through Mali and thwarting kidnappings and a murder in Timbuktu by 4 hours when several of my colleagues asked, “Do you write these stories down somewhere?”

After I heard this a few more times, I was initially inspired to start an “adventure blog” about living full-on. My peeps wanted me to make it a travel blog of sorts since I’ve been racking up the frequent flyer miles lately. However, I realized that for me to feel inspired about it, it would have to mean more to me than sharing my travels, however amazing they’ve been.

As you may or may not know, I have had cancer – twice. One of the biggest lessons I learned on those journeys was a realization that I am more than who I am when I am living full-on Nat Geo-style adventures. Prior to this catalytic experience at the age of 30, I had felt worthy and alive only when doing really epic things (I was an international climbing guide – click the button below to learn more if you’d like). Most of these were at least mildly dangerous in very real ways, and often were moreso.

People loved hearing the stories. I felt excited and excit-ing, and life was very Full On. But it was cheating. Like adding butter to everything. Of course it tastes better with butter! That’s why I LOVE it! Of course people loved my adventurous life, and so did I! It’s easy to when it involves dramatically remote and beautiful places and near-death experiences (oh, the irony…).

But what was underneath my adventures that was of substance? What…endured?

Being diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma was the first experience I’d had where I was scared and couldn’t simply rely on being able to “power through” it. It was the first time I had to admit that I may not succeed, and the consequences of this were overwhelming.

“What if I didn’t get better?” “How can I feel alive and worthy without having to do these epic and dangerous adventures?” The Big C was dangerous enough, thank you very much.

So I had to come up with a new definition of what it meant for me to live Full On. I realized it meant taking more inner risks, to live my purpose and connect authentically with those in my life, to be willing to disappoint others to be true to my self. And many other things.

This insight led to an insatiable desire to spread the joy that comes from knowing confidently, radiantly, who you are and how you want to be in the world, and the peace that comes from living Full On, inside and out. My life coaching business, Ziji™, was born, and I developed Full On™ coaching to take people there faster, because I had a very real understanding that life was too short, no matter how long.

The blog entries for 365 are about me committing to live Full On not just in outward epic adventures, but in the inner ones that challenge you to live with no more excuses. I invite you to join me on my journey here as I attempt to walk the talk, every day, for 365 days.

What matters most to me is that it might inspire you or someone you know to do the same, and live a Full-On™ life.

Your Kick-Ass Bucket List

“Tell me, what it is you plan to do, 

with your one wild and precious life?”

~ Mary Oliver

As part of my commitment to living full-on for 365 days in a row, I am starting a Kick-Ass Bucket List. This is because in addition to being a way for me to reflect on what I’ve really been wanting to do (but have been putting off), connecting to the preciousness of this life, and getting even more clear, it can also serve as a backup in case I wake up completely clueless about ways to live full-on any given day.

Since people will be “watching” me online at www.FullOn365.com during this journey (accountability is uber helpful to achieving goals!), I am extremely averse to flaking. So, I also need a backup plan for the days when I am not feeling too full-on kick ass. Hence, my Kick-Ass Bucket List.

I encourage you to do the same. Make Your Kick-Ass Bucket List. That way, there’s always at least ONE THING you could do each day to move you towards the life of your dreams, keeping things spicy, cultivating your Ziji, and making sure you have fewer regrets, fewer what-ifs, and more “Yeehaws!”

Add things to your list that you MUST do before you die. Not before you “pass” or “move on” or “get reborn,” but – that’s right – die. We all do it so we might as get real about it and light a fire under our butts!

This list will be a bunch of things that make you “Yeehaw!” inside and out like nobody’s business, because Ziji is about fewer regrets and being more alive in your everyday moments. It’s about connecting with those you love. And a whole lot more.

I’m all about lighting that fire under your butt. So…the the match is lit! Go and make a kick-ass list!

So, Where to Start?

Suppose a stranger stopped you on the street and asked you the question above, posed by psychologist and poet Mary Oliver. What an awesome thing it would be to be able to respond that you would spend your life exactly as you spent your day. 

Your answer could be anything: doing work you love, traveling, drinking more red wine (or whisky!), caring for and giving love to your family, contributing to your community or the world, creating art, building a business, climbing mountains, making music, having more sex. Anything. The key is that how you lived today is how you would choose to live tomorrow and the next day and the next. 

For some, the life they live day to day is not the life they would describe if they were asked Mary Oliver’s question. Instead, they might use phrases such as: “As soon as…” or “I’d like to…” or “I used to dream…” while explaining a daily life tangled up in too many demands and never enough time or energy to get to the things that matter most. Run like hell from here…and do that by getting started on your Kick-Ass Bucket List and starting to tick off items on it.

What seems to be the most important thing to help us actually DO this?

According to Jinny Ditzler, author of Your Best Year Yet, what drives most of us is the ambition to improve the quality of our lives while being true to ourselves and what’s really important to us. This requires us to identify our values. You can add bungee jumping and a round-the-world trip to your Kick Ass Bucket List, but unless you are connected to how these things fit in with your values, you are far less likely to do them. 

She writes that, “Although we may not be conscious of these basic motivations as we live day to day, these hidden drives are the strongest in our lives. The more conscious we are of them, the more we can empower ourselves to make the necessary changes in our lives.” 

Values are personal principles or standards–those qualities that are most important to us. A life based on values rather than reacting to others’ needs and wants or the acquisition of material things enables us to live in integrity with ourselves. This is how to create a rich and fulfilling life. 

Identifying your values can be as simple as asking yourself how you want to be remembered by others. As a person who cared about others, who made a difference in the world, who kept promises, who was self-actualized, honest, trustworthy. Think of the qualities you most admire in others; these may be the values you claim for yourself. 

Once you become aware of your values, you can begin to restructure your life. With your values as your touchstone, you can create and live the life you really want, achieve your goals and realize your dreams!

While Writing (and Living!) Your Kick-Ass Bucket List:

1. Become clear on what you really want. Be specific; vague and undefined goals are difficult if not impossible to achieve.

2. Commit to give what it takes. Saying “yes” to one thing means saying “no” to another. Acknowledge and accept what you must give up to get what you want. 

3. Recommit to your goals every day. Begin your day by reminding yourself what your priorities are. Be mindful as you go through your day that you are making choices. 

4. Do something every day. No matter how small, take some action toward achieving your goals. Remind yourself that a book is written word by word, a marathon run step by step. 

An old Chinese proverb goes “If we don’t change our direction we are likely to end up where we are going.” If you’re caught up in a lifestyle that’s not the one that you would choose, choose again. 

Now let’s get started on that Kick-Ass Bucket List! Have fun with it, and keep in mind what values you’re honoring with each one to increase your odds of actually doing it.

Remember that it is not just for things like learning a new instrument, riding in a camel caravan, or jumping out of a plane. This list is also for the inner risks and unfinished business in our lives: saying “I love you,” saying “I’m sorry,” saying, “I’m ready to move on,” and forgiving those that have hurt us.

That is truly Kick Ass. 

(FYI, consider joining theFebruary 30 Day Ziji Up! Challenge for an extra kick in the butt towards living your dream. and creating your own Kick Ass Bucket List. You may even want to follow Ana at www.FullOn365.com)